Cathal

@KoryKat psychedelics and a lot of reflection in this situation. you are trapped in your mind and your life is just a reflection of it, and all of what you call these disorders is the beautiful way you've avoided feeling the deep pain of core loneliness - there's so many reasons why you go around in loops and end up somehow in the same situation, that is just a lack of understanding your needs and your attachments. it's really all so simple in many ways but to boil it down you have to see just how dysfunctional your mind is, you need a strong direct experience of that. of course, you can start small, meditation, eating right, reaching out for help, beginning to create a routine and all that, but fundamentally there are forces at playing, things under the surface, that will drag you back down the hole as much as you try to escape. it's like you're a kid and there's a monster in the closet and it terrifies you to open it but you never did open it so it becomes torture in the mind, but i think once you interact with people and allow yourself to say what you think and be what you are/feel - this noise will die down quite a bit

relatively on a human level : i think the weight of not being accepted is not really bypassable in any perspective in the sense it will cause you emotional pain in what you feel as disconnection (again, on an emotional level) and it's hard work to find people who really understand you because being understood means feeling understood and that makes you feel belonged and accepted, but that starts within in the absolute: you are dreaming it all but you are attached, you are just judging them that they are judging you, you are projecting that they are projecting, you have a belief they have a stereotype of you, you percieve all of this to justify why you are suffering. you are identified with all of this noise in your head so you go on creating that reality for yourself anyways, i can relate to the consistenty part - that's the real issue i see here in my eyes, you need to be around people consistently otherwise you go in and out of ruts, and the only thing for you to is sit down on a chair and really try to create a solution like it's just a math problem for you to solve, how do i create a situation for myself where i can be around people who accept me and i accept them and we enjoy each others company consistently? that's a big challenge in your situation, but you shouldn't settle and fight to really find a solution

expectations are the motherfucker of all the motherfuckers

@integration journey You're naturally seeking what you believe you lack reptilian brain activated, there's nothing wrong with that. It is just understanding what is causing it you know, what is this part of you trying to find truly? If you can really understand it, you can just allow it to happen in the backround - as you keep doing that with women, I think it will naturally fade away, it kind of happens like this for me. I'm so aware of this part of me for a long time, that there seemed to be nothing I could do except just let it be and it died down as I noticed in the situation and realized for myself the women couldn't really give me what I was looking for as I met them, I was attached to a belief that they could fulfill this lack inside of me from years ago that was actually just an emotional pain I created a belief around many years ago Just be understanding of yourself, you can observe this part of you and still interact, when you really really really understand yourself you will just let it happen and continue coming from a place of understanding instead of where your emotional attachments want to take you. But I would say maybe you can reflect on what is this need you have truly is, where is really coming from, does it feel like you need someone to complete you like there is a deep lack within yourself or is it just a need to companionship and having a laugh with a like minded person? I think as long as you realize for yourself no one can really fulfill your needs, then relationships become a lot more nice and smooth! returning to the pains of the inner child and letting go of them, the grasp of needing others dies down

the intellect is only grasping from information so fuck no, when you are in certain states of consciousness, the true indescribable magnitude of this whole thing is a step ahead and you can only surrender and know, you can not know. you see how absolutely stupid you are if you really wake up to it but you could also say you are already god bla bla bla but you are in the contraction of the self so it feels less than majestic and you crave a mystical experience, it's really not hard to have mystical experiences using psychedelics - just do it, take so much you don't have the option but to dissolve into it if you truly want to experience it

if spirituality isn't making you more involved in life it's definitely not being percieved right, there's a time to be reclusive and there's a time to be active and do things in the world - if you can't differentiate between them it really entangles you and becomes either too much or a total drag @mojsterr i feel you, being unwanted and being left out made me suffer so deeply it forced me to wake up you really don't have to give up anything at all, it's rather can you or are you attached to it? that's all there is to it you are the creator, begin tto create what you want and surrender the backwards tug

haha that was cool thanks for sharing

If you are in a deep rut, the fundamental is creating support for yourself (like getting in touch with a therapist // youarerad.org) do psychedelics and reflect on what you want out of life (i would focus on how to change my life to meet my needs) and try your best to take the steps when you come down and integrate things, make change, try your best, rinse and repeat of course you do, that is what the mind is, it wants to stay solid in survival and resists change that seems to threaten that - that's why you need support to build integrity so you can dig yourself out with a hand to pull you up when it seems too much edit: you don't need to go on a mystical trip on psychedelics, a low dose and reflection is enough to really see why you get trapped in patterns and what kind of solutions you can make for yourself

