Vzdoh

I personally think that I am rather hot and get approached by guys very often. What they talk about? Various stuff. U don't have to be illogical completely. That's botox! I work in finance and before that in IT, so not all girls are silly and stupid and despise logical convos. Its a myth! But I would just say keep it light and fun! Potential topics can be - hobbies - sports - her passion or her work - food and drink - what she likes/dislikes - travel experiences - covid news ??? - anything light and fun really Good luck!

@Preety_India I don't know. Ask Leo about it. I personally from experience of 20+ years dating guys, not even once associated a guy's sexual desire for me with him loving me or connecting with me as a person. There are two distinct scenarios here you are mixing up. Scenario 1 - a guy meets you, goes on a few dates with you and pushes you to become sexual with him. Is it real feelings and real intimacy? BIG NO! UNTIL a guy is emotionally attached to you, his desire for sex with you is just that - desire for sex with you. Not mlre, not less. Scenario 2 - a guy meets you, likes you as a person, starts emotionally opening up with you, and developing feelings for you. And in that scenario of course his sexual desire for you is an expression of his deeply intimate feelings for you. Scenario 1 happens in 80% of the cases from my experience. Only in 20% or less of the cases we have scenario 2. Hope it helps your confusion. In another post u expressed a question as to how to understand whether a guy actually has feelings for u, not just wants sex and that you make guys jump through the hoops to show u he is actually attracted on a feelings level, right? It might be my personal hallucination or projection, but looking from the outside on all your posts, what I mentioned in my another reply to you about your feelings not being developed - which you rejected outright - is I think your real issue that you don't want to see/admit to yourself. Because you would confuse or be unable to differentiate just sexual intimacy and real emotional + sex intimacy, only in the situation where you have an issue actually feeling what the guy truly feels. And we have an issue feeling what the other person feels only when our own feeling zone is underdeveloped or shut down. I personally think u need to work on your feelings expression and acceptance to be able to later on recognise those feelings in guys and differentiate purely sexual behavior from intimacy on emotional level expressed through sex. Good luck!

@Preety_India hah? You r mixing arousal which is physical body reaction to touch with emotional arousal. These are two distinct and different things. U r not giving anyone your love and your emotional attachment until u actually feel love for them. U mix the two for some reason. Also, yes, Leo is correct in the fact that guys experience intimacy via sex most of the time, but they also have emotions. And how I view it is if a guy wants me physically, sexually, I choke it up to my physical attractiveness and pat myself on a shoulder for doing a good job keeping my body attractive and desirable to men. That's it! For me sexual and intimate behaviour from guys without a guy showing his emotional side to me and without attaching to me on an emotional level, means that he likes what he sees. It also means he is healthy in a sexual department. But do i think its real intimacy from a guy? BIG NO! I take guys' sexual interest as a compliment to how I look. I am not offended or feel defeated or anything else of that sort when guys express their sexual desire towards me. I take it as a compliment to my workout routine ???? But Leo is not saying one thing - when a guy just wants u physically, there is no emotional attachment from his side, you are just another vagina to him. There is 0 emotional intimacy, there is 0 emotional connection and gor guys its just sex. So NO, sexual desire from a guy towards you has nothing to do with true intimacy. In fact, guys can fuck girls that they don't even like as people aa many pick up dudes on here alluded to. So by being sexually aroused, u r not betraying anything and not betraying yourself at all. Your body just reacts to stimulation, that's all! Your thinking if i turned it around and you were a guy, its like a guy would think that he was truly intimate with a random girl he just had sex with. That's laughable at the least if not ridiculous ???? Then guys would fall in love with prostitutes after having sex ???

Dear, I am sorry you feel so bad about your height that u r thinking about the suicide ???? But I will be honest with you. I live in Asia, in Singapore specially. And here average height of a guy is 170cm. If you are 175cm,u r already considered tall. Girls here are rarely taller than 165cm. So when i am in Europe or USA, local girls there seem gigantic to me. I am 162cm myself. Quite petite in height and body structure. So for me when I meet tall girls anywhere, I feel like they r elephants to be honest and how guys can be attracted to them being so tall and bulky? But some guys do, especially when on average height in european guys is 180cm and above. Now I have a few quite tall GFs in Singapore, and they really struggle here to get just sex, not even a BF. Cause for majority of guys here they r gigantic simply. One way to solve this problem is to move to a country where your height is normal. I saw foreign guys 175cm height dating absolutely stunning local asian girls that I don't think they would be able to get if they were in Europe somewhere. Yes. Girls prefer taller guys. It's some kind of biology or something. For example for me personally, even that i am 162cm tall, I just don't feel feminine enough next to a shorter guy. I feel more like he is my buddy or a boy rather than a man. I am sorry bit its just how I feel. But I agree with Emerald here that for some shorter girls, maybe 150-160cm height, if a guy is 175cm, is already quite tall for them. So they r feeling good next to a guy. Conclusion. U need to work on your self esteem first and foremost and then seek girls that a shorter than you and for whom your height will be perfect. Just imagine a 150cm girl with 190cm dude, too big of a difference ???? will need to jump to kiss him ???

