ll Ontology ll

All posts at all times will be unedited, unscripted and always on the flow: Life can be filled with so much horror and turmoil for the human condition, much worse combined with the chaos of life that we humans have faced over thousands of years, with that trauma no less have we been stung with the afflictions it has had on our biology. Ill of health and ill of mind when we’re out the future conditions that alleviate our pains through the mother of technology, our brains, forged out of the father of our earnest and good will, our hearts (some say it’s the other way around) the desire to preserve. The desire to live on. The desire to cooperate with each other, to forge alliances so that we are stronger for the world around us to build a stronger world around us. But let us not forget. Let us not forget that in the conditions that we can afford, our luxury however meagre is still much greater than most of our ancestors, much more we not only still live in the world of false comparison but the world of genuine suffering that still afflicts the larger world due to the lack of wisdom that has not been adequately passed down to generations in front of them. The ignorance of what one has not learned but should have and experiencing the ignorance of someone else due to the suffering from ignorance inflicted upon them, whether to the damage to their minds, their hearts or both. The mind can be a fragile thing, worse so too our hearts when we are developing as beings at the beginning of our lives. So many things can go wrong and it takes so much to make things right and when we look adequately upon the generations that have come after us and see their suffering they has followed post our birth it becomes all the more obvious. The only way to stop the flood of suffering is to look honestly at the generations that are making it to young adulthood every year filled with the pain, anguish, trauma and misfortune that was handed down to them by our institutions and their community that we’re indirectly connected to. To look honestly at these generations and figure out a way to make sure our contribution is as meaningful as possible to them in every conceivable moment imaginable which too, comes at no cost to our own development in fact they rely on our development as we do they in order to make and support the strength of one another and the growing integrity of civilisation. In much of western society we have given birth to false and good ideas competition. The good ideas bond us together and make us stronger as a whole, the bad ideas divide and separate us from the good nature that earth wishes us to learn to our greatest intent and reflect in our ingenuity, strength of will and warmth as well as the conviction of our hearts. If I have any last words for now it is this, to look earnestly inside your hearts to wonder about the great possibility that exists for your own personal growth. That’s number one first foremost. Where have our generations done you wrong? Where have I even done you wrong or someone like me and how can you correct the situation that relates to improving your own growth? Your parents? Your teachers? Everyone. This isn’t about blame but understanding the ignorance that lives in all of us and that we pass to a each other so that we can make an honest attempt at understanding what we need to advance in our own human condition. It is not blame but using the entirety of our experiences as a mirror to understand the limits we’ve so far observed as a human being and how we can make those limits more whole and if we can extend them a little bit in the reflection of the personal growth that we make working ourselves. Number two, I want you to begin thinking inside of your hearts, yes thinking inside of your hearts by tuning inside, and wondering about the larger community that you’re a part of here. Separating yourself from yourself for a moment to ponder about the expressions as others have found their way here and the troubles they have experienced throughout their lives to make it to this place. More importantly I want you to think about the younger generations, people that are just only now becoming young adults that have found there way here and are still developing their pictures of the world around them and in doing so their understanding of themselves and their potential. Remember what I said about competition, how can you separate yourself from the negative ideas you may have learned about competition and instead bond with ideas that allow you to draw closer to the deeper ends of your empathy and in doing so, younger people that are here. This will allow you to realise that you don’t just come here to comment but you’re a part of a larger whole of generations that are hyper connected in ways that are too complex for our naked brain to comprehend. Thirdly I want you to start thinking with your hearts about how the larger world is as a reflection of this forum itself and how this forum is a reflection of the deep epistemic problems that we must put a stop to in society in as great way as possible. This combined understanding will be the beginning of both the empathy towards yourself and others which will bond you more deeply to your own desire and connection with your personal growth. That is all for now. Much love. Much respect. Much honour.

I spend so much time building my mind. I don’t want to be cognitive here for a long time, like those two weeks to month as I was saying about those models. Let’s get cracking, the heart doesn’t need any preparation it just goes for it. ——————————————————- In a tropical thunder storm I see the black panther moving down the man made path. I can feel the bellowing cat growl underneath it’s breath to communicate a sense of seriousness but not to frighten. She is black, strong and fully grown. She does not care about the pounding rain thundering over her, she is used to this, she has been here all before. The rain pours and pours and pours and she makes slow movements down the path and through a garden archway where on the other side their is pure bright light shining through that juxtaposes the muddy rain and pouring thunder bolts that would awaken any neighbourhood. She slips to the left of the archway out of view and then when the view returns of her she is laying on the ground crying out in lain. I place my hand on her heart and I can feel her trouble inside. She cries and cries and cries inside and she does not know what to say other than “help”. Help towards the healing of the heart, sow everything and make it feel right inside. Something was banished, a long time ago, though it lingers there, waiting to be noticed and seen. Felt and touched. Touched through song, touched with heart of hearts, felt through the vines that connect the heart with the rest of the universe. This is an explosion and it is an explosion from the heart, the end of its rays the final and whole embrace of the universe and all that can come to light. “From this darkness”, the panther can be heard exclaiming from underneath its weakened grows. “From this darkness”. The panther focuses on the piercing light, light symbolic no doubt of the love that it knows is trying to pierce from the inside to out from the outside to in. The thundering rain and the muddy water begin to part. Life. New start. Love.

