Vzdoh

R u a psychiatrist? ????

Dear, u r generalising. Where i live there are plenty of smart, successful, and super beautiful women. Most of my GFs are like this. And they indeed have super high standards when it comes to men, which they should. And not many of them on Insta trying to flaunt their beauty. When u know u r beautiful, u don't need to flaunt anything to anyone, u just know. It's called high self esteem. ???

Didn't want to come off abrasive. But the dude needs a wake up call and as he is contradicting himself. Saying and acknowledging that 80% of women are attracted to social status, but yet questionning it at the same time? Where is the logic in this? U either accept it and realise that this is part of the criteria women are looking for and go do something about it to make yourself more attractive to that 80%, or you do nothing and continue questionning a fact and stay where you are in terms of personal growth and achievement. Then don't complain that you have issues attracting high value women. Successful, independent, beautiful women want someone at their level or higher. Same as guys, they want a more beautiful girl out of all options available to them and don't tell me it's not a fact ??? Bashing my looks or my intelligence for making a direct no BS comment about what his ego is doing to him in an attempt to avoid reality is just truly sad and pathetic ???

I understand that self growth is not easy and its human nature to be lazy and stay the same way you are. If u r fine with a low quality partner like yourself, who is a loner and does not demand you to grow, then why bother? Why bother to even ask me your question? For me my list does not seem exhausting because I already embody most on this list and naturally expect my partner to. Height is relative, we discussed it on another thread at length. Pay more attention to other qualities that u can actually develop and changing and achieving which is in your control. Height u cannot do much about.

It's a combination of many things. Stop being so dualistic! Only emotional attraction or if i am intellectual, no attraction ever. Things are not dualistic like that in the real world. Girls like both an emotional AND intellectual guy, especially if they r in touch with their feminine and relatively smart themselves. Actually all of us, girls and boys, like and the most attracted to people who combine 2 or more traits. For example, Matthew Hussy was talking about unique pairings in people - i. e. When u r both a super achiever AND super spontaneous. Or when you are intellectual in convo, but also can show emotions and communicate on emotional level. Many girls will want u if u r not a one track pony, but an individual with a unique pairing ??

Hahaha! I think @charlie cho is lying to himself in an attempt to safeguard his fragile ego. Not some women are attracted to social status/wealthy men. Majority of women are. That's what @Leo Gura is talking about. Girls who like loners or other socially inadequate and low status men are a minority. Survival agenda dictates women on subconscious level to pick the most socially adaptive and successful guy available to her. Girls who don't have options with alpha guys - will pick you since no more options. And even smaller minority of them will pick u because they themselves are not socially adaptive and loners too. But absolute majority of women will pass on you as they should. Continue lying to yourself to excuse yourself from growing and conquering the world and becoming high status. ???

Sorry to hear. Is there anyway u can agree to marry in general but on your terms? My Indian friend in Singapore was bombarded with potential wife profiles from his parents. Showed me a few and I was horrified with some of them. In the end he picked the girl he actually developed a connection with. Can u do the same? Reject offers until u find a guy with whom u actually connect? Life in the west is not awesome as well. Yes we are free, but both genders take this freedom as entitlement that they deserve a better partner if with existing partner things don't work anymore, so people walking out of relationships and marriages so easily, and instead of asking themselves how they can be better partners? They r constantly searching for a better partner in the other. That's why divorce rates are so high. So don't take your blue stage situation as the one with issues, western orange stage is not much better to be honest! I am actually guilty of this too, that's why I am not married yet. Been rejecting guys at a slightest sign of something wrong with them, instead of trying to work things through. Learnt hard way that there are no ideal people and where we don't gel, I need to invest time to smooth out interaction. Good luck!

Agree 100%. Power dynamic is coming from a deep sense of lack of self worth and self power. A way to validate herself. When a woman is in her feminine, and not in her mind, and loves herself, she does not need to exert power over anyone. She just wants a man who feels her well and she can connect with emotionally.

EQ is basically empathy for another person. Ability to be attuned to their needs, attentive to the emotional expressions and reactions, ability to understand subtext during communication, be genuinely interested in another person, ask questions, ability to see ways how you can connect and relate to the other, reading body language, being considerate. In touch with feminine side means the guy who is not afraid to be emotionally expressive, talk about his feelings, go deep into vulnerability, be open and honest, be gentle, soften up next to a woman, show care for her.

