Applegarden8

Essentially you will have nothing but desperation in your desire to want more and to desire for things you actually want. Then your success will not mean anything but comfort, which you also will not want to lose and it will be uncomfortable all the time. Something will ick you all the time. You will be insecure, and you cannot logically argue aginst it. The desire to do something different is always there. Justify how you want, good luck with that. If you have a system which is higher on the spiral, I strongly suggest going for it. Worked really well for me.

I agree, it can really help.

You know, I met this girl who plays classical guitar. I think she was the only person who I would wife up. I noticed that she can be pretty honest and she was very sweet, caring and seemed that she has what to offer. But, me being me, I did not have the desire to commit to her, not even to sleep with her. Definitely you would look for a woman who can tell you that you are full of shit sometimes and who also could take criticism, and somebody who is willing to commit to you in actions. That is mature and hot as fuck actually for her age and but in women in general. Then I had a meeting with another woman who was not like that. Maybe she could be but she was not the kind who would settle down and commit and maybe even damage my life, so it's actually good that I avoided her since I had a little bit more sexual attraction to her.

I broke down yesterday. But I didn't break down to anything but silence. I understood just how much it is not even worth striving for anything if you do not spend time building your desire and vision for ir. Then it is pure suffering and grudgery in which you will never satisfy your desire for what you are doing it and always procrastinate it. Also I understood deeper just how much health and sustainable lifestyle matters and without it, you will have nothing but anxiety, anger and more hectic and confused pattern of desiring what everyone else wants. I am willing to invest a year after work or even 5 years after work to spend a little time running few errands, just to get healthy and re-wire how you function. Doesn't matter how much you spend with this, you will get a life of magnificent depth and quality, while it looks mundane. I want to build my capacity to perceive life and understand what instruments I have. Ofc, I do my music on weekends and so on, but my main focus for now is health and depth in my life. Life starts with you. You will break down at the immensity of life. I want to throw all the useless garbage I have been indoctrinated with. I know that there is alternative way to be. It is within my reach. I literally do not want to do anything but to sink in it. I strongly feel this is a turning point in my life. Putting awareness on myself, my mind, my body is the best investment you can make. You can't dream this stuff up, but this what you are. This is also a solution for enduring any criticism for what you authentically want to do and want to be. If you have your I dependant mechanism of intrinsic motivation, all violence aginst you, all gossip, all stupidity is useless. You will truly, consciously desire something and enjoy the process of doing it, achieve it, celebrate it, go full circle and exhaust that desire in this or next lives. This is how it should be. But here you are, guilty about everything, justifying your existence. It may not need be so. Because I have such a tough situation, people around me wipe the floor with my identity every day. So they made me as I am now, and this is how I will be. I have figured it out. All criticism feels useless now. There is nothing you can really say, at the end of the day. I will do what I want to do and if you don't like it, that's your problem. Anyway, you hate yourself, so time to figure things out. I spent significant amount of time for this and I am ready to continiously spend time every day to develop and implement this. You will see this and you will break down, question of time only. I want to say that there is no model as to how to live life. You have to see what your most authentic desires are and go for them. Please, do not delay self-exploration though, some of that is needed to have a lasting enjoyment. Your goal here is to build your life externally as to what You authentically desire and untangle and clean yourself internally to come to the point where you see that life is not a problem. Stay healthy. Our society is pretty sick so you will reciveve a good continious rounds of ego backlash. And if you persist you will become a sage. Also, if you are a lonely dude who is by himself and don't have a gf etc. this is a FANTASTIC time to get healthy, build your vision and gather depth of experience. You don't have to explain anything to anybody. Life is for you to live it. Peace. Applegarden.

I feel like a complete idiot and genious at the same time on this path.

If you can appreciate the paradox, if you can laugh about your blunders and admit things about yourself, do not worry, you are not a narcissist.

i would advise to learn how to learn and try to learn how to work efficiently, that is how you will become clever enough to pursue your LP later, because you will also do many things you hate in your area of LP. But of you truly can be at least neutral doing it and be somewhat efficient, the things after that are better and you will save your ass from disasters from your errors at work, and get a promotion and do something more responsible.