Quick and possibly my last update: In short for now, my father has been a complete nightmare to be around recently, in a humorous way though because everything is pleasant but it’s not like his cognitive empathy has gotten better as he’s aged into his 80’s, no almost zero cognitive empathy has now gone below zero. I’ll be right behind him helping him on the computer and he will start yelling my name, “Michael.. Michael where are you?”, which will obviously induce a spontaneous startle response that can lead to frustration the more it happens. He doesn’t have alzheimers I know it’s easy to read too much into things I say. Anyhow it’s gotten me thinking more deeply about cognitive empathy and how I take other peoples cognitive empathy for granted because I’ve had to actively use mine so I can strategically interact with him without getting angry. Between now snd the end of the year I want to make this also about the pursuit of understanding and extends cognitive empathy at the deepest level, in so saying as much, as it concerns each new introduction, I will be sharing my insights on cognitive empathy. Whether or not I will be contained to this end is a different story. Cognitive empathy is the other side of affective empathy, both have equal importance in maintaining our sentimentalities because in friction points our affective empathy doesn’t help us only our cognitive empathy outside of using information from affective empathy when instructing our cognitive empathy. In times of harmony and balance, we take our cognitive empathy for granted and just rely on vibes and energies. My intuition is informing me that there’s a grand intersection between energy, cognition and experiential reality here that will be detailed moving forward in my introductions with corresponding advancements no less included in both theory and weekly examinations. The capacity to simulate what’s going to happen before it happens so I can plan the way I’m going to respond is really helpful. You can imagine how well it would go down if I held my father to the same standard that I say held a 30 year old version of him to haha. In the not too distant future I will be sharing case studies of people that I admire and respect that have shown me in their example how their cognitive and emotionality works so that I can understand how to action those same patterns in myself and expand on them further in my own unique way as far as my abilities can extend. This is… going to be… very interesting moving forward. There are so many areas of “mental toughness” that people don’t realise, empathy being by far the least talked about faculty that is actually one of the most important in some regards, more over mental toughness is looked at with such a myopic eye, at least with this journal so far we’ve been looking at the indirect effects of growing the heart as it frees up so many aspects of yourself up, further though, we’ll be learning how to interface with it both internally and externally, with cognitive empathy here reflective of more of the external component, especially if we’re considering both simulation and planned actions, that makes an environment easier to thrive in, aka more oil in the right areas, internally it relates to utilising brain more with respect to anticipation and adaptation there, with respect to the heart, tuning in to what our actual desires are with respect to the situation from multiple perspectives, so in short “Truth Signal”. All of these have unique markers that have been previously discussed in prior introductions and will be all mapped out in their exacting nature moving forward and certainly with the as described final release by the end of the day. Now back to my 80+ year old father yelling my name out while I’m right behind him haha, and no he doesn’t do it on purpose at all he’s not that kind of person. Personally, because I haven’t had this congruence between heart and brain like I’ve vastly improved on now and look forward to seeing the end points of, this being an incredibly important aspect to it, I’ve lacked congruence within myself in terms of aligning the mapping of reality with the mapping of the heart in terms of my actions. Moving forward is going to be a great learning journey for me at mastering I’m this aspect of myself and I have no doubt that it’s going to positively impact others inner signalling wi try in themselves concerning these subjects and their own self orientations as well. Best, lxlichael

Re-Creating “The Energetic Field”: Re-creating the field of awareness here so that no one lives by any words that I have created here, so that their cells are revitalised with inspiration as opposed to any other cell that takes away from their Liberty to live life with the full force of their most natural will, love and wisdom. May all words be forgotten and all actions be redeemed with the true love and learning that we give to our experiences out of our deeper relationship to the intrinsic essence of life we feel at our core, that is of greater continuity than any words we have ever expressed and by this same core will, the Liberty to live the sovereignty and essence of its experience.

I have to keep trolling you all until you become desensitised to the idea that I'm going to be sharing a new comment, I'm not, this is the last until June and I mean it. With every false update to this journal, your conditioning will slowly to quickly disappear: An expression of appreciation to my fellow courageous combatant via PM, both of us former head counsels in Philosophical Rome once upon a time, one of his shared contradictions, may the merciless but ultimately, bravely civilised heart-brain intellectualisations commence. Much love and wisdom to everyone here while I'm gone: The end. I mean it this time. I. Meaning. Time. Time of meaning. Meaning of time. Meaning of "I"... This time. It's yours.

May Officially Concluded This is a good ending to this journal for now. Just speaking with a friend:

Here’s one for you: Mind is (simply) consciousness turning against itself.

Yeah I feel that mind is pure delusion. The same with ego, they seem isomorphic to me. As soon as we get caught in mind, we get caught in the delusions produced by consciousness or just become more susceptible to them. Consciousness, brain and awareness are suitable for resolving the nexus that is produced by them combined with heart. Unless someone wishes to take a crack at seeing where it fits? To me it genuinely feels like a weakness, like a false safety measure because we were told throughout our lives that Santa was real so it felt good to believe it and from here we personalised it like we personalised this idea of mind, much worse, minds.

This is a healthy point for me to just take the rest of the month off from journaling, to really integrate everything here and start at a new threshold for next month. Laters.

@Nivsch Being obsessed with “mind, ego or subconscious” isn’t going to get someone to the next level in my opinion. And there aren’t any levels when we’re on the wrong hierarchy, of words which like mind and ego are from my perspective. For me I go for words like heart, being, communication, brain and consciousness. “Mind” is such a weird term to me, I get it, but it just feels like someone is simply rolling around in the mud or shuffling cards to get something new rather than changing the deck completely.

