Cathal

Realistically you may touch that point on retreat. If you are busy with worldy things on a day to day basis there is just no way you will be able to just pull up concentration when you want like that. The danger is using chemicals is the instant access to intense states of bodily bliss is that you may be so dissatisfied with the gradual slope of developing your mind through a mapped out path that you won't endure it long enough to attain to be able to to do that as you want

@onacloudynight so do something about it. be a part of the solution and not the problem

@StarStruck stop judging things that are unfolding unconsciously as personal/I/self/mine/me. that's just old karma playing out. you actually practice that though by letting it arise and fall away without reacting. we call this meditation my friend.

@onacloudynight the true self-esteem and confidence that overrides self-doubt and validation seeking and most other socially conditioned mechanisms is understanding yourself, what you fundamentally are as this pure innocent essence, so fucking deeply, that you just love yourself so much on a core level that no one really disturbs that but know this is a point in your development you have to come to naturally. the less you compulsivly judge, the less you care how others are, the more you accept, the more you see reality clearly - these are all indicators you are moving towards that love. understanding the logic of how reality function will help let go, solid meditation practice will immensly help letting go, eating correctly and exercises will help let go. you want minimal friction in the body and mind so when these difficult mindstates appear, you are capable of letting it go. there's actually a shit load to go into, either way. waking up in the bed is one thing, getting out is the effort. waking up is fruitless without the correct effort

@Federico del pueblo you can introspect and understand it to a degree and endlessly mentally proliferate what the sensation is and why it occurs but actually just letting go of all of this proliferation and experiencing it as it is and letting go of reacting to it as something personal is what is important for you. if you can relax it, do that, a million times, not expecting any kind of result. this is important you really reflect on that, not doing anything for any result in particular. just accept it will unfold as it will unfold, trusting relaxation will take care of it. it always does

Ello there. It's something i've talked to a few teachers about, they all said the exact same thing to me. I began noticing tensions when I began meditation, particularly when I went into a 10 day silent retreat was when I was like what the fuck is this, but it's not an uncommon thing, if you have a strong habit of tensing or repressing things then here's partly the karma of it. I really have no opinion nor view on it to share with you because I don't really understand it, but i'll tell you what is very important is you have to do is come back and relax it over and over and over and over, do not force anything and let it play out the way it does. I

what do you think is the wrong other people have done to you and why?

@onacloudynight just forgive yourself for not understanding and start being truthful even when you feel like hiding, there's nothing else to it. you must truly try your best to be honest otherwise you will suffer the dissonance because what you are is inherently the truth

the only thing you can do always is be aware of either the fact you are aware or you were momentarily unaware and acting compulsivly or in reaction to the 6 sense doors. mindstates will endlessly appear based on your environment and what you're doing @Moksha this is pretty spot on. i would say whatever can put your mind in a state of satisfaction is the most important thing, getting the mind unified and calm, if those affirmations work then that's great although the way those kinds of affirmations are done correctly is you have to eventually feel like what you're saying is true, it really doesn't matter what you're saying but you gotta feel it. personally i like looking at reality and just realizing i'm totally safe, there's nowhere to go, nothing left to do, and everything is okay right now, over and over and over until i'm out of unwholesome states.

@Lana Faye That's generally the reported case of someone on anti-depressants actually, exactly what you described. Yeah, you kind of in a sense solved your issue of restlessness and suicidal thoughts but in doing so also suck the life out of yourself, if we think of emotions as one big soup instead of a bunch of seperate ingredients that somehow you can get rid of one and not the other, anti-depressants has spoiled the entire soup. But if you genuinely feel like you're a threat to yourself or son, it's probably better to stay on them until you actually begin to get a grip on truly understanding why you are having these thoughts. It seems like your anticipation of losing something is causing a tremendous battle with trying to control the outcome, what might be nice is to reflect on the understanding that things are going to unfold the way they do and you have no control over them, even if you lock yourself down and go into a bunker you have another hundred things that could go wrong, where do you draw the line? just do what is needed and let go... there's nothing to worry about, it's okay to be not know what will happen If you're going to go off of them, I would suggest therapy and microdosing mushrooms (0.25g or so) psychiatrist is not a therapist, having someone to talk to is going to bring real results

