Vzdoh

Hey dear, in all other posts you sound quite green/yellowish, but when it comes to the topic of sex, I sense a lot of blue - moralisation. Moralisation actually prevents your psychology/mind to truly let go and enjoy sex and have multiple orgasms, i. e. feel and treat your body as a source of joy and pleasure and a beautiful object it is!!! With long term BFs, how is your sex? Good? Bad? Do u have orgasms? Takes time or you come easy? I think your question is not exactly correct. It shouldn't be about whether casual sex is sin? It should be about - do I enjoy casual sex? Does my body require/wants it? What does my body want? How it gets aroused, pleased and orgasm the most? What conditions are required? Is it casual sex or some other form, type or shape of sex? From outside, your question about sin seems contractory to me - like u put your body into a box and trying to decide which uncomfortable position it should take inside. I would remove the box and don't require my body to take any uncomfortable positions. Instead i would listen what my body wants now? Is it casual sex? Exploration of sexuality with different exciting partners? Or is it love making with a BF you have true deep feelings for? What do you want, body? This is more expansionary question to ask in my opinion. For me personally, before I did Hoffman Process, I slept around and was engaged in a lot of casual sex. But I have done it not from an authentic place and done it because i had low self esteem and it was a way to hook the guys in. I felt super disconnected from my body in those moments. And always felt worse after sex. These days, actually my body is now connected to my spirit and my heart and my mind. Therefore, what actually happens and I observed it several times - my body is completely numb and senseless almost like I watch it from somewhere outside - this when I tried having casual sex - after that sex not only i felt pain from my body for giving it to someone I had no feelings for, but on top of that, my body felt emptiness and sadness and gap/hole in the guy who is trying to fill his gap with sex when in fact he needs intimacy, closeness, connection etc. It was so painful and empty and I felt absolutely nothing, that I stopped the practice completely and it's been like that for 7 years now. Now when I have feelings for a guy and I know that he is in love with me, my body has an absolute libido rush and I want to jump the guy like several times per day. I did 11 orgasms in like 12 hours last time I was in a relationship. So to conclude - I don't moralise, I don't judge others if they want to have casual sex, but personally for me and from my experience, promiscuity never comes from a full abundant loving place for yourself. At least I don't know such individuals, neither men nor women. Maybe they exist somewhere and my circle of friends is just fucked up, but it's hard for me to believe. But again, everyone is free to do what makes them happy. What makes me and my body the happiest is having sex with a guy, who loves me and I love him.

@Windappreciator i never mentioned that I expect the guy to be always masculine. I actually appreciate the guy who has emotional side to him and certain softness. But if this soft behavior is like 80% of the time, then I would be repelled. A balance of 80% masculine and 20% feminine is ideal personally for me.

@Shin this is actually fascinating! @MatteO22 just repeated exactly the argument my ex NZ beta guy gave me - that he felt like I loved him with a condition - and he took - in my view purely masculine qualities like providing protection and positive containment for a woman - as condition on my love for him. He told me exactly the same thing - that he wants me to love him unconditionally - and when I asked him how he actually sees that happening? Like if he wants me to love him unconditionally, then how he is going to show his love for me then? To which the reply was - drum roll - that he will simply be... at that point my libido for him committed a suicide ????⚒️?? I really understand where he came from. I had poor self esteem and childhood trauma before too and did not love myself unconditionally. So I really tuned in to his trauma. But the conclusion I made out of this situation is the following. People who truly have high self esteem and unconditionally love themselves, actually do not need anyone to love them unconditionally. Because they already actually give themselves all the unconditional love they need. This is based on my internal feeling. Before I craved someone to love me for who I am, unconditionally. These days, I want to love someone and give them love unconditionally to the best of my ability. But I am also realistic and look at attraction and feminine/masculine polarity realistically. And I understand that every men is different and I need to find a way to show my love in such a way that he feels the most loved - meaning there are certain conditions I nees to keep in mind if I want the most impact. For example, a man whose love language is words of appreciation, will not feel as loved if I say do something for him or give him gifts, he will feel the most loved when I say every day how much I appreciate him. This is simplistic example. It's actually much more complex. But overall my conclusion was that to get a guy to love me - not only there r certain conditions, but also there certain actions and behaviour I have to adopt to make my man to feel happy, fulfilled, loved. So in conclusion I think the best approach is to learn how to give yourself unconditional love and don't demand it from others as this is a position of neediness. When you do that, u will feel so much love ovetflow that it will be so easy to give your love and care to others and understand on a feeling level that if your partner does not love himself unconditionally, most likely it will be impossible for him to love you unconditionally. And last point - women perceive men as a force of nature, creation, innovation and forward action = masculine men image in my mind. Therefore, in my mind, simply being for guys = action. Simply being for females = state of balance, quiet energy. That's why I think it's super hard for a feminine woman to be attracted to a guy who does not equate his being = taking action or how Leo puts it = penetrating the world.