@Identity Hey man, yeah just gotta work on that inner communication. There isn’t any room for a way out in these situations. We don’t act integrous with our values sometimes and then not, you’re a bright guy you’re very capable of putting yourself in situations with novel possibilities where you don’t have to bend your integrity. Best wishes, I know the difficulties of working through my own inner experiences and have developed a bit by starting a journal on it however I’m looking forward to achieving a lot of inner work that’s still to come. Let me know if you want any resources or whatevs can take this anywhere you like. Peace

@Someone here Wishing you well man. I wrote something that touches on my own dysfunctional family and happiness. No need to read it just stopping by hope you can pick yourself back up. Peace

Thanks dude.

Introduction #16: Misunderstanding the heart and its greatest complexities and more has by far been my greatest failing in life, but to what do we owe attention to the idea of failure in our lives? Well let me convince you for a moment that it is worth considering. To live in the moment in bliss and everything that can accompany that ecstatic experience, for the mere moment in which it exists, is sublime is it not? What about all the things that we did in our lives that took us away from this point? Let's argue for the moment that "bliss" is a desirable state in the objective sense that we should try to obtain and apply it as an analogy for states that we want to move towards vs away from, inclusive then of this work, the functioning of the heart in relation to the energy body of mind and spirit or arguably to its mirror brain and body. It is of great regret for me, let's just put aside blame for a moment, that I did not personally did not discover the value, purpose and instrumentality of the heart and its relationship to the rest of the functioning of being. It has undeniably caused me great issue with myself, my loved ones and everyone I have come into contact with in my life to the extent that my heart was not fully enlightened. Does this mean that I do not live in opposition in any respect by having an enlightened heart (to coin the term, maybe someone can google that and see if its new or not, so too an enlightened brain (let's lose the term mind for a moment)), or that any of us wouldn't? Not so far as saying that we wouldn't rebel outside the circumference of our enlightened hearts, an enlightenment that continues to grow with the experiences that we have been afforded with both physically and mentally, in our travels of body and in our travels of imagination. When I have loved someone, I have not fully understood not so much the reasons but just the feeling interface upon which this love has been projected into and out of me again for its own lifespan, by the same extent, I have not understood the intensity of my own past hates, and deficits in either are a deficit in both, arguably. There was always a hidden responsibility that for whatever reason I was never taught let's put this aside for the moment, but that I did not personally learn to fully unearth the propensities of the heart and for me this just seems quite unusual, to go so long as to not realise such an important aspect of our being and our brain included in this reference, in fact, to be positively reinforced to live in contradiction of it, seems like a disaster has occurred in my fellow social influences and myself communicating with this aspect of reality. To its opposite in fact, much was instead to the positive affirmative, the irresponsibility of the heart and the rest of our beings faculties was disproportionality favoured more than encouraged responsibility. To know our hearts in full just like to know and understand love in full, by the same measure, is the same responsibility we have to knowing our brains in full and how love can be actualised from the perspective of the endless imagination of the human brain. Little example is needed for me to convince anyone here of this truth in our society, we merely need to note down all the positive reinforcement we received in subtle ways to not learn, to drink, to spend money, to have toxic relationships and so on and so fourth, all to both the detriment of our responsibility to our brain and heart, much more, the connection that binds them together which sows the key to us forming as whole, unified and fully expressive beings. To not understand the love I have had for another and the various impulses it has brought inside of me is a mirror to any other misunderstanding I have ever had from an emotional sense with respect to not just another human but society as a whole. The heart is thus an endless gateway then for me, combined with the perception of mind, that as I shift from a state of healing to a state of growth as it concerns the heart and brain, progress can be more or less endless here as I continue to advance the way I interface with this energy which has been the intersection of decision making for all love relationships in my life, including with life itself, in the greater, most expanded and deeper sense. May my mistakes around this area now mirrored to you, be as best as possible a mirror for looking in your own life and seeing your own relationship with these faculties where in turn you can be inspired to take on a higher level of positive responsibility, and in turn, allow your life to finally begin as far as you have faulted here, as have I, in this past that lives so closely to the scars that we carry in this life, but transmute, as our understanding and wisdom grows of these forces of nature, and the great nature they can produce. To a fully enlightened heart, that continues onwards and upwards, with a fully enlightened brain and the connection between the two. To my mother, when I was a child I did not understand your rages, pains and forms quickly enough, I did not know how to sooth my wounds deeply enough. To my sister, I protected you but how could I have shown you what was most important and that was to teach you how to protect yourself as early as possible, most of all, in heart? To my brother, the amount I needed you corresponded with the amount of pain that I had in my heart, to these defined limits I wish I could have known myself better as a little boy, without instruction. What more I could have done to help you from my mother and more if I had of resolved these within myself, even though you were nearly 10 years older. To my other sister, it was my lack of early understanding that made me positively reinforce your own inner invisibility within our family network, the quiet force within you that should have grown stronger, that I could have made stronger, if earlier than 5 I had learned sooner to see what was happening in our family home and how to make it right. To my second eldest sister in our unit, how could I have seen you, heard you and known you to the fullest respect so that you did not experience the injuries that you did from life, so that you too, had strength that was designed greater than the chaos created around you? To my whole family unit growing up, what more I could have done had I recognised the importance of these faculties and aspects of being, what more I could have done to lead our family to our truest potential, by showing all of you how to guide yourselves and one another. And to my father on the perimeters, what greater compassion could I have had towards you at this young age instead of confusion, pain and a lack of acceptance? And so too for all those I loved which lived on the perimeter but that I could not reach? What more could I have achieved with you, with a full heart? I have learned all of this too late for this, I have learned all of this too late for this. It is for this I have great misery and to the flip side of this, great inspiration. It may come as irrational for one to have this kind and level of responsibility, but as your heart becomes stronger and stronger you will learn that the heart only wants to have more and more responsibility because it is always too busy bringing about creation to the rest of your being at its potential, it is all about seeing what more positive, goodness and truth can be created and so when the heart asks itself about the past, eventually the more healed and grown it becomes it asks itself, what more could I have done at the first moment of birth? It does not do this out of self-punishment or literal misery, but a true appreciation and love for the goodness and truth of life. Much love and wisdom. Exit to this Session: This loss and pain Death I have created in this life even if I have not partaken in any physical death Death to potential Death to potential It only makes sense that we live this life Life to potential Life to potential This loss and pain now, with balance and respect for the natural seasons of life Growth and Joy Growth and Joy Growth and Joy

