lucasgloves

I feel like I need a lot of work if indeed I want to go deeper in understanding reality, or either let go more. If I want to have another trip on mushrooms, do you guys recommend a higher dosage or lower, keeping in mind my weird reactions? I read somewhere a low dosage is actually worse cause you still have a lot of anxiety from your ego, while the mushrooms try to take you deeper but you can't due to your resistance - dont know if that's true. What about LSD, would it be any different? Also I read some people in this forum defending the pursue of awakening without the use of psychedelics, I got curious, they seem to really make everything a lot easier. But how deep can one go with meditation, inquiries, yogas, etc.?

Intersting, my girlfriend said it was like someone pressed a button in my brain when the mushrooms hit me and I fainted automatically; when I open my eyes my pupils were huge. Once when I smoke too much weed I had a similar experience. My body started tingling all of a sudden, and I felt I was fainting, but I didn't. I felt weird as hell, though. I felt I wasn't really there and was pretty sure I was going to die. I have this symptom called depersonalization which makes you feel like you're watching yourself in a dream or a movie, and your body feel like it is not yours - a feeling which is hard to describe but I deal with it for many years. Its similarity with the description of enlightenment was what draw me to Leo's channel; only depersonalization is not a good feeling, it just creates a lot of fear and anxiety. For the last two-three years, lost the count already, I've been meditating every day consistently, and my depersonalization effects are much better. Funny how I felt something like depersonalization in the trip, but different. I don't know if it have something to with the fainting, probably not, but who knows...

No, actually I was focusing in my breath when I fainted!

They're Cubensis from a trusty farm, a friend recommended. Also my GF enjoyed the trip and didnt faint or anything so I cant blane the mushrooms

Hello! Some months ago I tried dry mushrooms for the first time, only 1.5g. Some minutes after eating with strawberries I passed out at once. My girlfriend told me I fell on the ground and started to scream a lot. I woke and to me everthing was normal, I went lie down a little till the effects hit me - more intense than I imagined for such a small dose! I had deep insights about the nature of free will (thinking I was in control but wasn't at the same time), felt weird things about, identity, and much more No visual effects though. Talking about passing out at the beggining, my girlfriend told me it really scared her, she was crying when I woke up. I wonder what it is, I searched it and it seems a really weird body answer. I have this thing called vasovagal syncope which makes me pass out when I take blood tests sometimes - my vision goes black, I feel numb, light-headed, and pass out. My doctor said it is a weird thing really, and can happen in a lot of situations, like in a warm enviroment, after hard exercises, or if you don't eat sugar for a long time. I experienced passing out in the gym and in the bus alright - one from not eating sugar I guess, the other form the weather being too hot and the bus too crowded maybe, but another day I was reading a book and got to a scene when a guy takes a cat heart out from his body and eat it. I tried not to think too much about it, but the scene grew ever more grotesque, and even while I wasnt like, afraid, I felt at the same time, maybe subconsciously, that scene was too much for me, like I have a body like that cat, and something like that can happen to it, it can be torn apart, get hit by a car, etc. Maybe these thoughts led me to pass out in the bus, I don't know. Today at class I was thinking about the trip I had, it has been like three months now. And suddenly I felt really weird. I felt I wasn't controlling my actions, but at the same time I was, just like when I was tripping. And I had a big feeling I can't really describe, but I just felt I was God, and everyone in my room, and everything happening there, like God was that, and my little thoughts in my head were just trying to run away from it. I can't talk excactly how it felt but it was weird, and significative. It was like a force trying to make me accept it, like it was unavoidable, like it was always here but I never notice it, while my thoughts wanted to stay with me and just focus on the class, and distract myself with other stuff. My thoughts and this "presence" started to put some fear in me for how sudden it happened, while at the same time I tried to think well if thats the only way, if its unavoidable, I have to accept it, I have to let go, but I felt it was too much for me. I was just thinking about my trip in the class, it was really out of the blue. My vision went black like it happened in the trip, I felt really light-headed and almost passed out, the guy next to me told me I was pale white. I had to try to distract myself, force my attention on the class and put my thoughts away from what I just felt. Now that I got home I wonder if passing out is a defense mechanism of my body when I'm realizing this big stuff, to prevent myself to know it. But thats just a shot. What do you people think is happening? I would be more open to do more trips if that didn't happen, it seems a weird reaction.

Yeah but I mean I don't know what should I focus in, I remember one of Leo's videos when he say something like enlightment is the last step in the stairway, first you need to get rid of the small problems, like anxiety and fear. So I'm kind of mixed between doing this spiritual work, mindfullness and all, or working on fear and anxiety which I sure do have a lot or something else... And yeah, some people say Depersonalization is also someway related to trauma. I'm not really into traumatic experiences, so don't know if they would really affect me this bad. See? There's so many possible causes I don't know where to start. My opinion always was, "oh I don't know what caused this but I'm gotta stop making this labirinths in my mind just to try to figure it out", so I try to forget it and do my stuff in a normal way. Anyway thanks for the help, the more info related to these topics the better I think.

Thanks for the reply guys! The thing is, from my knowledge there is no definitive cure for DP. Trying to forget about it and believing I have nothing actually helps too, but I don't know, it always come back (three years in this come and go thing). It certainly feels like an ego death like I said, I have no more sense of self, but not in a positive, bright way like enlightment. Like I'm still holding to something. Interesting anyway.

I do, actually. I practice mindfulness everyday, which helps a lot. Never tried any professional work, though. Don't know, sharing these things with someone besides really close friends feels weird so..

So I was wandering if you guys know something about this topic, I have this disease for almost three years now and things seem to get worse everyday. Depersonalization is somehow related to fear and anxiety, it causes strange symptoms such as the feeling of like you're living in a dream, the entire reality feeling like an illusion. Anyway, I found some people who believe depersonalization is actually the opposite to enlightment. Some call it the "dark Knight of the soul" or "enlightment's evil twin". All I know is it feels really really bad. It may "feel" like an enlightment cause you don't feel like yourself anymore. You feel like a stranger seeing your own life passing by, but not in a positive way like Nirvana or something. Pretty strange thoughts, it's a really unknown disease I think. When I found Leo's videos about spirituality and all I could relate so much about those topics I almost cried. When you have DP you start to wander about reality and existence and consciousness and awareness very much, pretty much all day long. So, that's my state now, I'm living in some limbo I can't get out, and that's it. Anyone knows anything interesting regarding this?