RMQualtrough

I think that is because the sense of a "you" can vanish entirely so all that remains is whatever's taking place. It's a really weird state where things are happening but there doesn't feel to be a you entity present whatsoever. There's no idea of "I" am seeing "that". There's just the "that", period. It's exceptionally strange. Even smoking DMT many times, 99% of trips were just nightmare simulators on steroids and nothing more. Entering states like that was INCREDIBLY rare, regardless of dose. I think only 5-MeO would do it reliably. Other experiences retained a me but that me was nothing at all. Even I was just an appearance in front of the nothing. I have no idea which is accurate. If you want to imagine it, know that your mind is applying a label that says I am here, that is there. Imagine your mind COMPLETELY loses its ability to even conceive of such a thing as an "I" part in the equation. Even if this is a state of delusion somehow, that is what takes place. That part of your mind's interpretation just VANISHES into thin air leaving only what is appearing.

Good for him, spiritual awakening is horrifyingly bad.

It was a truly awful state of being, VERY bizarre feeling to everything, and I would have killed myself if it didn't go away. Not functional or desirable at all.

You can't really function anymore without the sense of separation. While the experience of total ego annihilation felt like a "good thing" at the time it occurred, I think it would only be good if you just straight up died with it. What followed was complete dissociation with reality... I could not even walk down the street without feeling to be "one" with the brick wall. Basically, extreme derealization. It's a non-functional state. It took a while to fall back into normality. Mercifully, my DMT breakthrough trips are now merely memories which are an approximation of what happened. The headspace itself has mostly been erased from memory. Thank God.

It is impossible to keep living life at a certain point anyway. I'm surprised Leo hasn't killed himself. Your only choice at that stage is to fall back asleep or die, and mercifully the knowing dies with you so you can forget the terrible, appalling truth.

I wrote this directly after a trip: "Consciousness is behind "I", it feels like you are pulled back onto a park bench and everything that is happening is happening in front of where you are. Any thoughts or even emotions are happening in the landscape in front. And what you are no longer has a name, because when you think of "I", that thought is one of the things taking place in front, it isn't you. So even "I exist" or "I am scared" is something that when thought, takes place in front of you. Fear takes place in front of you. You are pulled back behind this. However far back you try to go you are pulled back behind that. There is nothing that you are not pulled back behind. All things are in front appearing to you but the you doesn't have a name. Because when you think of "you" or any word you are pulled behind it. It is literally what you are, but you can't name it because you appear to it. It's like the you behind the you..." When literally anything that can ever be conceived is just an appearance you are observing, that is when you know that the you observing the things is nothing. Yet you exist.

Weird shit has happened on acid. My subconscious spoke amongst itself, each character had a different persona, but they were all me... And they had the voices of the cast from Friends (lol).

It exists.

That was a quote, both elements subject and object are fundamentally the same, there appears to be a duality but both components have the same substance, which is nothingness, which is exactly what "pure" awareness is. This can be found, but I also think it is logically obvious that if there is no "thing" for consciousness to be conscious OF, what is left is nothing. But you know consciousness exists which is why I said it (the subject) is an existent nothingness. Awareness is exactly what knows awareness. What could be aware of the existence of awareness, other than awareness? If you take away all things from awareness of course you are aware of nothing, because all that's left is nothing, since sheer awareness is nothingness... The only thing ever experienced is awareness as per the prior quote I posted, and awareness can be found to be literally nothing. All there is to the experience of something is the awareness/knowing of it as per the quote. Both the subject and the object are, in substance, made of the same nothing. If somethingness is not MADE out of nothingness, what substance do you think it is made of? If you imagine a unicorn in your mind, what substance do you think that unicorn is made from?

Before narcissists come in to confuse you on purpose, first here is what is meant when people explain only consciousness exists (no subject and object): "Not only is pure knowing or awareness itself the primary element of mind; it is the only substance present in mind. It is easy to check this in experience. All that is or could ever be known is experience, and all there is to experience is the knowing of it – in fact, not the knowing ‘of it’, because we never encounter an ‘it’ independent of knowing. All there is to ‘it’ is the experience of knowing. In other words, we never know anything other than knowing. All there is to experience is knowing. There is no object that is known and no subject that knows it. There is just knowing. And what is it that knows that there is knowing? Only that which knows can know knowing. Therefore, only knowing knows knowing. That is, awareness or consciousness is all that is ever known or experienced, and it is awareness or consciousness that is knowing or experiencing itself. Thus, the only substance present in experience is awareness. Awareness is not simply the ultimate reality of experience; it is the only reality of experience." It isn't that existence is not happening in a subject and object manner, but that both are fundamentally the same exactly as per that quote. In certain transcendental states of mind, the nothing that is pure consciousness becomes dissociated from the thingness which is any appearance. You can then know nothingness, and know that nothingness is, bizarrely, something which exists. Without those things, there is nothingness, but nothingness is what you are right now, because you identify yourself most strongly (I assume) with pure consciousness alone, that is what most people are afraid will be destroyed in death. But of course, how could you ever destroy nothingness? It's invincible, untouchable, doesn't need a creator, yadda yadda. In other transcendental states experience and self merge like that realization that subject and object are one. I barely remember clearly enough to convey it, because I have not used drugs in a long time.

