spiritual memes

Not sure if i enjoy having this kind of empathy . Having too much empathy for others can be detrimental once you realize just how much suffering and fucked up shit is happening to people. The world goes from a beautiful dream to a nightmare.

After seeing some mexican drug cartel videos, sometimes the most compassionate thing do is to put a bullet through their brain to end their fucked up dream. Theres beauty in executing a psychopath so that they can't hurt more people.

For some reason, I went on an online binge of the worst atrocities committed by humans. I was reading and watching footage of war crimes, murders, and executions. After watching the most horrific cartel executions I decided that I should probably stop watching this content as I'm pretty sufficiently scarred. I decided to look within and confront the part of me that wants to look at this kind of fucked up content. It seems to be a firefighter part trying to protect me. Since the world is a fucked up place, this part of me wants to be prepared for all the depravity in the world rather than be caught off guard. Therefore whenever I see a link saying 'don't watch this, its too fucked up and disturbing', I immediately get a compulsion to click it. Because the idea of something disturbing but unknown is terrifying. Therefore, this part is protecting me from the unknown by forcing me to confront the horrors of reality no matter what. That being said, the shit I've seen is fucking bad and I'm pretty fucking scarred.

yeah, when I had my awakening I laughed at my fear of death and all the suffering in the world because it was all just an illusion

I mean, both are pretty horrific. which is why the radical implications of oneness is so disturbing. Because I'm going to experience all of it.

That makes sense but its still pretty hard watching an ISIS beheading and knowing its me. Does this mean I completely experience the pain of the victim or I'm just imagining it? or somehow both?

@Tyler Robinson yeah sometimes i chug a glass before meditation and it kin of helps. But I'm thinking this is some kind of emotional/spiritual thing as I'm going though quite a big inner transformation.

Recently, I've been noticing some really weird bodily sensations when i meditate. In particular, I feel a tightness around my throat area that makes me gag a lot. I also feel extremely hot from the inside, especially my palms which can get so hot to the point where they feel like they're burning. But in general there is a super tight energy in my throat area and it sometimes feels like a tingling there. Anyone have any tips?

I'm starting to reach my exiled parts now. They're difficult to describe and put into works. It feels initially like trapped energy in my lower body that my upper energetic body is trying to suppress. There is a protector part located below my neck that is trying to suppress these energies. Its doing this to avoid emotional overwhelm i think. There is also another pretector part that is trying to distract me from the emptiness inside me. But from my psychedelic trips, I know that emptiness is infinite love.

@Breakingthewall Yes im well aware of that, its more of a compulsion than something logical.

@Breakingthewall yeah I'd like to think my mind can handle it but seeing and reading about this fucked up shit can really fuck with my head. If anything, the spiritual work makes it worse because it gives me more empathy. I can no longer see people as fundamentally separate from me so when I watch an isis beheading video, I can almost feel the persons pain. I also for some reason have a strange compulsion to watch these videos, like i want to be exposed to the darkest parts of reality to see if i can handle it.

@Breakingthewall The whole point is to not try to understand it with your conceptual mind. In a way, you already have it, its the trying to understand it that's obscuring it. Imagine that one day you can't find your glasses so you spend the entire day looking everywhere for then but to no avail so your give up. Suddenly you realise that you were wearing your glasses the whole time.

I don't think its a distortion. Just something so obvious and meta that language doesn't exist to describe it. It's not dark at all, its not a joke in a bad sense. Just a very funny sense.

Meditation, shadow work and IFS therapy

I literally cannot put it into words. And tbh It's been a while since I did a high dose of LSD so its kind of faded. Its not as emotionally intense as a god realization and its possible to have one without the other. Its more of a meta awakening while god realization is more of a deep awakening. A big tip is to not try to understand it. The very act of trying to understand it is what prevents you from accessing it.

And then after the ecstasy you calm down and you think for a bit and then BOOM, you get the joke and you start laughing.

If its not funny, you probably haven't realized it. All of existence is designed to be a huge divine practical joke you are playing on yourself. Its a joke of such infinite genius yet also really stupid at the same time due to how unbelievably meta it is. Once you realise it, you'll be like LOLLLLLLLLL it was right in front of me, why didn't I realise????? XD. The God realization awakening is when you realise the mechanics of how reality works. Since reality is infinitely complex, god realization is infinitely deep. Keep watching Leo and he'll keep being like 'I just had a deeper awakening that surpasses all my previous awakening'. But reality is one big joke and the meta awakening is when you realize the punchline. But both the setup and the punchline are so meta they can't be expressed in language. And the joke its fucking hilarious.

Don't listen to these salty mofos telling you you're not awake. There's multiple types of awakening and they're so busy chasing the god realization one while missing out on the meta one that you just had. The best awakening is the one that is so meta you cannot put it into words. And when you reach it, you laugh for hours because its the funniest shit in existence. Like it was right in front of you the whole time but you were too busy looking somewhere else.

I've also experience a lot of childhood abuse (but not sexual) and it absolutely affects my dating life. Until you sort out your childhood traumas, dating and game will be an uphill battle.

this song was actually a banger back in the day

@Jannes exactly

what happens if one of his children comes out as gay or decides they don't want to be christian?

Damn, theres parts of me that are trying really hard to distract me from doing more IFS therapy. I'm feeling a strong aversion to doing any more parts work