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Hi everyone, I am a Pakistani who has been raised in Pakistan and spent my life in Pakistan. Recently, I began to watch many of Actualized.org videos on dating. My question is that how can I develop my dating skills in Pakistan? Dating in Pakistan is not possible. It is very hard to see a women without a burqa/hijab or even to talk to a women in a society where stage blue Islam is dominant like Pakistan, let alone dating. It is because in these Islamic dominant countries, dating is prohibited and even considered a crime where the punishment for dating is at least serving jail time, if not death. Also, the Pakistan society is structured in such a way due to various factors such as stage blue religion and morality where it is not possible to date any girl without marriage. Addition to that, my parents would also not allow me to date a girl. I know one solution is to go outside the country, but how do I go outside the country when I lack money? I would really appreciate if anyone can give me any suggestions regarding this. Thank you Have a great day

Entry number: 31 Date: May Age: 9 Grade: 2 Who: Grade 2 Math teacher My grade 2 Math teacher left the classroom. She put a monitor in charge in the classroom. The monitor wrote a student name on the board because the student was talking. The student told the monitor to remove the name. The monitor refused and wrote more tally marks because that student confronted the monitor. Then the student went back and began talking to himself of how many Xs is the monitor writing. Then the monitor wrote even more Xs after which the teacher came. The teacher asked that student about why was he talking. Then the teacher beat him up a lot. I felt emotionally abused. Entry number: 32 Date: April Age: 9 Grade: 3 Who: Grade 3 Math teacher The class did not know the answer to one Math question on the board. The teacher yelled at the class and told the class that why didn’t they know the answer. The teacher kept on yelling and screaming at everyone in the class including me. The teacher told the class that she selected an example which the class wanted and the class can't give an answer to their own example. Entry number: 33 Date: November Age: 9 Grade: 3 Who: Grade 3 Computer Science teacher My one classmate taught me about one hack of computers but did not used it. I used it on a Computer for the sake of experimentation. Then the teacher asked me why did I used it and beat me a lot of it. She also moved me to a computer seat near her. Entry number: 34 Date: April Age: 9 Grade: 3 Who: Grade 3 English teacher My classmate asked a teacher a question about the exam. I just had a glance at that classmate but not at his exams questions. Then the teacher hit me on my neck for looking at his answers and told me to look at my own exams. Entry number: 35 Date: April Age: 13 Grade: 7 Who: Mr. Kamaran I was turning on the school bell of one section for a long time. Then Mr. Kamaran saw me and hit me on the back and students smiled due to that. Entry number: 36 Date: Mid terms Age: 9 Grade: 2 Who: Grade 2 Science teacher It was early in the morning. I stepped on the bus. I went at the very back. Then, my friends aunt came to me and asked me for homework. I told my friends aunt to continue walking and took her to my grade 2 Science teacher. My grade 2 Science teacher called me a bunch of bad words and sent me to the assembly. Entry number: 37 Date: Mid term Age: 9 Grade: 2 Who: Principal The school was over. My friends took the route to exit school where the teacher supervision was high. I was excited as the school was over. As in this excitement, I was running to my friends and pushing my friends bag, in joke. My principal saw me doing it. She taught I was misbehaving so she hit me a slap on my elbow. Addition to this, the teacher who witnessed this scenario also hit me a slap on my elbow. I felt abused and I went home. I felt so changed after this incident. I realized the true character after this incident and I was able to distinguish her reality from appearance. Entry number: 38 Date: Examinations Age: 9 Grade: 2 Who: My Science teacher My Science teacher saw me talking in my exam. She wrote on my paper minus 10 percent. Then I tried erasing it but I ruined the question paper. Then she threw my exam in garbage and gave me a mark of zero. Entry number: 39 Date: March Age: 10 Grade: 3 Who: Urdu teacher I did poor on some urdu tests. As a result, my urdu teacher asked me to get my parents signatures on those tests. I did not know during those times what signatures mean. As a result, I did not get signatures for my tests. My urdu teacher noticed that. My urdu teacher beat me with a stick and told me to go and get the notes.

