Cathal

@Arthogaan any damn fool will search for freedom when they are suffering. but the amount of intelligence and understanding it takes to go forth when everything is going well, to strive even when you are blissful and enjoying life is quite rare. that's why so few people really attain to actual spiritual realizations and the majority just go on discussing and share their views/opinions

@Breakingthewall All suffering is imaginary yes but just because it's imagination doesn't mean you don't suffer it yourself. You are binded to your past actions of not understanding this regardless, so for you, you suffer, and that is real (for you) If you are dissatisfied with this reality unfolding as it is, if you are suffering, there cannot be enlightenment. Only you know if you are free or not free from suffering, so whether or not ultimately that is true, for you, it is untrue. See what truth is? for you, it's not true and that's the only truth that exists (for you) As long as you are suffering this is untrue actually in your direct experience, you are an ongoing accumulating self, there is still the motion of becoming for you, as long as there is becoming, there is time and space (for you). The motion of going somewhere in time is real, the suffering is real, so where is this so called eternal moment? in direct experience, there is the direct experience of going somewhere - the ongoing of becoming is not eternity. So the case remains true, that only ending suffering and ending suffering alone in one's direct experience is the only real goal here. Now is the knowing of what is, are we knowing we are free from dissatisfaction and so becoming in this realm of conditions?

Spiritual purification is just the process of dissolving individuality. The sense of self is quite literally, a sense. There is a sense of I and other, of subject and object and puritifcation is to dissolve that, since it is conditioned, if what arises is subject to passing away - to purify. Meditation is purification, although you may notice in a retreat what you're able to achieve could be relative to years of a regular daily practice at home, we are highly highly ignorant to what we do moment to moment in ignorance, we are trying to become empty while filling up at the same time - this is karma. And at the same time, it can be instantaneous as we usually don't 'feel' like anything is happening a lot when we meditate but suddenly one day you're meditating and flashbacks come and things get poured out rapidly, we enter strange states and have weird experiences. There is no real structure to it Emptying out the cup can be really felt if you strive for periods of time. I recommend reading on the Vishudimagga as it is termed the Path of Purification

“There is, mendicants, that dimension where there is no earth, no water, no fire, no wind; no dimension of infinite space, no dimension of infinite consciousness, no dimension of nothingness, no dimension of neither perception nor non-perception; no this world, no other world, no moon or sun. There, mendicants, I say there is no coming or going or remaining or passing away or reappearing. It is not established, does not proceed, and has no support. Just this is the end of suffering.” - Paṭhamanibbānapaṭisaṁyuttasutta The Buddha specifically wrote it like this as he describes the 4 higher Jhanas in this sutra are not quite what he wanted people to realize, as refined and profound experiences of consciousness as they may be - many people here have experienced through psychedelics what you call infinite and nothingness, but that's not it. We might think 'I have experienced enlightenment/infinity' but coming to realize enlightenment itself is not dependent on any condition itself, we see we are just falling in and out in an experience, a momentary lapse or expansion in the sense of I. It strikes me over and over and over why the Buddha said to solely focus on ending suffering and to give up on metaphysical pondering or to the 'highest realization' which is promoted so heavily here. What is it we are really seeking? is it that direct knowing, not a thought nor a concept, not a belief nor a cognization of experience, but it is just that to be in the world of form but to remain empty and to be empty as to be all form. Because as two people share a concept of God-realization as the ultimate Truth, for both of those people it's not the Truth. It is not the knowing of now, it is the recollection of memory. Which is the whole spiritual progress, the whole burning of karma, either you explode your individuality through devotion or you empty yourself entirely through awareness, those are two ways we can do it. And it is some serious fucking work involved, stepping into the depths of what is binding us to these bodies is not for everyone. After spending 3 months in a forest thai monastery, I came to a serious confrontation about how much shit the mind has accumulated through getting identified, spiritual growth must be at the forefront, it must be absolutely soaked into the core of what we are - to strive for growth, to try our best moment to moment. Love you guys

I can relate. Let me just offer something to reflect on, just regard everything as your mind and put the effort into facing the things you have habitually avoided, there's not much else to it m8. It feels like they are beyond your mind in the sense that the way they make you feel is intrusive and since it is so unpleasant, naturally you want to close off, keep away, avoid right?. You have a little bit of rough terrain to walk in regards to learning to trust the good nature of people, that comes naturally as you trust and love yourself more and more by understanding yourself on a deeper level, it is when your intentions become pure that you stop distrusting other people. Start slowly, I highly recommend a therapist or a good friend/teacher that you can open up with and develop a sense of a relationship that is good hearted and open. It's possible, I went through it. I was way more fucked than what you wrote, it's not an easy journey. Arduous effort.