We r all guilty sometimes in wanting attention from the opposite sex to validate our attractiveness, even the most high self-esteem and self-value of us. So for both genders, knowing that a girl/guy who is texting are interested, is a boost to our egos. I take it compassionately as I am guilty of that sometimes too.

No. Real date. No chats or facetime. If a guy is interested and has at least a tiny bit of EQ, he will understand your interest and invite you out. That dude clearly was not interested. I once had an amazing chemistry with one guy and we were texting over a month or so and I never even once directly invited him on a date, he was suggesting we should see each other. But he was in a really vulnerable and bad place emotionally and I realised that it's just not a good time. I could feel his desire and then hesitation where it can all go... he was high EQ, I would even say an empath, which is super rare for guys. So I let it be and left things open with him as at some point he will feel better and more ready for a relationship. But I made it open in a such a way that the ball is in his court and i am expecting an invite for a proper date. Unless he is ready, I didn't want to do anything or entertain any sex or other purely physical stuff, although sexual chemistry was off the charts ???? and I knew he would want to bed me ???

Life is hard enough and quite serious most of the time. Ability to laugh at yourself and hard things in your life is priceless because it removes and diminishes stress. And constant stress in our lives makes us less connected to ourselves. So humor in a way is how we can relax, breath out, and reconnect to our light inside. Nothing to strange about it. Virtues I look for in a guy in no particular order - Emotional intelligence - Developed feminine side - Sense of humor - Caring and protective - Intelligence - Mental strength/focus

Exactly!!! I was waiting on at least someone in here to showcase how u truly can be feminine and masculine at the same time, integrating both successfully. This is a perfect example! You want to control the situation and decide who you like and express attention for, go ahead, but do it in a feminine way - chat/flirt/signal to a guy you like so that he invites you on a date. Then both parties are happy. Women are still in their feminine and men in their masculine. Case solved.

U r taking initial screening for social status as the only thing I care about in the guy. It means u didn't really read what I posted here. Social status for me and most women is just an initial screening criteria. It goes waaaay deeper than that for me. Based on your logic, I should be happy with any famous or millionaire dude. That's just not the case. For example, out of the high status wealthy men, there were guys like multimillionaires, owning entire companies - 100M net worth and guys who were entrepreneurs, maybe with 1-5M net worth, based on your logic and your projection of me, I should have picked the 100M net worth guy. But I didn't, although he was really into me. The reason i didn't is because basic higher social status is just an initial screen, not the only filter. I already stated the filters I go through while screening guys, so no point to repeat here. But should say that I rejected a lot of high power men because of their lack of psychological health and EQ and ability to feel and express emotions. This is actually my key criteria if I am gonna consider the guy for long term dating. So no, I am not ONLY looking for high status, it goes waaay beyond that for me. Stop projecting. And I honestly don't know what I will do if a guy I seriously date will suddenly lose his social status/wealth. If I already love him, I doubt i will just drop him. Because someone who managed to succeed in life even after losing everything can still get up and succeed again. Someone who never managed to become successful, won't be able to do so anyways. So most likely I will have his back and help him to get up and conquer the world again! Cheers!

U r mistaken. I don't date guys who don't have options. In fact, I don't even talk to them. Guys without options are transmitting that vibe clearly and its repelling to any female. U r here denying masculine role of initiator and a lead in a relationship. Real masculine men are not afraid of the dynamic I described because they feel confident on their own and don't require my constant validation of their attractiveness and status. From my personal experience, guys who want equality in the dating game are either not truly masculine in nature or have self esteem issues and require constant validation. Both super unattractive for truly feminine girls. I have GFs who do all the work and wear pants in the relationship, they normally end up alone and guys distancing themselves from them because of that dynamic.

@ertopolice nope. Mostly applies to real dates. Texting is quite balanced. Although I still prefer the guy to do 60% of texting. But that's my case. I personally feel that if a guy is not initiating in the ratios I described above, then he is not that interested. And why would I entertain a guy with low level of interest?

@charlie cho Some high status men are very selective with their friendships and super private. Especially if they are wealthy. But don't mix it up with being a loner. Being a loner is not attractive. A high status guy who is very selective with his social circle and has few friends is a totally different story. I am dating one right now. But he is definitely not a loner.