Entry number: 27 Date: N/A Age: 7 Grade: 1 Who: Urdu teacher My urdu teacher took a bunch of students and took them out plus hit them with a ruler. It is because they failed their tests. I felt emotionally abused that time. Entry number: 28 Date: March Age: 9 Grade: 2 Who: Grade 2 English teacher I was talking with four of my friends. The English teacher made us all four to stand up and bring us in-front of the class. I began dancing to show off. Then the teacher told me to come near her and hit me on my leg at least twice with her hand. Entry number: 29 Date: March Age: 9 Grade: 2 Who: My grade two classmates I was in an urdu class. Their were 3 students in the classroom talking about me and trying to make a plan to put a lipstick on paper and put it on my face. They took like an hour to make up the whole plan. The next day, Z brought the lipstick to the classroom in his bag. Then we all went to the urdu class. I was watching the whole scenario play out but I did not know the big picture of their plan. Z, put the lipstick on a paper. Then, A took the paper and put it on my face. After that, I was running to the washroom where my grade 2 Math teacher began laughing at me due to the lipstick on my face. Entry number: 30 Date: June Age: 13 Grade: 7 Who: Mr. Kamaran My physics teacher gave the entire class 30 minutes to study for the suprise oral test. All the class was not studying and were talking to each other, except me. As I did not have any friend and I was sitting alone in the class. After 30 minutes, my physics teacher got up and asked everyone in the class questions about physics. When my turn came, he asked me two questions. I did not know the answer to one of his questions. The teacher hit me hard on the stomach due to that.

Leo, this is not possible in my area where I am living in because I live in a Pakistani village which is highly influenced by stage blue Islam. It is not possible to flirt with any girl at a Uni in Pakistan. It is because at a stage blue society such as Pakistan, their are laws put in place in the society where girls and boys cannot talk to each other. In Pakistan, it is a crime to date and flirt. My university will suspend me and put a case against me if they caught me flirting. I don't think its worth the risk to flirt secretly because even if I do that, my family members will catch me and take me to jail for it because its prohibited according to their level of Islam. As, I said earlier, it is not even possible to see a girl in a Pakistani university, without any covering such as a burqa or hijab, let alone flirt with them. Like at least in my area situation is like this. Addition to that, even if I managed to go against the grain of my culture and somehow managed to approach a girl very secretly, in Pakistan then the girl will refuse to date with me because she will be with her religion which is Islam. According to her level of Islam, dating is prohibited without marriage so it is not possible for me to date her without marriage and I cannot afford marriage without mastering my finances. So my only hope with this is to go abroad after finishing my university which is what I am currently working on.

I am looking to get into medicine. I am looking to become a doctor. FYI, to become a doctor one needs to have a medical degree and cannot 100 percent rely on the internet.

I joined an online academy to help me prepare for my entrance test for my university. Its kind of like a teaching centre. I paid them the initial amount and they kept on charging me as time was going. However, unexpectedly, my mom had a fight with the person who was in charge of academy by yelling at him due to them forgetting to mention the full price. Hence, they forgot to mention the full price by like 50 dollars due to the delivery charges. As a result, the person who was in charge of academy, suspended me, refused to give me any books for the money which I already paid him and refused to give me refund. I don't have problem in leaving the academy but I do have a problem in the money I invested in the academy. I invested so much money in the academy which is equivalent to hundreds of US dollars relative to the country where I live in as I am poor with my family. Now, I am suspended, from the academy, due to my mom and I cannot get my money refunded. I have invested a lot of money in the academy, which has all been wasted because the academy suspended me due to a fight that took place between the academy and my parents. I feel scared due to this and I feel like a lot of growth oppurtunities have vanished. I am attached to the money because I don't like spending my parents money. I don't like spending my parents money because I don't like leeching off them. My both parents calls me so many bad words and may also cancel my admission to university due to this situation I am in. I will really appreciate if anyone can give me any solutions or ideas for the situation I am in. Thank you

