Illusory Self

I feel the same way

I feel like I have to completely reinvent myself & transform how I interact with the opposite sex in order to gain attraction. It seems to feel unauthentic/fake because I do not really enjoy socialising/talking to people. That's just not who I am. However I do get bothered by the lack of dating life I have. I feel like am presenting this idea of who someone else wants me to be in order for me to attract them, does that not just trap you in mind games? Or... once this new identity emerges will it be effortless & second nature, like driving a car? I feel like this process of attraction is effectively killing your identity for a new identity to emerge. I feel like doing nightgame feels very unconscious, I will likely not meet anyone who has similiar interests either. It is a good way to socialize though, I just don't really enjoy talking to the kinds of people at clubs that much. Feels very ego dominated. My mind seems to be bending in a lot of different directions when it comes to attracting women. A part of me does feel like I have to 'fake it' in order to attract women. Wondered what peoples thoughts are about this?

Yeah it’s a very controversial topic.

I procastinate way too much & i'm fully aware I do it. I find it hard to sit still and focus on something for even an hour. I feel like I am stuck in self fulfilling cycle, the more I procrastinate the worse I feel. I don't have much going for me, work 12 hours a week, do some part time work for my fathers business. I started doing Leos life purpose course but could not even finish it because checking my phone all day seems more enjoyable. I do seem to have a couple of hindrances though, I lie in bed a lot during the day and worst of all I feel tired a lot during the day so I would rather just be in bed checking my phone than contemplating what my top values are & finishing the course. What's worse is when you know everything that you should be doing but don't do it anyway since I have consumed a lot of Leos content. I think I must have deep rooted internal mindsets that stop me from taking action possibly. I have so much free time but spend it just sitting around my room most days being bored, procrastinating, checking my phone. The only thing I look forward to is going back to sleep. I sure feel stuck in a rut. Something deeper in me knows that I need to make more of my life, but I feel like I waste each day which in turn makes me feel worse. Maybe it is depression, I am not sure but when you know what you should be doing & don't do it. I lack clarity in life purpose, I have no money, lack socialization skills... I don't even know where to begin. This is incredibly hard self-sabotaging behaviour to break out of, it feels like. I know you can say just stop being lazy etc.. but I feel like it is a lot more complicated than that. My mind feels trapped in some kind of bubble or something. How can someone break out of some overwhelming horrible rut that they are trapped in. I think I lack motivation also. I have everything handed to me in terms of finances for survival needs so don't really have to work that much, just 12 hours a week at a minimum wage job & some work for my Dad. I think that decreases my motivation to achieve more. I am in a good position in life & unfortunately feel like I am completely wasting it. I enjoy spirituality, enlightenment. I know I need to get clarity with my life's work. I know I need to improve social & dating skills, It just feels very overwhelming & I don't know where to start, especially since I feel lethargic & tired a lot during the day. Just feels easier to lay in bed on my phone, procrastinating.

If you go out practicing night game by yourself, what is the best response if girls give the objection to where are your friends? I used to go out to practicea bit and they would always ask this

After listening to Leo's recent video, I decided I am going to quit drinking alcohol but unfortunately it is such a socially accepted thing to do especially on dates. An ideal date would be at a bar in the evening, if you are going in with the intent of pulling her back. I fear she will look at me strange if I just get water or something while she is there getting alcohol. Or maybe I should do coffee dates but that is harder to pull back after? I think me quitting alcohol may lose me a lot of potential lays but not sure.. I mainly just drink because I feel like I have to in order to fit in. Another concern I have with game - is it not seen as predatory talking to drunk girls at night clubs when sober? A few people have said that to me. I would much rather get into a great state naturally compared to being reliant on alcohol

Found a good video of different kind of stretches to do if you are inflexible for certain meditation postures

I find it incredibly easy to get dates from online game because I am good looking & have good pics but a majority of the dates I go on tend to fail which seems to further my depression in this field. Whenever I go on a date with a girl, I do not try and be physical whatsoever. The talk is very platonic. When i'm sitting there, I notice my own mind generating incredibly limiting beliefs and I always tend to get incredibly depressed when I am on the date. I completely hate socializing and find it incredibly draining but at the same time would like to have a few girls around that I see for sex. I know I need to rewire my brain to be more successful with women, but whenever I go on dates. It is almost like my mind goes into autopilot depressive mode & after the date when nothing happens, I feel even worse. Thoughts go into my mind like "how do physically escalate without being awkward"? as well as many other depressive thoughts which automatically happen like "I am way to introverted & don't even enjoy this" etc.. I often ask myself why am I even doing dating or socialising if I hate it so much. The dates are so draining, like usually they are 2-3 hours of talking about platonic stuff & I don't even try anything. I beat myself up a lot when I go home for wasting my time on this. I get scared of physically escalating as if she is going to reject me. My social skills are SO bad & awkard, I don't even enjoy socialising & doubt I ever will but I want to do it in order to get my sexual needs met. I feel the more dates I go on & if I don't try to consciously improve in some manner, it might feed into depressive states of mind. I have a date tonight with a girl from bumble & we are meeting at a bar nearby. How shall I consciously try & improve. I feel like this is just going to be another draining date with nothing that will happen. I do occasionaly get girls that try to make moves on me but thats rare.

