TurquoiseAngel

Yep, I think the truth is that I feel zero attraction for him and going on a 2nd date was to jut try and feel something, give it a chance. He seems like a good person, is good company, is successful, treats me right... but with no desire or sparkle I had to find excuses. I have been sober for 6 years, I am not an alcoholic, it is just my lifestyle. So hearing that a 57 year old man fell drunk on the streets turned me off even though I wasn't even turned on. I am not looking for someone teetotal but in my opinion enjoying your birthday is not an excuse to get hammered at 57. (but my dad was an alcoholic so there, this is maybe where the trigger is) Damn!

Asking this because I used to have a history of not trusting my gut and give people endless benefit of doubt, yet I know my past hurt bias could also play tricks on me: Would you consider these a red flag? I was on a 2nd date with a man, just an easy walk by the river before dinner when he received a message from his daughter saying the her grandmother from the mother's side had just died. He said it was not a surprise since she was very sick anyway and said he would call his daughter later. A few minutes pass and his daughter sends another message ranting that "no one cares about her and her feelings, and she can't rely on the two men who should love her the most" (referring also to her live-in boyfriend who at that very same time is on a business dinner meeting - on a Saturday evening (?)... apparently the daughter wanted the boyfriend to leave the meeting immediately and go home but he refused). So the man is now upset and I re-assure him that there is absolutely no problem in him taking time from our date to call her or message her or leave her a voice note or whatever he needs to do, but at the time I feel like I shouldn't be teaching a man how to be a man and a father how to be a father, but anyway we are all humans who sometimes get caught in unexpected situations... so I take a few steps to the side and sit on a bench to give him privacy while he tries to communicate with his daughter... but she now has turned off her phone and is unreachable. So he messages and calls the boyfriend a couple of times while we keep our walking, but the BF is still refusing to leave the business meeting and go home because of course he is working and needs to close a deal or whatever. Apparently the BF is also trying to communicate with her but getting nowhere. Anyway, the man is still trying to provide me with a good time but obviously things are now weird and tense, not light and fun anymore. I sense he is worried about his daughter and I start feeling drained so I tell him that is totally okay if he wants to cut the date short and go visit her or stay available for when she turns the phone on or whatever but he insists that he wants to carry on with the date and take me to dinner as planned and he can't go and see her until she turns her phone back on and talks to him. But I assure him that I would be okay if he needed to go and I totally understand if he needs to change plans. We walk more until we reach the restaurant and before going in I ask him again if he is sure he wants to carry on with dinner. He says yes. We go inside and we order the drinks and then he orders his food first (not what I think a gentleman should do but anyway) ... when I am ordering mine, his phone rings and it is his daughter. He goes quickly outside to talk to her and I am there on my own which is totally fine. The drinks arrive and I wait for him to come back before my first sip. I didn't track for how long he was gone, maybe 10 minutes. When he comes back, he says that everything is okay, she is okay now but he told her that he was willing to "go and visit her right now if she wanted to" but she declined. This made me raise an eye brown because we were already seated with drinks waiting for us and food ordered, being cooked in the kitchen....and besides, I gave him openings to do this before he took me inside the restaurant...Now I am not sure if he really said that to her or if he just said that to me thinking it would impress me (since it was my idea anyway), if this would show to me he is a good father...but if he was he would not ignore her first message in the first place?? I then asked some questions: Was she upset more about grandma's death? Or was she upset for not getting the support she needed straight away? He said it was a bit of both, definitely upset because grandma died although she didn't even have a strong relationship with grandma and she had actually visited her a week before after a very long time not seeing her just because she was sick and almost dying. They don't live far from each other but the relationship between them was not even close at all.... We then starting talking about my daughter (15) - who has some serious mental health issues that I briefly mentioned during our 1st date - he was the one asking lots of questions and details - and after I explained to him my daughter's issues he proceeded to say that he was "very lucky" that his daughter doesn't have and never had any mental health issues and he was extremely proud of her life and her achievements - basically comparing both our daughters and feeling good that he had a normal one while I had a 'defective' one... I am just there listening, digesting and heeding this red flag when then he offered me some sympathy which seemed genuine - but I couldn't shake off the fact that the sympathy didn't come first after I spoke about my daughter's struggles...the sympathy came after he compared our daughters - but I just chalked it up to the drama he had just experienced with his. Anyway his daughter is 26 and completely independent! And maybe I was being a bit callous but as I am there watching that drama unfold I can't help but think his daughter was massive over - reacting and is or was a bit of a drama queen and manipulative of her father and boyfriend... Especially since she was not close to grandma, saw her a week before and knew she would die any minute...plus she is apparently mentally healthy woman who is 26 years old. I was bewildered...but again I know that I am very resilient when it comes to death, even in my own family, it is just the way I have always been. At the same time I was thinking good for her in asking for support, voicing her feelings and wanting the men in her life to be there for her. My dad was absent and I had many uncommitted boyfriends and a toxic ex husband so there is a part of me who sees my bias in judging her. Anyway, what made me uncomfortable and the two red flags I see are: 1 - He didn't take any time to reply to her message when he saw it and left her on read - (he said she saw the read receipt and got angry)...but during our 1st date I excused myself and used half a minute to read and reply to messages with my own daughter so he should know I would be okay with him doing the same. I was just a woman from the dating app. Family comes first. He just needed a few seconds out of our date to reply to her. Sure that would be what a high value integrated man would do? If he treats her like that, how would he treat me down the line? Is the daughter overreacting because her nervous system is fed up with being gaslit or stonewalled or not made a priority? Or is she a manipulative drama queen spoiled brat? is he trying to set boundaries? Or is he not as good father as he likes to think? 2 - He didn't want to cut the date short when I suggested but after we were sat at the restaurant with drinks and food ordered he then offered her to go and see her immediately. What would he do then? Leave the place and leave me there to eat mine and his food on my own? That was super weird. By the way, he is 57. And I know I am overthinking this but I am curious to hear different opinions. However what made me completely turned off is that he told me he got super drunk, falling on the floor, on the streets kind of drunk, a few months ago on his birthday. And blamed his friends for giving him too many drinks. Even if the daughter drama never happened, I would not see him again anyway. I t is crazy to me...57, successful (yes I checked, his job is easy to verify online, his name - photo -profession - history easily comes up and he offers links as proof of who he is) ... Am i too picky or expecting too much? Maybe I will die single...

