ll Ontology ll

Just being an annoying genius - full freestyle whatever comes out: What are the limits of this descriptive interplay with the architectures of the mind that call a toad a toad, reality, reality? My father, your barren hardness, your innocent arrogance, your playful dominant social organisation, your loving distance, these paradoxes interweave to establish your original nature that does not go without error in its naturality. My mother, parts of my mind block out which means what does this form of dissociative amnesia say about my automatic neural impulses? Cut from the vine of primary prosperous action? But still, I go on. Your lavishness, attentional memory, righteous foolhardy commitments born from disconnected time, your incredible meals delicately spilt on the yelling plates with jumping forks, resonant charm felt by the smoothness of your followers, friendships that gave circumference to your choice in elegance. Beings of the universe, never before have I conceptualised them correctly in this sense (as beings), and I the duplicity to that, rising from the grave of my awareness to be self aware enough that I too am a part of their life reference frame, especially too, the descriptive balance of our existence, that humble triad, devoid of any description so far of any one else in the universe. So what good is it for, the rearranging of my neural map momentarily, my imaginary fucktard map. I have never had a fucktard. I have fucked in a tub though. They fucked and here I fucking am. (Didn’t they all for us heh? And this is what we’re fucking doing with our time though heh? Ha.) I say that with some associational parental spite, feel the emotions brewing ladies and gentlemen, much love with mixed emotions still humbly processing, because it’s just so pathetic that others will put a condom on when they’re trying to categorise reality. “Oh but it’s just a mental construct”, yes I already know that dweeb, let’s stop wasting time please, yes please hand the serviette so I can wipe my girlfriends cum from my face (truly wish it was a certain someone else’s though, at the very least both but if I had a choice you’d know who I’d choose). Honestly what is the utility in saying anything at all, like ever? Don’t give me Nietzsche or Pavlov though please, I’m a human dog just licking the neural bell here give me a fucking break. I fucked Nietzsche in a bathtub, one of those don’t ask don’t tell situations, no not Frederick Mariah you numb nuts. Anyhow and here I am, monitoring my psychology with a magnifying glass and a telescope to the heavens, triggered by underlying emotions relating to permanent objects in my consciousness my mind connects with the connotations of now totally on the fly here without a filter parent, love, hate, joy, penis, where did you go? Did you ever love me? I want to know the reason why. Don’t look at me like a character in a film as that’s humiliating I’m a real person give me some fucking dignity, but if you’re offering, I’ll be the star in yours for the right price. Thoughts from the immediacy of the subconscious, totally irrational, stilted by rationality, the organisational principle that makes us assign anything as anything. Go fuck yourself. (Don’t take it personally, I’m simultaneously a psychologist psychoanalysing my automatic associations). So this descriptive interplay, the mind can go in any direction it wants, feel the latency and foreignness to proximity with its valuation of any object of consciousness, don’t react automatically to it, play with it, see what can be created, see what is automatically created, don’t hold onto the seat belt and put it on at the same time. So what do I do to you? Should I not hold you to the same standard in my knowingness? With what other lenses though will I do so and what will be born from this organisation? Won’t I suddenly understand where you are both friend and foe, and therefore in the existential sense won’t I become more of a threat to the degree of your understanding here? All of this for what and out of what? What are you all doing here anyway? Why do this for me? Why should I do any of this for you? To get to truth, just communicate it, don’t try to pretend. Just fucking love. Or hate. Make it real though, don’t lie to me because I’ll know it. Don’t try to put me in a state either, because I see a thousand ways through and beyond that as well. I can also just be here. And fuck. The keyboard. And be like water. Mariah said hi and Frederick is dead, otherwise I plan on living until I can create my own dysonsphere. To finish, as I have greater social motivational intent right now, remember the impetus to this is the consolation prize you take away from this other than enjoying my linguistic prowess, which is to explore your mind, world and it’s phantoms of permanence, with a little more lightness the universe can open up to you, even for just a moment, a butterfly that looks like my only one true beloved through the cracks of heavy wooden doors of judgement, bias and stubbornness and into the enchanted forest of your childlike starlit imagination of the early days which is what brings most of you here journaling in the first place. To remember when you were a child, what lit that spark, and maybe how when you got older you could turn that spark into a fire that could help you and maybe others as well change the world relative to your vision of Mariah fucking me in a bathtub, wait no, just Fredericks secret porn videos with Ivan (Pavlov). They did it in psychic space right. Then I was born, hence why I’m doing a Freud because Freud is pretty much the mixture of them both when you think of what you get out of combining philosophy and behaviourism from the perspective of psychology, right? Of course. But going off track here... Now go fucking rock it! Prince of Troy soon to be king of a land no one has imagined like I. At the bottom of my heart, I truly believe in you and that original spark.

