Thunder Kiss

Thanks for this Wow Leo has really changed his tune since then now he’s more pro-pickup than ever.. what happened..

So would you say you’re a very materialist person? What was the reason for the breakup if I may ask? And how long were you together? I guess you need to start with consciousness work, meditation, possibly psychedelics if you’re into that. Also, shadow and inner child work. Sit down and take a good long look at your childhood, write down all your memories of possible trauma. Take a good long look in the mirror and introspect. If you haven’t done any of that before a lot of things might come up that you’ve been ignoring or just forgotten about.

From a girls point of view, it’s usually hard to have a close friendship with a male, to hang out alone with especially one who acts needy. Its fine if it’s say just going to hang out and get food, or in the company of other friends. but if the guy wants to be really close then i would probably end up backing off incase I gave him the wrong idea or incase i lead him on in any way. I think it’s hard to have a intimate and platonic friendship with the opposite sex without someone catching feelings. I could only feel really comfortable if the guy was gay or very feminine.

Sorry for your breakup. What are the main issues you are wanting to work on?

Why are you so close minded to the idea of childhood trauma influencing people’s adult relationships? People are incapable of intimacy because they feel so unloved. People with avoidant attachment and anxious attachment make up for most of the single people who are on the dating market. Secure people are usually paired up in a long term relationship. And it just so happens that these secure people who are already paired up are the confident people who had a good upbringing and don’t have a cynical view of the world.’ I mean yeah we can still take into account that girls usually want confident strong guys, yada yada yada, it’s been talked about to death. But there’s no denying that your upbringing has a massive effect on what your adult relationships will be like.

Hello because this is the era we are living in everyone has trauma and daddy issues. Most women are also emotionally unavailable * which is exactly why they chase them kinda guys. People blindly follow their trauma and it takes getting hurt to wake up. People who had loving relationships with their father and mother end up in loving relationships because they aren’t attracted to toxicity. * because of how masculine oriented society is that women have became hardened and afraid to let anyone in for fear of being hurt. So they go after people who won’t love them to reaffirm that they are unlovable. Same goes for guys.

of course it it. i met so many people whilst travelling and taking trips different places. you just end up chatting to people in a non-sexual and casual manner. basically we met at a festival and just got talking to eachother and bonded over a love for the same band. so i guess you could say it was a social setting.

i actually met my current boyfrend whilst travelling, but that wasnt an option so i chose social setting. i met my first boyfriend through social circle. i much prefer to meet a guy in a casual way where i can chat with him to get to know him a bit rather than being approached by a stranger.

i agree. in a way im glad this is all getting more awareness and becoming more out in the open because at least women are learning about pickup artists and what kind of tricks to look out for, so not to be manipulated so easily. One of the pain reasons pickup doesnt work on all women is because it's so obvious to a woman when a man is being pushy with her in order to "close" asap and get her into bed. clearly few women want to sleep with a stranger whom they just met and pickup is about trying with hundreds of women until you find 1 girl who is up for the fun there and then. which is why its easier doing it in clubs when girls are drunk and aren't fully concious about what they are doing, even though the pickup artist is most likely sober.

At it’s core it’s a fear of being really seen. That’s actually terrifying. You can’t make someone want to be seen. Best you can do is be there for them to open up when they are ready, and that might mean ending the relationship if you don’t want to wait for someone.

It’s not just men who have fear of commitment. I have also have the fear. all the times I’ve not wanted to commit to something there was a certain resistance against it. Kinda like a gut feeling that it’s not right or I was being pressured. free birds don’t wanna be caged, but they do wanna nest knowing they are free to leave if they want. Which is counterintuitive because if you know you can fly away you probably won’t. But if you feel caged in or forced then all the more you will want to resist.

I came across this divine lady on YouTube she has lots of videos on masculine and feminine. This one gives practical tips on how to activate your masculine energy. It’s mostly geared towards women but I think this could be helpful to some guys here also.

To have a crush on the guy and be drunk. But you still gotta know eachother a bit first. rarely will you get a one night stand with someone sober and who doesn’t know you at least a bit already. Most hookups happen when everyone is drunk at parties etc. It’s unsafe for girls to hook up with a random guy that none of their friends know and is unknown. Unless of course you’re living in a city where most people are anonymous. It’s different for everyone since people have diff standards and personalities. But there has to be some deeper resonance going on that you connect with, you should be able to get along with eachother in a friendly and relaxed way, and be comfortable and enjoy being together not just for sex alone.

This has happened to me many times before where I felt interested in someone on the first meeting but then meeting them again just wasn’t the same. I think the first time you guys met there was more chemistry going on and she liked your vibe enough to track you down… built up an idea in her head about you but then the 2nd meeting expectations didn’t live up to the reality. I don’t think it’s anything to do with you not making a move straight away, I didn’t kiss my boyfriend until the 3rd meeting but we had a lot of chemistry, there was just never a right moment. Him not kissing me on our first meeting didn’t make me loose interest…however, we had 3 dates within the space of 1 week so maybe if there was more time in between each one we would have kissed sooner idk.