Inaction is a choice you are making to not take action - remember that, in each moment just watch your breathe going in and out, this is it. This is all that exists, I can choose to go anywhere in life - all that stop you is how you get identified with that voice that says no, we can't do that, no no let's stay here. You want the fruits of labour without the labour, you never lived an unlived life. You have been living in inaction, not being involved with life around you. The only solution is to get involved or die inside in inaction, nothing will bypass that. Maybe psychedelics can help you see that yourself very confrontationally, but even then it's not a solution nor is any spiritual practice

@Preety_India being capable of loving a person without condition i think, sweet, nuturing, understanding, supportive - anyone who is like that, i am very attracted too

sounds like a good time haha <3

@Vision yes, going deep into what I ran away from my whole life and understanding my emotional needs - the only motivation running me to do that was an awakening experience, I think a psychedelic experience will benefit you immensly but maybe being 16 that's a too young/tricky to do

@Vision haha this is funny to me because when i was 19 I told the counsellor I would kill myself before i'm 24 (im 25) and because i couldn't feel anything either i was hopelessly searching for answers and pills and medication and therapy for ways out of being dead inside, well honestly after all this time i don't know how to convey the message to you in one post, because there is so much understanding and i'm not sure to what degree you mean with your gut problems are causing you suffering itself or it is causing you suffering because you wanted something and the gut issues are preventing you from it - there's many things to cope and pretend to feel alive for a moment or two, but essentially it is truly a journey you'll undertake yourself because you are just buried in your attachments feel free to pm me anyways, talk to me about what your life was like. what is your family, friend, relationship situation and so on

@Karmadhi you are missing the point here i think, you want to feel accepted for who you are and that's all you truly want my friend but you don't allow yourself to vulnerable enough for that to happen so now you are torturing yourself trying so hard to be detached away from it - and if you ignore this, you will go on trying and trying and trying to be something you're not, running around in circles wondering why you can't satisfy this deep need to connect because you miss the fundamental - allowing authenticity to express itself, you are not being authentic so you will suffer the consequences what hurts on the inside? how do you feel, did you run away from the pain of rejection, being unwanted? all those things are the truth. those emotions, need to be let go of, worked on, understood, catharted all this shit in your head is bullshit protecting you and keeping you locked up in a prison disconnected from people

@kamwalker ^ if what you are describing you think is solipism it's just not - if it doesn't make you want to help and serve others you are just in your head ; if you awoken to everyone is you wouldn't you want the best for yourself?

it's a certain kind of sweetness but you will always crave more revenge. it will feel good but there's no freedom and it's good you see it now, but there's a lot to go into - i guess the best thing i would say is so you have these emotional triggers that seem to be coming from people (externally) - have you ever redirected that inwards and began to try to understand where it's coming from? this anger within you, maybe sometime in your life someone created a lot of anger inside of you - maybe you are still attached to blaming that person, so each time you get triggered you automatically project it externally, you feel like a victim of your anger. so there lies the power in seeking freedom and understanding, taking responsibility for your anger to look inwards and see what is really going on. there are no others. just you. you are creating this suffering within yourself, you are not a victim. these are all stories you've attached yourself to and now this is the consequence, endless triggering and a need to hurt others because you believe they are hurting you. but it's just understanding! once you gain the right understanding, you will truly be able to let go so don't worry, but trying to get rid of the feelings isn't the way. revenge has you thinking ah, if i gain my revenge i will be free - but no, you will be miserable, creating a shitstorm inside of yourself and other people. that is so much karma right there you don't want sticking to you

@Jodistrict LMAO

@itachi uchiha that's been my experience but i have heard stories, i think finding a sangha/spiritual group or just finding in general like minded people is the best solution that you can work on now. just trying to find them, putting the effort in to search and meetup and all that. i am sure with your intuition you will figure it out yourself

