FairyTale

Hi everyone, As a honest woman, sometimes I have to cope with honesty issues that makes my life as a living hell. Let me explain. I am sure that men can have the same issue with honesty in relationships, for example, when they get dumped after they express their true feelings for a woman. In my case, it was as simple as physical honesty. I met one guy on a dating website after we have been talking by texts for almost tree weeks. We have been talking about sex a lot, and at first, it is not something that was wrong for me. I actually contacted this guy first because I tough ''this guy is so hot'' why not having some great sex with. Then we met, finally. And obviously, we stated to get intimate very quickly, and we had some sexual contacts without having sex. We kept meeting after this date even if he told me that he is not ready to be in a relationship because he just got out from one three months ago. I wasn't ready too because because honestly, it wasn't in my plans. I just wanted to have as much fun as possible before getting back to university, when I though I will find a boyfriend that might one day become the father or my children. We had sex from time to time but, we weren't able to enjoy it fully (I wasn't able to orgasm in any way) because even if we had a strong physical attraction, something was going wrong. We started to build a intimate relationship and two months after, he asked me to stabilize. It wasn't the first time, so I didn't refused because I was afraid to letting him think I am not interested. Now, it has been three months that we were dating, one month in a relationship and I began to get attached. I can't talk about feelings because I know what they look like when they come around. Recently, we had sex again and we hit the same wall. He had his orgasm, and I didn't. We talked a lot and it ended as this two conclusions, I take too much space during sex, he enjoys but I don't. The second one, I realized that feelings help me to orgasm because one nigh he got me so emotional that he made me orgasm 3-4 times. In the meanwhile, we are very faithful to each other and just to tell you, the man don't even masturbate, he leaves all his milk for me. (Sorry, I really had to mention this) That last sex rendez-vous, he told me usually he can perform during sex, but with me, he just can't. In parallel to that, we started a business together and he is very hot about it. He really wants me as a business partner. We talked about the business this night and I told him that I can't invest my energy and give my 200% if I am not emotionally attached to him, this is how my brain work, when I used to make art projects (I will apply in architecture) I always used love as a drive. This love feelings will also provide him my total trust and this trust is somethings he keeps asking for the time we decided to get into the business. Recently, I told him I wasn't ready to invest emotionally in that project because I felt like I will fall in love with him. I can't give him the trust he needs if I don't know he loves me. And this night, he told me something so true that made me cry a lot. He told me that he can't get attached to me because we got sexual the first night. Therefore, he can't have feelings for me, at least, at that point of the relationship, at that point when he needs me to invest my energy in the project. Without him having feelings for me, I can't trust him, and if I can't trust him we can't have no business together. We already knew about the lack of love in our relationship, so there is nothing new, what made me cry so much is the fact that he might never have these feelings for me. We decided to interupt our bf/gf relationship and stay very close friends (no fuckfriends) until I ask him to stabilize . We will still be working on the project, and the honesty he showed me, even if it hurted me, provided him more of my trust. This guy is really a good guy, I know that it seems cliché, but I feel attracted to him a lot. He is a family guy, very affectionate, faithful and emotionally strong. He is hot and creative, I really want to go further in the relationship and make him fall in love with me. Falling in love with him after won't be any trouble, and I read somewhere that it's better when the man fall in love first. If someone have ideas to how can I cure this situation so we can build a great relationship and have a successful business ( I believe that love can change everything), so please feel free to drop a line.

@d1ajax You are right because this guy have a past bad experience with a woman he loved . She always had many men she was having ''friendly'' contacts with, two weeks after they broke up she was already with another man. Once he was engaged to a woman, and told her he loves her and it ended up with no marriage at all....I think this guy suffered every time he shared his feelings for a woman, so now, maybe he have some, but his past experiences don't let him to express them. Before our break, he was so contradicted in his behavior. He was possessive about me and talking to me every day and was upset when I ignored him for a couple of hours. He tells me he likes me a lot and that I am the best he ever had. He was taking care of me, reminding me to take care of myself and of my problems, and this is why I got attached to him. @Keyblade Viking You are so right about that, I really need to focus on myself and forget him as a potential boyfriend because in that way he will feel like I am still attached to him and that I can't live by my own. I will try to make him understand that I can live without him in my life but still give him a chance because I know that he is insecure about his feelings. @Emily You are right too, I am afraid to lose him because I really think he is a man with a good heart (but that he need to connect with more maybe), I will work on my independence and try to meditate more so I can get the right distance and to let go my fears. If he goes away I will have to accept that. But you know what, I think this game you are talking about is more about fear of rejection, fear to not to be loved and fear to suffer (I can talk for myself and I start to feel this is his problem too). Since the beginning we were playing this ''no feelings'' game and the moment we started to have some, we got to take a break to think about that.

@Ayla, Yes I can do it, so I'll give another try ! 1. I was not planning on having a long term relationship, I met one guy and we got sexual the first night. When I got to know him, I was surprised by his personality and dreams, that I wanted to share, and that he wants to share with me too. 2. The fact that we got sexual the first night did not let him to have love/attachment feelings for me. Our relationship do not have a strong basis because we started this way and I am willing to repair my mistake but I do not know how. I want to love him but I don't want to end up being the only one to love and suffer because of that. 3. We are now having a break and I want to know if it's a good start for repairing the mess, and if not, please give me advice on how should I proceed.

@Ayla Thank you so much for the advice, I always tend to write long texts instead of simplifying because I want to present the situation in it's whole context, so people can make a better advice based on a authentic and specific situation rather than a general situation that can be found very easily on the internet. So I will try my best to simplify and still keep the topic specific and authentic : 1. I was not planning on having a long term relationship, I met one guy and we got sexual the first night. 2. When I got to know him, I was surprised by his personality and dreams, that I wanted to share, and that he wants to share with me too. 3. The fact that we got sexual the first night doesn't let him to have love feelings for me, but if we want our business to succeed, we need the love ingredient in the pot. And my question is, how can I make that happen ? Thank you @Sarah_Flagg for the advice about being me and also about sex without penetration, I have to say that he appreciates me a lot for being me (this is why we keep a honest friendly relationship) and had good time when we made love (no sex starting yesterday) , the problem is more about the fact that I feel like our relationship has no strong basis even if we appreciate a lot each other. Why I am worried ? Because I am afraid that I will keep having hopes for him to fall in love with me and that it will just never happen. Which means that even our business have a high risk to crash. Anyhow, I already presented a solution, taking a break to get to know each other more. Working together on the business might make us forget that we started on a weak basis. Do you guys have an idea about how to start on a new basis and build it strong ?