Leaving this comment right here - I fell, now it’s time to rise again: So I got “beat”, I got my ass handed to me in the last few hours post the above. The post just above was created from pre-piano heart-brain communication as I’ve talked about, which activates different parts of the heart and brain. My training that followed though which is just aligned with the previous sentiments, that is, “typing out the heart”, I ended up being taken to the processing of several traumatic memories. In the end I went into “avoidance mode”, decided to take a break and that break turned into unintentionally falling asleep on the job. I’m now awake and I’ll attempt things again but I just wanted to remind myself and others here for future notice, especially after a post like the above, that it’s thus a good time to compare and contrast the different effects that pre-priming is going to have on what gets produced in my writing, that one instance may show me to look “perfect” and then in another based on the training I undertake, certainly not based on what aspects of the heart and brain are activated in that communication between the two. So I feel a little down, it’s okay though I’m putting my above theory and otherwise into practice, something I too have to become a master of, and overcoming this little set back by going to work straight away to get my second intro and session done before I head to sleep again, #16. To cap, so yeah, you’ll have good moments and bad moments, your goal is to make sure that your ratio overall is filled with more good than bad because then you’ll still be improving every day in the long run, it won’t matter that you fell off the wagon sometimes that’s normal, that should happen eventually if you’re doing this work right. All in all regardless, we gotta do our best to stay on that wagon, process things right and all the way. Have courage, perseverance, patience and resilience without self-punishment, treat yourself with love (i.e. compassion), the love inclusive of all these positives. All in all it’s important to understand how we respond to both success and failure, so that again, we can take the path that leads us down the truer end, however slightly more successful, it only needs to be a tiny nuanced improvement but if you can get that each time, eventually they start to add up into something big and we go to the next level, very naturally as well. It’s analogous to observing something beautiful in nature and paying attention to all of its subtleties that the less we have nuanced perception we aren’t able to appreciate and therefore miss out on that greater beauty. Best.

Introduction #15: (all typed in one go on iPhone) To continue our discussion, I have realised that every aspect of our body is a conduit for the hearts expression. We always were, are and will be expressing our bodies (inclusive of the human brain) through the heart, it is simply a matter of whether we are silencing the heart and causing damage in this respect or listening to the heart with the greatest of sincerity. The heart is in constant fluctuation of inner narrative and it is desiring for this constant fluctuation to be heard as an extrinsic creative surmise with the entirety of the body as a vessel for its changing underlying forms. This is why the human brain is so important and perhaps why it is so creative because it was designed to be the canvas by which the heart could paint on using the brains sophistication also as it’s composer relative to its present capacities, which modify according to the intensity and longevity of this expression. With all great creatives, we have always been listening to their heart. Perhaps with this newfound knowledge, you can become one of the creatives that we listen too, with diligence, practice and true alignment with the truth of the heart and holding the sturdiness of this. Now when I say your whole body I mean it, I mean how you use your eyes, ears and all other portals to the rest of your senses and abilities, the heart upon full activation in this respect, is like the never ending heart beat of the universe, your body will forever be in expression of its wonders. Now you know the secret to “motivation” when in reality this is of course just a naive screenplay we were told by society was a bible, that is, this thing about “always having to be motivated” and if we weren’t we were somehow bad, when in reality, for true motivation, where that motivation is the truest, not artificial like the minds phantoms and projections that control and regulate the wellbeing of most people indoctrinated in these and related ways, when it is truly from and with the heart with the lens of the felt-aware experience, this is when we don’t even think about or consider motivation, we just are, we are motivated to listen to and act as the unfolding creative source of the universe there is no time really to waste thinking about it. Another, “the eyes are the windows to the soul”, sentiments like these can now be understood through the lens of when someone is listening to their healed growing heart, they are looking into the eyes of another and seeing how well they are connected to their hearts and in what ways. The heart paves the way to the expression of the otherwise imperceptible with all of its nuances, which is why we can tell so much when we look into the eyes of another, as one example. Because in listening to our hearts on how to see the world around us, when we come at it from that healed and growing sense, just as we have beauty in the heart we see the world through this more truthful lens and not just beauty, but the simplicity and purity of the world too. This is all experienced in subtlety and nuance, just as we see more of the subtlety and nuance of another in the expression of their hearts through their eyes and the rest of their being. Now you’re ready to build a feedback loop between how your heart feels in relation to your bodily movement of any sort (including the brain, eyes and anywhere else) and the learning of the heart and in turn the learning of the body to modify both its movements and signal based on the movements of the heart. Notice how there’s greater fluidity in your self control, the greater ease by which you accomplish your strides in whichever direction, notice the nuance and leaps of learning that feel more spontaneous, youthful and discovery like. In short, your heart will teach you “how to walk and where to walk” and you will get better and better at applying this in every area with practice of the hearts expressions. It is false to assume that a heart is “wild and irrational” when too, even if it is in this state, it is using the brains intelligence and in doing so developing this intelligence in its ongoing expression. So when you take in this wisdom and introspect on it to the point of personal change and empowerment, to the level that you’re able relative to the time spent, make it a part of your training to see the hearts of people through their expressions. In every bodily movement, in every pupil dilation, in every laugh and in every heart felt cry out of love and outpouring of love itself, so too, notice the opposite to this and where your heart has reached this level of development, perhaps intuit if it is appropriate to do so, add subtle signs for the other on how they can heal theirs, without attachment to their following of them, just a maintaining of the greater love you have found with life in the ongoing unfoldment of your heart using your whole being as a conduit for its ongoing and great expression. Session: The moons standing up so high, looking down on me. Of what do I owe the pleasure? To hear your movements run through me, to be eclipsed with the ignorance that I face when I look away from you, about you, a symbol for our ignorance of the world. To “reign in darkness” is what fear we have become in society, our norms so deluded and thus so contrary to reality and it’s pervasive existence, that if it acted on any part of its predatory nature, in an instant, we wouldn’t be able to defend ourselves. Our lives would be… Eclipsed. To this I owe words to the sun and my communication with you, how we can we work together to raise my being to a continually higher level and in that sunny-rain, whatever level of depths I must travel to in order to accomplish this, even if such suffering I now believe is a transgression to my newfound knowledge of the hearts beauties in the context of aligned striving, how can I listen better? What do I have to do? As I look up at the night sky now I see clouds overhead, covering the moon but bright shiny lights below reflecting my city with a long line of lights adjacent either side of the road symbolically might I add hitting the horizon line of darkness, the epitome of my initial statement here regarding how we as a species as a consequence of our technological fruits, “reign in darkness” rather than “spread the light”. In 10 hours or less I will begin to see the sun rise, may this sun, as it spreads through me as I encompass it when I stand with my shirt off while eating my breakfast on my balcony, taking all of life in, have life speak through me… speak through me… love is the light we must spread, and this light is not just the light of sentimentality but the light of the hearts highest beat and so too in this, it’s highest knowledge, of itself and the life that comes from it. Exit to this session: There are many wishes we can have in this life But in this life I breath May my breath be all that I wish outside The truest most heart felt wishes For I will sing again after this body has withered away Again and again so goes reincarnation Again and again then, “make this one truer, make this one truer.” ( will have another intro and session completed later tonight… and… you’re welcome! )

