RMQualtrough

I took acid late 2019, age 27 I think. Then DMT. I combined high doses of both acid and DMT together around mid May 2020, and there was no way to come back from that. I have been stuck thinking about and trying to understand what happened to me since then, essentially... I became "religious" in that moment. I don't think God exists though, as in an entity purposefully creating anything. But more like the idea of Brahman.

Imagine you have no ability to form even a nanosecond of memory at all. Every single moment is slightly different and isolated, as there is no way for your mind to tie a string through them into any sort of idea of continuation. Those moments which change every single moment, that is the cycle of death and rebirth taking place... "reincarnation". When you understand you are not the changing moments (e.g. your thoughts and life story, etc) but what the moments appear in/to, then the cycle of life and death is escaped. It still takes place, but because you don't identify any longer with the element which is subject to change, you are identifying with that which was never born and never dies and never changes...

No def not, that would actually point away from what it is. Because it IS literally nothing. Hence nothing is the right word. Consciousness isolate by itself (when you refer to "I") IS literal, absolute, total, nothingness. That's what it is. Related would be something like Sunyata or emptiness. What you fundamentally absolutely are is literal nothingness. That is what is undeniable, and that IS consciousness. Nothingness IS consciousness. Literally is it. When you say I meaning consciousness, you are referring to nothingness. It's not a non-object or no-thing. It's nothing. And the appearances are limited forms in it, substantially themselves not "made of" anything (and if not made of anything, then they must be made of...... nothing. Which is the exact same thing as consciousness and the words could be used interchangeably). Like an illusory wall after illusory wall, where you can pass your hand through and NEVER reach a solid... The existence of these limited forms I surely suppose is the natural consequence of something entirely unlimited AKA nothingness. It is only logical.

@Arugoel I meant you find that it's what you ARE. So not what you're seeing etc. @GreenWoods You yourself are nothingness. I don't know how to best showcase, but obv you know if you go blind you remain, because sight was an appearance. If you lost your arms you remain because the feeling of having arms etc was an appearance and not fundamentally you. This works to literal nothingness. Anything that is anything is like that, it's something you are aware of. It's not what you call "I". You can find that you are nothingness. Srs. This isn't shit I read in a book or saw on YouTube, it happened to me first hand tripping. And this fact was not something that was a crackpot trippy theory, it was undeniably true. Like if you imagine a scientist trying to tell you that you aren't conscious, it's the type of fact that is self evident exactly like knowing you're aware is known without needing theories or science to examine it.

It was... I can't perceive love so of course it won't appear for me or a snake etc.

@Arugoel The thing is, in heightened states, you can find something which is literally nothing and has no form or property whatsoever. And it's the thing we usually refer to when saying "I"... Which obv we know is there, but probably don't realize is literally nothingness... That can't be an appearance of course, as it doesn't have an appearance.

@Batman If you said created that would be different in meaning. It's not invented... But literally everything is created.

Or it's just human bullshit... I'm like a lizard or some shit. If you doped a lizard on DMT and it could talk, "love" won't be part of its "Truth" because it isn't able to perceive it. I suspect everything other than "nothing" or just the fact of being/isness, is interpreted BS like that... And if you had a monkey, human, ant, giraffe, and tiger smoke 5-MeO they're all going to claim different "truths". But I think the very core of it all would always be the exact same, where the self goes away, etc.

The objects you see conform to VERY precise mathematical patterns. Especially the geometry you see while tripping, see all those eyes forming that flower shape? Or the shifting shapes... Like science, math is good at describing how things behave, but also arranged. They remain good for those purposes...

I've never experienced any sort of love during total ego death, and only felt ecstasy once on a random milder trip. If it ain't in my experience, since I have drugged myself to ridic levels and many times, I personally just suspect it's a BS human-added part anyway... Emotions went away, except something like awe...... And a sensation I haven't felt before but was sort of like being propelled upwards in conjunction with bursts of a very mild jump-scare type feel.

Spirituality is tbh major cope... I reckon it's fun (or scary) for people who have some intellectual interest, but I bet a lot of the people who seek help for mental illness and suffering etc aren't ever going to be rid of their ailments. What ends up happening is a person who speaks one way, but their actions are either forced or don't match. I just pop meds. Job done.

Funny enough, literally everything but right now. Now. Now...... Now...... Now...... Every time you even read now, the idea you read the prior one was a belief. Could be a false memory right? So really almost everything is at least in part a belief... Not that it means all are invalid, but beliefs they are.

Yeah I think you missed the point though. Keep in mind that you the person are as much of a mirage as the world around you, and as such are subject to that reality, you can't walk through a wall just because you stop making a distinction between solid and not. As your body is part of the "plane" (so to speak) in which the wall appears. It's not the labels you put onto things being discussed, but literally how your mind interprets things, which might be beyond our control. E.g. we can't just decide to see every color as black, and hence there is nothing for us visually but blackness. Now, all things in existence are limited. Think about it logically even, if something is a thing, it is that and NOT something else. E.g. for red to appear it has to be NOT blue, right? If the mind ceases making ANY distinction, there is pure nothingness. Which is what isolated consciousness is. Literally nothing. The less the mind makes distinctions between things, the less limits are on reality, until there is no limit and just nothing. Which is what you really are. Your human body would remain here dead or something I suppose? Or just unconscious until the trip/state ends.