A reflection on commitment over the last few minutes: In this solitary instance, how can I, one man in the social dynamics in which I am possessed, simultaneously live in the devotion of expectations while free in my enlightenment while still making sense of my reality, as any good man should do? To what end should I give way beyond limits I know others would not comprehend or feel in reality anyway, to what end by the same token should I extend myself beyond the limits that others would be able to appreciate? Is it not true, that this inner potentiality is something that I am afforded with understanding beyond the bounds of reason and emotion and within reason and emotion simultaneously anyhow as if awareness was never the primary subject? There is the dominance of my standing, this much is so as others feel the weight of my presence and my actions, but how much further should I invent beyond common reference frames of time concerning my own independence without consultation? There are my promises to loved ones and then there is the continuous extensionality of my own force of will and the will of my consciousness into bounds and levels I am still seeking to comprehend and make amends to, as promises, in light of my comprehending the will of their forces and so they exist as memories of augmentation, reminders of what is possible. Where do these promises split? My heart is telling me that I must be careful of living a double life. The life that others can comprehend and the life that I must live beyond comprehension even to myself as it reflects the greater stretch into the unknown that I must submit myself to, including too, my commitment to loved ones. This world that I invent before me, who does it protect? Who does it need to protect? Why is protection necessary and when is it not necessary in light of my own life purpose (if not fully at least in part)? To break free from all of it, who does not need to feel this solitude, but to know home so truly and deeply, who does not find even greater solitude in this? What home am I to build, what home am I to protect and why? What existential choices will I make and how will those choices split with my social commitment out of fairness and in honour that my care is true? As I reflect inside of my inner world, I can see the inner mirrors inside creating my identity and the multiplicity of forces that share their designs, but still, there is something that exists even deeper that in comparison they're mere shadows on a wall from figures known because of a more pressing light. Beneath all of it, in this solitary instance, there is this great dominant devotion to an obvious surrender to heroism that may one day come at odds to my social commitments, and I will have to make a choice. To stand by the needless, to live for the needy, not be broken by those that bring death and to challenge to the highest levels the greatest that the universe asks for me to battle against, all the while maintaining social integrity all the way down. What compromises should we be making here versus what absolutes should we be drawing so that we can ensure the greatest is what is being accomplished beyond the comparably unambitious? Staring through a million mirrors, powering through in silence and ultimality (new word) without disgrace nor too much pride that my truthfulness is gluttonous nor blind from the liberality of further originality that I can accomplish at all levels. Attention to detail in perception while moving swiftly from slowness to not miss any greater resurrection so that I see and am both there for what needs to be created in this universe as it needs to be created towards not only the next ascension but to pay respect for where things are as they are for that is where they are at that moment.

Commencing 4 hour trip back home together. The whole time away and now... Romantic love for Samskara only.

