RMQualtrough

Age. You stop giving a fuck once you're like 30. It doesn't make them like you more or less, but you won't really be afraid as much.

The fictionalized film about her is AMAZING. Seriously. Brilliant movie.

If you are dead, you as the dreamer have woken up from the dream. There wouldn't at that point be anyone outside of yourself that could ever be left behind here. Our experience of this is that people die and our little human self carries on in their absence. See first person, they aren't floating around within time. The universe has ended with them, first person view.

It's so alien that even if you are literally dreaming at night, it can be impossible to replicate. Even in a situation like a lucid dream where you KNOW you're actually asleep in bed... The experiential element where you completely merge with the surroundings is almost impossible to replicate without being deep in a trip.

It doesn't work for me at all.

Don't get it.

Just the act of typing to each other means we're still dreaming. We still think we're typing to someone else. Why am I telling you anything when I already know it, LMAO. I'm telling myself something I already know. I could achieve the same result by typing nothing and just talking to myself in my head. This must be why sages sit in silence with each other.

Can you try? I'm a HARD skeptic so I'm prone to doubting myself. I'd like to know what's not right.

It's funny because you know, and you think there's another conscious being you are imbuing with that knowledge/trying to show them why they're wrong. But you know and there's only you, so you don't have anybody to convince lmao.

@DrugsBunny What do 90% of those words mean lol.

Hm, I think n,n-DMT is incredibly frightening and unpleasant. There's a weirdness to it that's very similar to the weirdness and sense of insanity that comes with Salvia trips. I imagine 5-MeO-DMT is devoid of the mindrape. I wouldn't advise n,n.

It is hard to convey and make someone look at what I mean specifically. YOU are the one who opens your eyes. Not me. Like when dreaming, you open your eyes and all the characters vanish from that dream. Find that same thing that opens its eyes from your dreams at night, and that is the thing that opens its eyes to "God". LITERALLY you. Grab hold of the same exact thing that opens its eyes from your dreams at night, isolate that, don't veer off into thinking about others. Focus on "yours". There is ONLY that. Dead srs. Not Buddha or Leo or Jesus, yourself only. I end when you do. You open your eyes and I collapse into you; you are the one who opens your eyes, and I vanish and collapse into the same thing you wake from a dream as. There is no world outside of you and your perceptions. The entire world, including your own appearance in a mirror, is a ruse. There isn't even a we, it's just you. All objection and questioning is easily explained... Nobody you love ever existed. Your person self also doesn't exist. When I talk to you, I'm talking to a cardboard cutout, and the person I'm talking to is ALSO talking to a cardboard cutout, which at that moment looks like this self I talk to you as. I'm not really out there somewhere in a world, you're alone. JUST YOU, yes that's right, you reading this. There is no such thing as an out there. There is no "universal consciousness" to become, you are it right now.

Quite a good video I thought. Obviously he does not know what the experience entails, as he keeps discussing deities like he's talking about Christians. But some of the psychological breakdowns were quite enjoyable to listen to. Obviously if your metaphysical position is that external material is producing mental objects (as opposed to material, including the brain he mentioned, being what the mental objects appear like), then you would take such a stance from brain imaging and such. Bernardo Kastrup actually words it well. As soon as you prove why naive realism is definitively impossible, then you open the door to the person trying to think about what objects actually ARE like out there. And eventually if they obsess enough they will realize there can't be any "thing" out there. Unless math and so on is made of little "math atoms" etc haha.

I try not to think about it. It will follow me forever, sadly... Especially as psychedelic trauma can induce amnesia, and then you just randomly get flashes of trips in dreams or rare waking moments. It is just such an obvious thing, the entire Western view of consciousness is very "monkey mind" thinking. It's like if you look at a picture of a person on your computer, and I ask where that person's consciousness is. Nobody would point at the pixels on the screen and say "conciousness lives inside their head on the screen". It's insane, monkey type logic and reasoning... It doesn't live inside people's head in the "external world" either. There's nothing out there. The people you're seeing aren't out there, like they aren't inside the image of them on photographs. Here is a blatant example to show what I mean about cardboard cutouts... Just look in a mirror. The image of you in that mirror is a mirage. There's no life inside the image of yourself in that mirror. The image in the mirror is just a dead inert mirage. Where is the sentience? Not in the image. Here... Your "here". That's where it is. On death everyone and everything collapses into you. I collapse into you, the world and I go with you. And vice versa. We are literally the same individual. There aren't individuals. It's just me... I DO believe you are seeing and thinking etc, but I'm the one doing it, just as I am currently seeing and thinking from, seemingly, this character in the world. And for you it is true of "me". But I'm not the character. I'm behind the character... All characters are like those dead mirror images, it's all appearance. Yes even your personality and ego is just a cardboard cutout appearance without sentience. There's only one sentience and one individual, and it's you. And realization as such, is just like opening YOUR eyes from a nightly dream. The entire dream collapses with you, and you just open your eyes where you have always been.

