Cathal

What exactly are you hoping will change in your life if you have a deeper voice? Maybe we can talk about that and come up with a different approach,

Over the past while, with a combination of letting go of a ton of unresolved emotion and meditation, I just feel... a lot more present, nothing special about it. But, it feels very dry... Not in a suffering sense, but I know there's a sweetness factor i'm missing (or something along those lines). Somewhere in an old Sadhguru video he said this can happen if one is not also aware when they are taking life too seriously and not being able to play with the mundane, but idk man... In a way I feel more than I ever have in my life and very direct experience of seeings things as they are, yet I seem to desire some more intensity :edit actually all I desire is more intensity of the now. Is this a stage I will pass or some shit? Is there any direction/advice you have if you have been in this spot or r u experiencing this now?

u need to think about right speech one man came to his guru and was begging for enlightenment, the guru said he needs to do 2 weeks more of fasting. 2 weeks later, he came back and the guru congratulated him and praised him for his discipline 'well done, that's incredible, you're one step closer to enlightenment' another man came up to the guru later on that day and was starving, 'i haven't eaten in 2 weeks' the guru replied 'well done, that's incredible, you're one step closer to enlightenment' can you see how retarded that is? what even is truth here? just do the right thing

this is the first thing you need to take a look at, you basically described a whole day of an effort to escape a feeling. this is just aversion and why you are suffering. you are just running away from yourself because you are too identified with the one who is feeling shame, who has an image of itself that in reality was not met and now it's hurt, and you are caught in it's emotional turmoil. this is not unimportant as you say, it's extremely important you begin to recognize this so you can allow yourself to feel all of these things that you are not. by avoiding them, they are lurking in the backround - the next time you fuck up, you will feel all of that once again. because you are not fundamentally understanding things you need to understand. so, i have abosolutely no advice on how you can let go, because until you stop running away, there is no possibility in letting go.

@DManKee honestly bro just get yourself a therapist, i feel like you are trapped in a prison. if it isn't unbearable now, it will be as life goes on. fundamentally you created a very strong sense of seperateness to protect yourself from the pain of not being loved properly, and you go on playing a character on the belief you will get that which you need if you become that which you are not - this is the big mistake, the biggest mistake of ur life. until u become fully aware of that, you will never connect. and you will experiene the relentless pain of being disconnected from life good news, it's already within you so you don't need to seek it. but right now this can only be intellectually understood because until the parts of you are properly accepted and intergrated, you will experience it as a feeling of lack, seeking to be fulfilled. i don't know the depths of that for you so idk, feel free to dm me if you want to open up more or if you feel like my words are resonating at all

I would say you became a narcissist because you are disconnected from love, if you can understand that you will make leaps of progress. There's nothing special about narcissism as it's just another strategy to get your needs met, it's just highlighted because it's entirely based on the approval of others which is annoying as fuck for people most of the time as in highly deceptive/manipulative and it simply does not work, there is great pleasure in being a narcissist but there will never be peace. Not to judge those strategies as 'wrong' but rather see it for what it is, a belief system that causes you and others suffering. What were your parents/family like? You don't love yourself either and you don't have genuine empathy for yourself, you feel for your doggo and animals because they don't judge you for what you have or don't have and openly give themselves to you, and that is real. That is reality infact, that's why you can connect with animals The problem is your identification with the one who needs to have something, to be something other than it is, to be loved. That is essentially all it boils down too, I hope you reflect on that. There's obviously a shit load of work to do, I mean it will take you quite a while to enter radical acceptance, to stop judging yourself, to discover all of your shadow parts, but to begin to question your identification to the parts of you that need to prove themselves, to have something, to be someone, the insecurities, just fuck that shit man, that is not a life worth living and i will also say you will never have that connection you crave, that relationship you desire until the inner world is understood first.

waste of your fucking time

Hello everyone, was wondering what kind of methods have you used that are not in this list that have specifically helped you with trauma? The surfacing, processing or simple awareness of it all. contemplation psychedelics meditation breathwork yoga talk therapy primal therapy tre by peter levine inner child work eft tapping emdr therapy I appreciate your answers, also feel free to write how it has helped if you're comfortable with that