@Someone here the truth is always now. you are mistaking your direct experience to conveying a concept of truth, in that moment of realization, in the moment of suffering, in the moment of freedom, it's that which is truth (for you). it's nothing more complicated, it your continuous direct experience. the rest is just a concept, a intellectual construction of memory happening in the present moment, you may have had an experience yesterday or a year ago where you think you woke up to a higher truth/an ultimate truth but the truth for you in your individual direct experience of reality is always now.

the truth is just this moment. taking a shit is the truth as much as when you realized your infinite nature taking lsd last year. that's why Buddha only spoke about ending suffering, are you suffering or liberated in this moment? that's all that matters, all that is true and what needs to be investigated

@Basman lol you will never get rid of thoughts. you just need to stop disliking them and understand right effort. you are putting to much wrong effort in from a basis of hatred (aversion) it's just a matter of understanding. only meditation is the answer. @UnbornTao is on the right page > abandonment of unwholesome states, cultivation of wholesome states, preservation of pre-existing wholesome states. that is correct effort

@Molaric these games are designed for you to be absolutely hooked as much as possible, they are not designed for your mental wellbeing the real struggle is learning new things, adapting and changing. so we take the path of least resistance and fall back to old habits that provide a sense of comfort and security. investigate what league of legends is really making you feel, it's not just about pwning noobs is it? you have a group of people you get to work together and feel a sense of belonging and contribution, like what you do matters, that feels good. you get to accomplish something, you beat another team, although that's not so important - the real importance is, you are accomplishing something and dopamine is being realesed, it's fast acting, it's happening right now and its easy to obtain. when you outclass someone else and beat them, it feels good, when your team praises you for doing a good job, that feels good. but the reality is it's fucking meaningless, that's what you're suffering right now, the reality of what you do is catching up, video games work in a sense, they realese chemicals in us that make us feel a certain way, but they are fucking meaningless and that bites your ass sooner or later. you get nothing out of it but your own little momentary lapse of entertainment and that is really sad and empty. so, the truth of your statement isn't really the video games but your meaningless life. i understand you, i played LoL hardcore in my teenage years and I was seriously depressed realizing I was in my 20's and had never learned what life is like outside my computer and how I had to face my incompetence and anxiety, it's just the way it is, it's the result of our actions and we have to just accept it, smile with it and enjoy learning new things. the thoughts can be heavy but just play life as a game, you will be uncomfortable, you will experience unpleasant feelings but at the end of the day you're going to be seriously far more fulfilled and happy with your actions than just letting your little inner child monkey of wanting to feel good all the time drive your life

yes you're doing it right. understand letting go just happens, it's not something you actively do or really have much control over. as you noticed, those sensations are just changing on there own accord and they will realese on there own accord, so if you accept that then you won't suffer your own doubt towards the method, dislike towards the sensation and impatience to get to some point faster than the point will actually arrive. another thing to reflect on is we often give these sensations certain labels, we cognize feeling instead of just feeling as feeling, we give them almost little entities like 'here is the pain from my ex-gf, it's in my throat' but these are most often really delusional as to why you have tension in specific points in your body, it may provide intellectual satisfaction but the best way to go about it is to understand how intricate those sensations may actually be, so you just let go and just feel them as feeling. the point is to reduce the suffering we create for ourselves through unpleasant feelings and just experience them. all our suffering is our own perception of what we're experiencing, so just experience things as they are, things will let go when they let go, the grass grows when the grass grows

If you truly investigated cause and effect there wouldn't be this judgment but just an understanding, once you evolve from judgment to understanding how things arise logically, the way you feel doesn't influence your thinking as it's doing now and once you're aligned with your understanding those delusional thoughts (which are conditoning these emotions) stop making sense and you just let go

not to disregard practicing vipassana, but a shamatha-vipassana practice is going to benefit you immensly. see more here (timestamped)

I would highly suggest understanding shamatha before you jump directly into vipassana. This is usually the biggest mistake westerners make

Or I guess we call it digital nomads. To me things are very simple purpose wise and all I need is to be able to sustain myself financially, I am a very frugal person. That is my entire goal, to take care of my needs so I don't need to depend on other's. What are good ideas or areas to work on? I am 26 now, my biggest issue is not having a bachelor's degree in the sense of teaching English because that's what I had my eye on, I want to live in Thailand mainly for the Buddhist culture, I could go to college next year and it may provide a lot of security and possibility, but man I really do not want to do that for 4 years. I could go into social media/content creation/private tutoring, Any input on possibilties from reading this? Any answer is a good answer