Hello man, i wish you best of luck in your journey. Don't forget to visualize what you want every day for 10-15 minutes, even when things are the worst. I got to a place I did not wish to get with this work. There is still where to go, but if you slide off, just keep trying to get back on track. It is worth it, you are worth it.

Thanks man.

I think that this approach is good. Have you had people not giving loans back? Have you got in trouble with police due to a "friend"? Is your friend holding back you from what you really want? I think less is more in this case. You will feel lonely even when all kinds of people are near. But too much investment in friendship is also a problem. I have this problem, so some variety of different and unique people you meet is important. They own have a different story to tell. I have few needy friends who cant seem to have somethig going for them. And they want attention because they are lonely. But for that you need to spend some time alone and self-reflect. Filter definately you should have! You can't let all kinds of people or even most in your life, they will drain you dry. But that doesn't mean you should completely close up. Chatting up is also needed. I hope you find some insight from my nonsense.

My problems would be periods, violent men, maternal instincts and i would have to wash more. But I like being a man, although i am a very feminine guy.

You need to spend time by yourself.

@ivankiss btw i have noticed that some women in my workplace are very flirty. And I know they have bfs husbands even, they have a ring on it. And it's sometimes SO visible, that something I do, say or express turns them on or they choose to express that they are into me, but it may be not even the case. I a cannot underestand a lot of times why those women give the signals they do. Are they bored? Are they in low quality relationship? Doesn't the attention from their relationship suffice them? I underestand if you are single. I don't want them to feel guilty about it, but when you give me the clues that you are attracted, look at me, talk to me i will just smile and laugh it off, because i don't know what are you hoping for and i am just not taking you seriously. And I love it when they act very flirty and play the boyfriend/husband card in a conversation. You will not tell if they have a partner by their behaviour, really. It's so strange. Do they secretly hate men? Or like having positive validation too much? Or they know something is not fullfilling them (which is truw for all people) andbsome try to substitute with attention? Or they don't know what they want from life and react to whatever impulses they have? I don't know. I can accept how you are, but you are wasting your time flirting with me, i will just switch to a work related topic, because that's why I am there.

I will tell you what my collegue told me when shit hits the fan. Go drink some cofee and relax. It will take time to resolve whatever has hit you.

Let's go then.

It cannot be. It's a product. You can obly use it to the extent that you can and try to.

Guys, guys. Let me tell you a motivational speech. I know life gets hard, and you feel like its time to rub one out. But not rubbing one out can make you the hardest guy on the planet. Those round cheeks though, that beautiful voice, especially when she is singing. The beautiful hair she has, the quality of softness a woman has, the maternal instincs she has. The emotional connection you can have. All of that is beautiful, but you may not even need it. But if you are young, sexuality is something you are fighing with, me too. If you do rub one out, at least really go into it and enjoy it, don't hurry too much, you know.

absolute open mindedness is total inner sielence

Don't worry. I also got rejected, because i am too slow. Or too autistic that I only want to focus on music. I don't care acctually. I am a hermit. I don't want a relationship, it will definately make me slow on doing the things I really want to do. It may not be the same for you, but don't go too hard on yourself. If you want, get better at it, if you don't, let it go.

First of all you are not those unfortunate people (like your bullies) who project their insecurities and fear of getting rejected. Because they absolutely get rejected. And mald over it.

Cool man, i am very happy for you!

Other pursuits in life, especially for hardcore spiritual people, very creative people or people that just view life differently or are on the spectrum.

Has general body/neck stretch or yoga helped you, does humming hurt? I would try to hum very softly for like 15 minutes a day and see if it helps. If that didn't help i would try to honey fast for a week. I know, quite extreme. Hope you will find a solution.

Long story short; to pay the bills.