What kind of dancing / place? You can still attract girls using your own personality traits and having fun your way. Some girls will be attracted to the quiet, confident guy enjoying yourself on the sidelines, not needing to pick up or be the life and soul. You don't need lots of girls all over you at all times, you need only one. One quality interaction with one significant girl at a time will be more fruitful than lots of random girls all around you (this might even destroy your game in my opinion). He was accepted in the group and got free drinks...is that what you are looking for? Group acceptance and free drinks? I have met many men like the one you describe. They are actually not creating sexual tense and attraction with women, they are being used for entertainment and will possibly almost always end up in friend-zone. If you think you are better looking you have a huge advantage. Work on your authenticity and create you own game instead of PUA or other people's game.

Let her be free to find someone who will passionately love her, enjoy being with her, have sex with her and build a future with her. Tell her that you care about her happiness and you are not the guy who will give her the love and appreciation she deserves. She might suffer at the beginning but she will thank you later. Be kind, compassionate, answer her questions honestly but with gentleness. Do it face to face in a safe environment where she can cry if she needs to and have time to composure herself.

Are you sure you are straight? Just asking questions...

Healthy suffering comes with light bulb moments and unhealthy suffering keeps you in a dark loop of toxic patterns and victimhood. Lots of creative ideas and resourcefulness from healthy suffering but unhealthy suffering you make you age quickly and get sick.

You need to listen to the podcasts I posted and get more info on this topic.

And her ex husband's story: https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/mormon-stories-lds/id312094772?i=1000481711354

Her childhood friend talking here: https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/mormon-stories-lds/id312094772?i=1000565436701

Why would you waste your precious time?