Just to add to the post just previous to finish off a massive week: I’d feel guilty otherwise. She’s a very smart woman so she gets these things, more than that though she’s very mature, she’s also helped skyrocket my own relationship intelligence. Not that my own relationship intelligence was poor, its actually very good, she’s just wow, she’s the other side to my bluntness and dominance in life so she’s helped me see many different sides to things I didn’t see before. On the former men who aren’t sapiosexuals are either stupid or a little too narcissistic. And its so funny as well because I can recall many times where I would stroke my own ego about how perceptive I am. Don’t get me wrong I add a lot to our conversations but she does have me beat I’m not going to lie on important areas when it comes relationships, I handle things better in other important areas though haha. Though yeah, I had clear ignorance on certain things that I don’t anymore, take jealousy as one thing, yeah I don’t get it anymore, but now I would be a hypocrite if I got annoyed that she or anyone else got jealous. It’s like she went into my brain with a sewing needle, yes she’s a knitter by the way haha, and just stitched certain things up for me and now the myelin in my brain is communicating with the rest of my mind a lot better concerning various relationship situations. I’m in admiration for how she’s handled all the details in this situation, if the situations were reversed I’d be testing my simulation capacities as it concerns discerning if in reality I would have done any better. In all honesty, I believe she’s handled this with more wisdom than what I could have but I’ve also learned a tremendous amount from her here. All in all its the kind of wisdom that I now aim to embody in all of my relationships, as well as of course try and one up her haha. Just for the record, she doesn’t have a higher IQ than me. Again, I think that’s extremely important for everyone to realise, but then again not many people would so lucky I guess. Putting it to maximal use (yes, yes about nonsense IQ discussions, well my creativity is also off the charts so there’s that, something that I capitalise on week in and week out so its not just a thought in my brain I actually create results). Purely stated out of the humour of doing so, still the objective truth though haha. Taking the piss is an aspect of Australian humour . We made it clear from the beginning that we would be transparent about everything, we even make humour about different things sometimes, including about the timeline of our relationship. Like we both know we’re not going to be together forever and she knows about my intentions to that end, even in the short term. We get each other though, we’re not insecure about anything on that front. I’ve already made it clear to her that regardless as to whether or not we’re in a relationship I’ll still be there for her. When you have that trust with someone, where is the insecurity? Short note, thank you Sophie again for stitching my heart up. My mother was borderline, plus I didn’t have the safety either of another parental figure that could mature important aspects of myself that I’ve now taken to a completely new level in part thanks to Sophe. I love both of my parents dearly however including my step mother, with strong boundaries on the subjects that matter to have boundaries on. It’s not about calling pain pain forever (i.e. how they did x or y), you’ve got to be the consciousness that grows from all of your experiences regardless, the capacity to discern relationship from self enough that you can augment your consciousness experience beyond your history, where your memories are more made of lessons than they are anything else much less any perceived pain of the past. Pain in many ways is perspectivism on a holiday because the capacity to do so implies that you’re engaging the higher order regions of your mind and connection to being to extend your experience of consciousness beyond the periphery of the biases of experiences themselves. The tainted lenses are recoloured for your capacity to recolour, your ability to be an artist, poetry, wise person and scientist simultaneously. And once you’ve done that process of discernment you’re able to merge relationship and self again, its when there’s underlying problems within self that symbiotic consciousness becomes a problem. Don’t feel guilty for your problems either, if you’ve got an understanding partner, as long as you’re willing to be vulnerable and they’ve got the experience, intelligence and empathy that openness can even be a catalyst for symbiosis. Just be careful there of course, make trust your foundation and vet through people well for their true abilities there, see how they interact with others, get to the truth of who they are, who they were, who they want to be and who they want to become not just how they interact with you. The better someone understands themselves in relationship to both time and the timeless is one rule of thumb to follow. Someones relationship to time is a direct correlate to their demonstrated ability to profit form experience, hence why Sophe is better than me at relationships (only in certain areas as stated, constant learning from one another of course). That is very important wisdom I just shared there so I’d take that seriously. To the former we have an operational feedback loop with what I’d refer to as geometrical time (i.e. past, present future —— there’s the quality of autobiographical of both resonance and detachment that I think is important as well, the former referring to a healthy attachment and the latter a healthy version of that too) and to the latter we’d have the flexibility and openness of consciousness or rather, the lack of inflexibility and closedness to the present moment. Sophe has called me a robot regarding the former statement, haha don’t worry I’m a sentient one . That concludes a