Applegarden8

That is not much different to what alot of the guys I know are doing, but then again toxicity doesn't have a gender. I think the most popular behaviour in husband-wife relatipnship for toxic femininity could be inducing "guilty for who you are" type of gaslighting and taking no accountability... nah, i acctually dislike mamy behaviours from conservative folk, like using gender roles as an argument for not taking responsibility e.c.t.

The GIGA CHAD has entered in the lobby. But on the other hand, i see it aswell.

Thanks man, it is weird indeed. People are so complicated, including me.

I didn't think of a nice guy syndrome. It is always stemming from trauma, no? Even the manipulative kindness or playing good. Acctually the guy is being needy. But that's a different point. About point zero, untrue. Everybody has somekind of fragmented bottom lines in different areas. If you have a purpose, people may walk all over you, till you get somewhere else or do it in secret and you achieve it. It is unlikely you will stop, i didn't, I evolved some of my response mechanisms and adapted to the situation, or cheesed it.

Nice gaslighting btw. If you acctually look in to the issue, yes it is hard. Especially if you were abused in childhood. I acctually recommend reading @soos_mite_ah lastest yournal entry and see what am I talking about. I had some people being authorative and drunk parents so you will say yes to their bullshit for the greater good and not to start an argument that can potentially turn into violence, on a pretty recurring basis. It is really rich and somewhat arrogant to say what you said. Btw it's not like failing to the point zero also and may I ask WHAT hasn't even begun? May I ask what is the point zero even as I can't see it in my ever changing and complex value system that i am not even aware of for the most part and which is primarily guided by my emotional responses which include past traumas which explain the push over mentality.

Very solid points here. I have noticed that this is working and some people are attracted to me because of me being authentic and embracing who I am. A few examples would be. If there is somebody who is trying to guilt me into finding love and making children I will insist on the opposite. And I will highlight on the fact that I don't want to have children and it is ABSOLUTELY ok to not want children. Or that I sometimes play video games and then I respond to any indirect shade about that topic with "I really love playing video games". Or if it's me making weird music nobody gets then I will anyway try to make it happen. It really does attract the right people, for who you may need to say no also sometimes, but it filters all alot of the dangers regarding neediness. You might have few confrontations, but those are worth your own authentic self expression which is far more than any number of insecure folks feelings.

Wow, i am really sorry for you. I would strongly advise to get away from them, if you live with them. You are obviously very bright and more emotionally mature than them, even regarding your issue. In terms of hating yourself for telling your dad how you feel. You don't have to hate yourself for mismanaging emotional abuse projected on you. Being gaslit for long periods of time is why this mentality errupts. And having that bad experience gives you valuable hints like, i should move e.c.t. I am in the process of moving and I can tell you by experience, that kind of abuse is not worth a single second for your happiness and personal growth, quality time e.c.t. Take this analogy for your issue with the body. Just like frequent junk food manifests as cancer, emotional abuse does too, but in different layer or expression. Guilt tripping yourself is just feeding the cancer, hating yourself is also feeding the cancer. Shadow work, acceptance work, spiritual practice is what can help, BUT not in the very short term. Listen, you are acctually capable, smart with your unique strengths and weaknesses, but given the time you can do whatever you want, it is true for just about every one, who hasn't got a pathology or something, and I am talking about really few people. And it is the truth. You will commit to something and you will see, it succeeds. Even regarding the emotional problems. This is solvable. First of all you could work with people like Emerald, but I also have some meditation techniques I know I can share that have relieved me from years of gaslighting. Only immature people gaslight others. The one who are incapable of looking in consistently and deeply. People who are capable of self-reflection, have their principles and can detatch, those people are very beautiful to hang out with. Best of luck. Please be careful with blaming yourself because of the way you feel and that you feel it's impossible to control. Be very clear, it's a rotting blob vommitted on you that you CAN and visibly WANT to get rid off.

Which is why it is so sad to hear that.

Trigger warnings behind every bundle of toughs, getting to the point or setting the context, a bit of rambling, and there is a large amount of words needed to convey subtler things.

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Maybe it was me. I am so preacy sometimes, especially behind the keyboard. I really don't like SD, because it suddenly becomes like jack of all trades model, when it comes to every behaviour you can possibly cognize... and a circle-jerk on this forum. Ohh you meant the OP. Yeah, that is common, and so much else! Do not resonate at all with me. Somebody who puts continious effort into something is jusy bound to make something worthwile.

A voice of reason. Thanks. It's always a cherry on top. An advice, you didn't even asked for. Too many times man, too many times. Just about every corner you can just (literally) "get" those kind of advices projected onto you. Like when an alcoholic is teaching you discipline e.c.t.