@Lucas-fgm he sounds exactly like my ex NZ guy who I dropped because I didn't feel masculine polarity with him as he basically transmitted to me that he needs appreciation, care, reassurance, constant validation, he needs to be wanted and desired. All of these made me feel masculine, not feminine and that's when my libido dropped like a rock and I practically stopped wanting him. Maybe this is the reason why my comments about beta men and in particular sharing that experience about my ex, triggered him so much to the point of attacking and trying to diagnose me with multiple issues and so many assumptions were made on my behalf, it was quite scary actually, to observe such severe reaction.

Yeah, my type as well. I love alpha guys with very developed emotional intelligence. Super rare breed though! Guys i meet especially in Asia are almost autistic when it comes to EQ.

@Harlen Kelly thanks dear! I am 39y old and don't have rosey glasses when it comes to dating. I am also quite authentic as per feedback of my female friends and guys I date. I speak my mind truthfully always. Because to love yourself deeply, u need to be true to yourself first and formost. And I am very much in touch with my feelings and emotions - and I actually observed wild swings in my libido - desire for a guy, when he behaved like alpha - action driven, moving forward, assertive, takes good care of me, provides positive containment and security and safety. My libido just went through the roof to be honest and I couldn't wait to jump the guy. But all the non-alpha behaviours like splitting bills, calculating investments in the excel, treating me like an equal/dude, not providing containment, not taking care of me, actually demanding my support and care like a little boy, not going out of his way to make me happy - with these types of behaviour I noticed my libido dropped like a rock and I simply stopped desiring that guy. This observation is actually fascinating for me. I digged deep to understand why my libido reacts this way and when I came across Teal Swan video on positive containment - I finally understood why. ???

Sounds rapey to me About continuous check in and consent while in the process. One dude I tried to date, I told him I am not ready for sex but don't mind like kissing and making out a bit. So we were doing exactly that but I didn't want to go any further cause I knew him like maybe for 2-3 weeks only and did not build the trust yet. And he completely disregarded the need for checking for consent in the process. Basically like many guys on here and hard close principle, he kept on going although I tensed and was trying to physically stop him and escape his embrace. When he let me go finally, I told him again that I am not ready for sex, apologised for what I thought - leadibg him on - and left. He basically gave me silent treatment after that like a 5 year old. Needless to say, he joined my whatsapp blacklist/blocklist after that silent treatment. Checking for consent in the process is important. Girls not always want to have sex immediately and with the guy they did not build the trust yet. Pushing for sex in this situation is being rapey.

@mivafofa I feel ya... Happened to me exactly in the same way on another thread. I openly shared how I pick guys and what's important for me, only to be attacked for the fact that I don't find beta males attractive and don't want to fuck them. Lots of triggers for beta males on here for sure, but it's not a justification to attack for something u simply have no control over - feminine women are mostly attracted to strong masculine men - alpha men. Cause its expression of polarity. Teal Swan talks about this dynamic a lot.

Fear of unwanted sexual advances. Can be rape, can be someone u have 0 attraction for, trying to force kiss you and touch you, fear of being unsafe and weak on a dark street. Many fears. And this is exactly the fear that drives women to look for protection and security in a relationship with a man. And if we don't feel that protection, most likely relationship won't last long. Because being protected is when we can finally fully relax and enjoy simply being...

I have the same feeling about @Hulia Her comments feel like she is a dude. How can female not understand this? Every interaction I have with the guy ALWAYS ends up with guys showing interest in sex, ALWAYS. Friends or otherwise. When I was young, I was hanging out with guy friends of my bro in a group and there was a point where I clearly saw it is becoming sexual and I got really scared of the possibility of a group rape. And they were friends of my bro!!! I left abruptly feeling severely unsafe. I just refuse to believe that there is a woman in this world that does not experience this fear on a daily basis.

I think Donny Epstein - epigenetics teacher and practitioner is turquoise ❤️

Fundamental lack of self love and self acceptance

@Lucas-fgm ?????????????????

@MatteO22 yeah, criticism like this almost always means deep internal critisism and lack of love for yourself. I have that too and really working on eliminating it right now. Basically I realised that when I criticise others, I disconnect from them and from myself and i reject myself = this is lack of self love at a very core.

@MatteO22 same view. I don't actually consider women who sleep around sluts. I feel compassion towards them because as per my observations, they are doing it not from a healthy place and i am part of those women forums to provide support and perspective to other women. And shaming is a big no no in the communities I am a member of. There is a difference in the language of stating facts and actually shaming anyone. I hope my language is impartial and fact based.

@Harlen Kelly let's turn the argument around and then my question to you is why would a psychologically healthy woman have sex with multiple guys? Like example with a girl after breakup - 11 guys count in a single month. Out of what feelings she would wabt to sleep with as maby guys?

@Lucas-fgm that's your assumption. U are free to assume anything u want, its your mind and your projections ???? has nothing to do with my real situation ?

