RMQualtrough

It's obvious what this is. Matthew85 is a character in this. How is Matthew85 going to become or alter the whole universe? The character of Matthew85 will only ever be a character in it. "It" is him. But he can't become it. Only dissolve back into it......... And then Matthew85 ceases to exist completely, such that he appears dead or unconscious.

What did you experience when you did this?

I did many high dose psychedelic combinations. But this time I took perhaps one hit of DMT while I had been doing a little exercise. I had in-ear noise cancelling earphones in, with meditative flute music. Stereotypical zen stuff. And while sober I tried to "locate" the area in space where the sound was happening... I found that I was able to shift its location around by imagining the source to be in different areas. E.g. I could make it seem the sound was playing in front of my head, on top of my head, or at the back of my neck. I could shift it around like that, but never find the actual location of it. As I did this sober, I took only a small hit of DMT with my eyes still closed. The music was still playing. Some of the typical patterns emerged, a jester fellow pointed at me and this is when it started. When it pointed into the foreground at "me", it forced me to stop focusing on what is out there such as the jester, and feel myself here. The space in which the music was happening became sizeless. There was no location where it was happening. It was just happening... Various images and thoughts unfolded, but all of them unfolded before me. Like the jester which pointed into the foreground and made me recognize myself here, that anchor remained. It was like being on a park bench watching things happen in front of me. There was nothing at me or behind me. Every appearance was unfolding to me. And I WAS nothingness. The thingness was the objects and thoughts and sound and everything else. If it was a thing, it was observed by me. I was just purely nothing. I had no quality or dimension. Qualities and dimensions were all appearances before me. I remained rooted firmly and completely in the foreground. The me the jester had pointed to. It subsided at some point. But that is when I found myself and found that what I am is nothing. Void. Perhaps someone with good visualisation skills could recreate this sober, you just need a character to point into the foreground of your mind at you......

New Age is cope and bullshit. I enjoy perusing their cultures though. There's a shop here that sells all this kind of thing. Healing crystals, incense, you know, all the type of shit these people use. Statues of skeletons and other spooky stuff. It's one of my favorite stores... I like to see the people too. They're intriguing. I could never partake in any subcultures like goths, punks, new agers, bikers, etc, but I like to see them wandering around. I enjoy glimpsing their world....... To answer your question: It is clear and obvious bullshit and those people are lunatics.

God doesn't exist. There is nothingness, which is as you would expect, without limit, beginning, end, etc. It can't be created and it can't be destroyed, because it is nothing... Within it, there is limit, a consequence of its very own unlimited nature (meaning infinite potential, etc, as it naturally follows for several reasons), and this limit appears in the shape of forms. Your hand is one of those. So am I. So is Leo. So are you. So is your emotion. So is your thought. So is the wall. So is your phone. ANY THING is a limited finite appearance taking place within it. Some "things" (important to note) are not perceived and hence never appear as form. As an example, I don't think anything perceives subatomic particles in a qualitative way. These are still things, manifestations of nothing. This is important because many people think nonduality means that when you can't perceive something it doesn't exist, which is false. Like if you put a kettle on boil and leave the room it would never boil. These are misconceptions. It's about what things ARE in substance. The apparent thing ("consciousness") with which you observe everything is not a thing, but actual nothingness. Literal, pure, sheer, nothing. If you remove all objects of "your" awareness (for ease of understanding I phrase it that way), you the character cease to be. Your hand is not God. Your hand is a form out of nothingness. It is made of nothing (substances do not exist). Pure nothingness = creation itself. It can't help but create within itself because it is without limit. It has no choice: Wanting to create or not is itself an appearance (thought, desire) made of nothing and hence already a manifestation of it.

The word "imaginary" is confusing you. I don't actually know why Leo chooses the term. Instead of thinking "everything is imaginary", think "everything is immaterial in substance" and see if that is clearer... There has never been and never will be any such thing as a substance. Your mind-rendered hand and un-observed hand are made of the same thing: Nothing. They are made of nothing. Atoms are made of nothing. Thoughts are made of nothing. There isn't anything made of "stuff" fundamentally... That is what is being conveyed. You get that???