@ValiantSalvatore I even have a girl I have had sex with a few times because she luckily took initiative on our date but I don't even know what to say to maintain it, even though she seems really into me. Her being really attractive may make it more of an issue. The problem does not even stop for me even if I do sleep with a girl. I am displaying non neediness but then I question is waiting 2-3 days per message to long or should I message more? I honestly get scared to message her & never know what to say. Should I be honest with her about my likes & passions? What do I talk about when i'm with her? I especially question if I played the right persona when we are together... what if I am playing the wrong persona and she is slowly losing attraction.. ugh I hate all these ego games. I feel like I am acting based on how I want someone to perceive me Just over analyze everything... maybe it is because it is the only girl I am seeing and not coming from an abundance mindset.

@Leo Gura Just went on another date tonight & of course I blew it. These ideas are great in theory but when you have 0 social skills, don't have any friends you talk to it can be quite hard to implement. Unfortunately she was sitting across from me at the table so it was hard to get physical with her. I tried touching her hand when it was on the table & she just moved it back in an uncomfortable manner. That of course made me nervous to try & escalate anymore. She was attractive so feel really bummed out that I messed this one up. After I went to the toilet she was on her phone to her friend and said I have to go.. 1 hour into the date. I just hate socialising so much & never know what to say as I never do it. I don't know if it will be a better idea to delete all the dating apps as it may make my self esteem really bad as I have recently been on 3 dates over the last few days and messed them all up. I beat myself up internally for not taking action, it feels like some self-fulfilling prophecy. I know I am too much of a pussy but I am SO deficient in this area of my life. It almost feels like you just don't know how to act or what to say or what to do. I don't even know if I want to do this, just feels like a whole time waste, what is the point if I don't even enjoy socializing. You can say lead, be fun, don't be a pussy but it feels incredibly hard with bad internal mindsets, zero socialization skills etc... right now I feel each date that feels, causes these internal mindsets to get worse. I am debating wether to delete the apps & just do cold approach instead to build skills up that way or this a good way to build socializing skills up. I just need to try & not let it affect me (it does feel hard though). I guess one does need skills on dates also. I do seem to get really depressive thoughts after messing up a date. It sucks when a girl sits opposite you, feels harder to escalate. I also don't really have my life purpose handled right now & know I still need to do work to get more clarity on that, so this also feels like a distraction from that. Maybe I need to work on that first or both at the same time, is a more balanced life better? What would you do if you were in my situation?

I’d advise checking out Alex from playingwithfire, he gives the best online dating info I know.

I work at a minimum wage job on the till at a supermarket for 12 hours a week. Incredibily monotonous job. How shall I make the most use out of these 12 hours per week, I think it could be used for self inquiry possibly. What techniques shall I try?

Will check it out, thanks

I am curious as to what happens when you die, after you become infinite love and oneness. Here are some interesting questions that I have been pondering. Is reincarnation true? if so how long does it take after being in universal oneness without any form before you take a form? What determines how long you are in universal oneness without any form before being assigned a form identity? I remember at a buddhist event I attended, it was said that if you do bad karma in this lifetime, your chances of becoming a human in your next lifetime are slimmer. Is that true? What determines if/when you do reincarnate, what form you will take? Is it possible to be born into a human form with an extreme high level/ god-like consciousness, remembering past lifetimes? How rare is it be assigned a human identity form after you die and merge into infinite oneness? How long does the process take? If you get enlightened/high level of consciousness in this lifetime, will you naturally have a higher level of consciousness in your next lifetime? Is that why some people are born more spiritually gifted than others?

@Matthew85 Thanks for that. I often question why I am drawn to the pursue of truth and spirituality while many others are not What is consciousness end goal though, is it to eventually wake up? Or are only certain consciousnesses interested in waking up Or is it up to other high consciousness beings to elevate consciousness in others? If you wake up in one life time, do you go back to sleep in your next?

