spiritualryan

i'm writing this partly because i'm bored, but also to jot down my motivation for self realization. * once i attain liberation from fears and suffering, i'll go to my nearest starbucks and start chatting up girls and making friends with them. *i'll go outside and meditate in public in very crowded areas (usually i'm extremely embarressed to do that). then others who also meditate will join me as well and i'll make some good friends that way. *i'll start dancing with pure bliss and fearlessness in public and make good friends that way. *i'll sing in public (not in a annoying way though lol). *i'll be extremely confident and be completely free in my social relationships. *i'll be an extrovert

the teachers always say "be aware of being aware", and the people at the retreat somehow find it so easy to do. i just don't get it... all i have of reality is my direct experience; which entails thoughts (sometimes), sight, sound, sensation, smell, and taste. yet, the teachers say "just be aware of being aware"... IT MAKES NO GOD DAMN SENSE!! what do i do with my sense of sight? it's just there. same with sensations. they're just there. however, inquiring into a thought DOES actually reveal a extremely vast, open, empty space of awareness that i am. like if i visualize the thought of my house, it is very obvious if i focus on the sense of "i" that i am not the thought, but this vast awareness that is perceiving the thought. focusing on myself (awareness) using the sense of thought, i enter a slight trance like state where thoughts completely cease. the issue with inquiring into my sense of thought is that they aren't constant. so when i don't have thoughts, what am i supposed to do practically? inquiring into who the thoughts appear to, reveals my true self of vast awareness. but i don't constantly have thoughts. doing so with every other sense (sensations, smell, hearing) don't reveal my true self as awareness. HELP let me explain a little more. rupret spira says the question "are you aware" is a good question to get awareness back to it's source. however i don't understand. it does not compute. however if the question were "are you aware of a thought" then it makes perfect sense. i am that extremely vast open emtpy space that is aware of thought. then i can completely quite the mind in it's source. is this self inquiry?

@BipolarGrowth haha i've actually looked at a lot of past threads about psychedelics and stumbled upon one of your comments where you mentioned the video in your bio and i watched it. i loved it, it was very interesting.

@Julian gabriel another question related to OP's topic, are there any sources of info regarding mega-doses of LSD for self realization work? that's the only psychedelic i have right now.

i've been doing self inquiry for a couple months now, and recently i've begun to become more honest with myself. i don't believe my self to be awareness, i believe i am located in the head. my mind's logic for this assumption makes sense too, because there are three main senses that are the most prevalent in my direct experience. my eyes, my ears, and sensation. TWO of these three correlate to me being somewhere in the skull. eyes lead back to the head, ears lead back to the head. plus there is always a pretty subtle sensation in the center of my skull. thus that is my minds proof of why i am the head. i would appreciate it if anyone has any tips to help me break out of this belief.

@RMQualtrough may i ask what psych and at what dose?

lets say someone in the waking state goes to sleep, and they have a incredibly rare dream of being an advaita vedanta devotee. and in this dream they end up following the practices instructed and get enlightened, waking up to their true self as eternal consciousness. would this carry to the waking state? is this possible? the question just hit me spontaneously in the middle of writing an essay, and now i need an answer

countless times have i been confused by rupert spira when he says "be aware of being aware". not to discredit him, i was just taking the pointer wrong. i was looking all over my direct experience and couldn't find myself at all. absolutely no where. two days ago though, i read a quote by ramana which is as follows, it's impossible for me to look for myself. i can only BE myself.

@The0Self what dose of LSD would you recommend? i have a lot of acid and i really want to experience realizing god. i'm thinking 400-500 mcg? it's 1p-lsd btw.

there is no way it's this easy... all it is, is to keep attention on the "i" thought and see what it refers to, yes? no way that's it... to realize i am god and to lose all my fears and unhappiness... it can't be that easy. i genuinely don't believe it. i love you ramana.

@Ananta yeah i've suffered from severe social anxiety and panic attacks (from bullying). how do i release this sensation? and if you're familiar with self inquiry, is this sensations pain the reason i can't find the lasting peace?

@Tetcherand this will permanently get rid of it eventually? will this actually allow me to feel happier permanently? i want happiness as soon as possible. i want to know because i will be spending the next few months alleviating this sensation through keeping my awareness on it. and i don't have forever to keep working on this.

i asked a question related to this about a week ago but i didn't get any answers to this specific question , so i will explain it more. there is a sensation in my chest. it feels like a weight is there. and it is ALWAYS present. the only exceptions are the short moments of happiness/when i feel loved (which doesn't happen very often). i should also mention i experienced pretty bad bullying trauma in the past at school. now i'm trying to reach enlightenment as quick as possible so i can find the happiness that i long for. and so i self inquired as much as i could for a couple months/attended countless satangs on youtube, but i could NEVER disidentify with this sorta painful sensation in my chest that i mentioned earlier. i can't for the life of me find any peace in self inquiry either. i try to focus on the 'I AM' but this sensation is always fucking sitting there, like it's taunting me lol. please someone give me some advice on this.

to give some context i've been rigorously doing self inquiry as much as i could for the past 4-5 months. i've watched a lot of mooji, rupert spira, tom das, ramana maharshi, leo's video on it, and nisargadatta maharaj. the reason i'm so focused on it is because i suffer a lot throughout the day ): and many gurus suggest that the only source of lasting happiness is through self inquiry/being. however no matter how much i practice, i always identify with the sensation in my abdomen. it's moderately painful and it's very likely there because i used to be extremely unconscious and had panic attacks daily because i had severe social anxiety(used to get bullied). my question is, is this emotional blockage the reason i'm unable to find peace/self inquire correctly? it's always there in the background of my experience even while i'm typing this. i also watched leo's video on 'body awareness' and that seemed to explain a lot to me. but i wonder if this is why it's been so hard for me to self inquire? i'm gonna try shamanic breathing for 30 minutes tonight and see if anything gets released.

i don't think i have as much attachment to this topic as i do for anything else. these ignorant fucks (the US government) are the reason i can't gain further progress on my spiritual work because apparently owning psychedelics is as bad as owning heroin. i think it could even be debated all drugs should be legal anyways, but thats besides the point. FUCKING PSYCHEDELICS THOUGH??? ARE THESE FUCKING IDIOTS BRAINDEAD? IM SERIOUSLY SO DAMN PISSED THAT IT'S LIKE THIS... no i was not born yesterday i'm aware it's been like this, but jesus christ now i can't wrap my head around why? i just want to get the incredible benefits they offer (acid/shrooms, maybe 5 meo in a couple years.) i'm just ranting here because theres no where else i can talk about this. it's so infuriating. any thoughts?