This happens. Some days thinking is obscured and answers hidden. Other days, seemingly randomly, everything is clear. I wonder if this is normal? That a person's clarity comes and goes... This is already everything... When you think about entering another person's body/mind you are thinking character level, not background level. The character is a limited thing. Movie playing on a screen: Magically sentient character wishes to become another character, or become the screen. The screen is already whole and undivided. The sentient character is a limited form upon it. The character cannot become the screen AS the character because it already is it. It cannot become another character because the other character is a separated limited form appearing on the screen. The character's apparent limitation can disappear when you grab the remote and turn the TV off. When the appearance of limitation is gone. Your character (= an appearance) cannot be limited and unlimited at the same time. For the "character" to be unlimited it ceases to actually exist at all, so the apparent limitation vanishes, leaving only the screen upon which the character appeared... But the character is at that point not there anymore... But even when the character WAS there, the screen still was present and whole, despite the apparent limited form. The sense of limitation itself is created by the appearance of these forms, which all of us are. It is not actual, even though one form cannot become another form or the screen as a whole. There is only ever the screen and everything that is on it is a limited, finite form within it. It would not be quite right to say that when the limited form disappears it becomes the screen, since it always was, but I don't know a better way to word it....... I think that is close enough.

Also... Characters don't have experience, awareness has experience. You are not a character experiencing awareness and the world around you. You are awareness experiencing a limited character... This character is finite... The question of why you are limited to this body and not another, is a character-level question. The character is asking this question, not the sheer nothingness which you know yourself to be when you say you are conscious. That is why I said, for the limitation to vanish, the finite character would cease to exist. All form is by necessity LIMITED and FINITE. And then when you cease to exist you "become" all of infinity, even though you ALREADY ARE like the screen behind a movie... But from character-level this explanation is I think the best... Watch the current thought in your head (one of the finite elements which make up your "character") disappear. The thought became nothingness, it became infinity. You are nothingness. Awareness is nothingness. The thought was finite and yet it appeared in the nothingness which is whole and complete. When the thought lost its limitation (the limit which allowed it to appear as a particular thought to begin with), it became nothing again. Which is what is observing your finite character. That is what happens when limitation vanishes. The thought or character does too. They return to the sheer awareness (= nothingness, that without finitude) that you are.

God, consciousness, existence. Synonym: Nothingness. Why and how would nothingness be lonely? Lonely is a sensation or thought, which is limited, which is why it isn't nothing (anything without limit is nothing). God isn't real. It's nothingness. You are nothingness. Everything is. Lol.

Hypnotherapy doesn't work on me, meditating does literally nothing at all. I have bad genes for being in touch with anything like this... However I definitely broke through enough times thanks to DMT (of course) to have a rather large amount of insight. I know that I am nothingness. I know that nothingness is exactly what all people essentially are. I know this, I experienced this many times. I of course had the out of body experience (which is not the NDE type, but rather the illusion of awareness having form and location disappearing). I know other people are nothing but images. I know when I look in a mirror, my body just like that, is also nothing but an image. I completely grasp this, understand that... Of course nothingness can't be created or destroyed. Of course my entire life is an appearance happening in that, and that is what has the apparent beginning and end. When I am walking with a friend, or perhaps family, I know that if something peers through their eyes it has to be nothingness doing so. I do not understand quite why I do not then have a sort of "PS1 game" split screen type view where their sights are available to me if you see what I mean? As nothingness is also what I am, and nothingness cannot itself be finite. In fact it is the only possinle infinite thing. I only need very small pointers towards how this "others" thing works, as I already fully grasp much of it due to drugs (yay). But there is not any consistent pointers or teachings on this one single matter. It's very inconsistent. Has someone had genuine insight into this matter for real? Not just books or videos, or weird visions of Jesus proclaiming it to be a certain way, but something with the same self evident certainty as emptiness etc? I'm not doing drugs again, my genes are shit for achieving these states, I just need some tiny pointer........

You're slipping away from reality bro. Remember middle school science class. Light bounces off the hand, into the eye, signal to the brain, the brain produces an image. You aren't looking at your hand, you're seeing an imaginary representation of it. There's no reason the representation must look the way that it does. I can confirm drug trip frog paws were still functional. A sober person beside me would ofc not see the frog paw hands I am.

You only need to mention d*rk.fail. People can find what they want from there.

I think you're real... I don't have a Dr. Pepper Zero anymore, but I think that the me that did have one was real. I don't think it's all just false memory of a life. I think I did drink a Dr. Pepper, and am about to drink a Cherry Coca-Cola Zero (these diet drinks are good for cutting weight). All of this form is finite. I can't expect then to be infinite... Tbh with you, the sense of unity I did have on high dose DMT combos, was different than subjective solipsism. It was more like, say you took two people, and washed away everything about them, they would at that stage be literally one and the same. As the shared unlimited thing is not the appearances on top. My ego and person is a finite thing. If we both had a HEAVY breakthrough trip, for a moment, we would be merged and literally one. But in that state we also cease to be and it's a blackout... So I suppose a touch before blackout is the most useful......