Dear, u need to accept your sexuality separate from any guy who turns you on. Basically, u need to separate your feelings of arousal and the guy who is causing them. There are girls and guys who are very sensitive to touch and tension in the convo. I am one of them. Will describe how it happens for me to give u a perspective. I can meet a guy like via a dating app for example and if convo goes well, we are flirting, a guy normally tries to touch me gently - shoulders, arms, neck maybe. I feel turn on from physical touch almost immediately. That's because i know physical touch is my lobe language. But do I feel defeated? Do I feel like the guy won me over? No!!!! Because I know this is my normal reaction to any guy who would do it. Its me, not him! And I just accept that this is my sexuality like this. And it has nothing to do with the amount of effort or anything else the guy did. Moreover, if I don't develop actual feelings for the guy, I feel turned on sexually, but I don't feel turned on emotionally. I clearly feel the difference. And if the guy did not turn on my emotional side, he did not win me over. Yes, he managed to arouse me, so what? It's my body that reacts this way and 90% of the arousal result coming from my body being sensitive to touch, rather than his efforts. So I accept it as my normal reaction that does not mean a thing except that yes, I am aroused. But so what? Next moment arousal passes and I am back to normal. It doesn't mean the guy won me over somehow or I even want to see the guy later. In fact, most of the time when a guy tries to be too sexual on a 1st-2nd date even though my body reacts and I feel pleasure, I won't probably see him again because he is most likely forcing sexual connection too fast and for me it means he prioratises having sex with me instead of building an emotional bond. So it is a major turn off for me when it comes to a potential relationship. So actually the guy loses, approaching things like that. You take your normal body reaction to mean that you gave in or something and connect ypur sexuality to being overly submissive and available for sex in your mind. You need to explore why u associate your arousal with those thoughts. For me, arousal is arousal, it's normal. I embrace and accept it. And in most cases as I said, guys pushing for sexual stuff early on, actually plays out bad for them, not good in a long term. So explore why u have this connection? You posted about exclusivity and quite traditional view on sex before, I think in your mind/system u feel like your body betrays you somehow abd u give off a whore image to the guy. Why do u feel that your normal body sexual arousal makes you feel like a whore in your mind? I think you despise the guy for reminding you about the shame around your sexuality. Work on that feeling of shame. Accept your body fully and then I think u won't have such reaction. Namaste sister

@ivankiss @Mason Riggle This is the type of attitude in guys I am looking for. Guy must feel awesome to do little things for his GF and treat her well. I do the same in the relationship where I try my best to do little things for my guy ? But guy's attitude like hey we r equal and I do not owe u anything and we should do 50/50 after you are my GF, I will break up. That's not how I want to be treated.

@Mason Riggle you seem to have a pattern with low self esteem girls. I would not even look at you, if u r in a situation where u can't afford gas. Not that u r a bad person. But simply from providing perspective, u have got a lot to achieve first before deserving my attention and potentially being my BF. And I am not poor, so I don't date guys who earn less than me.

@StarStruck @Mason Riggle I was dating a guy, who was handsome, emotionally open, fun, great sex - everything was awesome, except on 2nd date he wanted to split the bill. On 3rd date I told him he either behaves like a gentleman or we end there. Everything else was awesome! He said he will try and he did, and I felt attracted and interested for awhile while he tried. Then he stopped trying and it came back to him feeling not loved unconditionally - i. e. he saw basic masculine providing and chivalrous behavior and my need for that to feel feminine in a relationship as my not loving him unconditionally. When a grown as adult wants unconditional love from someone without doing anything, for me it means he is still a boy inside and needs mommy to love him unconditionally ???

@Hulia @Mason Riggle exactly my point! As a pretty girl, u can get nice treatment from lots of guys and when a 50/50 split guy tells me I have to pay on the next date or something, I am like, goodbye ??? All the guys who expect equal treatment are really not aware of the gender imbalance when it comes to dating and really not honest with themselves where they r in terms of competing with other guys. And uf you r so not self aware, why would i date u anyway? Guys can get away with paying less or nothing at all if they r handsome and tall or if they r bold enough and the girk thry r after is super insecure. Other cases, with pretty girls who know their value, no chance...

