RMQualtrough

What if there's no-one PERIOD? It's difficult to interpret wtf is going on sometimes.

Yes you're not understanding what awareness of absence entails. Time is not experienced in absence for one.

@Salvijus I know what he means, YouTube Rupert Spira deep sleep, and he explains in much more depth. I also have his books.

@Salvijus It is absolutely what he meant. 100%. He talks about it a lot in his videos about deep sleep.

Rupert means that the gap between being put under and waking is not experienced, thus you just experience counting to 10 (the anaesthetist tells you to do this) then waking in the recovery room. Continuous uninterrupted awareness.

A sound doesn't possess awareness, awareness has sounds. Awareness is the sole "substance" in reality and its isolated nature is that it is nothing (emptiness, Sunyata). All things are simply modulations of the only awareness that is. They are all self luminous like awareness. They do not have their own ego selves or points of view, they are constructed from pure awareness (void), and just as awareness is self illuminating, so too are these constructions. It's like the qualia appears but to nobody. There can be many many things happening at once. I have my own thoughts on that as I'm not sure there are ever multiple things happening at once, or if all happenings (like a sight and sound) conglomerate to produce one singular unit of self luminous happening. In other words if I play some Toto while looking at the Eiffel Tower, and play the same track while looking at something else, I think the "happening" I speak of might be different... I suspect the music is not separate or distinct from any other happening. I think we may just categorize things as sound or color unfairly, when actually the difference between a C note on a piano, and the color red, is no more different than the color red and the color blue. We apply the categories of color and sound.

Uhm no not that my ego is reborn, but that reality continues after my death via other egos etc. Just like how a music track ends and another one begins. If you identified the self as a music track, you die when that single track ends. But when a track ends music continues to happen. It's just a different track. But you can also understand that there never was a self at all, there is ONLY the appearing sunset by itself. No "you" viewing it. That is what I mean in the bottom photo. That the you part of the entire equation is simply not present at all. There is just the sunset which is self luminous as awareness itself.

That's the thing, there is no "my" awareness or "your" awareness, or "God's" awareness. These are all possessive terms. There is awareness. All things which are, are modulations of that same substance. There is nothing more to a sound but the qualia of the sound, which like awareness is self luminous like how awareness knows awareness. Leo did not explain this well in his video on this matter IMO. But I don't know if I can either... When you speak of the self you are talking about Sunyata, you mean the void right? And you are thinking the void observes the forms it produces. Try: The forms are made OF the void (which is pure awareness), and the observing OF those forms is one and the same thing as the form itself. Closest way I can word it currently, is to indeed imagine sounds hear themselves. Because we only get duality. But there isn't a sound that hears itself, just the sound PERIOD. Do you get it? A sound is self luminous, when it falls back into void (what empty awareness is) another form may arise like a sight, and that sight too is self luminous. Remove the notion of the self, even as void, and experience the self luminous singular undivided reality where reality knows itself without anything separate from it. See picture below... From the ego perspective there is a cycle of life and death. When you recognize there is no segmented off you entity, and rather you are literally reality itself, you realize there is no self to die or be born. You are reality. Infinite, eternal, undivided.

Do you believe in duality? If there is only awareness, then you see that what knows awareness exists is awareness itself. As such awareness is self luminous, in the same way as the Sun is illuminated by the Sun. If awareness is the sole thing in existence, then sounds are made of awareness, and as we know awareness is self luminous. The sound knows itself and is by itself. Existence knows itself. SO, when saying I or self or God, it is taking what illuminates itself and adding a non-existent entity onto that equation. E.g. rather than the sound illuminating itself in the same way awareness knows awareness, there is something "else" illuminating it like a God or self or I. The moment there is an "else" there is a divide and finitude. The self and I are, themselves like sounds and sunsets, just appearances by themselves known to themselves. All in totality there is just existence. Period. No me in existence. But existence by itself knowing itself, completely alone, no God, no I, none of that beyond appearance. Which is why you can never die, by the way, because you aren't a finite being in reality, you are reality itself. The you element is like all appearances, a mirage.

It seems to me, that "awareness" is something self illuminating. I.e. what knows awareness is itself awareness. If all things which exist are made of that same "substance" which is awareness, then they are merely modulations of awareness which share the self luminosity. Such that the sound does hear itself. Or moreso, reality as a whole is by itself, to itself, known to itself. No God bullshit in the mix, no self, no I, which is exactly why you are eternal and invincible because you are reality itself and not a being observing it. I could phrase that as reality experiencing itself. However, I have seen many people say the void is "not an experience" and I hope someone can explain that element.

Not sure I understand but would certainly like to, is there another way of phrasing it?

