Applegarden8

Yes, if you get rid of the attachment (not in true/false sense, but whatever extent to it you manage) you will game naturally, I have noticed this by experience. Even tho I don't game it is so much easier to go an talk to people and I feel comfortable with myself around them.

I find one thing particularly in male circles. Maybe two. One is the sense of humor and the careless attitude humor, when I meet some collegues at work that happen to be male, they will usually start the conversation with a joke, some of them are so funny it's illegal. When something bad happens also the same thing happens. They will also tell you very funny stories which leads to the second point. Men can be very bold (also literally) and make such weird life choices which acctually work. Some can make their life so hard, it's oncredible, meanwhile creating something bigger than themselves. This also reflects on normal division principles in people. Men have more idiots and more geniuses than women. There are some qualities I can't name but I like about this. I am very much the same way. While a people pleaser, internally, very disagreeable, avoidant and tend to vision and work on it. For example if somebody eats a snail or there is a broken window or if somebody won a gaming tournament or got arrested because of being in a mafia, it was probably men.

Yes, there is the other part of the spectrum. I was refering to the path without psychedelics, I am saying this from experience. I am using this forum mainly for entertainment. When I really seek "whatever that means", then something genuine always happens, there is no urgency for extra explanation, though it can help and keep inspiring and convincing you, BUT I would like to stress one important point about quality time lived in a day. That is if you just reduce the amount of internet exposure and messaging people, exposure to TV, masturbation, computer games, other forms of entertainment and find time for yourself to just sit, it will really gather momentum.

I am sorry to admit for alot of the users, as much as this seems a troll post, there os truth to this - the same old to much theory, too little application kind of thing, and the side effect on or being coming here for entertainment again and again for a high.

Don't bother, no need to justify, if anything, go fall asleep, go do something you want to do. This is usually a problem, because of lack in direction in life or in trust with yourself. Some people will always think you are bad. Why do you want to have a good image in their eyes when they are probably full of self-hatred? They don't even like themselves, why be liked by them?

I have had multiple women physically touching me and hinting at me, meanwhile I know they have a boyfriend. And I have had a few situations where I have continiously reached out for multiple reasons, not just the intimate stuff and got rejected, yes still got the hints.

I am in the middle of slowly but steadily working on my first EP. I very recently noticed something. That is - nothing you choose to do will result in your fullfillment, except the striving for truth. So I have a meaning problem, regardless of what my strengths and weaknesses are. Up until this point I wantes to build my life up. It has been painfully stagnant, but I made some valuable progress. But there is always that question lingering in my head: "Do you really want what you think you want at the moment?" I see the artists perspective now and I have barely begun in the music production and I already like the result although there is constant trustration and grudgery and it's fine. But what I am underestanding is this. I am just merely exausting the desire to accomplish something and it will certainly leave me unfullfilled. And besides that what I have wanted is that this is my last birth. I have everything I need to work on music I would really enjoy, I have no two toughts about it. It would just get better and better with time. But, at the end of the day, I am seeking fullfillment. I know it. I have been burning for it for years now. I know what will happen when I die. There is a subtle conviction about it, if I surrender and keep flowing. I will get it, maybe I won't quit music, but I don't know that and I wouldn't care then. But if I do, it would be a lifetime of beautiful self-expression trough music, for as long as I can do it, but just for this lifetime. I am already satisfied with the 10 minutes of unfinished music that I made. I guess I will keep doing music and do a 5 track EP, but after that I truly do not know, and consciously keep projecting the desire of wanting to be a musician. Any feedback welcome.

Thanks man, I was expecting somebody like you to answer. I could almost feel it.

Almost too heavy for me.

Thank you very much, makes me want to go further.

This is hard. Some guys like him and i do fall into this category may not be so easy going when it comes to hanging out. He could be polite because of his principles and he probably enjoys an opposite sex chatting with him. From the perspective of self-dev, if you want to build the life you want and there is something you want to satisfy, go for it, approach, but you may get rejected. A non-sexual, wholesome method to break the ice is to invite him to a dinner made by you, if you decide to do so.

That is not much different to what alot of the guys I know are doing, but then again toxicity doesn't have a gender. I think the most popular behaviour in husband-wife relatipnship for toxic femininity could be inducing "guilty for who you are" type of gaslighting and taking no accountability... nah, i acctually dislike mamy behaviours from conservative folk, like using gender roles as an argument for not taking responsibility e.c.t.

The GIGA CHAD has entered in the lobby. But on the other hand, i see it aswell.

Thanks man, it is weird indeed. People are so complicated, including me.

I didn't think of a nice guy syndrome. It is always stemming from trauma, no? Even the manipulative kindness or playing good. Acctually the guy is being needy. But that's a different point. About point zero, untrue. Everybody has somekind of fragmented bottom lines in different areas. If you have a purpose, people may walk all over you, till you get somewhere else or do it in secret and you achieve it. It is unlikely you will stop, i didn't, I evolved some of my response mechanisms and adapted to the situation, or cheesed it.