@Harlen Kelly in my personal experience, from interacting with women in my life and participating in deep discussions about sex and sexuality with women in chat and forum groups, I rarely see first of all psychologically healthy women, more than 80% have various issues with self esteem, experienced childhood trauma of various sorts, in abusive relationships, i. e. Quite bad at protecting their own boundaries, etc. And I am just seeing it and this is how it is and its not good or bad, its just reality of growing up in dysfunctional families and socialising. So, I rarely saw or observed women who really embrace their sexuality, free with it and actually go fuck multiple guys. Normally these few ladies that found their sexuality, did it within a monogamous relationship in a safety and security of experimenting with a permanent partner.

@Lucas-fgm hahahaha. Its not only women that say one thing and do complete opposite - both genders do it - especially when they are on some sort of neurotic spectrum, meaning that cannot express your needs and wants in a direct and assertive manner or allow others to buldose through your boundaries.

@Harlen Kelly so do you think that's healthy? To go have sex with random guys to try to tackle a nasty breakup? Instead of like a self aware adult, sit with the feelings and process them? And work on your self esteem? Having sex with multiple partners does not resolve the feelings from the break up. If any thing, it might make it worse. For me personally, long time ago when I did ONS, I did it from the pkace of low self esteem mostly, I did not value myself and my body, and how precious it is and felt super bad after ONS. For me it was soul crushing and got me even more depressed than before sex.

@Harlen Kelly i am not judging anyone here, just stating my own observations. And I am not defending or attacking women in here. Everyone can do what pleases them. However, I am a part of a few psychological groups for women only. No guys. And women share their anonymously about sex and sexual attraction and dating. And out of thousands of active members in the group, only few % is actually really into sex for sex's sake, i. E. They use apps just to get laid just like guys. And many of these women share openly that this is their way to get validation and boost to a self esteem - nothing healthy about it in my view. Sex addiction is possible in women, but much more rare than in men. Women are more wired to have plenty of sex with one guy, than plenty of sex with plenty of guys. That's all. Don't see any judgement in my words from just stating a fact.

@Raptorsin7 i dont judge guys based on body count. I judge guys ONLY on how they treat me. If I get respectful and caring treatment + vulnerability from the guy, I don't care how many women he slept with. Body count for women depends largely on their age and looks. For me, I counted like 21-22, but I am 39yo and majority of this happened before age 32. I am much more selective now and have no problem going without sex for a year if I don't fancy anyone or can't build an emotional connection with.

For pretty women to get sex is easy. If I accepted all offers I get every day, my count would be in the hundreds. I get offers from guys ranging from 10 years younger to up to 10 years older. So there is no shortage of that. But for me, not sure about other women, emotional connection is the key. I simply can't enjoy sex without it. And very few guys actually want a true emotional connection because it means they will need to be vulnerable with me. And lots of men have issues being vulnerable in general and being vulnerable with the woman they like. So in my case, even if the guy is super assertive and had plenty of sex with other women, if he is not opening up and being vulnerable with me, I will lose my initial interest and attraction and move on. I don't date/have sex when vulnerability and emotions are missing from the equation. So if a woman has a high body count, to me ut just means she is not in touch with her emotions or healthy psychologically, i. E. Trying to use sex to replace emotions or use it as a manipulation tectic to get close to the guy, and that never works.

I think this boils down to the ability to read another person's verbal and non verbal clues and signs. Having that and genuine empathy helps a lot in reading others. Personally, if a guy asks me about if he can kiss me, it tells me two things, both negative and both will put me off of him. 1) he obviously cannot read me to actually see if he can, 2) he is insecure in himself to take initiative abd the lead as guys should. It only works if it's actually a playful statement where he asks but already going in for a kiss or when u kissed already and this is teasing/flirting. My BF asks me at the end of every date if he sees me again. And we are officially BF and GF. I find it charming, cause it is coming from a genuine place and it tells me he does not take me for granted. As for coming to guy's place = she wants sex. This is absolutely not true. For example, in lockdown in Singapore, restaurants stopped serving drinks at 21:30 and since I had a flatmate, I went to the guy's place to have another drink and I flat out told him that I am not ready for sex and need to get to know him better. And he took it of course the wrong way and started forcing me. I left and expected an apology. It never came. So I blocked the guy. Ability to read the other and communicate is the key. Don't assume stuff.

Hi guys, I recently discovered that there are still dark parts of myself that I do not accept fully. It's also sometimes called shadow self. I have done a lot of work on myself. Did Hoffman process, vipassana, multiple spiritual and Buddhist retreats and now working with my coach, I understood that there are still parts of me that I do not love and accept fully. There are not many, maybe 80% I am there already. Accepting and embracing shadow self normally unleashes crearivity, kundalini energy, spontaneity and life force. I do have all of that already too, but not at the level I wished. Anyone has done any work in that space and can recommend good resources to have a look at? Super grateful! ❤️❤️❤️❤️???