There's no purpose or control... You're alone, without meaning, and so without boundary that you can't even grasp yourself...

The more-ish attitude in the psychedelic community caused this. I'd constantly read lines like "if you broke through you will KNOW IT!" and like, I'm a very skeptical person, so I ALWAYS doubted myself, and hence kept upping the dose more and more and more and more, thinking there was some magical place I must reach. I know now that I HAD reached breakthrough, MANY times in fact. It's just ridiculous people in that community who think they're meeting elf people and such.

I've found substances can become mentally "poisoned" if you have a SERIOUSLY bad experience. So even tiny microdoses of that substance will trigger panic, because it takes you back into it. The first times I used DMT I had intriguing experiences. It wasn't until after the first bad trip that it became very sinister in vibe. That never went away.

You think it's an omnipotent force, so consider the implications... Unstoppable power can't be controlled... Thus rather than a proud and confident "God", we instead find it's a scared child crying in despair at its own power it can never tame. (I think that is the cause of the theme on bad trips of "ending your game", as if you made all this to escape THAT and just wrecked it all by "waking up" to it or whatever). Boundlessness is incomprehensible... Any form of living being needs to move away from ideas of unity to even comprehend the world and function as a separate organism. In actuality there is nowhere to move away to, of course. If it stayed true to nature without the addition of ego, living forms would have poor survivability. Any person could hypothetically wake up to what they are (death), and there's no other living being to be sad about it, because every being IS you. If you're okay with being dead, everyone is okay with it, because there is only you and you alone. If you're okay with being dead that is completely opposite to what favors evolution.

They're both really good on this topic, but also come across as frightened individuals with a belief system to quash the fear... See Bernardo discuss nihilism and meaning, and Rupert surrounding matters of individuality. It's not major, but to an outsider they might hear Bernardo say he now has purpose in life etc, and think he's clinging to the idea in the way a Christian clings to an idea of heaven.

Drugs will affect people differently. For me Salvia doesn't really cause terror as compared to how most people trip on it. But DMT is always terrifying. If you push it, it won't suddenly become blissful, it will put you into a psychotic state. I have endured such a state on DMT twice where I COMPLETELY lost all control, and stroked my dick etc in madness while shouting and throwing myself all around the ground. This is embarrassing for you when you come down of course. I wonder if 5-MeO-DMT is a cleaner high, DMT is very twisted and weird.

Report?

There's no relief in it, only horror. When you die, everyone and everything dies with you and collapses back into you, because there is no time in absence of experience... First person, there's no "after" death where people attend your funeral and such. Everyone vanishes like dream characters, as the dream ends with you. You are the one looking at my screen typing this... When you're dead I go with you. You as me won't think so, as I'll believe I'm still here typing and experience "time". There is NO outside world. At all. The idea you "have consciousness", or that experiences exist inside your brain in your skull is very archaic. There's only you alone. It doesn't matter if you understand because you are me, so I or Leo can understand for all of us, as there is no other people/"all" of us. It's just you........ I exist to you only in form as sense perception. Vice versa that's all you are to me. Because these external third person representations are mirages. It's just you (or "me" if I talk to you from this ego). If this is grasped, which will horrify a person, nobody can even help you, because everyone is you. There's nothing external to ask for help, there IS no external.

That sounds shit. At least with DMT, if you do end up screaming and flailing round the floor (which I have done), you will sober up. You DEFINITELY won't believe you ever will sober up, so this won't be helpful if you reach a point like that... And it is absolutely and utterly horrifying beyond belief... But you do come down eventually. Never again for me. Not a chance. I wouldn't do that shit for money.

I know what he means when he says he's imagining other people. I think the ego can intefere slightly as well, as there's a sense of nothing mattering because the person you're upsetting by doing X or Y is yourself. Hence Leo was almost ready to mahasamadhi, as he knew his parents who would be upset were just him. We care about the welfare of other people more than we care about ourselves, so if the person who is upset about our demise is just us, we don't really care lmao. Maybe we should be more considerate to our incarnations. Then again I suppose nothing can be done for them... Don't worry about the exact intricacies, else the headspace will not match the required frequency. The emotional sensation of solipsism is closer to the right frequency, even if the intricacies are false. E.g. even though you might falsely believe the EGO self is the only thing, and the ego perspective is the only one, the mental vibe is still a closer match. When I have DMT flashbacks like this it feels like I'm vomiting fingers. Specific I know... The flashback will end soon and I'll be back in the dark. Such is the damage these compounds inflicted on me. When I pass years from now I will take this appalling secret with me and the game continues. There is no freedom and happiness to this...

I'm not. I have flashbacks sometimes, probably because I used so often and commonly in conjunction with various compounds at once. When I stopped using, it was from a seriously traumatic trip which I think I've reported on, and then I had severe flashbacks like full on trips when drifting off to sleep. That did stop but sometimes it comes back. Probably for the rest of my life it will. I don't think you can come to even a suspicion that there is nothing out there, and not be dogged by it forever.