It depends on what kind of coaching you are talking about. The best coaches will help you to see your own perspective and help you change your perspective on your own terms if you want and are ready to. Life coaches are not really supposed to teach you anything (I am a coach). They are supposed to act as a sound board, ask you deep questions tailored to your specific situation so you think in ways you never had before and they are supposed to challenge your limiting beliefs so you can empower yourself. It is not like having two doctors and having two different diagnosis. Leo is acting more as a mentor than a coach. If somebody is teaching you anything they are mentoring you, not coaching. I agree with FlyingLotus, best to work with a high quality one rather than two lower quality ones however do your research properly because in this industry price not always necessarily means quality. Look out for testimonials and qualifications. You will probably get a 30 to 45 minutes complimentary session to ask questions, get to know your coach and see if you both are a good fit. You will benefit from using and trusting your intuition here and clarify all of your doubts and curiosities. Having said that I am working with 3 coaches at the moment - 1 for business / 1 for my art making / 1 for communication skills and English language (this is a mix of coaching and mentoring as I am advanced level but I want to get to native level). I had another coach for health and fitness but I simply don't have any more time and energy at the moment, plus this an area that I need less support with. So in a nutshell, think about the area of your life you want to work on and find a coach that specialises in that particular area (not because they will teach you but most importantly because they have probably been where you are or have a passion for the topic which gives them great empathy and insight about the challenges you are going through) or find a general Life Coach that is happy to coach in any topic. Or work with more than one like I do but I suggest that you compartmentalise. Or find a mentor. Hope this helps and let me know if you have any questions.

Great awareness. Take charge. I feel that she is replacing the role of your mum somehow? All of us have an inner child that needs to heal. Be the parent of this inner child. If you can't do for yourself right now, think of you as a little boy who is being neglected and not looked after very well. and do it for him! Re-parent yourself. I hope it helps;) Let me know how it goes.

Years and years ago when I first started watching youtube (I came late to the party btw), when I found Leo and other great people, I also came across mindvalley and although I tried many times to get into it, I could not. I have even physical reactions in my body by listen the voice of Vishen Lakhiani or even looking at him. I can listen to Marisa Peer a little bit but I don't trust her (for no reason). I also have tried to watch Ajit Nawalkha (who I just discoevered is the co-founder), still, it doesn't gel. I can't stand. I am coming to the point of considering paying youtube so I don't have to see the ads popping up every time I want to watch something. It specially comes when I click on Actualized. However I know this is not a solution. Understanding why it triggers me so bad and dealing with it would be a better thing to do. Any ideas? and, is it only me?

I don't think Leo ever talked about and I am wondering if anyone here is familiar with it? I got into it for about a week but with most all things now, I need less than a week to see if it fits with what I am or trying to create or if it will be BS for me (at least at the moment). However during that week, I met many people who are deep into it and now are living their whole lives out of the new found identity and as they keep connecting with me, the topic is always coming up. Any thoughts?

I enjoyed reading this, thank you.

Okay! Now it suddenly became more interesting and closer to my heart.

Thank you for the video, I will watch eventually. I worked with two Enneagrams coaches (only 1 session each) and they work with the concept that we have 2 wings - they don't know each other. So apparently I am a 5 with one wing 4 and one wing 1

@fopylo You are allowed to be a work in progress - and a masterpiece - at the same time. Have you heard of this quote? Don't be afraid of making bad and insignificant art, it is better then NO art

According to an enneagram coach assessment I am a 5w4w1 Do you identify with the perfectionism of 1? I don't know much about 2 ...

I really enjoyed the week that I spent learning about it and it was cool see some of my patterning through the lenses of yet another system but I guess what bothered me was people letting it take over their lives and just describing themselves by whatever enneagram they claim they are and using it as an excuse or reason for everything. It felt caged. I do not want to be boxed up and labelled. Plus I think that with the amount of healing I had already done and continue doing it was causing more noise in me then peace.

Great awareness! Now, what are you going to do about it?

Enneagram Human Design Gene Keys

You are not trusting the process, trusting yourself and trusting music. And you are not committed and consistent. And you are not celebrating you for being on the journey but want a perfect finished product. The only failure is not doing anything. When you do something, even if the result doesn't please you, it is valuable information about your next step and about you.

Hi Leo, Since you like Spiral Dynamics, have you had a look at Gene Keys and Human Design? Would love to hear your take on it.

Going back to basics