Reading this I related to most of what you said. I also grew up with undiagnosed ADHD and your struggles are almost the same as mine. Although I have a life purpose I've known since I can remember. But what I think is really important in your case is finding right medication for you. I've been diagnosed at 18 years old and got methylphenidate and my life changed since then. In a first month I wrote, recorded and put out a full song, what I wasn't capable of doing before because i couldn't focus and it wasn't even that interesting. Medication made me get interested and hyperfocused on things that I wasn't good at. And with that focus and passion I easily gained a skill. Unfortunately my meds made me really anxious and it took me about six months to realize why, I still am struggling but that's too long of a story. What I want to point out is that ADHD medication is not only making your brain work better but unleashing parts of you that you didn't knew. Processes happening between your subconscious and conscious mind are greater. I learned a lot about myself just by taking meds and closing my eyes, just thinking and trying to understand what my subconscious mind is trying to tell me. I recommend you trying out different medication, but also giving yourself the time you need to cure and feel good so that your authentic self can find the passion you need. Also experimenting and going out of your comfort zone might be helpful.
