MatteO22

Yeah… it’s clear, I’m in a dire need of help. Being mindful of my emotional needs moment to moment, fuck man this shit needs to be eliminated, send me to a femininity conversion camp before this shit spreads like the rona ???.

Here’s something interesting to raise the awareness around male issue to emphasise more empathy towards men, and more self-compassion in men. I heard this form Mark Groves who is a fantastic dating expert, I do not have the original source. There was a study in which young boys were about to be vaccinated with a needle. There were those who cried during the procedure, and then there were those who didn’t. Those who cried were the ones who were originally circumcised at birth, and were experiencing PTSD. Imagine the standard of how little boys are treated, and so little awareness is paid to the actual effects and their pain. this does not help a productive discussion in the least and aggressive statements like this should be avoided at all costs, so please tone down the aggression or condescension thank you.

I actually know of specific examples (where the woman didn’t have a specific predatorial disorder such as sociopathy) where this wasn’t the case. Dismissive avoidant women will likely not feel this way when they feel in love. I dated one, and it was quite confusing. These gendered generalisations are actually quite inaccurate. Wanting to/not wanting to please your partner is a human issue, not a gendered one.

As a guy I can’t identify with this. My sexual need isn’t to fuck a good woman. It’s to be wanted, appreciated, taken care of and assured. I also will not have sex if I feel afraid. I am not gonna say unsafe because I used to have a hyper vigilant trauma response to unsafety and in that particular response sex and connection seeking manifested itself as a means to get safety via sexual desire. But I am also aware that some women have this same pattern as well (not all of them just those who come from traumatic childhood that happened in a specific way). I will also raise a point that it’s 100% true that women feel more afraid than men. Yet I think overall we all have the same amount of fear within us, but men are simply a little more out of touch with it and they cope with that fear by being masculine providers, warriors, rescuers and even with aggression and anger - underneath it all you may find piles and piles of fear. one of the reasons why men ‘just wanna have sex’ is because subconsciously they have given up hope to have their intimacy needs met in any other way due to how they were treated wince a young age. So again, I think men 100% need to take a step back and tune into the female experience more. Girls would be wise to do the same. And it actually doesn’t matter which gender starts, as one empathises more deeply, the other one discovers the safety to embrace empathy as well.

@ivankiss I have advice for you but it’s going to be a long shot. Sex is a way to get your emotional needs met. You can look up a list of emotional needs (connection, belonging, safety…) and determine a few things. 1. Which one of these does sex represent ? 2. Which needs can I meet more consistently on a daily basis ? 3. If sex represents a sense of safety, how can I make sure I feel safer and more connected in my reality without needing sex to be that for me, etc. For any other need sex may entail. for me it was connectedness and safety, I resolved this over time by speaking up more, having better boundaries and not putting up with mistreatment of any kind - and suddenly I felt safer and I didn’t need sex to overcompensate. And over time, slowly but surely, your subconscious mind will adapt new patterns of meeting your emotional needs.

@Shin I used to have a female friend at uni who once got roofied. She just felt extremely sick and made it home. She kinda brushed it off. I think one of the harms of these phenomena is that women themselves are desensitised to them. As if ‘needing to be careful about getting roofied should be the norm’. It absolutely fucking shouldn’t, I feel like there needs to be more outrage around such things. I’m not a woman but stories like that get me going. I like taking these insane normalised standards seriously, otherwise we’re keeping alive a culture of rape and abuse. It should not be normalised for any of us. The struggle is that the moment you start speaking up you will start being gaslit by society and your environment, which is problematic. Regardless, outrage is needed.

Congratulations,way to go !! Remember it’s about who you become in the process of living out your journey, rather than about getting certain outcomes and results. I really liked the thing with compliments too! It’s nice !

@Natasha in other words I’m almost certain that If you said ‘I don’t want the vaccine because I’m fucking scared as hell’ there would me so much less pressure, and even if there was it would affect you very little.

I don’t think there’s as much pressure to take it (not denying there’s any pressure at all), but there’s more of a push towards ‘well what are your reasons for not doing the thing that directly improves the wellbeing of you, those around you and society at large’. It’s perfectly okay to be anxious about it, but many individuals who don’t wanna get vaccinated seem to not be always honest about why they’re hesitant. When you really get down to it, the reason for not taking the vaccine is probably because they’re afraid. And that’s okay. Fear sucks, and it’s okay to be afraid of the vaccine. The pressure would probably lessen if we all admitted that we might kinda be afraid of the vaccine because inspite of all the official health data, it’s an enigma, it’s unknown and it has never been seen before. So yeah, fear and hesitancy are natural. Least we can do is be honest about it. Im registered to get my shot and I’m waiting to hear back, and there’s a part of me that’s kinda afraid and thinks ‘yeah what if all the anti-vaccine conspiracies are true’ haha. But I’ll take the risk! I want my vaccine

You think correctly, that’s exactly what trauma is, that all human beings carry. It doesn’t make us damaged and broken in a sense where we should judge ourselves or feel less than, but we can be aware of our limits that are governed by the unprocessed pain of our past. That to me feels incredibly liberating, authentic and supportive.

@SQAAD rather than whether we have or have not a free will, think of it as god having infinite free will, and simultaneously being all powerful to the point where it had predetermined everything. And there you have it, infinite free will meeting infinite determinism, both collapsing into themselves, because there is one thing that has complete freedom of choice, and that is god. Because freedom of choice can and must be present in the absolute infinity that we are. And at the same time, you have infinite wisdom and knowledge to predetermine everything that has ever and will ever happen. All that is included in infinity, and yet the freedom of will relives all those predetermined moments in a new way each time they’re experienced. There is infinite free will operating in a life that is infinitely predetermined.

