vedame

I was beaten by my mum almost on a daily basis between age 4-19 (when I moved away from home for university). She has NPD and paranoid schizophrenia. Her agression and violence towards me (and my dad) faded away as her schizophrenia escalated from 2008 on, but the damage from childhood is there. I forgave with all my heart, although it sucks that I know that I don’t and won’t have the chance to ever talk this through with her in this life. If there are other people here who were physically and/or verbally hurt by parents, how did you manage / cope with it?

If one realises and understands that everything is pure infinite consciousness and imagination, and one is God, what’s left?

In a chronogical sense, which one is first? Do we react to a feeling with a thought which then influences our behaviour/actions, or the thought comes first? In one video (I think it was the one about addiction, I’m not sure anymore) Leo talks about the importance of regulating the interpretative filter of the brain. Event—Brain’s interpretative filter—Thought—Emotion. But is it possible that the emotion or feeling is just “there”, and it provokes thoughts; in other words, that we cope with emotions through thoughts? What is the source of the feeling then?

Thank you very much all for your precious insights. Yes, I have a therapist, of course

My relationship with my ex-partner ended about 2 weeks ago. The emotional pain it triggered can’t be compared to anything I experienced before, even though the relationship wasn’t longer than a year. I realised the experience makes me grow. It makes me be more introspective. It makes me learn to let go, and to take responsibility for myself and change for the better. It makes me realise what my needs are in a relationship. It makes me become stronger, and gain more understanding how my mind and emotions work. The relationship made me learn about me. I got to know a side of me which I truly love. Precious experience. All these are great stuff. But the pain, the sadness, the missing, the recurring feeling that my ex-partner was THE one - if anything like that exists. I love(d) my ex entirely, as much as I am capable to love. This is really heavy. I have cut all contact and I’m very disciplined in this sense. The love is not gone and I know it doesn’t have to go. What has to go is the attachment and this stupid vision of belonging. Any advice on that? How did you cope?

I tried the breathwork twice so far. The second one was shorter in time (15 mins) and much less intense than the first one (30 mins + 20 minutes ‘high’ with both desperate sobbing and euphoric laughing). While breathing, I started to sob both occasions. Pain from my recent break-up was being released. Have you experienced something similar? Also, I didn’t see colours or visions. What are your experiences in this regard?

I share your point of view. I also often saw the concept is used to “justify” toxic relationships and unhealthy attachment.

Lovely, thank you

If all is one, we are all waves of the same ocean, so we are all each other’s twin flames ?

I was recently thinking a lot about this judging thing, as I see that it is a massive issue in the lives of many of my beloved friends and family. I’m sensitive like a dandelion, but the opinion of others really rarely affect me. Knowing myself, it is not evident why it is as it is, because I didn’t do any conscious self-work in this regard. So I came to the following conclusion: I am so not judgy (INFP..) that somehow this is my standard. The origo. As I automatically don’t judge, I don’t even consider the possibility that others would judge me for anything. Probably they do, but I don’t even notice it, as it doesn’t accur to my mind that they would. (I also don’t judge myself, and am pretty forgiving and empathetic with me.) So perhaps it makes sense to start from “not judging”. I don’t know if it makes any sense ?

I’m not so sure of this. I think he is brave enough to embrace his feminine side too ?

and by the way, if you ever read this, @Leo Gura, thanks for everything

If he was some fake-smiling fake-positive idiot I could have never finished watching any of his videos just be and flow if it resonates - good / if it doesn’t - good will find his right audience, I’m sure

?

I think really really really small amount of people (men or women) are ready to connect with another soul in a truly loving, selfless, kind and giving way.

That’s true, dear, for a lot of people. At least from what I see around me. They use sex to fill the emptiness, the void inside, to build fake self-esteem, and seek validation. If i wasn’t demisexual, knowing myself I would probably do this too ? I am just after a breakup painful AF. I honestly can’t judge how dependent I was emotionally, what I know is that I loved that person wholeheartedly (before her - my transgender partner - I didn’t have anyone for many-many years, not even one night stands or anything). So you say it’s possible to resurrect ? That’s good news. It feels nice to know someone gets what I’m going through. About the attachment thing you write about: yes, I feel the same way. I either love entirely and blindly, or... or not ?‍♀️

@SolarWarden thanks again for this. I am really just taking my first steps ?

In one episode, Leo talks about how threat triggers crossing the boundary between our higher and lower selves. What are your experiences with identifying these triggers in your life? How have you solved these triggers? How do you define your higher self? How do you connect to it? What helps your practice of raising your awareness of your emotional body? How does the emotional body link to the higher and lower selves in us?

Thanks, I made a screenshot of this for myself ?

How do sex and orgasm help connect to / become oneness?

Would be great ?

Thank you, yes, exactly. Such a lesson.

From this perspective the very word “self” is unreal. So lower/higher self makes no sense, nor the distinction between them.

Thanks, WonderSeeker I was very committed. She has been struggling with depression, on and off ssris, not reaching out for professional help, isolating herself completely from the world, both physically and emotionally. In the last 3 months of the relationship, although I tried what I could (including silent patience), her feelings for me got killed off. I saw her once this year for 2 hours. She is in a spiritual transformation. Basically said that I am not mature enough for her, due to the 10 years age difference (she in her 40s, me in my 30s). Obviously neither she, nor me were ready or healthy for a relationship. But that doesn’t mean I haven’t fallen in love with full power and that it doesn’t hurt like hell. I just want to use this pain for growth. ...... It’s so hard to detach from the thought/hope/wish that she would return later.

What I learnt from falling in love with and being in a relationship with a transgender person....well, yeah, non-duality is the answer