Illusory Self

What are the best therapies for working with trauma or any youtube channels anyone can recommend? I am wanting to do a lot of work on myself at home in terms of shadow work, inner healing, negative beliefs etc Interested to hear peoples recommendations

So last night I managed to pull a girl back to mine on first date. Everything went amazing, she took her top off, stroked me dick but she just kept on giving such a hard no for taking for taking her pants off. Of course I don't want to make her do anything she doesn't want to do. I did buy into her frame, I guess I just didn;t really know how to respond when she said "I am not". Couldn't think of anything. She seemed to gave that really hard no kind of energy so I just played it cool and didn't really ask her so I could see her another time. I guess she was probably afraid if she would of had sex with me I would not see her again. It's strange though, she was up for literally anything else but just would not take her jeans off. Any advice on how to deal with something like that?

For the past 2 weeks I have been experimenting being by myself, working on myself and what I WANT in life. I have spent far to long under the influence of family and doing things to make them happy. I am viewing this property for the second time today do to measurements for it as I am moving out from living with my grandmother (26 btw). I have lived with my grandmother for the past 5 years or so, being really unhappy most of the time. My whole life my family has basically done everything for me, to the point where I have little confidence to do things by myself. My Dad has his own business so he will probably help me out financially with the new place but I want to slowly drift away from talking to my parents all the time. I find it is very toxic for me. Even though they are great people and love me, when I talk to them it is more of a sense of obligation more than anything. I have bad finances and no job, well working for my Dad somewhat but I am just so scared of living on my own, I don't know if I will be able to cope. My parents have always done everything for me.. to such an excessive amount which has impacted my ability to do anything myself. So maybe this is giving me anxiety and panic attacks soon. I need to drift away from my parents/family, it is to damn suffocating. Well, anyway of course I am terrified of moving out to live on my own. My Mum is coming to to view the property with me and all of a sudden I am starting to feel very tense within my stomach and feeling of huge anxiety is arising. It brings me back to school where I had to drop out of school due to severe panic attacks. Couldn't walk etc.. Moving into this place means I will probably even go into debt financially but I do think I will grow from it, should be moving into the place this week I don't understand why it is arising now when I am about to view this property with my Mum... maybe I am scared of the whole thing of being independant. Distancing myself from my parents feels so hard because I don't want to upset them.. but I do think this is a good first step to take I think it has gotten to the point where I have really had enough of my own unhappiness and always pleasing my parents that I know I need to change/grow I still feel like a boy inside a mans body

I am 26 and have a lot of knowledge in person development but I spent years just in endless theorizing on how to get better and I did not take any action. It is like I have this horrible feeling of looking back and almost wish I would of started taking action at 20 to improve my life. I suppose I had a lot of inner issues which made it hard. I guess I sometimes beat myself up for wasting my life up until this point, especially with all the knowledge I feel I have. Material reality does not really reflect that. How do I forgive myself for my past mistakes with really not putting any personal development theory into practice. I want to completely let go of my past..

@Leo Gura Thanks man, appreciate all the work you do @Yarco I think the most challenging part will be distancing myself from my parents. I am lucky my Dad has his own business so can work for him for the time being but I really want to live my own life. Been under the influence of my parents for far to long now. I got lazy and complacent, wanting everyone to do things for me. But again living with my 93 year old grandmother who has dementia has definitely been the most challenging thing I have ever had to endure in my whole life. Really put me in a bad place mentally, so that is why I chose to move out. Just got to the point where I could not take it anymore. Was with her for 5 years. I do run into the issue of beating myself up for my past complacency sometimes and for wasting my life but again I am only 26 so I have time to fix it right. @something_else The problem was I was focusing on women and sex because I had internal struggles I had to deal with, it was a very unhealthy coping mechanism. I think right now I want to work on myself and turn myself into a high value man. I have spent years of my life chasing sex and it has gotten me nowhere, as a result I neglected my own personal development. I guess there are healthy and unhealthy ways you can go about pursuing the opposite sex. I was doing it as a distraction from my problems. I will want to develop game in the future but I think right now it is more important to sort my self out and love myself more before delving into it.

