Cathal

@Fearless_Bum how do you FEEL? man i know what you mean, my memory is really fucked up. it's because i was dissociated for several years and it's like checking the archives on a windows 98 pc when i try to go into those memories it's just of concern when you say it's better to sit and be quiet. i think if you begin to live like that, it will put you in a crevasse that you won't see happening so be careful - perhaps it's time for something sponteanous that is out of your daily pattern?

getting emotional needs met have been my biggest struggle and still is but the times they are met i feel very very present and capable, having at least a couple people around who you are absolutely authentic with - and spotaenous activity, doing things outside of your patterened behaviour, regularly. it could be as simple as taking a new route to just yolo flying across the world for a weekend taking up the things you need to do to fulfill your vision

Would this video help you at all? It's about processing ur emotions by visualizing, as long as you have a willing intent I think it might help express something out of you edit: I was thinking if you visualized yourself being very compassionate towards them what emotions would come, I would imagine a lot of resistance and like yeah lets not do this kinds of things

How about oatmeal, cocao powder with nut butter and banana/fruit? that shit is really filling, cheap and makes me feel good But just in general I think just add a couple spoons of some kind of oil whatever your dinner plate is, I like to mix up potato/rice with beans and carrots and a few other veg and with spices or sauces

I really keep seeing too many variations in this word purpose and I'm beginning to even wonder what the fuck it means. If I asked you what is your 'purpose in life' what would you answer? Because I don't mean to ask the definition but what is your purpose in life, why tf do you wake up, what is your vision in this lifetime?

@ShardMare I think it's good you are feeling the way you do, you are feeling and experiencing what all of those people also experienced but once you build patterns and crevasses from belief systems that 'this is the way life is' or 'i have to do this' then you're fucked more or less. Rebel more, do not adjust yourself to that lifestyle

@at_anchor You can't change the behaviour of people or animals, you just try to understand them as they are. Judging them like this is not understanding - you just still believe they are doing something bad/evil/inherently wrong so you cannot escape your attachment to it, you can't forgive people even if you wanted to

@Preety_India Maybe it could all fall together for you @Jacob MorresDoesn't sound hippie at all, sounds like you have a keen eye for things that feel right and wrong. I have found that I got into a lot of ruts of a kind of depressive nihilistic world view by thinking I'll never be able to make the change I want to see in the world, but now I see it as not so much worldy transformation rather than inner transformation - since one follows the other, sure you can do start with worldly transformation but what a mess you'd end up as (trust me) Empathy is a cu** to master

@Preety_India can I ask what that is for you?

i like his way of explaining things, very logical and direct. thanks

that's a fucked up life do you have any plans for how or where you'd like to go in life, what place you'd like to move to? do you wanna share that for input? you might also find the self-actualization sub also useful for that i would just say that financial independence while it is really a drag should a priority. once you secure yourself that way then you might find yourself in a better situation to process through and understand more and more these deep traumas you're carrying - which is really the feeling of life being sucked out of you

@DocWatts Reframing the things I am conditioned to value as in what I actually get out of them. Also I never really lived a 'human life' or participated in anything growing up and am pretty unsocialized and find it hard to understand what the fuck is going on most of the time, trying to balance that with my tendency to do everything in black and white has been hard. I dunno, staying aligned with truth despite the feelings that come up. Some parts of me are like running windows 98 and I really have to upgrade them bitchez

@Ryan_047 nope, i was anxious too and went out on a total whim and turned out to be life changing so i'd recommend applying, you have nothing to lose

@ShardMare yes those things help you to 'feel good' but i've found to truly understand why you suffer will bring you far fruition than relief. as in WHY do you suffer, why do we humans suffer so much? the fundamentals of life, how reality functions etc a question i would ask myself is - what have I avoided feeling in the past? what have i tried so hard not to feel and why was i doing that, what was i running away from inside of me, has it ever left? i know you are seeking relief right now from the pain of numbness but you have to go beyond the seeking to see with more clarity what is exactly creating this state for yourself