I picked guitar when I was 18 and its completely the opposite for me. Quite sad for you really.

I haven't seen, but I will take your word for it, because there has to be inadequacy in competition for limited resources as in this case - the preferable partner. So do I discriminate and so do so many people, probably almost all. You kinda will be discriminating and filtering out for your survival advantage, based on your ideas about prosperity, fertility in a woman and your personal needs. About the black women. Sure, but it's mostly cultural. They grow up in corrupt places, hoods, pimp culture, gang culture e.c.t., there is probably a lot of trauma growing up, including things like rape e.c.t., some of the girls you may be not swiping are escorts and things like that, you never really know, and sure a part of that has to be based in racism and negative stereotypes. About the intelligence, i have not commonly heard that claim about genetics determining intelligence, especially in the delf-dev sphere; it's about how people are brought up. But actual racists do come up with such claims as evident in the past. Peace man, was good to talk with you, I don't want to dump anymore on her big journal.

But that's not really racism. Racism is like when you believe the Blacks are somehow incapable of being as intelligent as other races, because they are black, or that the Jews somehow should be inferior to Aryan race, and should be sent to live somewhere else or get murdered. It's more being discriminated because of your body features. What you are talking about is attraction preferences. Some women will turn you on and some off, you may not even know why, unless you really think about it. You may like curly hair, big hips, or short or tall women or whatever, i think it's perfectly fine, just like choosing what brand of smartphone you prefer as your new phone, could be literally anything. And in the first world dating is a free market, generally speaking. Sure there are some biased forces from your family, society and whatever, but it's up to the both dating party preferences,

Why do you find them distasteful, if I may ask? Just curious, I am not judging you. Well, for example, I would date women from any race (yes, really). The problem is their values, parents, but that's a different story. If we keep Africa poor and corrupt then no doubt such people will come out of that, but then, it's about the person you're dating.

Really? How did you come to that conclusion? Barely any green? Stage red? It's either political, satirical, borderline ridiculous " like death metal", poetic, with complex ideas artistic, instrumentally complex and innovative, dreamy, energizing, genuine, expressive, passionate, progressive, emotional, creative, funny e.c.t. I know a lot of bands who literally sing about the conceptual notions about enlightenment, but I just can't be bothered to post them here. I am really starting to question whether SD is a good model to evaluate art. ART.

Coffee, chocholate, refined sugars and heavy meals in general makes me prone to jacking off, first two being the main ones. And alcochol of course, but I don't drink. Ohh and onion, garlic, asetofida and other nervous stimulants also.

Yes, your life will become not sexuality centric as it is now.

Congrats dude, very happy for you! https://www.facebook.com/groups/DjentShitposting/permalink/2807305456186492/

Dude I wish I was as skilled as I would with guitar if I started young. I would totally slay. Consider that statement. There is a lot going for you. Try new creative challenges, xenharmonic music, write violin for metal or jazz, add ridiculous effects, play more strings like cello and do a cool project, find or forge a unique sounding band e.c.t. YOU LITERALLY HAVE ALL THE SKILLS TO DO THAT.

Nothing but respect with your decision, as it is your life. However I wanted to challenge the paradigm a bit, if I may. Now is all that a long term solution for "irresistible" urge of sexual desire?

Must be those djent vibes? Yeah you should tell him that you know better whom should you have sex with. I have heard that there is anyway a lot of sexual harrasment/misconduct in homo interactions.

Do you live in a house currently? The main advantages of a house is a pretty reasonable guarantee that you will sleep at night and that you can do whatever you want or need to, any time. And for a productive person with a large vision this is very important. If you live in apt. You may need to bend towards your neighbours or when you have a conflict with them for whatever reason, it may turn really nasty as it did for me, just because I wanted to play guitar, without an amplifier, day time, around 4 hours a week. Still some older people and people with kids really managed to sleep deprive me intentionally. Another thing is that you will have privacy. Suppose you want to have sex with your bf, in your orgasm, you would probably prefer to make some noise or watch something loud or even to act on a project all night, becasue you feel inspired. +going outdors outside your house is very nice. So there you go, I think these are good reasons from personal experience. Ohh here's another. Suppose you start coaching, teaching people or making periodic work related calls, or invite people to your appartment for those things. Guess what, same problem, it may come for a price, because somebody didn't like the probably acceptable noise you are making. So it might be some other people that may not be logical and are angry and are just looking to project their hatred for life and they may stalk, listen to what you do behind the wall, bang for random reasons, they will find how. Please consider these factors and if those haven't happened to you, congrats.

Ahh yes, it's that time of the week again, cofee time with @Emerald ...with alot of explanations.