RMQualtrough

Maybe this is why people got into meditation all those years ago, there's fuck all else to do with a day. Imagine being able to literally just sit for like 8 hours. Refreshing forums is pain....... Maybe I'll read Animal Farm.

Yeah, it's clearly psychotic behavior. Lmao...

@Breakingthewall Yup that's correct, I've had Avoidant PD since I was 14. I'm 29 now. Medication allows me to function in social situations just fine. It's a big thing for me to be able to function well, since I used to have panic attacks and hyperventilate just walking into a building with a reception desk. Now ofc I can go shopping, order food/drink, ask staff for help finding stuff... But I never actually "enjoy" socializing for too long. I can feel good about brief interactions, but knowing someone is very stressful. I've tried having friends, I honestly don't enjoy it for the most part. I feel under a lot of pressure. I'm thinking of getting a cat for sure... But right now as said, I have my grandad, so I have one person who's there and I can see etc.

Good point yeah, that does cause "FOMO". I do think everyone needs at least ONE companion though. At least ONE relative or friend. I've never had literally NOBODY, so I'm nervous how it will be.

It is conflicted... I don't like relationships or friendships much, but TOTAL isolation is perhaps different, and especially when it extends out over half of your lifetime. I'm just not really sure how I'll handle it. My grandpa is still alive rn, and I spend most of my time alone but I know he's THERE so it's different, and I love my grandad. I don't really have any thoughts either way. I just worry I might handle it badly.

At one time, "WE ARE UNSTOPPABLE BECAUSE WE ARE EXISTENCE ITSELF." but that trip was in 2020, can't tap in anymore. That was awesome though... I am no more important than a single grain of sand, yet no less important than the entire f'in galaxy. I am existence itself. WE are the alpha and omega. WE are unstoppable. WE are existence itself.

I'm actually a grade 8 pianist. I like playing whatever songs I like the most in general, and Genesis is my favorite band. I can't sing but I'm alone so singing along is great. I've played so many songs over the years I really doubt there's one I could really say "yep, that one." But I got huge satisfaction from playing Fifth of Firth start to finish without error. I also really enjoyed playing Toto's Africa, and a lot of the Gorillaz Demon Days songs... Sometimes the best songs are simple, because when they're very difficult you can't yourself enjoy the music as much where you're concentrating so hard on getting the notes right. Keane is GREAT to play on piano if you can sing high notes. I can't. Lmfao. But I tried... This is the last time is really good.

I got Hufflepuff IIRC? Or Ravenclaw. I feel I should be Slytherin but I'm so placid and don't like to "get involved" with shit. One of the questions is like what if a student cheated... Well I ain't saying a word... That's how I live my life. It judged me based on that.

I have this. But I have had a rough time in life, so it's nice to at least have that... If I didn't have money I might just end it as being around people too long causes me extreme stress.

Hi Fluttershy.

INTP. I'm wealthy. I set up a business involving zero human contact outside of text on a screen... I genuinely did not have any money at all to start, but at that time I lived at home rent free etc. so I could afford to just sit around all day setting this stuff up...

Okay so dude this is weird but my work involves dogs and behavioral therapy. The way a dog is trained to deal with this, is with special recordings of thunder, fireworks, w.e. else is the target, right? And it is first played at a super quiet level. When the dog doesn't react, he is rewarded. The volume is gradually increased over time. The dog learns to associate the sound with rewards and good stuff. Maybe buy some recordings and do something similar... I like the storms because when you're indoors and hear the awful weather outside while you're tucked up and warm in bed, it feels really cozy.

Yes but I never extracted myself. The dimensions and visions are meaningless. There is something else. I can tell you that in a lot of the experiences my body was taken out of me completely, but this moreso accounts for the sense of "infinite consciousness" (this is what happens when your mind no longer has anything to anchor its sense of awareness to). I can explain that perfectly. There was one trip which had some bizarre possible symbolism, where I found myself in an empty classroom with an empty chalkboard. IIRC I guessed it was symbolic of the fact there was no teacher but myself. So that was cool..... And there was a moment where it stopped being frantic and was SUPER calm, with these folding patterns that reminded me of the necronomicon cover, and I was then very present and serene. Then it went back to madness. Maybe that is the sort of thing that interests you. But the things I mean when I say incomprehensible, it is very visceral. It's a perspective shift and mental shift that is entirely alien and new. Or the psychedelic noise becomes SOOOOOO intense you can't process it. E.g. the patterns are SO intense that you can't even really see them, your mind is too overloaded. Looking back at some experiences, for example, there was almost no vision shift at all, yet I was rendered screaming, crying, begging. I even had literal PTSD symptoms. I would pass out into flashbacks then come to and look around for the drug paraphernalia, and see I hadn't done drugs at all. It was very severe and I suffered aftermath from that for 2 weeks straight, then periodically in nightmares for many many months after. This was NOT any visionary stuff OR thoughts or even emotions as such (the panic attack was a result OF the shift), it was PURELY a state change, I can't explain it without making up theories about what it was like. But it can get that way.

