Voodoo Child

@intotheblack thank you for sharing. I am hopeful that she will grow and improve over time. @Preety_India thank you for your interest. It’s a bit much to go into everything she did in the past, but if you understand BPD, I’ll just say it’s the typical things that occur — emotional manipulation, cycles between adoration and devaluation, her lack of self-love or even a grounded/developed sense of self, merging her identity with me, intense mood swings, black-and-white thinking and feeling like her emotions are absolute truths, victim mentality, distorted perception to make everything negative (e.g., If she misinterprets something well-intentioned, it’s “You made me feel bad!” and she won’t believe my perspective), and so on. My thoughts right now are that I should learn from the past, but not become sucked into it. My eyes have been opened in the past several months. I don’t want to leave her simply because of the BPD (although many out there argue that it’s reason enough, because it inherently prevents the person from having healthy relationships with others). What I think I want — now that I understand more about how a healthy relationship works — is to be firm in my boundaries and address anything that comes up down the road with the appropriate action, even if that means breaking up. After all, she is seeing a therapist and psychiatrist, as well as regularly attending support group sessions. She’s putting in the work and wants to improve. And I want to ground myself in the present. If any of this sounds like I’m fooling myself, let me know. That’s why I’m posting this... Thanks.

I'm wondering if anyone out there is familiar with BPD and/or has experience being in a relationship with someone who has BPD. To be brief: I've been in a relationship with this woman for almost 6 years, and I love her deeply. However, I now find myself in a state of doubt, fear, and uncertainty. In February, she attempted suicide for the second time and spent a week in the hospital. It was a traumatic experience that I am still haunted by. Shortly after she returned home, I learned she was diagnosed with BPD (she also has depression and anxiety). Since then, I have rapidly become aware of how toxic these past 6 years have been, for me and her. Everything that confused me in the past has an explanation with this disorder. The more I learn about BPD, the more fearful I become that I am stuck in a never-ending rabbit hole of codependency, pain, and falsehood. No matter how firmly I know that I love her, no matter how much I want to spend the rest of my life with her, and no matter how much she means to me, I feel like I can't trust myself. I am reflecting on how many times I should have broken up with her in the past, and the logical part of my brain is telling me that I have to break up with her now as a result. But I absolutely do not want to break up with her. I remain optimistic for the future, regardless of the past. Essentially, I am worried the love I feel is a toxic form of attachment that my ego will never let go. So why should I think I can trust myself? There are many details I can provide to add context. Right now, I'm curious if anyone has ever had a similar experience in a relationship with a borderline...