I have been putting up with this for so long and I am finding it really toxic but she cannot help it. She is the kind of person to really over compensate for me. LITERALLY do anything for me and calls me million times, always texts me. It is just this very stressed out and anxious energy. I have been around for a long time and do feel like it has really hindered my progress in personal development. It is almost like she could be the reason for my huge lack of progress. I will feel a need to meet her out of an obligation and I don't want to upset her. I am just pointing out the bad parts which frustrate me. I sometimes communicate it but I think she is just very conditioned. It feels unhealthy and I want to slowly distance myself from her so I can focus on myself. I find her energy really rubs off on me in the wrong way. It makes me feel bad saying this because she loves me with all her heart, to much you could say... It is messed up because when I have been with her for as long as I can remember, in my mind I want to get away from her.. like I secretly resent my mum for being so overbearing and over suffocating towards my own well being.. It is like she crosses a million boundaries and for the longest time I just don't know how to communicate it because again she is my mum and I do love her. She has done everything for me but the current situation is really not healthy. It has been like this for a while and I really want to change it. I don't know why I don't want to be around her. When I am with her I don't feel any love or anything, almost like I want her to go away. I feel like this is not normal, I cannot get to the bottom of it. Been like this way to long.. things must change if I want to grow as a person.. Of course I want a healthy relationship with my mother but right now, I just want her to go away when I am with her. Her over compensating behavior and doing things for me my whole life has made it really hard in my own ability to do things myself. So I have a lot of work I need to do with that. Even the confidence to talk to people and communicate my wants and desires etc.. I guess she has always done everything for me to such an extreme extent. I don't know how to best communicate my boundaries to her as a man and actually making her change her behaviour without upsetting her. It feels so tricky. Whenever I bring this up to her she always deflects it and says stuff to make me look like I am in the wrong so I feel like I cannot win. I just express how I feel and it's almost like she cannot accept that and says stuff to make me look in the wrong. Like she just lives in her own bubble and feel like I can't express myself because she won't understand

@something_elseI can do work for my Dad's business but obviously I would rather be independant from my family as I want to rely on them as little as possible. I guess I can do that as a starting point. @Yarco Well I should be moving in either Weds or Thurs... I did get a really bad anxiety attack today when I viewed the place, I could barely walk. This is very much out of the realm of my comfort zone. I also feel like I am being a nuisance towards my Dad as he is helping me financially with this place to begin with as I cannot afford it. I am going to do work for him to begin with but I don't want to long term. The amount of uncertainity is terrifying.. been living under my family's finances for so long.

I have been unhappy for quite a long time now and it mainly results in setting weak boundaries, when it comes with my family... almost doing things to please others at my own demise and happiness. I am getting a grip on it as of late but I am not 100% clear and certain how what types of boundaries to set with family,friends etc.. It feels complicated because I am afraid of upsetting others I feel setting boundaries with parents is such a tricky task but I notice even lately when I have not been seeing my mum as much, I have been feeling much better. Not many people around me value the same things I do, I just want to know how other people go about setting boundaries with friends, relationships, parents without upsetting them as I know it is something I need to work on

@thepixelmonk I think you misunderstood. I mean when you download files from the internet, how do you organize the folders. Such as having a main folder, business folder and then you go into sub folders. Kind of looking for an organizational structure template for that, almost have a fear of misorganizing things on my computer. I am trying to become a digital minimalist where everything is so nice and clean

Currently getting into organising everything on my computer into different folders etc.. just wondering how others organize there folders on desktop to keep everything nice and organized. Such as where to put the files you download and into what folders. I know there is no one size fits all but I suppose I am trying to almost find some form of template that I could model or something?

Curious as to how often people schedule out 'me' time with a worry of personally developing themselves. I think this is crucial to avoid burn out and want to set it up in my calendar but I am not sure how often to do it.

Maybe this is just me but I am starting to find it deeply unattractive. I have met this girl three times and she seems incredibly conservative when it comes to having sex, she's been to mine 3 times. But the worst part is that she always mentions about me not seeing any other girls after the 2nd or 3rd time meeting her. She is like "I am not going to be seeing other boys if I like the person" & you should not see any other girls. I even tell her that I think we are looking for different things and not particularly after a relationship. She says not as a relationship. It just feels like very need behaviour. I am setting the frame of her coming back to mine but in the future she wants to do 'romantic' things and not come to mine all the time. She expects me to walk with her to the bus stop because she is looking for a protector. What's worse is last night when the taxi arrived, she expected me to go in the taxi with her to her place to make sure she got home okay. She kept on asking to get in the taxi with her to hers more than once. She genuinely seems super scared of the taxi driver and being alone in a cab with him. She also seems really scared of the dark which is why she wanted me to walk her to the bus stop.. makes me feel bad for saying know in a way to the taxi but I do have work I need to do. Is that bad of me? should I walk with to the bus stop and get a taxi to her place? I told her no, I have to sleep and got work early in the morning but text me when you get home. She texted me saying.. "I am in bed now..." "you could of texted me" Is this red flag kind of behavior? She seems to have a very strong conservative/romantic kind of frame

@thepixelmonk I think what's worse is I don't even know what I enjoy. For way to long I would grind by only doing personal development all the time and it would always lead to burn out because I had nothing to look forward to How do you find enjoyments?