I used the line "I don't usually do this but I thought you looked cute and wanted to say hi" You will get a lot more rejections but you will polarize some woman, it gets you used to the feeling of rejection. I approached 10 today, used that line and 9 rejected me. I used the line "Hey, can I meet you real quick" and got a phone number from the one. Going to try & make it a habit to approach 10 a day in the day time.

When you say you are God to someone and have even had direct experience of such a thing, why is it that they reject it and say you are a part of God? Is it just because the word God has gotten very twisted definitions over the years? People are much more accepting to the fact that you are Love. You are the Universe. When it comes to you are God, it seems to be that they can only see themselves as being a part of God. I genuinely do not understand this. What is it about the word God that people cannot see themselves being?

Yeah, I have basically messed up every online date with attractive women. I found online dating hurt my sense of self worth a lot so feels risky going back on it. I can easily get dates with hotties, once the date comes I always end up screwing it up. Every single time... I know I just have to go on more dates and get experience. Maybe I will go back on though, I just found I was getting incredibly addicted to online dating in an unhealthy way (being on my phone all day) at the expense of everything else. Maybe I should do it in a more healthy manner. the real question is do a seed out girls who are not into consciousness work by having a very consciousness/spirituality bio and build meaningful relationships or just have a very superficial bio to maximise your chances of getting laid? The sex will be very shallow and superficial though because you will be on 2 different levels. I think filtering out girls who are into consciousness work would be possible right? I wonder if they go on online dating sites though, I think I’m getting to the point where I’d rather build meaningful relationships instead of having meaningless sex.

Resonates with me

I just had somewhat of an epiphany when I was at the gym. I consider myself to be an actualizer & very much into spirituality.. Right now I am not really on track with my life's work at all. I do meditation, interested in consciousness & would like to get the highest states possible, eventually. I realized I really enjoy going to the gym & building muscle. I am 6'6 & have good bone structure. Would this be considered to be low consciousness to help guys build muscle? Is it just fuelling there fake sense of self? I could imagine I would get a lot of internal satisfaction helping guys do that, motivating them to build muscle & attract women. I am just debating wether it is low consciousness or not. Should I worry about that? A majority are not ready for these kinds of teachings right? I just need to get on track with my life purpose right now, before anything. Maybe I can keep this stuff to the side while I help guys & motivate them to live the life they desire. I fall into the trap right now of needing to talk to everyone about these kind of "deep" teachings. Maybe I need to drop that to the side and just focus on that personally without trying to talk to everyone about these "deep" topics. Maybe I should just follow what my heart is telling me to do, right? Without worrying if this is "high" or "low" consciousness. If I could motivate guys to go to the gym & build muscle - I think that would genuinely make me feel so happy knowing that I changed guys lives & motivated them to go to the gym.

Do some people do channels of just youtube shorts?

That does put things into perspective. I'm there having low self esteem issues because of these so called rejections I experience but i'm lucky because I have been dealt a good hand. I feel that has in a sense increased my self esteem. That must be horrible for someone who gets rejections and is not good looking. Like fuelling there sense of not being attractive enough. The upside of not being good looking is that you must seriously work on your seduction skills. How do you recommend I go about doing it? I have always been the type to over theorize everything & never take any action. I might start going out soon at night & approach, just keeping it simple. What did you find out that helped you out the most? What would you do if you were good looking but very bad with seduction & women?

Just ordered, thanks

My Dad constantly messages me on whatsapp every day. He calls me everyday. He feels that it is something he needs to do in order to get some sense of satisfaction. I am going to be working for him on his business soon & planning on leaving my minimum wage job hopefully. I am just trying to figure out how to say to him that I find it his actions to overwhelming so he contacts me less frequently without upsetting him. He has been doing this for a while & I find it to much. I don't like him always messaging me as it affects my sense of self worth & esteem since I feel like I am not putting proper boundaries in place. He lives in a different country and wants a phone relationship with me. How do I go about pursuing business work with him while at the same time asking him to respect my personal boundaries without upsetting him? Sometimes I feel like I would rather work a minimum wage job and not have him invade my personal space. I do try and be loving towards him, but when I get that phone call - I resent it. Like "oh no not another conversation with my Dad again". It is everyday & can get to be overwhelming. He also sends multiple texts a day, like he has nothing better to do. Unfortunately he is in complete ignorance of his actions. I don't want to upset him because I love him and I know he loves me. Just trying to think of a healthy way of putting boundaries in place. Especially since I am hoping to work for him on his business he has.

I guess my problem comes from a complete lack of social skills with women & these dating "gurus" trying to overwhelm you with to much information. The best way is to just approach right? I hope my social skills will just improve with approaching more. It sucks being starved from sex, Especially when you are good looking. I'm only 25 so I have time.