Realistically you may touch that point on retreat. If you are busy with worldy things on a day to day basis there is just no way you will be able to just pull up concentration when you want like that. The danger is using chemicals is the instant access to intense states of bodily bliss is that you may be so dissatisfied with the gradual slope of developing your mind through a mapped out path that you won't endure it long enough to attain to be able to to do that as you want

@onacloudynight so do something about it. be a part of the solution and not the problem

@StarStruck stop judging things that are unfolding unconsciously as personal/I/self/mine/me. that's just old karma playing out. you actually practice that though by letting it arise and fall away without reacting. we call this meditation my friend.

@onacloudynight the true self-esteem and confidence that overrides self-doubt and validation seeking and most other socially conditioned mechanisms is understanding yourself, what you fundamentally are as this pure innocent essence, so fucking deeply, that you just love yourself so much on a core level that no one really disturbs that but know this is a point in your development you have to come to naturally. the less you compulsivly judge, the less you care how others are, the more you accept, the more you see reality clearly - these are all indicators you are moving towards that love. understanding the logic of how reality function will help let go, solid meditation practice will immensly help letting go, eating correctly and exercises will help let go. you want minimal friction in the body and mind so when these difficult mindstates appear, you are capable of letting it go. there's actually a shit load to go into, either way. waking up in the bed is one thing, getting out is the effort. waking up is fruitless without the correct effort

@Federico del pueblo you can introspect and understand it to a degree and endlessly mentally proliferate what the sensation is and why it occurs but actually just letting go of all of this proliferation and experiencing it as it is and letting go of reacting to it as something personal is what is important for you. if you can relax it, do that, a million times, not expecting any kind of result. this is important you really reflect on that, not doing anything for any result in particular. just accept it will unfold as it will unfold, trusting relaxation will take care of it. it always does

Ello there. It's something i've talked to a few teachers about, they all said the exact same thing to me. I began noticing tensions when I began meditation, particularly when I went into a 10 day silent retreat was when I was like what the fuck is this, but it's not an uncommon thing, if you have a strong habit of tensing or repressing things then here's partly the karma of it. I really have no opinion nor view on it to share with you because I don't really understand it, but i'll tell you what is very important is you have to do is come back and relax it over and over and over and over, do not force anything and let it play out the way it does. I

what do you think is the wrong other people have done to you and why?

@onacloudynight just forgive yourself for not understanding and start being truthful even when you feel like hiding, there's nothing else to it. you must truly try your best to be honest otherwise you will suffer the dissonance because what you are is inherently the truth

the only thing you can do always is be aware of either the fact you are aware or you were momentarily unaware and acting compulsivly or in reaction to the 6 sense doors. mindstates will endlessly appear based on your environment and what you're doing @Moksha this is pretty spot on. i would say whatever can put your mind in a state of satisfaction is the most important thing, getting the mind unified and calm, if those affirmations work then that's great although the way those kinds of affirmations are done correctly is you have to eventually feel like what you're saying is true, it really doesn't matter what you're saying but you gotta feel it. personally i like looking at reality and just realizing i'm totally safe, there's nowhere to go, nothing left to do, and everything is okay right now, over and over and over until i'm out of unwholesome states.

@Lana Faye That's generally the reported case of someone on anti-depressants actually, exactly what you described. Yeah, you kind of in a sense solved your issue of restlessness and suicidal thoughts but in doing so also suck the life out of yourself, if we think of emotions as one big soup instead of a bunch of seperate ingredients that somehow you can get rid of one and not the other, anti-depressants has spoiled the entire soup. But if you genuinely feel like you're a threat to yourself or son, it's probably better to stay on them until you actually begin to get a grip on truly understanding why you are having these thoughts. It seems like your anticipation of losing something is causing a tremendous battle with trying to control the outcome, what might be nice is to reflect on the understanding that things are going to unfold the way they do and you have no control over them, even if you lock yourself down and go into a bunker you have another hundred things that could go wrong, where do you draw the line? just do what is needed and let go... there's nothing to worry about, it's okay to be not know what will happen If you're going to go off of them, I would suggest therapy and microdosing mushrooms (0.25g or so) psychiatrist is not a therapist, having someone to talk to is going to bring real results