Never used Aya. I have used freebase DMT. Also smoked Aya (Changa: MAOI + DMT), and it was VERY different of an experience compared to freebase. It had some DMT sensations but was more like a classical psychedelic trip I might expect from shrooms or something. So based on that I'm not sure what you will experience, I can only expect something more like a very high dose mushroom trip, whereas I'd compare freebase DMT to Salvia extract. The times I did use Changa I think I could explain it decently enough. Same with LSD, 4-AcO-DMT, 4-HO-MET, Salvia extract, etc. But there are a few times on freebase DMT where something was happening that I couldn't comprehend or compare it to.

Have you ever been REALLLLLLY high on psychedelic drugs? There is a point I think where things are unfathomable, and can't be described for the simple fact that there is absolutely nothing it can be compared to. Some things are clear and obvious. Other things leave the person trying to make sense of wtf just happened to them. Leo is in the past a skeptic, he's rationally minded, he has to try to translate each experience into a meaning. I think when doing that, there can be slight guesswork involved, where something made sense and was apparent but you lost grasp, yet are trying to record it anyway.

Hmm, that's interesting to consider.

Just get a cat init... Humans have gas problems. Like wtf... Something didn't go right in out evolution line.

Think of it more as a sort of substance (even though it's not) that all things are made of. Then you will understand.

If you actually knew what Leo was talking about (even though he gets delusional with the drugs e.g. healing miracles), then you would understand I think... If you're just gonna watch some dude and not even have experience of what he's talking about, go pick up a copy of The Bible. If you knew what you are, as in, experienced it directly and NOT bullshit like "omg I watched Leo and had an awakening" that some people go on about (ridiculous), then you know THAT "thing" cannot itself suffer etc. It is what suffering and such appear in.

You should have left here many months ago... Your mental health is always affected badly. The holocaust happened init. And it's nice to think it happened to someone else, and we "got away with it" so to speak when we die of old age and not being shanked or burned alive etc. You know? "Thank God THAT guy was burned alive and not me, phew". The thing is though - and I have shit clarity today but still - the only part of you that experienced the holocaust did not care or feel pain or the tortures of it. All the agony etc, fortunately is an appearance, it's always a passive observer right? In itself that is... Your character doesn't share the scary parts you're thinking of, and hopefully you will get out of here of old age or some shit.

Serious psychedelic trips are experienced in the moment and are difficult to describe, and nearly impossible if you let enough time pass before attempting it. This is when there's no fucking around speaking with gnomes and bullshit delirious states of madness, but a real serious breakthrough. You might remember the visuals, but the perspective shift is not in memory. It is an actual shift and to even remember what that was "like" you'd have to actually reignite the experience of that shift as it's a visceral thing... Several times I put on a voice recorder while tripping on DMT. I tried to describe the feeling and perspective, but was just like "it's something very serious. Hm....... It's just like...... Uhm... Very serious. Hm......" I couldn't verbalize the sensation whatsoever. There wasn't anything else it was "like". I try to do this because I can describe acid and Salvia extract trips VERY well and accurately. But nonetheless we have to try to convey it. I know that total unity was felt viscerally. I don't remember what it was like. I remember seeing cubes.

But there's no antennae or signal involved even on a relative level. I think that's sort of like a Panpsychism type thing, but rather than all matter having its own little consciousness, there is special matter that can receive it like a radio. It's a really different idea bro.

Because it's not a thing like you think it is........ I don't like the usual Advaita thing, their proof awareness is there in comas or deep sleep is that you come out like "oh man I slept really well!" That's BS... That's just sensations of your body feeling refreshed lol. I have ceased to be a few times on DMT (blackout). And I did regain awareness with a sense of ecstasy that I don't usually get. But I wouldn't count on that as proof I must have experienced that blankness. I think the Buddhist view makes more sense, has more explanatory power, etc. I wrote out my first hand trip experience where I found that I was nothing... People don't enjoy thinking about nothingness because it doesn't make sense unless you experience this. The semantical reasons for no-thing etc, or "is-ness". Confusing for Westerners. Because it's both something and nothing you have to call it no-thing? Not worth it. Just say nothing. Easy to explain.

When there is silence, there's still other forms appearing. And silence probably carries some level of sound like wind, or your ears buzz if it's THAT quiet. When it's all gone, you aren't there anymore. General anaesthetic effect, from your view, there is a seamless jump which can be many hours. This is where the limit of Barna is no longer there. When you're dead, Barna doesn't come out the other side. But Barna isn't real. Barna is limited appearance. When Barna vanishes he sees through every set of human eyes. But of course Barna won't know it. Because Barna has returned into formless nothing. You can try to use logic but if you experience first hand what I mean, I think you will find that you are nothing. The point you will find you are at, has no substance or thingness there. There is nothing at you or behind you. Anything that is a thing will appear to you.

When you close your eyes you see black, this is not nothingness. Black is another limited appearance, as people born blind will tell you (they see what you see through your elbows). Remove the black. Don't be poetic just keep imagining removing things, and see what is left when you remove the very final thing. Which yes includes blackness.