@Frenk I am not sure what other women reward guys for, but in my case, to become my BF, a guy must do/be this - assertive in his job, with friends, with me - risk taker in life and achiever - started up businesses, works in a high profile role, takes risks - caring and loving, able to show his emotional side - does things for me instead of talking - i personally prefer guys who do more than talk - supportive of me - career, weight loss, whatever i do and try to achieve - not poor and struggling - should be well off financially - likes sex and wants sex often In a nutshell ??? Nowhere. I already have a BF.

@Mason Riggle u would be surprised, but therr are plenty of beautiful insecure girls outthere! I have absolutely gorgeous GFs who have super low self esteem. Not a rare occasion. I bought drinks for a guy only if he was actually my BF - in a romantic context OR because I didn't see actually any romantic potential and wanted to show to the guy that this is not going to go anywhere sexually.

@StarStruck @Eph75 There! U think girls and guys have equal value and therefore, a girl should pay on dates similar as u pay on dates. If it was correct, guys would have no issues getting sex every day and then yes, it would be practically equal. But so far, there are no brothels with guys in there, i. e. Girls don't need to pay for sex. So if u behave like you guys are equal and she is being hot and in demand by many other guys, finds that she is teated "equally", tell me what's the motivation for her to stay with you? When other guys can take care of her and treat her better? And spoil her more?

@Eph75 yes I know what u mean. My own mom demands giving which makes me less and less motivated to give anything at all!

If we turn the situation around, this girl directly asking for u to buy her stuff and u complying is like a guy ditectly asking me to have sex with me and I am complying. I would never do that cause I do have self respect and if a guy suggests something like this in person, I will be standing up and leaving immediately without any explanations or blocking the dude if it was online. Question is more not about an obnoxious girl, but about why u felt compelled to comply?

@StarStruck i think your problem is entitlement and wanting something for nothing. You don't want to invest anything and yet you want to get along with the girl and somehow keep her? It's rude and no manners of course to directly ask for stuff from the guy. I never do it as guys offer interesting things to do or take me out for dinner themselves, I never need to actually ask for anything. And I can't even imagine asking something like this directly. I think it's lack of self respect with this girl. Not sure about other girls, but in my case, if a guy has invited me on a date and splits the bill or not paying on a date, I am not seeing him again. I personally take such behaviour: - being stingy and low investment - not chivalrous and romantic - I feel like a guy paying equally on a date and I don't want to feel like a guy, I want to feel like a female that is being chased and taken care of - I don't feel masculinity in the guy and that he can protect and provide or has intention on doing so, so my desire for him plunges and I lose interest. Maybe for other women its different and its ok to be 50/50 and pay for themselves on dates but in my system no self respecting guy invites a lady on a date and then is ok with her paying ??????????????

Dear, u r a very nice soul so I will try to be gentle with you. You remind me me more than 10 years ago before I have done a lot of work on integrating many of my shadows, learning to love myself and removing family induced trauma. And I can tell u from my experience cause I was doing exactly the same testing, that there are few reasons why you might be doing it and u can see which one resonates the most with you. In no particular order: - You really can't feel how/what the guy feels towards you. What I mean here is that your logical mind is much much stronger than your feelings center. You can check that by doing a test - enneagram test, it normally indicates how developed your feelings and emotional center is. My guess it will be quite little developed. The need for testing arises from your mind, because your feelings center simply cannot give u a certain answer. I was like that, I needed a logical confirmation cause I couldn't feel/sense how exactly the guy feels about me. Situation completely changed when I worked on unlocking my feelings center almost to the point of hypersensitivity and now I don't need to analyse or rationalise anything - I simply feel/see emotions of others clearly. - Low-self esteem my dear. The fact that u want guys to jump through the hoops and manipulate them to do that, this is how u r seeking self validation and self worth as if amount of stuff they do for u somehow measures your self-worth. The more unloving you are to yourself, the more self lack you feel, the more "confirmation" and "validation" you will need from guys jumping hoops. Only way to fix it is to do practices to learn yourself. - Lack of compassion and love for yourself causes you to treat guys like objects, not subjects. You don't feel compassion for them and respect them when u r manipulating them to jump your hoops. In this moment you r disconnected from them and yourself. It's a heartless and cruel game of who wins your affection and who jumps a higher hoop. Very Orange in nature. This is in a nutshell. Do examine each and see what resonates the most or maybe all three resonate.