@PurpleTree like everything you can think of really, we mostly worked on the fact i have no idea how to live a human life because im pretty unsocialized without a family lol. she is a very developed person who can see things extremely clearly so it was really a blast, i still attend her meetings because i just enjoy talking to her and always learn something new

@at_anchor You want to forgive them to be free of the pain, but are you willing to let go of resentment and stop being a victim? Until you understand that being a victim is giving away your power to let go of the pain, you will never let them go. I would just say try to just understand them. Why do they do what they do? Don't try to figure it out, but really just understand them. Don't judge them for what they did, just try to understand almost like you're observing an animals, without judgment you just see what they did to you is a reflection of how they feel and if it at some point you begin to develop compassion for them when you realize the pain they go through, you might find forgiving them through compassion the way to set yourself free Never forget what happened but don't bind yourself to it - Be honest with your seeking to beat them, to one up, to get revenge, to win, to hurt them back, to destroy them - you are being driven by this seeking and it may feel really good but it won't set you free

@Raptorsin7 Yeah more or less, I tried quite a very different things but ultimately nothing had given me the actual feeling of realese than recognizing the innocence of the people who hurt me through recognizing that i was hurting myself by not understanding myself - my innocence. Makes no difference what Hitler like people have been in your life, if you cannot see the innocence within them you haven't recognizied your innocence. Until then no matter how intense my intention was it didn't give me what I wanted. The innocence is prior to a duality, prior to something being wrong or right. And you have to actually realize that beyond thought

recognizing your inherent innocence immediatly you forgive yourself for causing yourself so much suffering to yourself from a false perception immediatly you recognize the inherent innocence of all human beings and through compassion true forgiveness happens then you can forgive anyone for doing anything to you. i have spent a very long time on that and it just happened like that for me, i had very deep catharsis and feel free of my attachments to being a victim to a crime - being free of the story

what the fuck happened in your childhood?

@Jow but you must try

Why don't you just do a lower dose if you aren't ready to let go on a high dose? you can work on your issues, gain insight and understanding without having to lose control What are you looking for when using psychedelics?

these feelings of not being accepted, not being apart of something is because you don't know how to be your authentic self with others. there is a you, whom when the camera is put in your face puts up an act - but that's not really you, that's the part of you that hides the true you, you will forever be in this cycle until you work on transitioning into your authentic self. it's a lot of work, all you can really do is try your best and put the effort in to allow yourself to be yourself with others. there will be a part of you that is hesistant, worried, afraid that you will be rejected, unwanted, abandoned, not liked - but just know, that is not you. you can create an entirely new reality for yourself by taking that step towards letting go of the boundaries you create to hide your vunerability.

i've met about 50+ girls off tinder since I was about 20, haven't met anyone off it since I turned 24. i'll prob use it again because i suck at the language of the country i live in i don't have a clue what good results mean but i've met like 3 girls who i was good friends with for a long time and overall had a lot of good laughs i have met some really mentally fucked people since i tend to attract that lol

Whatever people think of you through opinion or judgment and is a reflection of how they see themselves so however people treat you is just them communicating how you can understand them if you can see that. Same case for you. If people bother you it's something to do with you. No one has ever seen you, neither have you seen yourself. Who is looking at the body in the mirror? What is aware of the space where thoughts are arising and passing? Take some relief in it really, no one gives a shit

@Nightwise Yes I mean it was a while ago when I just knew what I wanted to become but I was just pretty miserable and just kept to my hedonistic habits to avoid confronting myself to change but I agree, working towards your maximum potential also means your most intense experience of life. If life is about anything it has to be how can we all have the most intense experience of it? It's hard to unhook yourself from a society that gets off on you consuming and attaching to things, feeling worthless, contracted and powerless @puporing I really think it's a brief life, there's nothing worth not doing all the way with your heart