How many partners is a lot ?

actually, yes. its why so many of us have "dad issues" because of avoidant or non existent fathers.. i don't get it, isn't providing for his family a masculine trait, why is it made out to be a weak trait ? whats wrong with a man who is in touch with his fatherhood wanting to provide and take care of the family in a healthy and loving way?

What you’re talking about is choosing people based more on connection and chemistry, rather than choosing based solely on appearances… which plenty people do. Yes, you can work on yourself enough so you stop choosing based on physical appearances, but there still has to be some attraction and resemblance going on for a relationship to work. So for example, you have an amazing connection with someone, you feel comfortable with them and love being around them. But the girl doesn’t look like the perfect girl you had imagined and wished for, let’s say she’s unconventionally attractive in societies eyes, but there is something that you personally find pretty or cute or whatever and what is unique to you, without caring what other people think. Can you stop chasing that image of perfection and be with a girl who you feel great with? Are you ready to give up on chasing the image of a perfect 10 girl ? Also, this doesn’t mean dropping standards. It doesn’t mean you should date an obese person just to prove you don’t care about looks, there still has to be some chemistry and unconscious attraction going on.. the problem is choosing someone just based on looks alone when there is no soul attraction going on.

telling someone to leave straight after sex is an icy move and signals player. Because you spent all that time together, shared emotions and then straight after sex you told her to leave. I’m sure most women would feel used or like they had been ‘fooled’ …. Had she gone home with you after a night at the club for a one night stand it would be different, but it’s the fact you had all this emotional stuff going on, she opened herself up to you over many hours. She probably be feeling like you played her with all this emotional stuff just to get sex, so closed herself off emotionally by being distant as a protection mechanism. people don’t want to feel tricked or like they let their emotions get the better of them…. then you also waited days to speak to her, and during these days she probably hardened herself towards you and went over everything that happened, so you not getting in touch at least the next day would have confirmed her beliefs of being used. a warmer and more caring thing to have done would be to let her sleep there. Maybe she would still feel used but it’s better than having to leave in the middle of the night immediately after sex.. and if that’s not possible then a text or phone call the following morning to apologise for how tired you were and that you want to meet again…. regardless, she will be untrusting of you now so if you try to pursue her for sex again either she will be emotionally cold towards you, or she will end up feeling used again. So maybe don’t waste time if you don’t want anything more with her.

Yep, the windows to the soul.

Kinda agree. Basically not many people have been in a situation with someone of the same sex where there was intimacy, so they wouldn’t know for sure how they would respond. I think the only thing stopping people from letting themselves go with someone of the same sex is fear of other people finding out and being labelled as gay or bi. Obviously I can’t speak for everyone on Earth but I reckon that many people would end up being sexual or intimate with someone of their sex depending on the situation and if they are comfortable with eachother, and if one of them initiated it. And that doesn’t mean you are gay or whatever, it just means that you felt chemistry with that particular person at that particular time and something escalated.

Sounds like the girl has an anxious attachment, so she’s attracted to someone with an avoidant attachment (you?) I’ve been full of anxiety in the past over guys before, it’s rooted in fear of being abandoned… it takes many years to work through. A best partnership for someone who is anxious, is someone who has secure attachment. let the girl go and allow her to find someone who is more suited to her and can meet her needs and wants…. Try and cut contact it will be better for everyone.

Well that’s the problem isn’t it. yeah, you can tell them upfront that you only want sex, then they can decide if that’s what they want. But when games are played there will always be collateral damage along the way and hearts will be broken. So if you don’t want to hurt people or play with peoples emotions then just be honest. the thing is though, you have to date many people to meet the right person, and sometimes you do genuinely think you like someone but then it doesn’t work out or whatever. But everyone is usually hurting each other unconsciously and the ones getting hurt are the ones who grow more. so for every person who hurts you there will be others who were hurt by you. best thing you can do to if you want a clear consciousness is be honest, communicate with people and make it a priority not to ghost or use people.

the way i see it is nobody is clingy, they are just chasing the wrong people... people who they aren''t compatible with and who are incabable of meeting their needs. so then they end up believing it's their fault for being too clingy and supressing their needs in order to not scare the other person away. it comes down to your attachment style.. avoidant people are the hardest to have relationships with. the best pairing is either secure & secure or anxious & secure. .. the secure one helps the anxious one eventually become more secure if they work on things togethr. so if someone is secure and emotionally strong they have no problem meeting their partners needs. whereas an avoidant person is uncomfortable with that. nobody is clingy per se they are just with the wrong person..of course they should also work on themselves to become more secure.. try reading the book 'attached' it talks more about all this .

If she is drunk and you know her a bit, or have been hanging out all night then that might work. But most girls aren’t looking for a one night stand with a random boy they just met. Maybe if you approach every girl in the club then maybe 1 will be up for it (but then you also risk looking like a creep) If all you want is one night stands then the best bet is to go out to bars and get drunk and chat naturally with ppl. It’s also more likely that you will hookup with a girl from your social circle, if you are all out partying together. This is the simplest way. But you should also be wary of having too many 1 night stands in your social circle because word will spread fast that you are a player and that your using girls for sex so it could backfire.