"Sartre notes that human consciousness is always conscious of something else. However human consciousness itself is really nothingness. So without something to be conscious of, our consciousness cannot exist as it defines itself with respect to the things which it is conscious of." When you say "I" you are referring to human consciousness, and thus to what is inherently nothing. But you would probably say consciousness does exist, and there you find an existent nothingness.

I was an android like Connor from Detroit: Become Human. There was a long story arc then Leo I think tried to murder someone (something like that) and I tried to stop him. But it did a gayass quicktime event and it failed so Leo just stabbed me in the stomach and killed me. Then he hanged a bunch of animals from a hillside. There was a message about how foolish I was to trust a psychopath against my instincts. Srs. Then I became a Hulk like being and killed a bunch of people. Eventually I gained empathy or something and told a mom and her daughter to get to safety and to call an ambulance for the guy I'd stabbed in the neck like 30 times.

I'm just alone and waiting to die.

Yes because time isn't real, every single moment is called "now". That's the only "moment" there is. Time only exists inside the illusion. Outside the illusion there isn't time at all, point blank.

See: this is the type of thought caused by narcissist egomaniacs "teaching" spirituality. These narcissist "teachers" purposefully confuse "seekers" to believe their finite ego self is God. Or in basic terms to avoid twisting of meanings, something 10 year olds argue about on the playground (about which of them is real and which is not).

I used Salvia a lot because I was obsessed with surrealism and hallucinations. It is just a crazy drug trip. You come down like "lol wtaf was that"... My friend smoked it and saw infinite rows of oranges and people falling over becoming oranges. DMT, very rarely, can produce states of actual "awakening", as in, total ego dissolution like Leo discusses when he took 5-MeO-DMT. It's completely different, you don't come down from the latter like "lol damn that was a crazy drug trip". It's not just a delusional sense of "this is real" like on Salvia, but a knowing that something IS true. And not even years of sober reflection will change the fact you experienced something that was real (no, not the space clowns).

There's the actual answer and the normal answer, what are you hoping for? The actual answer is that a living being is just merely more appearances, thoughts and things like that, are as much just an appearance as a red apple is an appearance. But how normal people mean it, it's obvious, they refer to anything that has a conscious point of view. In normal speak, the world is divided into consensus reality we agree on, and some form of private reality other people don't have access to. As you posted recently before being instantly locked as per usual, people can't type what you are seeing no matter how much they pretend they can read minds and float around astral planes remote viewing your house.

Of course, I thought that was a given.

There's no confusion when Rupert speaks because he wants people to understand, and isn't merely trying to confuse people so he feels all sage-like and superior. I always like Rupert speaking because it matches my drug induced experiences with "Oneness" and helps me make sense of what took place. Psychedelic revelations quickly fade. Which is merciful when the trip induces literal PTSD.

Yes but also in the dream Leo was genuinely terrifying. He said he was Russian special forces (though this didn't play a major part at all). But he was a literal psychopath with zero empathy and took some component off my AK-47 so I couldn't shoot and save my life/the life of some thing/person he was murdering. The quick time event was like, I tried to makeshift together the AK part and then use it but nah he just stabbed me because those events in Detroit were fucked. The controller tilt never worked on that goddamn game.

I hate when people are evasive and purposefully ambiguous. It's like they enjoy feeding off of seeming unreachably "wise", even at the cost of ensuring people are completely confused. In fact causing confusion may be the goal.

I think the realization of what you are is it.

I saw a cartoon drawing of some waves in the ocean, and a little wave had a speech bubble complaining he was smaller than all the other waves. Then the bigger wave had a speech bubble explaining something to the little one, and then the little one was like "oh right, I'm the ocean!" I thought that was great.

If imagined spaces were inside spacetime then it should be subject to gravity etc. The materialist will say that the brain is bound by physical laws, and that the image itself (of a place, whatever) does not exist. They absolutely do not and cannot understand that anything that "is", even an illusion, is something that is within existence. The image itself is nowhere in spacetime (nobody is cutting open your brain and pulling out a sack of money if you have an image of a sack of money in your mind), so they say it is non-existent and nowhere. They literally CANNOT comprehend what is meant by "the image itself". That is why they think the image of money is literally neurons, despite the fact you obviously can't spend neurons in a store. There's much they truly do not have the ability to comprehend, and most people can't without drugging themselves.