We exist. Nobody is tricking you. I'm watching Kitchen Nightmares rn in bed with a Dr Pepper Zero.

Bro lol. You can't go bald or get a wrinkle and just blame the acid you did once.

I've been considering this a lot. I'm now relatively far removed from the direct experiences, with rare flashbacks or insights. But I consider this... You can't possibly have infinity plus other. Now, ALL forms, all experiences, are finite. Proveable, easy. These finite things cannot be outside of infinity (as said: infinity AND x is impossible). So I think it is evident that infinity divides within itself. This is how things can even appear. If it didn't do this, things would never appear. Every single experience is finite. You can definitively find that you are nothingness. We feel that is infinite of course, because we can certainly find that what we are is not limited in any time or space. But it can't be the entirety of infinity within this experience, because there are finite appearances happening. SO, it might be more that these appearances are a division, and when the forms and experiences vanish, the illusion of separation is gone. But then of course there is not you there anymore... Rupert Spira said similar about a house that was built. The air inside the house and outside, it's the same air. But the construction of the house makes an appearance of there being an inside air and outside air. When the house is demolished, the apparent limitation is gone....... I think that is right.

When I read trip reports I wrote only minutes after coming down, I often doubt it happened and think I'm either lying or exaggerating.

Yeah man, the thing especially with LSD (and hence I guess also LSA), if truths are presented they are very abstract... I believe that is why teens who use it at parties have a hard time communicating the ideas which come to them. Some of the very abstract ideas I had on acid, made sense after I had my DMT breakthrough and learned about the existence of nondual tradition. Then I could see in some of the LSD trips (though not all) a lot that makes sense. And not shoehorning it to be right, but genuinely the ideas were accurate but presented in strange abstract ways. More symbolic, less direct. But yeah there was still random nonsense. Right now I can't point to any acid realization that I think was definitely delusional BS, but some things which might have been. In all cases though, abstract and symbolic. To add: IIRC LSD is the only psychedelic which looks to increase brain activity. This may represent how the mind is then working, drawing a LOT of connections across the board and hence very abstract, rather than the states of very low brain activity where the message comes through clear.

Tbh not every drug trip is illuminating, some of them are just random bonkers shit... I had father time come out of a cliffside, then was sat at a picnic table with the grim reaper... Hallways of white with Simpsons characters repeatedly flying past me. It's just random fucking shit sometimes... Psychs make a person very suggestible. So if you do go in all "God realization here it comes!!!" then it might just conjure up some BS like that even if it's not sensical. To me whether you get the understanding you want or just random BS seems random to an extent, I never did find a way to make something reliable and repeatable. Basically I wouldn't worry about "understanding less than before", I might just chalk it up to a jumbled mess, bad luck at the craps table init.

Thanks for the link, I see all of this is very alien to psychedelic trips, as there is a lot of specific terminologies I don't understand, and specific pathways that are not in line with drug trips (since drug trips don't follow any specific order). A DMT breakthrough will cause something that to me sounds like the result of what is described there. Leo's descriptors of his experiences are ofc more in line with what is familiar to me as he just does a bunch of drugs.

Do you have a more detailed trip report on that 5 experience? That sounds very strong. Can you elaborate on what ideas came to you about how it was all working etc?

Right, this is one of the most interesting elements IMO. Great topic. I wonder what you would think if you knew for a fact your physical death has already happened. Like in eternalism. Imagine knowing your death has happened and yet you're here. Like wtf are even the implications of that? Difficult for a human to comprehend non-linear time, which would be like a novel or flipbook. Certainly we have only known now. It does not mean past and future events did not happen, but they happened now. So not really past and future in actuality... On acid I have had delusional ideas of course, but one that was interesting... I was playing with one of those synths you can program a note into each beat and it plays over and over. And I considered that I am like those frames on the synth, and I die each frame that passes... Acid actually produced a few interesting ideas but often very abstract.

@UnbornTao I think the anxiety is just anticipation of a threatening or emotionally distressing experience. If I talk to people, I may hold a fear that they will immediately attack me or put me down. I've had the condition for 13 to 14 years, nearly half my life. I don't even try to eliminate it anymore. I just let it happen and don't judge myself for that nervousness.

@The0Self Isn't the 6th Jhana just a hard DMT breakthrough? I don't know much about those, just some quick reading it sounds like that.

A real witch would not be overwhelmed by random villagers, sadly it was just regular innocent people being murdered amongst hysteria... Got a cold the day after you argued with a neighbour? WITCH! BURN HER!