week well dominated though, now taking her away for the long weekend (leaving a little early so we can make the most of the Friday and Sunday more)- a little pricey. We’re pretty much just friends who fuck each other senseless, we’re not in love, but we have fun — not a player type, I mean, I’ve slept with enough women to realise that doing that thing is just totally overrated and I don’t fucking trust those player cunts anyhow most of them are such weasels trust me they just got conformity backing them because we have plenty of scum circling the same ideological parasitical shit hole of inauthenticity towards women, honestly dudes grow a set of balls and just put your heart on the line and then learn from your experiences, rinse and repeat not difficult don’t listen to losers who tell you to not face things as clearly as possible to then become as strong as you possibly can. Don’t follow people who look like they live empty lives and treat people in empty ways, especially if they’re confident about it because then you’ll more likely be roped in especially if you’re young. It’s much better to build true long term bonds with people and just skip all the short termer’s—— how else can you learn to fuck them like no other person can? I take my knowledge of a woman’s sexuality and just everything very seriously, for maximum intimacy. The way she talks, walks, the words she uses, the intonations between words, the different expressions for various situations both the hidden and less hidden. If you really want to attract a woman that’s similar in that regard, that wants that level of intimacy, how do you think you’re going to do it by not always bringing your true self forward at all times? Straight men, to be particular, don’t try to fit the mould of a woman, you’re meant to fit your own mould and learn from your experiences eventually bumping into a woman that speaks your vibe and level. More importantly fucking aside you just build memories that feel better to look back on and learn from with a sense of healthy sentimentality. So that’s companionative love we share not romantic love and she doesn’t get upset about my lack of commitment for the latter because she understands me very well so I’m very lucky there. I feel like I could switch on romantic love if I really wanted to because there are certain moments I hold back and certain moments where I can feel my being asking the question and leaning into it however two things, its not natural to do it in any way other than natural and two it still wouldn’t be right with what I’ve said in the past and where I still plan on taking things into the future, my heart is elsewhere but I also take my promises very seriously, regardless, through thick and thin. My loyalty is as strong as the sun is to the Earth, in my early years I considered myself naive, now that its paired with experience its now become something that makes me wiser as I extend my intelligence there to my highest end. If my heart is wrong which I don’t think it is, we’ll probably stay together unless she wants to go which I don’t think will happen, but if my heart is right, we’ll still be good friends as I’m very protective of her. I’ve thought about polyamory as well but that’s still a few months away from happening if it does happen just because my social dynamics need smoothening out more still (hehe). If my hearts wrong, I’ll go polyamory because that’ll do it for me (meaning all over) with the whole true love thing, if its right, well I’m negotiable. Quite literally if the true love thing doesn’t work, which I think it will don’t get me wrong though we still need some time apart there, I’m just going to go full superhero mode from thereon out in my life haha, I pretty much already am but then it’d just be the next level of that —— not going to give a lot of elaboration on that naturally. Enjoy your weekend, whoever is in your life treat them well, pay attention to them, get to know them as intimately as possible if you haven’t already or be creative and extend how much more intimately you could get to know them. I wish you all well in your relationships, they’re not always easy but they’re 10X easier when you have the right partners, don’t take your time on this planet for granted. Everyone that has a relationship with you wouldn’t want you to, the ones that are true want to see you smile, they want to understand what makes you tick, they want to make you happy, be that person for them, have a conscious relationship that is extended by the creative intelligence of both of you. And if they don’t honestly you need to be checking your self esteem if you’re hanging around them for more than five minutes. You want true people in your life for to the degree that you don’t you won’t be able to truly make the most of your life. Basic logic and far better sex. So share your experiences as richly as possible, create times that are worth generating wisdom from as you look back on them in the future, appreciate and be grateful for your time as much as possible and that’s one way of doing it as well when you reflect back. Overall I’m filled with just so much more well being these days now, I’ve always been motivated but now my motivation is much lighter, plus its great to get back into the weights feels fantastic to be able to rely on my shoulders again haha my home gym has been going to waste. Here’s to a great weekend, keep this place intelligent and creative while I’m gone (clearly I’m the best reflection of that haha)! P.S - I’ve got improvisational/titled speeches/talks coming up next month (coordinating my workload there still), so feel free to list any subjects of the universe you want me to tackle, literally anything is fine I’m quite capable of talking on any subject. Even if I don’t know a lot about it initially I’m pretty good at downloading information into my brain and forming my own creative abstractions from there. And a fucking badass gif, forgot that.