Entry number: 26 Date: July Age: 12 Who: Dad, mom, my two grandmom, my two first cousin (O and H), my brother, my sister & my aunt Where: In my grandmom house The week before this happened, my dad bought for me Biology, Chemistry and Physics book for me to study during summer holiday. I don't understand why did I have to study during summer vacation. A week after he bought me those books, he called me into his room and told me to read grade 11 Chemistry book, although, I was in grade 7 that time. He taught me the structure of atoms and he told me the patterns of periodic table. At that point it stopped. I told him that I don't want to read Chemistry anymore. After that, he asked O a bunch of questions and from that my dad knew that O had amazing knowledge of Chemistry. My dad told me that he compared my knowledge with O knowledge. My dad became envious and he told me to memorize Chemistry once again. I refused. Then he had the below dialogue with me (It was something like this since I don’t remember how exactly it was): Dad: Son, read Chemistry and learn Chemistry from O. Me: I don't want to learn Chemistry. I want to become an imam. O: If you want to become an imam then why are you here learning Chemistry. Go to mudrasa to learn the Quran. Becoming an imam requires you to wake up at 3:00 a.m. and go to mosque and come back to 9:00 p.m. Me: I do know Chemistry. Dad: You don't know Chemistry. I am teaching Chemistry at one of the top universities at the world. Me: This is a grade 11 Chemistry book and I am in grade 7. Why do you want me to read grade 11 Chemistry book? Dad: In Pakistan students start reading grade 11 Chemistry in grade 7. Why don't you want to read Chemistry? Me: Its because I simply just don’t want to. Dad: O knows so much Chemistry. You should learn Chemistry from him. My youngest cousin occasionally enter the room and go outside the room to experience moving through the curtain. I was sitting their and studying Chemistry for 3.5 hours although I did not even open the book and I did not even help society. After that, O went out of the room and then my dad told me to memorize Chemistry. I refuse to memorize Chemistry again. Then, my dad yelled at me really loud which the entire house could hear to read Chemistry. He held me by the mouth and squeezed my mouth really hard thus crushing the bones of my mouth which result in some damage of the bones in my mouth. H ran to my mom and told her that I am gone which she meant that I am dead. Then my dad took his hand and beat me really hard multiple times. After that I somehow managed to make my nose bleed. Then he took me to the washroom and made me stand their to treat my bleeding nose. He told me to put cold water over my head and wash me nose with cold water too. I went to the washroom without any shoes. Then I came out. My grand mother and my grand mother sister entered the room and ask what is going on? My dad put a big smile happy face and told to them both that nothing happened. My grandmother put her hand on my head and asked me what happened? My dad put a big smile on his face and told my grand mother that nothing happened. At that current moment I was memorizing Chemistry. Later, my mom came and asked my dad whether she should cook food for me. My dad told to my mom to not cook any food for me.