Will watch the rest of the vid bout 22 min in say next month or so, it makes me feel out of sorts to listen to it for more than that time. Looking forward to.

Yal can figure this out, same deal with the heart journal and the self awareness journal (to come), the latter will correspond here to this titled journal at the same time post completion of the heart journal. I'm not that far into the video, consciousness wasn't defined so I'll let that go for now, "everything" can be a definition but there's something more to say there too we'll see how this rolls. Going to be exciting business, here we'll for example be exploring how to self induce consciousness states through mental effort alone which I have a bit of experience in however had to go back to rock bottom bare basics with the heart realising this was the first stepping stone and not this work here. We'll explore all possible maps of maps on this subject as its a real easy one to build intellectual maps on. Will blow the door right open as per usual aye. "Heart" and its contribution can be considered, a state and influencer of states of consciousness of course, we'll roll with that for the minute. Cheers for the inspiration LG12 (like D12), sincerely. Love. Wisdom. ✷LW12✷. Wisdom. Love. ✷WL12✷ Sellin them t's, just designed this one yal hit me up if you want to book a spot.

@ShardMare most peoples hearts just need healing, everyone else is just deluded. True story. Happiness is literally not more complicated than that, the whole world is just confused about reality, so they swap and change beliefs to match what their bias is for the day to feel a sense of consistency that if they didn't have they'd fall apart just like the world has this tendency because the world as a whole hasn't learned to manage that confusion.

Coincidence. Thank me never, don't need it. Just get better. Click here for hand made $50 bills, I bought one (a dress) for my friend Luigi he loved it. Peace @Husseinisdoingfine .