Nothing is better girls' repellent than being stingy!

Not sure about other girls, but for me intimacy truly means ability to be vulnerable in all senses in a relationship. If either me or my partner are having issues being vulnerable with each other, I don't feel intimacy and if I don't feel intimacy, I simply don't want the guy sexually. For me personally it's weird, because i really can't get excited for guys with whom i have no shared intimacy, no matter how good looking or successful they are! But if there is connection, closeness and intimacy and I feel his masculinity intensely, I turn into a walking sex machine ??????????? My desire skyrockets immediately almost and I want the guy every day, several times per day ???? Weird, but that's how my libido works

@ivankiss i think one of the "problems" for turquoise would be how to get as many people from other tiers to evolve and develop self-love for themselves as well as unconditional love for others. I think that will be the main focus of turquoise from his/her level of development ❤️❤️❤️???

I am not sure what other women reward guys for, but in my case, to become my BF, a guy must do/be this - assertive in his job, with friends, with me - risk taker in life and achiever - started up businesses, works in a high profile role, takes risks - caring and loving, able to show his emotional side - does things for me instead of talking - i personally prefer guys who do more than talk - supportive of me - career, weight loss, whatever i do and try to achieve - not poor and struggling - should be well off financially - likes sex and wants sex often In a nutshell ???

@Zeroguy why exactly two porsches? ?

For people who are on lower spiral dynamics levels and need security to feel happy, marriage is probably a good thing. For people from probably stage green and above, security is not a key point, reverse is true, change and ambiguity are two things that make life more fun and fulfilling. Pointless to argue about it because two levels of development won't recognise this truth at their respective levels. I personally don't want to get married because of how marriage is this ownership arrangement legally and because of the security coming with it. I just saw too many complacent married couples that behaved like their partner will be forever with them without much further work or investment on their side. And then wondered why it ended in divorce? And statistics lies... most of the time..

@Preety_India i met all types in my life except the nice guy. The only guy who comes close is an Indian dude I dated btiefly. But I think he was just a manipulator, using the nice guy facade to fool me. Now that I remembered, actually a lot of Indian men pretend to be nice but after I scratch the surface, turn out to be quite manipulative. Maybe its upbringing or something? Haven't noticed it in other guys much.

@Preety_India how to know if a guy loves you? Conclusions from my personal experience: - a guy prioratises you and prioratises spending time with you no matter how busy he might be - he tries to learn what makes you tick, what makes you happy, what you like, what u dislike, basically he is interested in you as a person and tries to learn everything possible about you so that he can make you happier by doing some things for you - he protects you and cares about you which makes you feel protected and safe and fundamentally you trust him and know you can rely on him - he listens and respects you and your opinion because you are special and important for him, so he cares about what you, ve got to say or what u think - he welcomes open and honest communication between you two. He does not dismiss you. You feel like you can share how u feel about him or things he does or your overall emotional state with him in an open and vulnerable way - he is vulnerable with you. He lets you deep inside, you know about his insecurities and issues and he trusts you with this info because he feels safe with you - he wants you sexually, he finds you attractive, he can't get enough of you, he wants to be closer and more intimate with you as relationship goes on - he progresses the relationship slowly but steadily - he shows his emotions with you, true emotions about how he feels about things - he does things for you, gives you gifts, treats you nicely, spends time with you, pays you compliments, he likes to touch you often. Therr is no hot and cold, inconsistency, u never wonder how he feels about you, you trust him, you feel protected and secure around him, u feel like u can rely upon him, you feel you can talk about anything with him and be open and honest That's in a nutshell ❤️♥️❤️?

Hey guys, wanted advice from men mostly. I am in a committed relationship with a great guy. He cares about me, takes me out in dates, we have deep conversations, sex is good and although he works quite a bit, he tries hard to spend most of his free time with me. I left the country for a month to handle some urgent family issues at home. My mom is severely sick and he was so supportive in that moment and that's when I understood that I do have deep feelings for him and he is truly a great guy. He is an alpha too. Senior director, drives 2 Porsches and quite wealthy. So I am at the point where things are clear to me and I want to become closer, like move in together. He didn't say LOVE word yet, but he acts like he does. Now the question is how to approach the convo about moving in and living together? He didn't bring up this topic himself although did say that i am a very special person for him. But he was single before me for awhile, so I am not sure if 3 months is too short for him. He really took his time to get to know me before having sex. I am also wondering if I bring this up and he is not ready, then what? Kinda puzzled. Haven't dated anyone in awhile who I really wanted to take things that far. Any comments or suggestions?