I think this needs to be split into stages of a relationship. Initial stage - up to a month or so. - I prefer the guy initiating 90% of the time. I can share what I like and don't like and he normally suggests some activities that both of us share and enjoy. Deeper stage - 2 - 3 months. - Guy still is doing about 70% of asking out and initiating, but in about 30% of the cases I will suggest and organise activities for both of us. Committed relationship - 3 to 6 months and so on. - Guy does maybe 50-60% of initiating and I try to keep up, but he still has a small lead. That's what comfortable for me personally. Not sure about other girls. If a girl likes you, she will initiate, but don't expect her to be 50% initiating right away. If she is, she is super desperate and has no other options available to her, probably has low self esteem issues and starts chasing a guy instead of being in her feminine receptive mode. But that's just my personal opinion on gender feminine/masculine balance. Hope this is helpful

I will give an example and here @Leo Gura is correct I think. I am an attractive woman and having a lot of attention from guys. Petite blonde, 56kg, 162cm height, big green eyes, gorgeous smile, S shape figure. In a nutshell, wherever I go, guys always stare. Now, in terms of attractiveness, out of all guys who want my attention, who do I actually prefer to interact with? ? Only high status men. Why would I spend my time with guys who earn less than me? And/or socially less successful than me? When I have plenty of suitors who are high power and high status? When high status/power/financial wealth is established, I further look for such criteria as - height - pleasant looking - sporty Then when I get to know the guys, I further look for - emotional availability/maturity - how the guy treats me - low on EGO/egoism - fun/sense of humor - adventurous - into personal growth - psychological health This is in a nutshell. Hope this helps.

Yeah! My GF got into a relationship with one. Got pregnant on month 3 of the relationship and then went through so much pain to the point she had to leave Singapore and her job and moved back to Russia to libe her parents and the dude does not even want to see his daughter ??? So I know how dangerous it can be to be in a bad/low place and allow someone unhealthy into your life. That's why I continue doing the work and will never stop. Only being healthy emotionally and constantly raising my self awareness and self love and consciousness I will be able to attract a healthy man. Vibrationally I just find myself repelling all the traumatised people. We just don't gel together. The only sad thing is with more work I do on myself, the more I notice how unhealthy everyone else is and how many internal struggles and issues people have without even an acknowledgement of why they are the way they are. There are a LOT of unconscious people out there! Which makes finding a truly healthy and conscious individual even harder ? Quite sad if u ask me.

Also, one observation from my own experience. Everyone's vulnerable place level is different. If u worked on your empathy, expressing emotions, and letting yourself experience lows as well as highs, u will not be as vulnerable or become prey to narcissists when u r at your lows, because your overall level of consciousness and empathy for yourself is quite high to start with. And all u need to pass a low point is to feel through it and accept it and be gentle with yourself during this time and u will also be able to recognise easily that u r in that low stage. Like recently, with my mom's health crisis. I felt so low and so weak, and alone when all responsibilities of helping her fell on my shoulders only. My brother wasn't much help and it was pointless to even talk to him, because from his view point as a male child he was already doing more than enough for her and his expectation was that I am as a daughter, must do much much more. Which is unfair of course and not true. But I can't change his belief. Its impossible! My mistake was that I thought he just need me to show him factually how little he did. But showing him facts, just distorted his internal view/picture of himself as a good son and it backfired to me. I realised that until external reality won't prove him otherwise, I won't be able to convince him in my point of you. So I was in a very vulnerable place and noticed that I want more support and emotional closeness with my BF. I realised it was mostly caused by my selfish desire to get help and since I am physical touch person, and experience love and support through physical presence, I wanted more physical closeness from him, i. e. Wanted to move in with him. Now that I am out of this crisis mode and working on getting my balance back, I don't feel that way anymore. And I am back to feeling and being more attuned to my BF's needs, not only MY needs. And all that happened quite quickly. And the reason is because I worked so hard for past 8 years on my emotional resilience and noticing how I feel, not numbing it down or trying to fix it with relationships. So the only answer i see is to work on yourself more and raise your own level of emotional awareness and empathy for yourself and others. I really don't see any other healthy and sustainable way.