@SQAAD Technically the quality is created in your mind so it could be rendered equal: e.g. animals who see color differently, I doubt it's totally the same but like, dogs might see yellow as red and red as red too... A lot of things can stop being existent at least in perception... Salvia especially turns off your ability to see depth. You literally don't have ANY depth perception AT ALL anymore. Everything is just incomprehebsible 2D abstract mosaic of colors and such. It's still your real surroundings, you can tell because after a lot of trips on it you realize colors matched your surroundings. E.g. the 2D shape was flat blue at the top where the sky was, and stripes of brown where trees were. But you can't discern anything and your mind keeps trying on a failing loop to process it, and it can't so it reacts with psychotic laughter.

That's ego solipsism kinda, mixed with solipsism of awareness itself. I experienced that twice sober... The drug induced ego deaths have distorted what other people are to such an extent that I could ask them "are you me?" (literally I did once lolz, during a bad trip where I "broke the universe").

Well if you didn't know that it's literally nothing and not something. If the word awareness was literally just referred to as nothing, people might not apply substance to it. You can't have something outside anything with no limit whatsoever, it's not possible, and the only thing without limit is nothingness. Actual. Legit. Nothingness. Not "no-thing" I dno why they do that... Just nothing.

I think it's bullshit. Breaking through didn't to me feel like becoming "more conscious". It had more of a sense of being very pulled into the present moment, and obviously the melting of the perceived boundary of awareness (happens automatically when you're high enough to have an OBE - which is NOTHING like the type of OBE described in near death experiences). Maybe the dude should switch to saying something like "levels of knowing".

I've seen Hindu Gods on DMT. Fucking strange because I'm white English with no religious inclination prior... The Gods I saw were aspects of me at that point of tripping-balls, though. I don't really know if they even did anything other than appear there looking all pretty. I was above them in any case, except my ego self which was not......

I really think everything should ideally be written as though you were trying to make your point to Richard Dawkins. If Richard would say "ok yeah that's a decent model" then you've explained it well. The parroting is dumb lol. "Omg guys I watched 10 seconds of Leo video and had an awakening that all is love!" (or whatever his latest video claims) REE-DICULOUS!!!! People just reading books or watching videos and posting, it destroys the chance for serious discussion. Doesn't matter wtf Buddha or Jesus wrote in a book if it's verifiably false. You do need the first person experience probably.

Dude this is only one universe, and 5 senses. Even this one universe is experientially different entirely for a bat. Wtf does sonar vision look like? We can't even imagine... When this ends, it will be another way. And really that's still thinking of time linearly to say this universe has not ended yet. Perhaps it all exists concurrent. It makes the most sense and resolves every confusing element regarding things like the viewpoint of another person, so I consider that a lot.

No it's not. Srs. Creation itself is NOTHING. Not "no-thing", just fucking NOTHING. Literally. And all possible things are spawned from it: desires consist of things, like thoughts etc. No things can be it because ALL things are finite. The only thing with no limit or boundary is literal nothingness. I don't even feel like this is BS theorizing, I'm pretty certain on this.

Should just remove Indigo. That's delusional tier, sick of it being associated with any sort of realization... Delusion happens when people think their individual self, which is obv itself unreal, can gain magical powers. The entire body and person is on the same level as the surrounding world, hence no flying, walking through walls, any of that shit. So many people ruin their credibility discussing special powers (i.e., I can't really show them to normal people because they'll find out they claim they can fly).

Both ultimately made from the same thing. Don't forget the body that is hurt by the "real" lion, as well as the pain, is also what might be called imaginary. Know what I mean?

What do we know about "other people"? We know that they are not actually "over there" out in the world. We know that like all limited things every part of them is an appearance... Like when you look into a mirror. You know the person in the mirror is just an appearance and where the awareness resides is not inside the mirror but here. We know all people are here. We also know there's not really any such thing as a "person". The only thing there is to people that can be pinned is a sort of pattern. E.g. the appearances constantly change moment to moment, but some patterns are predictable. We can know a fan of a certain band is likely to pick them on Spotify to listen to. Just a kind of pattern of unfolding. But no person. We aren't people either aside from that. And of course that's what the "cycle of death and rebirth" and reincarnation really means. Not bullshit about your soul going into a donkey... It's the fact that the appearance changes constantly. The cycle is escaped when you stop identifying with the appearances and with the backdrop which is the thing which never began and never ends (time appears within). Now... When another person does look at me in any case, my shape appears as though I am out somewhere inside space apart from them. These appearances are not the same as the one of the shape of their body which is taking place........ How is this working... The universe obviously ends when you the person dies (because time ceases to appear so the end is reached instantly). True for everyone. Unless you are resurrected for a bit via cryogenics or some bizarre shit. But eventually it ends and the end of the universe is reached...... And at that point, every point of awareness should collapse into a singular, like the inverse of the big bang where a singular exploded into many. And then presumably back out again...... But these points of awareness..... How does it work exactly?... The concurrency of it all is where the confusion remains. Many explanations are offered, but I don't think anyone has given a convincing answer. Thinking about it is brain-bursting.

Congrats on your sub count milestone. Glad you got over the COVID.