Vzdoh

I feel the longing for closeness and intimacy and I am in general more expressive with my feelings. He is less expressive and does things for me instead of saying things. But I do feel like there is a distance intentional or unintentional. And I don't want to fix him or behave like there is something wrong with him. With his actions he shows me he cares about me, but true closeness-wise, I feel like he is in his own bubble and maybe this level of intimacy is ok and normal for him. I will bring this up when we meet up. Will try to state my needs in a non-aggressive and non-judgemental way and inquire if this level of intimacy and closeness is what he is comfortable with and if more is going to make him feel suffocated of sorts. Then I guess it is an incompatibility in the relational intimacy department and I will have to let him go. Cause I can't really change that about him. I am not afraid to express what I need. I am afraid of hurting him while I am at it. Because nobody wants to learn that they are doing not enough and another person is unhappy. He does quite a bit actually, so I even think that is not exactly true. So very difficult to communicate while despite what he already does for me, I still feel unhappy and my needs for deeper intimacy are still not met. Well! I definitely already stepped back, because I see he is quite busy and I don't want to add stress to that. Also focusing more on expanding my social circle. Also, my needs for connection are mostly met by friends and family. But how do you meet your needs on your own if these are needs that can be met only in a relationship? Like the need for intimacy? I find it hard to figure out how to meet this need outside of a relationship. I do feel like I deserve of my needs for intimacy and closeness in the relationship to be met. And that's why I pondering the situation and the relationship because I feel like they are not. I can't force anyone to meet my needs unless they care enough to do it willingly for me. So let's see what happens after we have a chat.

I love him and I told him about it. If I didn't love him and didn't care about the relationship with him, I would simply drop him already and moved on.

Why? I was just trying to help him introspect. Cause current overwork situation is making him miserable in all senses, but yet he continues with it. So my heart aches to see this. That's why. @tzuki How would you define supportive in this situation? Also, what do you mean by self-interest here? I haven't seen him for almost 2 months, because I was away in another country and now in self quarantine. So we haven't done anything romantic or seen each other for quite some time. I feel not exactly neglected, because he does find time to call me every other day and texts me every day, but all of this is generic chatting and kinda like check in with each other. Real emotional connection and intimacy is missing. Most likely he is using this daily "check in" strategy to feel like everything is ok and in his mind it is "a connection" or a "compensation" for real connection and closeness. I haven't openly told him about how I feel yet cause I want to do it in person after my self-quarantine is over. Over text or on a call its difficult to discuss such things. I just so far expressed concern about his wellbeing and him overworking himself and encouraged him to spend more time on himself, doing stuff he likes and enjoys. But didn't straight out told him that he is prioratising work over me and how it makes me feel. Does it make sense to actually word it that way? That I feel neglected and prioratises work over the relationship? What would I achieve with this kind of language, except alienation and defensiveness? I do want to communicate my needs openly, but I do not want to be confrontational or angry or drama about it.

I totally loved what you wrote! ❤️? I can feel raw emotions there and feeling in the moment! ☀️☀️☀️ I personally love guys who can express their emotions freely and not afraid of them. Its liberating, penetrating me to the depth of my soul and back and somehow I feel vital energy flows to the point i become more sensitive to feelings and expressions of others - gets me more empathetic. So emotional exchange is totally amazing and mind blowing and you reach a higher vibration as well! ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ ??????

We can't grow on our own completely. We need mirrors. Our partners are our best mirrors. If u r not in a good place, most likely u will attract the same - to mirror to you the reasons for why u r not in a good place and better understand it. Don't expect a healthy and happy relationship though. It will only happen after u feel content with yourself and love yourself. Then a healthy partner will arrive.

She is psychologically unhealthy. Ask her to see a counselor. All she is saying to you is coming from a fear to be abandoned and left alone and a desire to control you. She perceives you as an object, not another separate human being - a subject. this happens normally when the person has a lack of empathy and is highly egoistic. She also lacks critical thinking it seems which might mean declining mental ability if it wasn't this way before. Distance yourself and stop any interaction and talking on all those subjects. Continue communication only if she talks normally and does not paddle all these conspiracy theories with you. If she tries to guilt-trip you, refuse this tactic by directly telling her that guilt-tripping u is not gonna help her be closer to you and have a good relationship with you. See a psychologist as well

you don't communicate with narcissists, you run...

Ignore it at your peril. Status is not the ONLY thing! I mentioned it like 100 times, but it is initial screening filter for most women. Not niche criterium. After status, she will be looking at whether u can lead her and whether u r a true alpha. Women r driven by hypergamy. Its a fact. We never marry guys who earn less than us or lower than us on a status ladder, unless we have kids from another dude and can't compete for the best guy, then we settle for whatever is left. Nature.

Has nothing to do with my ego. I work hard to be the way I am - preserve my beauty both internally and externally. For guys to work hard on their success and being higher value is logical and reciprocative to the effort I put in. This is beyond any ego! This is hard work and u deserve in the end what you put into it.

Do I sound like it? I am not attracted to macho guys cause they fail to relate to me emotionally and cannot be vulnerable with me. Vulnerability in a relationship is the only way to develop true intimacy. Only guys who accepted and integrated their feminine side are actually good with EQ and expressing emotions.