Just crushing every day. Feeling fucking sweet. Working on so many awesome projects get barely any time to breath. Keep on yours. — ps shoulder/s healed, benching 100kg all good now, Sophie makes fun of me saying I’m going to bust my shoulders again (but I’m all good haha fucking dominate that shit). She’s a good sport (she knows about everything here as well)

@Preety_India Stay strong.

Energy —> Vision —-> Strategy —-> Create what energy do you want to create? what’s your highest vision for that creation? whats your best strategy plus best alternative routes for that accomplishment? what’s your strategy for staying on track in the execution phase? Best results feedback loop? Most people forget the first step. Don’t. It’s the most important and is the foundation to the development of so many other capacities. The world does not exist to me. I live from pure intentionality and only from that point on does it exist and it exists from the reference frame of that energetic intentionality, everything else changes and moulds itself around this centre point. This will be one of your highest achievements.

Title: With you there are no gaps, for you are me This feeling inside of me, has painted visions of the future. Has turned me over and over again, with feelings of both regret and jubilation. Forcing me to confront the weakest ends of my spirit as I try to overcome the denial and embrace the strongest sounds of my soul that also live at those weakest petrified ends. Love is my greatest wound and you have been it’s greatest healer, now love is more and more becoming my highest strength as I learn to use it to continually transmute a darker past without enough sunsets. You wouldn’t know your worth like the sun to the earth, but I feel I cannot tell you anymore, at least not more than moon is to night. Mostly, I have to keep that hidden, like light piercing through a keyhole, you move to the opening and only know enough to make out that there is movement, that quite possibly there is a whole new world filled with desires, fantasies, visions and cares that would overwhelm the deepest and subtlest movements of your being, or, maybe it’s just as the distance appears. A man sweeping an empty room, with the heart stuck underground concerning itself with someone else. This knowledge has corrupted you so isn’t it safer that I tell you through the connection I feel instead? These words like the stars in the night you will never visit, a glimpse into possibility, a dream of the unknown. They shine every night, even through our darkest hours, but still as you look up at these words as stars you can never make out their full depths, eyes lost in the trance of mystery. Sometimes I have to hide them so you don’t take them for granted, other times I have to give a glimpse into the truth by painting a supernova for a brief second, but the truth remains the same, for now my heart remains secretly locked in a chest filled with only you, for this knowledge was never right for you yet, for you were still learning how to love yourself enough to believe you could receive them, which is why we must also have this distance. For I myself cannot go on through the passing days not knowing how to control this energy that I’ve never before experienced in my life, initially as you know it was like burning embers I felt compelled to fight with, other times the coldness of my own projections. Forces which you wouldn’t be able to dream the full depths of, with colours and characters that I shall not describe. Did you know that you may have became someone that I would die for? But the answer to this will remain unknown. From dusk to day, nothing will be told of what lives inside this cave. Peering through a hole, nothing here but a man sweeping like a slave. Cleaning and clearing all of my heart out, so that nothing else remains. It is not important for me to tell you who you are, let us pretend the time is not right because is that not true? There is still much to process in this... Star night. Tonight I look up at the stars and turn them into you, so that I can see through my own lies that held me to, dreaming only of my own individuality without you. Keep it a secret from yourself that you don’t know who this is about and may the world keep it a secret with you and from you outside of peering through that keyhole, for to know the full truth is to find the end of my cave that not even I have fully revealed to myself. First they revealed visions of the future, and now all pages at the edge of every book of time within. And so as darkness is to me, lightness is to you, two sides, sitting on opposite sides of life, rotating around a flame I shall not yet reveal the full truth of I now always look after within me.

And that's like... Not a big deal at all obviously. It's just a phenomenon. Some people may take that the wrong way of course.

@Eternal Unity oh without reservation I consider myself to have more introspective capacities compared to Leo. Just objectively. I also have other things too to complement my nature, just gotta bring things under wraps that merely have to to do with my natural propensity towards self generated wisdom. It's just the one month break is all this is ?.

@Eternal Unity I'm taking this all in Greg, thanks for the shares. ====================================================== I believe in soul to soul, mind to mind connections. I can't escape the present one I have, albeit obstacles around it. A part of me would will it away but I can't. I've tried. Numerous times. But I gave up a while ago. The more true I am, the more its there, and because truth is where I must go, what choice do I have? I don't have it in my present relationship but it goes relatively well (mentioned something before but I was super tired when posted so ignore that ha), they were the gaps I was mentioning. I'm such a protective person in my relationships, but one thing I'm now mastering is putting the energy I want to bring to life first outside of literally everything else. It has to be my sole, primary and foundational weapon for living in life. I feel it really helps me balance my relationships, especially when there's intense connections because they need to be energetically managed otherwise who are you? You lose your identity, you become enmeshed and then both of each others unconscious stuff comes up without any of you knowing what to truly do with it. Things go so much better when you're focusing on the energy you want to bring to existence from the ground up. My god if anyone hurt anyone that was close to me I'd destroy them. I have to learn to understand these tendencies as well. To hurt those people, who have good souls otherwise I wouldn't be with them, wow who are you? I'd have to do a lot of introspection not to cause major damage. Again, tendencies I'm bringing under wraps including the sharing of any imagination that goes along with that. A mild introspection, again just getting some of the raw content out there while minimising the philosophy/related for this month.