I tripped in a dream. Strange happening. A family member popped out of the wheat and argued with me so I decided to go my own way. As I walked away on the wheat field, it became completely infinite such that no matter how far I travelled or where I went, I was always just crawling around on this neverending wheat field. I then broke down crying in joy as I realized there is only the wheat field and the wheat field ALONE. I had some odd thoughts in the dream which I don't quite remember, but involved infinity necessarily being nothing, meaning I could never actually move away from the rooster even if it appeared I was. An example was the attempt to imagine looking at infinite transparency, and how to be perceived as something it must necessarily be limited by the mind adding a black or white backdrop. Something infinite is nothing and imperceptible so although I looked to be moving away from the rooster in actuality I was merely fixed in nothingness. Later in the dream (maybe a different one after falling back asleep) I was on a game show where we had the chance to completely swap out our ego. It showed past events in my history (a fake character, not this me) and showed how the character mourns over those bad past events because it believes it had or is having them... After a very fucking weird bit where a hooker injected liquid in my dick that made me incontinent and shit myself for life (what the actual fuck), I yelled out that I don't want this life anymore, though I had 2 kids and some other stuff like being a successful businessman. Instantly I was back in the game show place and my name tag rolled over and became a new name, everyone cheered, and I was this new person. I then realized the whole hooker bit was a simulation to test if I want to keep my current self or swap it to a new one. The new self still had the medical issues but it felt like "that's just how it's always been", and when shown past events of myself with the old ego crying, I did not feel emotional anymore because I did not identify that character or event as me. It was like watching a doppelganger being tortured instead. Interestingly, the moment I was back at the game show and my tag rolled over, I felt so much relief, and felt anxious about how bad it would have been if I had decided to keep my original ego and squander this chance to be born anew. I'll probably fall back asleep now. But did not want to forget. Fucking weird man.

Why is it not an experience? Can it not just be a self-luminous experience in that it's happening unto itself, with no self in the equation?

So, like a modulation of a single thing? Like sticking a pole in a stream and seeing it split in two? Awareness being the substance, and appearances being the forms built from that substance.

Meds. Now.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=M5QGkOGZubQ

Reparations LOL.

I think that is because the sense of a "you" can vanish entirely so all that remains is whatever's taking place. It's a really weird state where things are happening but there doesn't feel to be a you entity present whatsoever. There's no idea of "I" am seeing "that". There's just the "that", period. It's exceptionally strange. Even smoking DMT many times, 99% of trips were just nightmare simulators on steroids and nothing more. Entering states like that was INCREDIBLY rare, regardless of dose. I think only 5-MeO would do it reliably. Other experiences retained a me but that me was nothing at all. Even I was just an appearance in front of the nothing. I have no idea which is accurate. If you want to imagine it, know that your mind is applying a label that says I am here, that is there. Imagine your mind COMPLETELY loses its ability to even conceive of such a thing as an "I" part in the equation. Even if this is a state of delusion somehow, that is what takes place. That part of your mind's interpretation just VANISHES into thin air leaving only what is appearing.

Good for him, spiritual awakening is horrifyingly bad.

It was a truly awful state of being, VERY bizarre feeling to everything, and I would have killed myself if it didn't go away. Not functional or desirable at all.

You can't really function anymore without the sense of separation. While the experience of total ego annihilation felt like a "good thing" at the time it occurred, I think it would only be good if you just straight up died with it. What followed was complete dissociation with reality... I could not even walk down the street without feeling to be "one" with the brick wall. Basically, extreme derealization. It's a non-functional state. It took a while to fall back into normality. Mercifully, my DMT breakthrough trips are now merely memories which are an approximation of what happened. The headspace itself has mostly been erased from memory. Thank God.

It is impossible to keep living life at a certain point anyway. I'm surprised Leo hasn't killed himself. Your only choice at that stage is to fall back asleep or die, and mercifully the knowing dies with you so you can forget the terrible, appalling truth.

I wrote this directly after a trip: "Consciousness is behind "I", it feels like you are pulled back onto a park bench and everything that is happening is happening in front of where you are. Any thoughts or even emotions are happening in the landscape in front. And what you are no longer has a name, because when you think of "I", that thought is one of the things taking place in front, it isn't you. So even "I exist" or "I am scared" is something that when thought, takes place in front of you. Fear takes place in front of you. You are pulled back behind this. However far back you try to go you are pulled back behind that. There is nothing that you are not pulled back behind. All things are in front appearing to you but the you doesn't have a name. Because when you think of "you" or any word you are pulled behind it. It is literally what you are, but you can't name it because you appear to it. It's like the you behind the you..." When literally anything that can ever be conceived is just an appearance you are observing, that is when you know that the you observing the things is nothing. Yet you exist.

Weird shit has happened on acid. My subconscious spoke amongst itself, each character had a different persona, but they were all me... And they had the voices of the cast from Friends (lol).