Cathal

If you guys cannot afford therapy or don't care enough about yourself right now to spend money, i recommend applying for youarerad.org i got 8 months of therapy of this earlier this year, ended 4th of this month

@Blackhawk from what i read do it again, maybe with someone. i think it will pull you out of the confusion you got stuck it in the sense it will allow your perspective to radically shift to see things more clearly in a way that may allow you to take a different direction towards how to help yourself. there's nothing to be scared of except for yourself. if you are scared of yourself, then for sure find someone to sit with you - don't missout on the insights psychedelics can offer you man, dont

I'm just wondering, what do you think would save you? I mean, what do you need right now that would actually help you and work for you?

self is resisting the ever changing by clinging to a model it construced, how i experience fear now is always some kind of shift in that model in any given moment, or it is anticipating an action that will cause change in that model - it always wants to make itself solidified but since our true nature is change it causes us so much suffering to be imprisoned inside something always resisting our true nature

have you tried psychedelics?

how recently was the ayahuasca ceremony?

no i'd rather keep seeking until i know that i know

@Someone here i dont know, im seeking to know

for the wonder of the creator, to truly realize who i really am

what is it exactly, the emotional pain that you run away from? why do you think it arises? you don't need help with addiction with your weed because if it's not weed, it becomes something else, maybe chocolate tomorrow, maybe video games the next day, maybe you become a workaholic, you need to go straight to the source of understanding what is causing you to behave like that https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HY9aw5cQRDQ&ab_channel=OSHOInternational

I have asked about this like, 8 months ago. But even now I still cannot understand in the sense that, what the fuck can I do about it? Blue sphere of hallucinations 24/7 both open and closed eye - the thing is, it takes a very long time of concetration but once the visuals become more vivid it's a tunnel, a tunnel that becomes extremely real and always ends up in a feeling of bursting into a landscape of some kind, it's usually floating over landscapes that have absolutely no logic to them at all, very video game PS1 graphics looking shit, it feels very unbalanced and nothing has worked and is just too distracting, i literally use to rub tumeric powder into it because of some indian guru on yt The pressure is just crazy, it's an unbelivably dense pressure of energy that pulstates, vibrates (sometimes pleasurable), swirls etc - what is it? why in particular inbetween my eyebrows is there so much pressure? imagine someone was pushing there thumb in between ur eyebrows as hard as they can, that's what it feels like every time I meditate, I cannot actually use my nostrils as an object of meditation anymore I have to move to the belly man can sum1 do internet reiki and help me

@Vision you already have the answers then, you want to practice letting go - so you avoid doing something to avoid feeling of regret, do the thing and let go of identifying with the regret as you, the real you knows the right thing to do. keep doing it over and over, for sure you will notice a difference. just ask yourself, do you want life to go by because you avoided feeling a negative emotion? lets go back to the root ft. buddha aversion, craving so, you want to suffer less and enjoy life more? lets work on it bro, aint gonna come easy

@mandyjw the sheer density of it feels like a migraine sometimes, but mostly when i meditate it begins to start jerking all over the place, like i just want to put a magnet to my head sometimes and hope it gets sucked out also, i had went really intense this year on seeking and tried many things, i would have hoped i could have gotten more insight into it, just feels like its blocked or something. anyways, sometimes its pleasurable so theres that lol

i dont feel any felt realese but it feels a lot less intense and warm. @Nahm =D

@Nahm yes go ahead im totally surrendered

regret just makes no sense. come to a conclusion about how it makes absolutely 0 sense to regret things, see the errors you've made, forgive, and take new actions aligned with your new level of understanding. until you do that, the action part, you will be enslaved by it u couldnt ask for a better book for this, letting go by david r hawkins

i think people shut the heart off in fear of not being accepted, loved, rejected etc - the conditioning takes over an you resort to the head (what should i say, and not say), but inevitably you suffer immensly from being conditionally accepted, loved etc because you always whether it's on the surface or heavily repressed are insecure as fuck. and this is a widespread disease, so the do urself a favour and cure it by working on being authentic

@Hugo Oliveira that is a massive opportunity when you can see what the emptiness and discontent is with friends is reflecting about what you are saying and behaving in public, and why. maybe you are in your head when you are socializing, maybe feeling unable to express true you. very important to explore ruthlessly as to why

just use your intuition to feel out is this a person who has realized themselves as a person devoted to helping others? you have to really be very specific like that because i think most therapists are just egos unfortunately but if you understand yourself pretty well it won't be hard for you to find a good one just try to grab a bag full of consulations and let the heart choose

@myself an environment where like minded people who want to evolve as hard as possible and to live this lifetime as fully as we can a fuken cult i guess

@Breakingthewall you ever talk to a therapist? i like how you wrote this 'i know that my father is my master. To love him is the goal.' because i feel exactly the same way and i see him as a blessing now, it's crazy. he was the typical narcissist who physically hurt me and abused the shit out of emotionally for most of my life. for me it was, constantly going into states of consciousness where i could experience unconditional love via psychedelics and returning back to the conditional. over and over, i saw how much we all suffer and contemplate for hundreds of hours about my family. but the fully true realization of what your father done to you is a reflection of the pain he carries but it has to come from developing so much understanding that you will see this hatred, the blame, the pleasure of blame, the pleasure of being a victim, why hate is useful for protecting you, but ultimately the futility in hate and the all these kinds of things that make you see your father is just like you, a piece of god trying its best to survive.. damn there's so much to go into. but yeah, i don't think you should try to love him. that is a trap, you just need to see this hatred is a brick in your wall, because it's always you here. you created it all, you are creating it all yourself, all your suffering is your responsability. when time comes for truly forgiving yourself you will see you will forgive your father because you are as much as him as he was. he is inside of you, hating him is hating yourself, running away is running away from yourself, idk a mixture of therapy (with a good therapist), psychedelics, contemplation and cognitive empathy, visualization, doing activities things like imagining you raising you father as a child, holding hands, being intimate and loving. all the things that surface turmoil emotion and to allow yourself to feel and let it go and so on

@Iesu yes defo, some of my best experiences were on dxm and i've done a lot of shit now, if you can get it clean in then it's definitely a good insightful trip. like ket, but way longer comeup and a massive afterglow. the prob is the inactive ingredients, sorbitol for example. i used to have to sit on a toilet and pee out my asshole for hours lol - a counteract to abuse apparentely, well you learn the hard way sometime shuh

@unborn_chicken i think you should reconsider tripping a few times, maybe with mushrooms if acid isn't doing it for you. you will look at what you wrote and laugh for sure

@Terell Kirby yeah me too how do you feel on a daily basis in which you are trying to develop self-compassion?

@unborn_chicken have you done psychedelics before?