I feel like I need to take out all my traumatic experiences out of my memory. So, I will write all of my traumatic memories over here, just because it helps me to take it out of my head. ================================================================ Entry number: 1 Date: Around March,2016 Where: Jawahir Al Riyadh International School Age: 11 Grade: 6 Who: Seraj Ali (My worst teacher ever) Sir Seraj was giving a boring crusty lesson on Science which he does not know. I was sitting in the class and I felt like my blood frozed due to sitting in class for several hours doing me nothing. Also, Mr. Seraj English was horrible. Since, I did not have much fun those days so I have decided to chill with Hassam Zameer Hassan. Hassam told me a fee jokes which made me to laugh and chuckle in the class. Then, Mr. Seraj told me and Hassam to stand up as my punishment. I stood up and stared my face down at the table. Then I laughed even harder which I could not hear at that time since I did not have hearing aids. Seraj took 4 steps and slap me on my head three times hard which may have caused me mental illness. I had another friend names Hussnain who during this act put his hand and covered his mouth in disbelief during this act. Then he sent me out of the class. After 10 minutes, he sent me back in the class near the trash tan container. He told me to face behind the wall and stand to the trash can. I was crying till my tears dip into the trash can. After that Mr. Seraj cancelled my trip. Then the period was over and I sat next to Hassam for the next period. The next day Mr. Seraj publicly announced the cancellation of my trip. However a few days later he re schedule and allowed me to go for my trip in JARIS. Entry number: 2 Date: I dont remember Where: Jawahir Al Riyadh International School Age: 10 Grade: 5 Who: Akhtar Ali Akhtar Ali was my computer science teacher. He came into my class 5-C. It happened during the early time of the day. Akhtar Ali came to me and did not like my personality so he gave me a very hard tight slap which made half of my face red. He told me something like (which I don’t recall) don’t show me your ugly theeth. Entry number: 3 Date: N/A Where: The educators Age: 7 Grade: 1 Who: Principal, custodians, mom, shop keeper, classmates, grandmother, staff members. I studied my grade 1 in The Educators. Their was this shop in our school which in urdu its called,"dukan". We used to buy things from the morning and from afternoon. I was curious at behind the shop and at the unexplored territory of the school. I was wandering from behind the school and I went out. Then I told to my classmates the same thing to come and check out behind the school at the unexplored territory. Once, as I was traveling then I saw a bunch of classmates running in the opposite direction. I was wondering that why are they traveling and running away from the opposite direction. Until a school monitor approached and hold me. He told me something like (I don’t remember) do not come in this place ever again else I will break your teeth. Finally I with my group of classmates went through the place. I think that was the place to cook things for the shop. My classmates took a bunch of dishes made of glass and threw it from the roof of the school to the streets. Then we ran away. My class blamed me and all of them put me in charge for this crime. After that the school principal called my mom and told my mom,"To come to school right now at the moment". My mom thought that something bad happened. A custodian came in the school and asked me that why did I break all the dishes.Then I was called to the principal office due to my class crimes which they blamed upon me. I showed up to the office with my principle, a bunch of staff members and my mom. They all questioned me that why did I break the dishes which if I am guilty of then I am not alone because my class broke the dishes with me. Then I got a big tight slap from my mom after which I turned my face to the wall and I tried to go to the staff office. However my staff members stop me. I saw my mom giving 1500 rupees to the shop keeper for breaking dishes. After that I was taken to home with no cheetos. Entry number: 4 Date: Sun, Oct 24th 2020 Where: JARIS Age: 10 Grade: 5 Who: Mattiullah (Quran teacher) In the class, we were reading the Quran. I was looking at Mattiullah face rather than the Quran. Than Mattiullah hit me on the head so hard which made a huge sound echo across the class and yelled at me to stop staring at him and to look in the Quran, not at him. Then my friend asked me that who did sir Matti ullah beat and I said, it was me who he beat. Entry number: 5 Date: Mar 11th, 2020 Age: 11 Grade: 6 Who: Khurram (Urdu teacher) Khurram returned us our urdu exams. I got 52 percent in my urdu exam. As a result, Khurram bought me infront of the class and beat me with a ruler on my both hands once. He said something like(I don’t remember),"If you not don't study you will fail. Why did you not study? In future/next time study, ok?". After which I sat at my seat. Entry number: 6 Date: N/A Age: 11 Grade: 3 Who: Faridda (English teacher) In the class before urdu class. Their was my this friend called, Abdullah Shafique. We went to urdu class and sat together. He got up. I took a pencil and sharped it. Abdullah shafique fixed his pants. Then I put the sharpen pencil vertically holden it with my hand. Abdullah Shafique was fat and he sat on his seat with full force. Hence he sat on the sharpen pencil. Then he got up with full force and look back. He sat on the sharpen pencil so hard that the pencil broke. Then he got up and look back at me and saw a broken pencil. He then sat down with a lot of pain. He told me that class to not talk with him. He told me that he is not in a good mood. He talked to his one another classmate good. Then we went back to our home room class. In the homeroom class Abdullah shafique cried infront of the class and blamed me for it. Hussnain told the teacher Farida about it. Teacher Farida became angry and she took two rulers out of some cupboard. She hit be with those two rulers on the bedrock of the nail. Then she gave my parents phone number to Abdullah Shafique parents. Entry number: 7 Date: Around school mid year Age: 11 Grade: 6 Who: Khurram (urdu teacher) I got really bad marks on my Urdu exam. I still remember I got 13/25. The Urdu teacher took an iron ruler and brought my hand near it. He hit me once hard on each of my both hands. He told me something like,"If you don’t study then you will fail. Why didn’t you study?". Entry number: 8 Date: March Age: 11 Grade: 6 Who: Khurram (English teacher) He made everyone to stand up. He asked everyone one question of English which is related to chimpanzee. As students did not answer it then he began beating the students with ruler. He came across one fat boy. He told him that if he hits him the ruler will break and he will be okay. So he hit him on the legs. Then he came across me. As for me, I