@Pudgey Indeed, i'm 26 now so i'm trying to plan this out for my 30's, so i don't mind sacrificing this comfort i'm in to get to financial independence, throughout everything i've experienced so far i feel like unless you're going to live in a commune or ordain, it's the bedrock in which everything is built off and now i feel incredibly responsible to give myself a good life in terms of comfort and convienience so spiritual growth may more and more blossom, so to the extent i can develop my ability to teach and have a stable income through doing that really depends on like you said, getting this skills support skill thing going on, probably like web-dev/marketing/seo/social media and so on. i've began that, have a squarespace website, started posting on tiktok/insta/fb - but i do want to be a good teacher if i'm going to be teaching people. but yeah i'll see, i am particularly interested in finding a niche right now

@WalterM thanks for sharing your experience. yeah I know it's quite possible, the main message I've gotten is get a bachelor's if you want to live in Thailand for a long time, which I do, but I know Vietnam and Cambodia are a little different, but i've seen trends across my reddit posts that make me really consider getting a bachelors and actual teaching experience and understanding how to teach properly - but if I could get an position online, even making 700-1000$ a month I would have 0 concern going to college. Thanks for your advice, i'm extremely frugal and can stick to that no problem, I am basically going to just put my head into the book's of learning and get some experience, i want to be competent and not too full of shit , online-teaching sounds very attractive for me because the main reason's why are having access to wats (buddhist monasteries) i don't have these existential issues, i am merely trying to get financial independence so when I go out of retreat, i'm not stuck or dependent on my family. i have 0 interests with careers or ambitions to get a lot of money, i just want to sort myself out to practice as much as possible while having a place to go back to when i need a break from monasteries, i've ran into this problem staying at them for the last 7 months too often, so i'm here tryna sort it out

@WalterM I've looked into that, actually Thailand is exactly where I want to go for other reasons but it's actually a huge issue to do without a bachelor's degree. So I have this kind on my mind of okay, bite the bullet and spend 3 years get a degree, get experience, and get a decent paying job where I don't have to work so much or subject myself to unstable conditions, longer hours less wages and more hassle - no luxuries of the work permit and so on. I want to live in Asia. So, in Asia, they want you to have a bachelor's degree at least. I actually don't give a shit what I do so much, but in my country Ireland, 3 year is the minimum. Man 3 years though lol...

Thinking way back when I first started to doing psychedelics and experiencing a glimpse of higher levels of consciousness I stumbled into this community looking for guidance, so lost in confusion and emotional pain, although i'm not so active anymore I deeply honour all of your contribution to sharing your mind with me and the world, answering my questions and talking directly with me. For all those who are progressing through your consciousness. Thank you. No matter your development, you are exactly where you ought to be, much of the time we want to be somewhere else or in some higher degree of consciousness, but even that thought makes you realize how far you've come along in your development in this present, now reality. You are alive and still breathing, you are a part of the universal ever-changing reality singular reality and consciously choosing to develop towards that is absolutely astounding, perhaps it is a great blessing to have this human form, despite the immense suffering one can go through to end the dissatisfaction of conditioned reality, here we are. Don't forget that, what you do every moment truly matters and infact, it is the little things that we often overlook that contain the deepest and most insightful keys to becoming more conscious, even the Buddha said look to the simplicity of your breath and all you seek can be understood, anything, even taking a shit could enlighten you if you were attentive enough -- and those who realized that to the potential have deeply impacted all of our lives right now for our own freedom. Thank you for doing this for yourself and the benefit of all other beings, in our seperateness many of us are in circumstances unable to see past the illusion and suffer greatly for our ignorance and you reading this working on yourself consciously even for 10/20/30 minutes a day is benefiting all those around you. Thank you. Happy New Years and I wish 2023 brings you into watersliding into Bliss and freedom from suffering. Woooohoo

@Pharion nurture yourself more. you are safe now, in this moment, that reality no longer exists, it's not real

don't look for any particular special state that you feel free from conditions in and you will understand what letting go means far more than what you're describing your experience here not trying to be savvy, but it's so simple and ordinary