@Khr well, I was suicidal about 7-8 years ago. Of course I don't share it on 1st dates. But I don't see any issue sharing it after like 2-3 months into a relationship. Its my life journey and I went through that stage and it actually played a big role in how I changed myself and how and what I am now. Remember, we change mostly when the pain is too much and we can't go on with that pain for any longer. I am in a much better place now, but I feel its important to share that part of my journey because it will show the guy who I truly am and how I changed and what's important for me now. And I am not ashamed of that stage of my life. I actually feel proud of it. That I didn't decide to take my life, but instead realised that it's worth living and enjoying life and do something meaningful with it. Part of the reason I joined this forum is because as a result of that journey I progressed to Yellow level on SD and looking continuously on how I can further grow and evolve. So it's important for me to reveal to the closest person who I truly am!!! And if he looks down on me or pity me for that or thinks I am defective in any way for that, I will just end the relationship. Simple as that.

I met another guy as well who was very emotional and open and vulnerable with me on date 1.Told me about his suicide story and stuff. I felt close and pity for him, but he was not a narc, just another depressed and deeply traumatised dude. And when I wanted to get close as in build a real relationship, he distanced himself from me, so he couldn't connect with me on an emotional level and develop healthy intimacy. And I spotted it rather quickly and ended it. We remained friends. Guys who are emotionally unavailable or traumatised and need healing, they are quite easy to spot actually. How? - they don't deepen emotional bond/connection. They can tell u sob stories about suicide and other stuff but when it comes to actual relating and vulnerability, they simply cannot go there cause they feel super scared to show themselves - cause of the belief they r ugly inside and not lovable. So they distance themselves from any real emotional intimacy and that for me is a huge red flag and I gtfo of there. - they don't empathise with you and your emotions. You just don't feel inderstood, accepted or free to express yourself next to them. You have to keep up appearances with them. And it always feels like sex in a condom, you have sex, but its like in a vacuum, like there is no closeness. That's an indication of lack of empathy. - and you feel neglect big time. Like u don't exist until u meet or text. Other times u feel like u don't exist in his world at all. If u feel neglect, run... My two cents for you girls to understand these dynamics better. But the only truly sustainable way out or solution to this is not to close up and reject everybody, but to develop high levels of attunement to others, which is ONLY possible when u have a high level of attunement to yourself and your emotions first and foremost. Good luck!

@Khr I actually dated a narc for like 3 months and gtfo of there on my own How I spotted he was a covert narc? Easy. He didn't have any empathy. Thry can tell all the sad stories and stuff but that's not emotions and being truly vulnerable or open. It's something else entirely. He was telling all the sad stories and I could feel on a almost surreal emotional level huge levels of neglect from him - narcs are normally born growing up in neglectful and unhealthy emotionally distant families. Main key to spotting a narc - is not feeling emotional empathy from him. And to differentiate sad stories from feeling lack of empathy, u need to be yourself very empathetic and emotionally expressive person. The fact that u cannot differentiate the two, tells me that you are struggling with empathy to yourself and others and taking sad stories for an actual expression of vulnerability and emotions, when it's not and is SUPER different. When I expected empathy and didn't get it, I realised I am dealing with a highly traumatised individual. I didn't know at that time he was a narc. When I got out and ended the relationship and then was so confused as to what was THAT? My male friend who grew up with a narcissistic father told me to look up covert narcissist description and signs and he matched like 90%. Doctor Ramani has a good YouTube channel on narcissists and narcissism. You just need to watch a few of her educational videos and u will be set to identify them easily. Again, I repeat, don't try to fix other people or find faults with other people, you won't be able to control them, but you are capable to control and educate yourself and improve your emotional availability and empathy, which is a better strategy longer term than simply avoiding life and rejecting ALL emotional guys. This way you won't fix anything and problem will always be there. Best approach is to work on yourself to be able to feel better, to be more empathetic, to allow and accept your own emotions and live them, rather than reject them. Cause if u reject others emotions, u first and foremost reject your own emotions and that will eventually lead to deep depression and suicide, cause doing that for long will only convince u that u live in a world full of manipulative guys and there is no hope. Careful here. This might backfire big time in a long term!

@Khr yep. Met plenty of such dudes. In Singapore lota of guys like that with 0 EQ. Cause finance and other industries require a strong logical mind. Normally in such guys emotions and EQ in general are underdeveloped. And yes I felt like I am dealing with the robot. If a guy is super emotional, but yet logical it's actually the best. Because I can relate better and see his emotions and how he feels and we can discuss our emotions openly. I find it hard to believe that a very emotional guy can manipulate in any way. What he does is he is just expressing his emotions and if you are uncomfortable with his emotional expressiveness, and take it for manipulation, what it means is you simply having hard time reading his emotions for what they are, which means you have issues recognising and feeling your own emotions most likely.