It just may be some kind of trauma that you feel ungrounded outside of that home, I mean I feel like you already made a lot of conceptual sense of this. And maybe it's time to find ways to work with it on a felt level sensation, how can you work to get to the pain of being pulled away from the place that made you safe and all that, perhaps a part of your inner child remains their in your mind and you can communicate to it via journaling or something. Therapy is useful for inner child work, way better than doing it yourself. Also breathwork has worked well for me

One thing that came to mind is that, I would definitely be really careful in identifying the physical actual location of that home as the root problem, or cause of this issue you're having. To look deeper within and see the source is within you, I think as long as that is clear you'll definitely find the answer you're looking for at some point

If you truly want to understand this part of yourself, watch this and then feel with your heart if you think it's right, get the fuck out of your head, if you can watch this and still eat meat then that's just perfectly fine. Who's going to stop you? only you know what's right and wrong. not good or bad, but what is your intuition telling to you?

try psychedelics at some point when you are in a better state of mind, when your intention to help yourself is real.

but also to remind ourselves these are all just a man in the mirror, that the role of the guru is to show you that you are the guru. to not get obsessed or hooked on any guru in particular regardless how much you got captivated!

@Carl-Richard yeah me too, t.k got me super intrigued about psychedelics way before i even knew what the word spirituality meant. his lectures are like music

Osho/rajneesh the most prob, sadhguru, j.krishnamurti, buddha, christ, and my father who caused me the suffering to find them all

'I really hate myself' start here and deconstruct

btw where are you located? 2c-b is really popular in europe, it's usually 4eur/pill

I went up into the forest on a whim with it, i didn't have a clue what to expect. i took a i think, 22mg tablet about 1 hour outside of where i walking to (up the mountains) and remember sitting down eventually near the almond farms eating a watermelon and just staring around. i remember the initial sensations, it felt like it 'settled' or something, a slight buzz, i just felt like this was a phony or whatever since i ordered from a rando on the dn, then what i remember is certain thoughts about where i was in life came to surface and i began crying and i remember i was hesistant to cry because i didn't want to cry in this kind of public mountain trail, and i was crying, it turned into... crying, balling, like if you saw me you may call the popo, anyways at some point of repressed thoughts surfacing i started to dissolve into the love, but it was like. different than mushrooms and lsd (all i had done previous), there was something very eternal about it, total absolute eternity. like no matter what you do, you are loved that all the trees around me felt like they were dancing and giving life to everything, like pure purpose, pure giving and you were absolutely in tune with it. there was a clarity like no other, it felt like i had been here before but i was pretty hardcore on developing my spiritual understanding several months prior and i think i broke into this space because of that. there was a sweetness, an ecstacy (i mean it is literally candy flipping in a pill right) but man. this was different than doing mdma, this was a sweetness like beyond pleasure and beyond happiness, beyond peace. it was this drive of the discovery of what right action means, all the layers of fear were pulled back and there was right in front of me an intuition that i knew exactly what i had to do and there was not even a trace of 'I' that was hesistant, there was no fear, just a giving impulse. that to give your love, is to be free. that the path of christ and the giving of unconditonal love is the way through this suffering, through samsara i think that's important to note maybe, that the drug itself is not exactly doing anything unique in the sense that whatever your level of consciousness is really what you will experience so it's not like this all just clicked at once

If you guys cannot afford therapy or don't care enough about yourself right now to spend money, i recommend applying for youarerad.org i got 8 months of therapy of this earlier this year, ended 4th of this month

@Blackhawk from what i read do it again, maybe with someone. i think it will pull you out of the confusion you got stuck it in the sense it will allow your perspective to radically shift to see things more clearly in a way that may allow you to take a different direction towards how to help yourself. there's nothing to be scared of except for yourself. if you are scared of yourself, then for sure find someone to sit with you - don't missout on the insights psychedelics can offer you man, dont

I'm just wondering, what do you think would save you? I mean, what do you need right now that would actually help you and work for you?

self is resisting the ever changing by clinging to a model it construced, how i experience fear now is always some kind of shift in that model in any given moment, or it is anticipating an action that will cause change in that model - it always wants to make itself solidified but since our true nature is change it causes us so much suffering to be imprisoned inside something always resisting our true nature

have you tried psychedelics?

how recently was the ayahuasca ceremony?

no i'd rather keep seeking until i know that i know