Introduction #14: The brain is the creative reasoning centre for the hearts expression, creativity is so important for not only a balanced heart and mind but also to both their extension and Ultimate link, in their drive for self comprehension, in unity, that is afforded to them by the realities that they inhabit and co-create together. With every keystroke, with every piano key push, with every paint brush stroke or any of their relatives… In this act of determining the movements of the heart through the minds choice of creative expression, we use the brain as a vessel for creativity for the heart that the heart would not be able to otherwise label and express through standard means of communication to itself, much less know and understand itself through that expression. As a nervous system becomes increasingly more complex, so too, does its capacity for nuance in felt experience and subsequent expression. Though, if language cannot adequately design what is there nor attention through attention alone properly feel through feeling alone without the understanding and expression of that modality, then a nervous system will indeed suffer and the heart will inadequately console the dance between tragedy and success with, in and as life. When we're born, we're obviously born without our language and creative capacities enhanced to express our hearts that are already filled with the pains and joys of our life, instead these feelings and expressions largely lay dormant within us until we have the wisdom to slowly release these tensions when we generate an insight like the ones that I have shared about memories being stored in the cellular architecture of our hearts and how creativity is the force we're to use to unleash them. The greater complexity by which an organism experiences the environment combined with the sensitivity of those experiences felt and otherwise such as the numerous modalities of intuition that we have, the more that suffering is going to be magnified in stated organism if it does not have a conduit for that expression, such is the space between the open space of our working memories, our capacity to concentrate our energy on parts of our being like our heart and the utilisation of consciousness to unearth those stored and experiences within the heart and the body to be released through the chosen creative modality. In my case, I choose writing, piano and drawing. Everyone needs to find what is best for them and to the extent that you find your own nervous system profile aligning with stated descriptions in anyway, i.e. correspondence with HSP constructs, it is my recommendation to find the best modality that is going to enable you to express the experiences that bombard you on a day to day basis so you can re-address both subtlety and impact that the world had on you for that day. To the extent the level of complexity that your nervous system has is not matched by an equal level to express and creatively organise the information inclusive of felt experience, is to the extent that stated nervous system will begin to incur increasingly more problems, especially the more chaotic an environment becomes. When our brains have fully developed, we're able to turn what we weren't able to express in our earlier years into a creative experience in the present moment to bring about consolidation and integration of our nervous system in ways that it was not able to achieve in those earlier years within its cellular memory hard-drive. In this context, I see the brain as an empty vessel but bound by the plastic neural architecture that is waiting to be intelligently directed through its connection to the heart, a vessel containing all the energies that are waiting to be released using the brain as a conduit to not only its expression, but to the both of them, where expression remains creative, their healing, growth and creative potentialisation (aka, once the heart is wired up to creatively express itself properly through the brain, there's just no predicting what creative directions things could go in the long term). Our brains do not know what is true, instead our brains tell us what is true based on the order it can bring to its present informational contents. Our hearts tell us what is true through feeling and instinct, honed and passed down generationally. Because our brains live in comparative order and our hearts comparative chaos, it is important to realise that the truth is something that we're continually realising, not only this, but in connecting the dots well here, we can realise that not only is the brain a conduit for the creative expression of the heart, but in the continual discovery, determination and realisation of truth. This enables us to continually live in a "reborn state" where this is the only state that we more or less live in, as such, we align with the creative laws of the universe, as the universe doesn't understand static, in fact, some may argue that the way it acts is a perfect reflection of embodying this relationship of creative expression and communication between the heart and the brain as an ongoing process of truth discovery, revelation and creation. Session: Mum, just a few days ago was Mothers Day, where you were reminded by each of your children’s births and the life that you lived and shared with them. How did it make you feel to not receive a call from me? I know, I know, you probably went out with a friend that may or may not be in a similar dilemma, perhaps you spent the day with a man that took you out to a nice restaurant. I remember all of your boyfriends mum, sometimes I feel that you remembered them more than you remembered us. You did your best, this much is true. With your level of emotional, cognitive and psychological maturity, what else could have my mother have done other than continue to run away from knowing and learning the depths of love and truth? Is this my self-indoctrination or was your life merely reflective of your limits? Were we all just following a deterministic script? Was your pain and the pain that you inflicted on each one of us including the pain that we inflicted on you, just a part of life’s script? What else could we have done if we had zero learning and what more could have changed if we had more learning? Behind these words is a sadness, a sadness in the years that you have chosen not to reflect on your actions, your life and our collective decisions in relation to each other, that you would rather just run on the spirit of the moment as you normally do “Oh my kids still hate me so that’s that dark they’re going to do what they like they’re old enough to look after themselves you know what I mean?”, purely spinning and speaking from the engine of your emotions without or little dialogue with the learnings of life that we’re all here to bring to ourselves and the world at large. I feel shame and disappointment with what you have accomplished in light of your abilities, you could have brought so much more, with that shame and disappointment, I feel a coupling of just deep sadness, missing the life that you could have had and wondering if I will have any time left still to make things right, to make things right after I have made things right inside of me. In relation to you, which I feel like yeah there’s nothing you can do all of the processing and pain is on my side now its all my responsibility I get that ma, I get that, I get that… I get that. And you, how will you live your life after I figure out a way to build a new nest for you when I am ready… To look after you, while always knowing the full limits of what life I will never be able to properly give you relative to life’s full expression. What do I do? What do I do? What would you do if I gave you a world where you had no limits over where you could go in the world, no limits over what you could buy, who you could talk to and form a relationship with, no limits on the paths you could take in your own personal development? What would you do ma? What would you do ma? You will never know how deeply you are in my heart and I will never know how deeply I am in yours, for the love I have I cannot have you fully receive it and have you give it back in return, at least not now, not in this world where I can see or speak to you when the world inside is a world blind without the wisdom I need to cross that bridge with yet. But one day, and too, soon enough. Exit to this Session: Ashes to ashes Life to life Boy oh boy, this boys in strife Mother won't you kill me now? Do it better than the last time? Maybe this time I won't haunt you again, or was it you that haunted me? I feel that it was love, was it not? That did all the haunting, not its loss, lack or in giving of this love No, in its confusing nature, that its nature was not always whole Instead I see these shards of broken mirror I look and what do I see? Not me or you, not even a broken heart, just stuff all tangled up Mother, mother, won't you let me untangle it all now? New additions - just adding from the previous add on, will explain this in the next intro instead: New technique/adaptation that I'll mention in the next introduction instead of the one in the quoted text is typing continuously, which I'll refer to as "active tuning", while listening into the heart. Same exact thing but now I'm typing every little feeling and impression along with the projections that form in consciousness that form in their natural heart-brain correspondence and connection. So its an additional action without any subtraction to the original technique along with pointers (still learning to bring everything together there), simply because I struggled so hard today to get anything out to say, I mean as anyone knows that read my journal hours ago I started early in the morning for a while, got nothing, started back, got nothing, until I just decided "Okay fuck it I'm just going to write whatever and see what comes out then run with it as that's what's fucking true aye".

