Thank you to all the replies and sorry this is such a long rant. I read each one and do appreciate the feedback. Yeah it’s complicated and sucks for sure. Tonight I told him I want him to go to couples counseling and he agreed which is an improvement from last time I asked. Although, he is convinced that the therapist is going to tell me it’s all my doing why no intimacy/sex because I do to much and spend to much time with my kids etc etc... maybe he or she will I know I have my faults too and am not perfect, but the issue that most upsets me yes his lack of willingness to except responsibility or growth personally, within or outside the relationship . I go to counseling, I go to yoga, I go to retreats and I try to find different ways to show up to the relationship better. Yeah, I mess up I don’t always act perfect or nice I get frustrated and I have resentment. I’m open about it and I do express my feelings to him. I apologize when I’m wrong. He doesn’t. I’m hoping that he will be open but I am not so sure. The main issue that complicates this is I have three children who are now teenagers and who I am desperately trying to have some consistency for. This man has been the only man that I’ve dated after healing from my divorce with my kids father and I am trying desperately to keep a family like environment for them. They don’t know all about this but I’m sure they can sense their mom isn’t super happy. I hate to model a relationship that I would not want them to be in but I also don’t want to Uproot them and Financially it would be too difficult, even though I am now working a second job to help out because he doesn’t help with all of the bills at home. I’ve thought a lot about just doing it on my own and teaching the kids that we can do fine with much less, but I don’t want to disappoint them. I guess I figure if I can just hold it together grin and bear it 4 more years till youngest graduates it will be better for the greater good and then I can just focus on me. It’s not a great situation but it’s what I’ve got to work with right now I’m looking into the future and have a plan. I’m working on trying to find some contentment and keep my sanity in all this. I know I’ve settled possibly sold my sole, I’m not proud of that at all but I’m trying my best
oh.... for the response about male performance problems...and he got the blue pill years ago and never took it said it was a mistake getting it cause he didn’t need it. I tried to be super supportive about it all and sensitive because it didn’t bother me but him not trying does bother me
I’ve told him several times I want to leave and don’t deserve this and he puts out a list of how much money I will owe him that he’d take the house, our stuff goes on and on. Doesn’t want me to leave or even think about me with someone else but doesn’t seem to know how to show up
that’s all