had hearing loss which I didn’t know in my those days of school. He asked me the English question which I don’t remember. As I did not answer due to my hearing loss, he took the ruler and beat me once each on my hand and once on my legs. Entry number: 9 Date: May or June Age: 6 Grade: 1 Who: A high-school student Once, I was running through the school. I was running through the staff area where the shop keepers of the shop make their food for the shop. I saw a bunch of students running through the street and were asking me to run as well. The high-school student was chasing them until he came across me. He hold me and took me outside the place. He told me in urdu,"اگر آپ مستقبل میں یہاں آئے تو میں آپ کے دانت توڑ دوں گا۔" Which in English translates as,"I will break your teeth if you come here in future" Entry number: 10 Date: April or May Age: 13 Grade: 7 Who: Mr. Kamaran (Physics teacher) I was playing basketball separately on one side of the field. I did not know what time it was. The physical education teacher told me to leave the time as the time period is over. I went back to class. I saw the teacher made the whole class to stand up with their hands up. He saw me seated in my seat then he made me to stand up and told me to place my hands up as punishment. He told me that I was 20 mins late to class. Entry number: 11 Date: 2015-2017 Age: 11 Grade: 5 Who: Mr. Jamshed (English teacher) When the bell of the period rang and when the period was over. All my class ran outside. My teacher thought that it would be gym class that’s why he allowed us to go outside. Then he saw all of his students coming back in. He beat every student that came back in. For me, when I entered the classroom, he beat me hard on my neck and then I entered the classroom. Then I saw him writing a bunch of names on the sheet of paper. Entry number: 12 Date: Somewhere between March to May in the year 2016 Age: 12 Grade: 6 Who: Tilla Muhammad I was standing in the assembly line. Generally the assembly lines are for like 2 hours to 3 hours. Students in my school were standing in the assembly line for like 2 to 3 hours. One teacher saw me not standing properly. For explanation, he saw that my posture was not straight when I was standing. Although, I did not understand till this date why I was not standing properly in the assembly line. He came to me and pushed me and told me that,"You cannot stand properly.". He then when back and told to my grade advisor to tell me to stand properly. Entry number: 13 Date: Around winter months Age: 11 Grade: 5 Who: Ehab Muhammad (Math teacher) Their was a class monitor in my class who's name was Hassam Zameer Hassan. I talked in the class and the class monitor wrote my name on the board. I still remember that the name which my class monitor wrote was the only name written across the board. Then my teacher came in and asked the class monitor that who was talking. The class monitor told only my name which he said that I was the only student who talked. Then the teacher took my head then started beating my head against his chest like 5 times and said,"Why were you talking my friend?". Entry number: 14 Date: February Age: 12 Grade: 6 Who: Ehab Muhammad One student from Mr Ehab class in grade 5 complained to Mr Ehab about me in grade 6 which I did not understand. That student came to my class and picked me. He told me to come with him to Mr. Ehab. Mr. Ehab told me to sit down and stand then again he told me to do the same thing. After that he let me go telling me that for now he did not hit me but in future he will hit me, if I repeat my mistake. Entry number: 15 Date: Nov to Feb Age: 11 Grade: 5 Who: Ehab Muhammad Once I forgot to bring the graph paper to my Math class. Then my Math teacher made students to gather in a line who did not bring the graph paper. He hit the school pass on every student back and when my turn came, he did the same to me. Entry number: 16 Date: Nov to Feb Age: 11 Grade: 5 Who: Ehab Muhammad Their was one assignment for my Math class. One student hand in sloppy work. Then the teacher taught I was that student who handed in sloppy work which I was not and got me punished. Entry number: 18 Date: N/A Age: 12 Grade: 6 Who: Mr. Usman Their was my this one classmate name Asim. Asim and I had a scuffle after which Asim gave me a slap and ran away. My mom called the vice principal about this. The vice principal took me and Asim to his office. The vice principal asked us both to write on a piece of paper in regards to what happened between us. The vice principle sent this teacher known as Mr. Usman to investigate . Mr. Usman came to the class and called our both names during which time we were taking exams. Mr. Usman asked my class teacher as to about us both. The class teacher gave negative comments about both me and Asim. After finishing our exams, Mr. Usman asked Asim and me to what happened. Mr. Usman pulled both me and my classmate hair. Also, he hit me and my classmate too without proper investigation. Entry number: 19 Date: 11-12-2022 Age: 11 Grade: 5 Who: Mr. Ikhram (Islamic teacher) I was talking a lot in class and laughing a lot. Sir Ikhram hit me on the back very hard and threw me out of the class due to that. Entry number: 20 Date: N/A Age: 7 Grade: 1 Who: English teacher One classmate complained to the English teacher and told about my fights with students. Then the English teacher took a ruler and hit on my buttocks at least thrice. Entry number: 21 Date: N/A Age: 7 Grade: 1 Who: English teacher I was talking with a bunch of students in the classroom. The English teacher took a book and hit every student on their back including me for talking. Entry number: 22 Date: N/A Age: 7 Grade: 1 Who: English teacher I was roaming around the school. My English teacher saw that. My English teacher took me outside the classroom and warn me to not roam around the school. Entry number: 23 Date: N/A Age: 7 Grade: 1 Who: Urdu teacher My urdu teacher wrote a lesson on the board about urdu. My urdu teacher wrote and went outside the classroom. Then four classmates misbehaved as their was no teacher in the room. My urdu teacher was secretly seeing what we were doing in the class. One classmate was roaming around. The other two were talking with each other. The final one started dancing by shouting the sentence,"I finish writing the lesson." Then my urdu teacher broke into the classroom. My urdu teacher took these four students and each of them of what they were doing when she was away. Then she beat all of them. I felt emotionally abused during that time. Entry number: 24 Date: N/A Age: 7 Grade: 1 Who: Urdu teacher I was writing a few urdu words on the table. The urdu teacher saw my writing on the table and hit me on my head like a slap because she told me that I should be writing on the notebook instead of the table. Entry number: 25 Date: N/A Age: 7 Grade: 1 Who: Urdu teacher My urdu teacher saw me talking. The urdu teacher yelled at me and screamed at me to stop talking.