Oh when I want to I'll just do someone like Darth Vader for shits and giggles if I'm going to do that haha, may as well

So I'll be dubbing the following with my own voice as a small challenge (more to come beyond this of course as well). This is like just a small extra thing to round out my ability to do speeches, etc, I mean I'm sure everyone realises by now how wide ranging my interests are from technology/inventions to music production and somewhere in between I guess speeches, writing, theorising and acting haha, I hope that encourages others to explore their openness or to pun appropriately, inspires you.. Will be completed within the next few hours (other things occupying my attention of course).

That's what I'll do in the future when my playful side dominates my serious side again here haha, a monster version. Glad you liked. Believe it or not I can speak/laugh at that level, would be able to get paid professionally to do various voiceovers if I was desperate ha.

I mean... Obviously mine is better. Ha imagine if I did mine professionally .

^^^^ This is so fucking funny haha (video sync for whatever reason isn't as good as it was before but it doesn't bother me, its done I'm moving onto the next thing now ----- good laughs)

OH MY FUCKING GOD HERE IT IS FINALLY HA Good learning experience. Mind fuck (amount of time I spent haha) https://archive.org/details/coool-1 Not on YouTube due to copyright infringement on video (visual)

I thought it would be humorous to share a version of me practicing the speech haha just the intro Later tonight I'll share the complete version

Nope. This is an utter failure haha. I can't help but philosophise, even when my mind is directed like this. This month is all about connection to being for me and just some comedy. I'll reboot the theory and more structured imaginative story next month. I'll write and read comedy instead for this month to practice my speaking voice for audio/acting. Will re-commence this journal and PART 2 beginning early next month.

Alright, so here I'm going to be sharing all of my insights about the imagination (and to that extent; creativity) for free before I finish them all up in the book I've been working on to be released by the end of the year. I'm a good guy like that what can I say. This is to complement my writing process, the results of which I'll be sharing week to week and within the span of that how I please. In light of the forum vibe and the return on investment I think I can provide readers and listeners, I've decided to solely focus on writing that is more along then lines of sci-fi but ultimately is just simply "out of this world" with sometimes slight connections to this world when approaching things from the ideal of perspectivism. This is to accomplish three things, discover the linguistic limits of the imagination, discover the results of what a theoretical understanding of the imagination provides me and an attempt at expanding the horizons of the minds perception of the present moment and the perceived limits of the reality it designs through its resolution biases. PART 2: The writings and corresponding audio recordings that I might also attempt to provide more (music) themes to other than just my voice. Best.

P.S - I don't consider this philosophy hence why I'm fine concentrating on it (what I said I was avoiding this month). I consider this "out of philosophy" haha.

Anyone that ever has a problem with me I want to give you the confidence that you can approach me about it no matter what it is. The reason for this message is that I realise that I can unintentionally come across as intimidating because I speak my mind very freely, of which I'm becoming more sophisticated about these days. I don't have much of a filter myself and I'm very open minded, these two combined leave me to do and say things that may make others feel uncomfortable which I'm very mindful about because I'm aware of the fact that we all come from various histories and so can naturally be affected by things in very different ways. My ease will be relative to my deductions and my deductions relative to the overall nature of the forum has at the very least led me to conclude that I need to take things back a notch or two, which I have as I'm sure some of you have noticed, but then there's also the openness I have to be mindful about as well. Feel free to open up further discussion here as you please, I will be respectful to you as much as you're capable of demonstrating respect in return of which I know most of you are capable of. Otherwise, at the very least I hope everyone is happy with my odd musical improvisations that I do for fun every now and then which I'm sure most of you are ha. Unless there's anything else, towards me regardless as to where you are here's to open and candid expression from you, openness but healthy boundaries from me. Best.

This journal will remain accessible to serve the purpose of transparency on my past history.

I'll be creating my own erotica writings by the end of next week, this is simply an introduction. Ha. Many poems rolled into one recording:

THIS JOURNAL WILL NOW CEASE I've decided to end this journal just in case it makes people feel uncomfortable haha. I'll do something more neutral, something more imaginative and out of this world. Non-sexual. Many people have various past histories here and I wouldn't want to trigger anything with the words I use.