???? nooo I don’t Wanna be a third wheel I’ll be happy watching ! Grabbing some popcorn, I expect a romcom of a lifetime.

SMH, so sorry for your experience, I apologise for the male gender doing this shit over here and over there, and oh god fucking everywhere ??? edit: I apologise for the incel comment apparently the incel community is way way way worse, my bad an analogy that is uncalled for.

You mean your ego that’s posing as superior by pretending to understand everyone and keeps putting them down to keep itself going in some sort of messed up abuse cycle ? Yah... gotta love that ego.

Why is this place so misogynistic, I swear to god these comments belong to incel forums. Someone worried about bringing incels in here if Leo makes a content for them. No worries they’re here already lulz. @Tangerinedream thanks for calling him out. edit: I apologise for the incel comment apparently the incel community is way way way worse, my bad an analogy that is uncalled for.

This issue is common with guys and girls equally, it’s not about ageing itself, rather it’s the fear of decay, decay of everything not just your body. the decay of relationships, careers, property, homes, it’s the fear of losing the old reference points that on some level represented a certain amount of safety. The way to overcome this is making peace with change, and giving yourself the time and permission to grieve the things that keep on changing even if you wish they didn’t. Sometimes this can be healed through losing - that’s what happened to me. I lost the relationship of what I though was the love of my life, and through the grieving process, the fear of change and decay started vanishing as I embraced myself as a source of safety and not an outside person or circumstance to inform me of how safe and secure I truly am. You heal through daring to commit so deeply and then be willing to lose it all anyway just to be able to experience the fulfilment of your committed focus.

@bejapuskas @ivankiss you guys should go and get a room, I’m close to tearing up over your bromance ??, love is in the air.

You don’t need fear to breathe, eat, drink and sleep. You also don’t need fear to know better than to go hug a mass murderer or jump off a cliff Consciousness has better ability to keep us alive than fear, fear is what happens when consciousness is dormant and the nervous system needs to overcompensate to keep life going, and so it invents and embodies fear.

That is not what I suggested in the least lmao. You’re the one who’s moralising things as right and wrong, Jesus you’re a hardcore gaslighter.

@Harlen Kelly you’re right. Moralisation leads nowhere, that’s why right and wrong are not a part of the equation. I can’t really enjoy video games that much because I feel the effect they have on my energy and my body in general - it’s not that great. And so there’s a cognitive dissonance - I don’t feel fantastic after doing it, and yet I am still drawn to it. It can be a painful stage of healing where you’re aware of something having a harmful effect and not making your body feel the best, and yet emotionally and psychologically you still crave it enough to give into it. Essentially it’s a passage for surrender, where the inner conflict eventually becomes resolved through healing all my unaddressed emotions of guilt, abuse, trauma and shame.

Nothing. Not even a little bit. It’s not a hobby it’s an addiction. I’m not saying that to shame myself. I’m fully okay having an addictive pattern. I accept that, and I accept I won’t and don’t desire to do this forever. you say interesting things such as ‘right’ and ‘wrong’. Right and wrong are dualistic constructs of the mind. They are judgements you place around things that elicit emotional responses. Addiction is not wrong, it’s just something that will be healed over time when the time is right. Nothing is wrong, nothing is right, it’s just the way it is. Nothing to control and nothing to manage, there is just the direction of evolution taking place. I think that you’re just petrified of how guilty you would feel had you admitted to yourself the potential Harmfulness of certain habits. And so you deny, you rationalise, you avoid and you argue on the internet with people who promote wholeness and healthy habits. And even that’s okay, not even that is wrong. Not even a little bit. Nothings wrong. Everything is okay.

I think that habitual weed can’t really be celebrated as a healthy substance use - it’s relying on substances to change your state, and giving away your power to something to feel a certain way. Essentially what you’re suggesting is that things that are addictive when used responsibly don’t create an addiction or an addictive pattern. So how different is it from a smoker who says ‘I can quit whenever I want’ and then puffs another cigarette every other day. Im not saying we should restraint ourselves and repress our urges and cast away all addictive substances as a form of repression. Im saying have awareness like ...’huh I don’t think this substance or pattern (whether drugs, sex or video games) is totally healthy. Maybe I should be mindful around my drive towards that thing because I deserve to respect myself in a way that doesn’t perpetuate enabling harmful habits into my system. I have this with video games, sometimes I play a little too much, it got much more frequent and long winded during COVID for obvious reasons. And I don’t really feel guilty about it, I even enjoyed (and still do) it. And yet! I am not going to pretend like I wanna do this for life, like divinity original sin 2 is the ultimate goal and the best source of pleasure for me! I have this habitual pattern, and I’m outgrowing it slowly but surely, but I’m not gonna stick my head in the sand and try to convince myself and everyone else how healthy it is. It ain’t. And I still do it! And that’s okay, im cool with having something to heal and outgrow. if I was sleeping around I’d have the same attitude.

Yeah, I feel you girl. I think women can go through a lot of pain that is unacknowledged by men or by the patriarchy. And men can go equally through much pain that is unacknowledged by others, societally, women and so on. It’s just about seeing the truth of our authentic emotional expression in each moment and not rationalising why something is or ain’t okay. The question for all the money in the world is ‘does it hurt underneath ? Okay, then you deserve love and compassion, and not a rational judgement.’

If you’re dragging science into this you might wanna actually look at some studies linking childhood trauma and promiscuity.

I can’t stress enough how deeply is your perspective void of empathy for women.