I am currently enrolled in a university. Hope I will finish my university and try getting out of here.

Another staff member response to my traumatic experiences I experienced in my Math teacher school:

My grade 6 school:

I already read The Road Less Travelled by Scott Peck. I will reread the section II of it again which is about love in order to get a refresher.

@Emerald Thanks for the advice.

I have decided to stop doing lesser jihad which is stalking and creating evil to my Math teacher thus began to do greater jihad which is fighting my own ego. This is the end of my this journal.

My chat with the school in which my Math teacher teaches:

My friend message to me in regards to my Math teacher. I posted it here because my friend powerful words help me to heal a lot.

Throughout the day, I have been messaging my Math teacher multiple times to get in touch with him. However each time I message him with a new facebook account, he blocks me.

Some of my chat with him today on facebook: Then he blocked me

Today, My Math teacher current studen reached out to me and gave me his facebook account name. I hope I can contact him my Math teacher from facebook to heal me:

If I can just talk to my Math teacher then I will no longer be traumatized.

Today, I lost the support of my Math teacher current student. He left supporting me on my quest to talk to my Math teacher, which is all what I want, after replying me the below:

I provided feedback to my Math teacher in one of his videos. He deleted my feedback however it seems like he forgot to delete his comment. So I will jounal it here so that it can get remembered.