Introduction #13: Much love and respect to all souls here. Deeply devoted to the long term results of this journal and everything that can be shared here so I’ve restricted myself from formal posts like these from now on other than simple in between posts that will be deleted after every formal entry from now on to make it easier for readers. For authenticity though I don’t want to delete the past really unless it’s truly necessary, some posts I may but it really depends on where the energy evolves moving forward overall I just want to make the right decision. My grammar by the way will also improve I’ll make sure I double check entries, for transparency I don’t want to edit previous ones so that we can look at this from the frame of growth and progress. It’s discernible… haha, that’s what matters, though my philosophical gestures there if any have less potency there that’s all. The emotions that bind us all together are the most important and they’re all the emotions that we store in our heart which in return regulate the rest of our body. As I think of you, whoever you are, there is information from the emotional to the cognitive that my being creates which tells me who my being thinks you are relative to me emotionally, spiritually, psychologically and in every other way in that moment as that moment for that moment that this information appears. This information in return regulates my body from the heart in the same way that the same information that my being creates about my own existence including this idea of my, being and existence itself. It does this from the heart but in relationship to and with the brain and our aware consciousness (i.e. mind though I don’t really like the word kind to be honest, I feel like it’s been misused in culture a lot) is the regulatory mechanism of this link concerning connection vs disconnection. What I have become aware of is that through this simply exercise I do of simply paying attention to the heart as I noted in intro #9, inclusive then and to further elaboration as noted in other intros, the feedback loop of the information of consciousness, of heart and the self regulatory mechanism between these two that we can refer to as awareness say for example through brain, I have learned to continue to create a stronger and stronger connection through this means and therefore increasingly separate myself with negative relationships and connect myself with positive relationships. A negative relationship here is simply one that is unnatural and therefore not conducive to the potentialisation of being and a positive relationship is natural therefore conducive to the potentialisation of being. This then gets me to my next point where to me, life is about the positive expression of free energy now. Now although I said that I was not yet ready for philosophising of life until I have fully completed my training for this journal, such a sentiment of course is thus solely contained by its relationship to our being and more pertinent to this journal, our heart, and for me for all practical purposes concerning here, the alignment and connection/s between the heart, consciousness and mind. As I have expressed, over and over, just to help drill in the point where we’re here emphasising the heart over the mind including aware consciousness over mind and brain itself too while recognising the important connections where they matter most to the work here. Back to our starting point, four words, “positive”, “expression”, “free” and “energy”. This exercise the I am increasingly developing my understanding of from a practical level has been showing me that it makes my energy increasingly more positive through the free expression from negative energy, negative in the context of this journal is where energy days become too clogged and creates a state of dissociation which can even create a positive feedback loop towards becoming more dissociated as you’re encouraged less and less to tap into the heart. This last point links into what I mentioned before with respect to how I felt like my heart experienced electric shocks (I.e. when laughing) and as if I as being stung by ice picks, more than this, recall how I noted that to even stay with heart through any long duration I would have to survive “shaking” responses created by the body to ensure that I didn’t stay with the exercise. Back on track to my everyday experience it’s become obvious that I am more and more beginning to develop sense of cohesive self that my awareness was previously separated by which goes back to earlier journals including recent ones where I reflect a growing connection and unpredictable positive development here. I’ve been paying particular attention to my heart today trying to maintain as much connection as possible, worried that if I don’t pay attention I’ll become disconnected again and that will open up dissociation that puts me in a state where I’m unable to engage my being enough that my consciousness produces an intelligent (inclusive of emotional wavelength) link with existence, not to infer of course that my being becomes “anti-existence” more in the sense of “anti-self” in an unconstructive way. I sometimes notice myself taking for granted one state over another and it is tendencies like these along with further analogous connections that are going to help me continue to develop my awareness here. I feel mostly positive at the moment however I said something a little earlier that produced a bit of negative energy that I’m going to spend some time inside learning how to transmute better, it feels good to self honestly reflect and reveal my state something that I’m still getting used to in light of this slowly building self I’m building. I feel that I’m getting closer and closer to relationships with my brains mental life of the self and not just my bodies which was one of the goals of this work, the noted example above being of course developing a sincere relationship with my future self which I believe is going to add a positive relationship with my ability to self regulate states like those noted in the previous paragraph. Three new realisations I had today which I feel are a consequence of my growing self were, consciousness is simply a byproduct of universal consciousness it both is and isn’t a big deal. It’s a big deal because all of life is a big deal and it’s not a big deal because all of life is a big deal. The second is that I’m going try out this idea I came up with where I’m asking questions from my heart with my body just to generate a more energetic feedback loop with the heart. I feel that the more of my body I use to ask a question to my heart the more involved my being at the heart energetic level gets involved. I feel that this may be especially useful to those that have a history of dissociation so they’re disconnected from their bodies due to past trauma. The third realisation is that there is a communication channel between energy, consciousness awareness and heart which relates to my earlier introduction about regulating state but that I’ll slightly add a nuance to here in further communication of the earlier goal about learning how to change state. So I believe that the angle for transmutation or at least what I’m finding success with in this order is (1) become aware of the bodies energy (2) already decide that you’re going to make this a transmutational point (3) carry that energy high up into aware consciousness which is say around the perimeter of your being above your shoulders (4) from aware consciousness communicate to your brain to channel this energy to your heart so that your heart can get to work with respect to giving you information about this energy and transiting it simultaneously (5) you continue to perform this exercise waiting for and while learning from the information