Exactly! Girls who want to attract the most successful guy, work on their value, by investing in their looks, body, mind/psychological wellbeing. Why guys want to have a hot babe doing nothing? Just get it in your head/scull that hot babe has plenty of options, understand what her criteria to filter these options are and go work on those areas to better yourself. What's so hard about it? I don't really understand. Why spend countless hours on this forum discussing theory and complaining, when you can just stop the nonsense and go improve yourself to become more attractive? For example, in my case, I already have good genetics, thanks to mom and dad, but I am proactively trying to improve my looks to be able to attract more guys, so that I can pick who I like. Things I do to be more attractive to the opposite sex: 1) weight training/swimming almost every single day. My body is firm and tight and looks better than that of many women in their late 20s who don't do any sports. 2) financial independence - I work for myself, increasing my income, saving a ton, so that I don't have to go for guys who are not equally well off or less successful. I make it a big point actually. 3) psychological wellbeing - there are a lot of womem out there with psychological disorders, self esteem issues, unstable/immature emotionally. I proactively invest in developing my empathy, maturing emotionally, psychological health and personal and spiritual growth. All of the above I am doing regularly and continuously and so I feel like I would want to date me. And of course guys see all these and want to get a piece ???❤️ Become the best version of yourself so that you want to date you and then see what happens! ?

@Harlen Kelly have u even watched it? In a 2nd video there is a clear system presented. And I agree with it 100%. What's not systemic about it? If u have come across better systems view, do share? @Leo Gura talks about the same thing about dating/game in his videos. For guys he recommends to carve out their place in the world and work on obtaining higher social status. For women - to be more sexually appealing. This video i shared talks exactly about the same thing with a systemic overview of the dating strategies and market value in time progression. When u criticise someone's opinion or sources, do provide the rationale for criticism and what other methods/systems u came across are better? Blatant criticism without supporting argument is super immature way to hold a discussion about anything.

Have a look at these videos. I think they sum up very well the situation in the dating market place so to speak. The only way for a guy to be chosen by more women and not get rejected is to improve his social/financial status. The only way for a woman to avoid rapid decline in value is to take care of her body, eat well, look above 7/10, not have kids too early or from guys who won't be there to help with kids. Just understand this is an actual reality and you will be more successful in finding a match. No point to adopt red or black pill for both genders. Accepting reality is the solution. The reason why we have these black and red pill communities on both sides is because both genders do not accept reality and think their market value is much higher than it truly is - dotted line on his graph. The cognitive dissonance between a belief and reality is what creates anger, animosity, rejection, demonising etc. Just accept reality for what it is and what reproductive and dating agendas /strategies both genders have and make peace with it, i. e. use it to get the best mate possible based on your market value.

I dropped a very good otherwise guy because of this 50/50 shit. He was about to introduce me to his friends and family. But I didn't want to go there cause in a long term, if a guy thinks men and women are equal and he does not need to be a provider and give me masculine containment, I will suffer with this guy. Especially when other guys not only want, but compete among each other to showcase to me just how much they are ready to start a family and that they are financially well off to support it.

Masculine men bring out our feminine side the best! ❤️❤️❤️ That's the reason out of 60+ guys I dated last year, I kept only 1 and he is absolutely the man! ❤️❤️❤️?

Thank you 조상범 but I know that ???❤️

Hey dear, I do think we should take care of our bodies, similarly like we should take care of our psychological wellbeing and invest in personal growth - this is what we are doing on this forum I hope. As for sports advice, if u want to get in shape and look good, I suggest Michael Matthews book - bigger leaner stronger. This is the exercise no BS book on what works in the gym and how drastically improve your physique for men only. I have read his book for women and after 12 weeks of consistent weight lifting, gained about 2.5kg of muscles and toned quite a bit. Guys feedback calling me a total babe tells me that my results are noticed ???

Good that we finally agree. I apologise for being direct in my statements. But I never even once attacked anyone on here. You admitted yourself that you are not a social superstar, and that was actually the point of your post. Not a social superstar = loner of sorts. I just paraphrased it in more direct terms. You on the other hand, mentioned everything u could to insult me personally - like i am not beautiful etc. etc. So take your own advice please and stop being offensive.

Would u ask that question to an acquaintance of yours? Just like casually, do u have any psychological disorder? Ask and see if u have any people wanting to talk to you after that? If its not an attack than what is? ?

I don't. I see personal attacks for what they are - ego backlash against true hard core reality. It's always like this. You actually make a lot of personal attacks too by the way. And then advice people don't take it personal. Passive-agressive behaviour at its best ?

And what is my posting style? ?

Stop trying to find a way to insult me or find something wrong with me. Yes your ego will feel better if you do, but then what's the point? U won't learn or grow if u r going to give in to your ego ?

Who said that? ????

Who said I am single? ??? I am currently in a committed relationship with an amazing guy who matches my list 90% or so. Nobody is ideal! Good enough for me ?❤️

I am also curious why u r attempting to diagnose other people when u r not qualified to do so? ? Is it a way for your ego to feel more superior or more competent than others? Or u r trying to suggest that u don't have any psychological problems yourself? ? But others do? I am just bored out of mind in quarantine and finding these discussions fun, especially when I see how both men and women on here are stuck in their stages and ego views and at any attempt to communicate anything that removes the rosy glasses (maybe I should do it more softly, but my direct Russian nature comes out unfortunately) and help them to see the real picture, there is an egoic baclash right away, not just against what I say, but it is becoming personal attacks. Quite sad really ☹️☹️☹️ People will stay where they are with this approach. The only way to grow is to adopt and truly accept the other perspective even if u disagree.