Going out tonight and wondering what some of the best exercises to practice at home is before going on a night out? To put you in the right mood

@ValiantSalvatore Amazing, I added it to my book list Thanks

It makes me quite sad, I see my parents repeating the same patterns every single day without growing in their lives. I get this urge to want to help them improve their lives, and I just don't understand why they are not into it? Is it a matter of me communicating it effectively to them or do some people just really don't want to change. They just seem to be living the same repeated behaviours on a daily basis and it makes me somewhat sad because I know they are capable of much more. Almost like they are completely stuck in their ways of thinking and doing certain things.

So a girl is coming to mine for the third time. I am setting the frame of not going out to do stuff and being busy but it's almost like she has such an objection towards having sex early on. She has said to me she has liked me but maybe I had set the boyfriend frame to early on. I kind of just don't want to lead her on and upset her. She said like she wants to get to know me better etc... She's probably scared I am going to leave after I have sex with her or something Really just don't know how to turn this one around or play it out. I might go next if she does not sleep with me the third time of meeting her. Because I think that will just cause her pain as I am pretty sure she is more interested in a longer term relationship. Don't wanna lead her on

@ValiantSalvatore @Hello from Russia @Federico del pueblo Amazing thanks for the help, I will add those books to my book list. I think I most likely just need far more life experience when it comes to women to figure out what I truly want. For now I am going to not look for a relationship but simply be with a lot of women and explore that area, to find what I feel more attracted to

Lately I have been inner work and notice that when I have been meditating/going to sleep, I find that I thinking about alternative realities that are not even real.. I will get some 'real' thoughts but some of my thoughts will be non existent in current reality. I don't want people saying this is all a dream or whatever I am interestered in why day dreams happen and what they can possibly mean. Because I always used to day dream when I was a kid.

@Federico del pueblo Thanks man Yeah a lot of these PUAS seem to have toxic personality traits What are your thoughts on Polyamorous relationships? I think Monogomous can kind of seem possessive/low consciousness. I don't see why we can't all love each other equally without the 'need' to be with a partner. I honestly have really mixed thoughts between my future self being polyamorous or monogomous.

@Leo Gura @Yarco @Tyler Robinson @Hello from Russia @Federico del pueblo Appreciate all the advice guys <3. I did send the breakup text. I could not face calling her. Now I would like to figure out the exact type of woman that I would like to be in a relationship with. Do any of you have good questions to ask? I am very 50/50 on what I want in a woman because I have not been through much experience so I don't know if I would dislike such a thing until I actually experience it if that makes sense. I am trying to write my list down but I get the feeling that I could be missing something. I know a lot of red pillers propose the idea of not having any woman going out with friends or seeing guys but I am unsure about that. I see some pickup guys in one way open relationships where the woman is loyal to them but they are free to sleep with other woman, is that a toxic thing to do? What if my list of requirements is so large that it will make it impossible for anyone to fit my ideal criteria.

@Yarco Okay I texted her. I just kind of hope I worded it right, man dumping people sucks. I was honest in my explanation. I just feel pain for causing other people suffering even though girls have done it to me. It has really taught me a lesson that I do need to screen better in the future

kind of just trying to get the bottom of why I consumed and know loads of personal development theory without taking any action for such a long time. It can become such a bad trap imo, knowing everything you need to do to improve yourself but fail to actually take action. I genuinely don't understand why that was the case, maybe it feels good to me to have some positive idea of future self in my mind. I think the issues go a lot deeper though probably as to why.. I just consume loads of content without any action. I would feel the need to take action but only successfully doing habits for like 3-4 days and always slip up beating myself up etc.. I guess I am still 26 and recently actually started taking action. I suppose sometimes I kind of beat myself up for past mistakes but at the same time I am still young and can course correct. Has anyone else fallen into this trap? And what do you think the reasons are for this? I would just consume personal development everyday but do nothing with the information given and feel bad about myself.

@Tyler Robinson @Hello from Russia @Leo Gura @Yarco I have decided she is not the right woman for me. However I have a huge fear of telling her and not sure what to say as I don't want to upset her. She seems pretty into me. I want to send her a message soon as I think it will be unfair to keep her waiting. I am just scared of knowing what to say to her in the best way. I don't like upsetting people but I would rather do it earlier than later to minimize suffering. I kind of want to just block her but that will be a cowards way out.. Any suggestions? In the future I will get better at screening girls out for my needs instead of leading them on like this.

@Superfluo Wow thank you very much <3