Nice gaslighting btw. If you acctually look in to the issue, yes it is hard. Especially if you were abused in childhood. I acctually recommend reading @soos_mite_ah lastest yournal entry and see what am I talking about. I had some people being authorative and drunk parents so you will say yes to their bullshit for the greater good and not to start an argument that can potentially turn into violence, on a pretty recurring basis. It is really rich and somewhat arrogant to say what you said. Btw it's not like failing to the point zero also and may I ask WHAT hasn't even begun? May I ask what is the point zero even as I can't see it in my ever changing and complex value system that i am not even aware of for the most part and which is primarily guided by my emotional responses which include past traumas which explain the push over mentality.

Very solid points here. I have noticed that this is working and some people are attracted to me because of me being authentic and embracing who I am. A few examples would be. If there is somebody who is trying to guilt me into finding love and making children I will insist on the opposite. And I will highlight on the fact that I don't want to have children and it is ABSOLUTELY ok to not want children. Or that I sometimes play video games and then I respond to any indirect shade about that topic with "I really love playing video games". Or if it's me making weird music nobody gets then I will anyway try to make it happen. It really does attract the right people, for who you may need to say no also sometimes, but it filters all alot of the dangers regarding neediness. You might have few confrontations, but those are worth your own authentic self expression which is far more than any number of insecure folks feelings.

Wow, i am really sorry for you. I would strongly advise to get away from them, if you live with them. You are obviously very bright and more emotionally mature than them, even regarding your issue. In terms of hating yourself for telling your dad how you feel. You don't have to hate yourself for mismanaging emotional abuse projected on you. Being gaslit for long periods of time is why this mentality errupts. And having that bad experience gives you valuable hints like, i should move e.c.t. I am in the process of moving and I can tell you by experience, that kind of abuse is not worth a single second for your happiness and personal growth, quality time e.c.t. Take this analogy for your issue with the body. Just like frequent junk food manifests as cancer, emotional abuse does too, but in different layer or expression. Guilt tripping yourself is just feeding the cancer, hating yourself is also feeding the cancer. Shadow work, acceptance work, spiritual practice is what can help, BUT not in the very short term. Listen, you are acctually capable, smart with your unique strengths and weaknesses, but given the time you can do whatever you want, it is true for just about every one, who hasn't got a pathology or something, and I am talking about really few people. And it is the truth. You will commit to something and you will see, it succeeds. Even regarding the emotional problems. This is solvable. First of all you could work with people like Emerald, but I also have some meditation techniques I know I can share that have relieved me from years of gaslighting. Only immature people gaslight others. The one who are incapable of looking in consistently and deeply. People who are capable of self-reflection, have their principles and can detatch, those people are very beautiful to hang out with. Best of luck. Please be careful with blaming yourself because of the way you feel and that you feel it's impossible to control. Be very clear, it's a rotting blob vommitted on you that you CAN and visibly WANT to get rid off.

Which is why it is so sad to hear that.

Trigger warnings behind every bundle of toughs, getting to the point or setting the context, a bit of rambling, and there is a large amount of words needed to convey subtler things.

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Maybe it was me. I am so preacy sometimes, especially behind the keyboard. I really don't like SD, because it suddenly becomes like jack of all trades model, when it comes to every behaviour you can possibly cognize... and a circle-jerk on this forum. Ohh you meant the OP. Yeah, that is common, and so much else! Do not resonate at all with me. Somebody who puts continious effort into something is jusy bound to make something worthwile.

A voice of reason. Thanks. It's always a cherry on top. An advice, you didn't even asked for. Too many times man, too many times. Just about every corner you can just (literally) "get" those kind of advices projected onto you. Like when an alcoholic is teaching you discipline e.c.t.

I picked guitar when I was 18 and its completely the opposite for me. Quite sad for you really.

I haven't seen, but I will take your word for it, because there has to be inadequacy in competition for limited resources as in this case - the preferable partner. So do I discriminate and so do so many people, probably almost all. You kinda will be discriminating and filtering out for your survival advantage, based on your ideas about prosperity, fertility in a woman and your personal needs. About the black women. Sure, but it's mostly cultural. They grow up in corrupt places, hoods, pimp culture, gang culture e.c.t., there is probably a lot of trauma growing up, including things like rape e.c.t., some of the girls you may be not swiping are escorts and things like that, you never really know, and sure a part of that has to be based in racism and negative stereotypes. About the intelligence, i have not commonly heard that claim about genetics determining intelligence, especially in the delf-dev sphere; it's about how people are brought up. But actual racists do come up with such claims as evident in the past. Peace man, was good to talk with you, I don't want to dump anymore on her big journal.