what doing

I had a similar time in uni, its hard to focus on one thing these days with everything at our fingertips, but the fewer things you focus on at a time the more you'll get out of them. I wasted a lot of time down a lot of rabbit holes. There's no rush, everything in its time, try your best to give yourself fully to whats in front of you. The energy of smoking weed is really ungrounding and demotivating. Eliminating this habit alone will allow a lot to fall into place. Get yourself some THC oil and have a weed day every once and a while. Ingestion is the way it is meant to be taken, it will take all day and you won't want to do it again for a while. Spend the day alone and in nature as best you can, limiting consumption of outside entertainment/info. Don't beat yourself up about productivity, this only further exacerbates the schism in your mind and fuels procrastination in my experience. Allow yourself time to be with yourself and appreciate the productivity in that. All the best.

Has anyone heard of Anastasia and the RInging Cedars? She is a Russian mystic hermit, and a supposed avatar. Her husband wrote the Ringing Cedars books which has started a movement in Russia of people growing their own food and connecting to themselves and nature in deeper ways. There are surprisingly few resources on the topic apart from a crude documentary by Mikael King who claims she basically worked through him to make it happen. I am only one book into the series and am quite inspired. Apparently the Anastasia movement in Russia has led to the government giving land to newly married couples so they can start this new type of life. Imagine if Canada would do something like this! This has got me thinking again of this more traditional lifestyle, which I once considered before dismissing it as a waste of modern amenities and opportunities, but now I wonder if this is just resistance of the mind due to my upbringing, the familiarity of this lifestyle surrounded by manmade instead of God-made things. This is one of her teachings, that interacting with nature, things made directly by infinite intelligence results in a superior life and mind. I get that we are God, but just a diluted version, a baby God thats still remembering that it's God, disconnected from the infinite intelligence. The books are big on family, how having a wife and kids are key aspects of a happy life, and I feel that perhaps the best thing I could do if I had kids, the best sacrifice would be to raise them in that type of natural environment, where they would not be programmed with computer games, culture, and common education. But part of my still really has a hard time seeing that life for myself. Would love to hear your thoughts on this.

Very cool, I got really into MGK after my first ayahuasca sessions randomly, felt he was a kindred spirit of some sort. Will revisit this song on my next ketamine+mushroom journey

Hi all, I'm not sure who to come to about this as I feel it is a unique situation. I'll preface this by being upfront in saying I'm not sure I'm 100% anti-suicide. I think life goes on, and maybe it's actually part of people's path, something themselves and those affected were meant to experience and learn from. From experience, I think allowing people the space to fully go into this feeling can provide tremendous growth that may be hindered by the knee-jerk reaction of most people to freak out and just tell people to "get help", to get institutionalized, medicated.. societal tendencies to be terrified of death, to not want to be responsible for another's death, leading to many living half-lives and not fully facing their demons. That said, I think it's a tragic waste of conscious life, and I really fucking don't want my brother to kill himself. My brother, 45 y/o, has been battling severe Lyme disease for the past 20 years. It went untreated too long and he feels his entire jaw/cheekbones/sinuses are infected beyond any treatment, as he's tried just about everything. He has to sauna for 2 hrs daily to get the toxins the bacteria produce out or the pain is unbearable. I know this sounds like not a huge time sink or price to pay for living, but it's become hell for him. I've tried to make him see that suffering can be a result primarily of the stories the mind makes, encouraged him to pursue meditation more, but it's hard to do without invalidating his experience. Maybe I should be blunter and direct but nobody else in the family has much compassion for him or even believes he's as sick as he claims to be. He has been living with my parents and feels guilty about being a weight on them, but is also just mentally exhausted and depressed from this journey. Only this year has he stopped the endless, taxing attempts at curing the Lyme. He has concurrently developed himself spiritually as much of his healing attempts have purified/evolved his energy body, and been going into some deep "game" with reality/energies where he feels he is given sort of clues by the universe and feels he is sort of "building" something for the afterlife. He won't go into details with me as he thinks it would spoil it for me if I end up getting into the same thing. I don't think he's crazy but I do wonder whether during his darker times he got connected with some weird/trickster energies that could be taking him for a ride (He mentioned knowing someone who seemed to be going through the same thing but then seemed to go insane and dropped contact with everyone). He is an incredibly intelligent guy and sees the world/symbols/data differently than anyone I've seen, so it's not surprising that he thinks he's on the brink of "winning the game" of reality even though he also sees the foolishness in that concept. It's very tied up in hopes for a better afterlife/next life. This seems to have given his life purpose up until recently as he feels he has been stuck on something for a few years, and suspects he has hit sort of a karmic limit. I have been trying to convince him to try a change of environment, offered him my apartment, offered to send him to different types of healing centers, but he is resolute that his body is just done, and he wants out. He knows he could perhaps live another 30 painful years but thinks he's unable to work, is unable to get a disability because Lyme isn't recognized for that in Canada, and he just has no hope for any relief of his chronic suffering. "It's not a matter of if, but when", he says as he has no plans of continuing past dementia setting in. He is definitely being a bit selfish about the effect it would have on the family, but my (Christian) mother has also been trying to guilt him out of this idea which is its own form of selfishness and not helpful. Because of this, I've tried to just be someone he feels safe talking to. I've come close to suicide in the past and it was very life-changing to come close and choose not to, so rather than trying to explicitly talk him out of it I've just wanted to help him through it in hopes he would come to the realization on his own that it's not the answer...I feel strongly that it's not the answer for him right now in the bad headspace he's in, but at the same time I can't imagine what he's going through and I honestly can't yet bring myself tell him to toughen up and get through it, let alone commit him to a mainstream medical professional as most of the culture would suggest...I've tried to make him see that maybe it's not an accident that he's experiencing this, that his strength is what allowed him to live this reality and it could be happening for him in a way he doesn't yet see..but he has a more pessimistic view of reality, hardheadedness and plenty of bitterness as well. I have tried to be there for him as much as possible and felt like it was something that would pass if he took a break from the treatments, or thought it was at least years away, but I think he's planning it for within the next few months. He sat down with my dad to tell him his plans, who tried to assure him the money to support him wasn't a problem, but ultimately didn't try to talk him out of it as he has a way of withdrawing just trusting God. This made my mom start telling my whole family how serious it is and he's been even more stressed and overwhelmed by everyone reaching out to him with sympathy and concern. He must fear an intervention or something because he asked me to hold onto something for him for a week...it's a container full of hydromorphone..I suspected he was already equipped, and now I feel I'm actually very responsible for his life. Yet I don't know how where the line is...he would easily get more from the dark web if I didn't give it back to him...but I honestly don't know how I could give it back to him. I also don't know if I could use it to get him committed somewhere, that sounds like the cruelest thing I could do. Is there some facility that's actually really nice and understanding, that has a sauna and professional counselors who are somewhat "woke", not just clinging to life, trying to keep people alive at all costs even if suffering? Is there anything else I can do?