@itachi uchiha loneliness!!!!!!!!! is!!!!!!! communicating to you, that, you haven't found your tribe/companions yet. in my experience anyways. the question is, are you being authentic enough around people to allow yourself to be accepted as you are... to feel accepted as you are? that is the medicine to loneliness but if you have no social interaction i mean, there has to be a change in your lifestyle. it's work man, it's work, it's really about putting the effort in even when you don't want to, trying to be genuinely curious about people and really allowing yourself to be, it is a deep scar for me. there is absolutely nothing you can to bypass this, as all forms of escape just return you back to the same point, it is an evolutionary need you will have to fulfill by finding people to fulfill it with!

well if you are really fucking lost you will surely have to understand how to develop silence in the mind, like.. to actually FEEL stillness, otherwise it's just too likely you will get wrapped in another intellectual exercise. Intuition is really only understood if you experience life in a ceratin way, you want to look at reality for what it is. Your heart will ache out to what it wants to do, your mind will say no that's dangerous - why do you think people are so out of tune with intuition? it is this bubble of comfort destroying people and choosing ignorance over reality that makes them so fucking unstable and fragile 1. Learning how to develop trust in yourself and the end of having to fear what others think of you truly (and the end of trying to stop caring) 2. Returning to your childhood innocence, your state of harmony, your non-dual natural state - your inner guidance returning home to pure essence/consciousness. 3. Intuition will cathart the trash/trauma/the bonds of your separate self and dissolve the core identities you've created to adapt to your environment, you are returning home to the feeling of being truly free. 4. If you surrender to this form of intelligence, you give up attaching to the duality of the intellect and the limitations of instinct - intuition can drive you forward and pull you out of the grave if you only take the leap of confronting the fears of what you have been conditioned to believe. 5. Intuition is your inner map and your inner parent that KNOWS what is good for you/best for you - it may take some time to be able to read the map, but trusting yourself you can do the right thing creates the integrity that you can rely on yourself to take care of yourself, the bonds of the dysfunctional emotional core of dependence begins to dissolve and you can truly enjoy being alone and instead of seeking completion from people, you can enjoy each others company. 6. It is the lubrication to detaching yourself from a limited form of identity into the limitless/infinite potential you have as this pure witnessing essence, the awareness that is aware of itself.

helpful? hahah

@PepperBlossoms Reframe that hurting people is sometimes good for them - now you can almost make that really retarded in your mind and distort what i'm saying but basically what i'm trying to say i is CONFRONTATION is better than fluffy nice messages for many many types of people. having the love to speak up for something greater than your own discomfort yes, this is important, pity is a coping mechanism when we believe we can't change. its a bit like envy like that, these are all limiting things that have to be overcome. also what you said, is really important to me because it basically gives the perfect context, you just lack integrity. you have things you value in your heart, but you feel emotionally too wavered to be consistent, that makes a lot of sense from your story. so there we go, building integrity inside of yourself by becoming involved and taking action - find the abundance in what gives you confidence and all these things seem to make less noise in your head

@Loba Yeah that's such a beautiful thing how truly equal we all are, it's very hard to truly feel the equality when we have been brought up to either spit on people or worship people... shadow work man that was really nice to read and reminded me always and everyone has a desire for goodness sometimes in fucked up ways but it's just there, you can always see the glimmer of soul no matter how attached you get, even in the old people wanting to fucking die already, it's still there if you get close enough to them. I was asking because sometimes I see people who get involved with spirituality who become very reclusive or inactive from maybe there understanding of nothingness and all that shit, and I just don't get it, i'm trying to understand it

@Loba yes <3 the only thing you can trust, your own direct experience - nothing else exists and is a construct of thoughts from your direct experience but not your direct experience, so it's your experience of reality vs a made up story in your head BUT U KNOW when you experience it, let me ask you, do you feel a lust to transform your life through action for others or do you think everything is inherently pointless so fuck it all and enjoy the ride? @Yarco btw this is opinion of others making up a story, is you making up a story - look for answers yourself!

that only in intellectual minds paradoxes get formed