that is generated from your consciousness over and over, as it comes, sometimes patience is an important aspect, and you do so until you reach the higher balance that you were after. Another important point that’s still in development from the practical sense is the channeling of all energy from the body (especially where stated energy feels comparatively “negative”, including “mental energy” say as it pertains to how I began this introduction with respect to transmuting the associations and relationships we have built up pertaining to any all all living beings in existence to a “Free Energy State”) and from the described conscious aware state and intuitively adjusted as needed there. If the frees energy my intuition is that energy can be transferred from all areas of our being towards the heart to free up and reach that “ideal” of the described higher balance. See what I’ve realised for me is that the hearts a natural freer of energy is doesn’t want to keep it trapped it’s a continuous pump but if our aware consciousness doesn’t know how to use this pump our heart can become clogged which creates previously noted problems aka an over-survival response that inevitably leads to dissociation that can branch out into many other nasty places as well. Okay great well this concludes the end of the introduction I think we’re off to a great start here. Thank you everyone I hope you’re all doing okay, read my earlier journals and realise that I deeply know your pain whatever you’re going through. I have a lot of high expectations for myself and genuinely I have a lot of high expectations for myself and genuinely I am still developing the empathic awareness I want to in order to ensure the lessons I’ve learned from my past experiences which includes remembering where I came from so I can remember where people are coming from in their struggles are reflected by that. Even though I have an intuitive feel for things in this area I feel that it would be better enhanced if I continued to grow this complementary aspect of myself. Session: I feel right now like my skull wants to jump out of my skin and scream the universe from my eyes I am that frustrated with my present state of being. I am ANGRY at my parents, the world and myself included for allowing this to happen, for not noticing myself and the world around me enough through the eyes of psychological distinction enough that I would transmute this world out of my ass so all that remains is the purity of life in front of my eyes via the fluidity of my being. I feel a chaos turning because I cannot feel alive and I know deep inside this lack of consistent aliveness, this constant shifting back and fourth between alive and not alive due to this dissociation, is the reason for why I have often sought after a non-disclosable preoccupation with my imagination in the past (something that I've shared briefly in another journal here) to at the very least have enough dopamine to make it through life. I feel like I have been stabbed by a sorcerer from an alien civilisation where their weapon of choice that they have refined as a part of their master craft is the induction of an irreversible condition of dissociation to the point of a catatonic state that I only survived out of luck, and now only out of luck am I surviving this condition now. The clouds loom in my mind again, crashing and smashing up against each other and the only freedom I have from this state is in describing through the use of my imagination, otherwise I feel stolen, lost, forgotten as I "SHOULD BE", that suggestion somehow planted in my subconscious, circling about like thunderstorms in those dark clouds to imbue a sense of fear in the child that is hiding in the forest below for cover. I am lost, naked in the woods at 8-9 years of age and the only way through is a late afternoon where the night is turning quickly and predators of this never to be chartered before forest are to come awake and find their dinner. I feel like this state is obsolete, disposable, rejectable and shameable which is likely what produces the dissociation itself and it is something that I am unable to play like air in a flute with finger holes waiting to be plugged but the air will not escape my lungs with the right intensity and closeness. So I am trapped in the dungeon again in front of the whole world, where literally the whole universe could see me if this dungeon were visible with the naked eye. That's the way I feel when walking around in regular life and how I have felt growing up in my familial environment, this observation with its necessary rectification was available to all of us but when I played my flute, this flute as a kid, it didn't matter how well I played it with all the lack of training that I had, no body heard it and if they heard it they didn't see it enough, I didn't see enough nor did I see enough of life confined period where life confined is the definition of a hundred year span contained in the palm of my hand and how I would play out this life. But here I am, STUCK, without enough awareness at this point to align with the destinations of my choosing within my being. I will spend as much time this afternoon and tonight just training and training and training to secure this new level I'm on while trying to turn the pages of this part of my history in this book of life to get to the next level so that tomorrow I feel a little more connected, I feel the suns light through my eyes and on my skin with a little more fidelity and spirit of the everlasting youth of the universe. Exit to this Session: Turned over, lost and forgotten Mum throws me in the dumpster as apparently I'm rotten In another moment, Gods gift, mum can't you irresponsibly decide once more entangled cotton As I empty these words I didn't know I had, I realise that I just have to continue to let them out and out and out, live and let live and learn... To trust This process, is a must Playing the flute once more, if not anyone else, Self, please fucking listen Love/Hate (partial to understand). New sentiments - Rules of thumb: If my state is not in a complete “Free Energy State” I don’t really trust it and I don’t really trust western or eastern ideas of any sort that may run contrary to developing full authority over our capacity to produce this state. Endless diligence, endless prudence. Just let it out, whatever it is, write and write and write, let it out, don't do the whole "waiting for the perfect moment" don’t need to force a reaction in the body nor do I at all need to react from a forced reaction within the body, I am now at a stage where I am simply learning the fine art of the maneuvering of energy with the described exercise and then (1) the body moves itself in that direction with a natural Will for the former (2) the body regulates itself to become a natural Will for the latter (so you’re not controlled by unwanted reactions)

Transitions: Being in a place of allowance, acceptance, integrity and positive esteem A natural transition will occur where it will feel more and more natural to include your brain as your perception is becoming better and better at feeling and noticing its own energy signatures, this is when its time to open the space right up for the mind to have a positive relationship with the heart rather than stalling growth through only passively connecting with the brain however connected you may feel you are with the heart. It's kind of like pushing with all your energy a floater in this case your awareness all the way down the bottom of the ocean and not expect it to come back up after you let go. No, after you've done enough necessary connection and clearing, the growth to now include is in now strengthening that connection with brain and heart but only as incrementally, subtly and in as nuanced of a way as possible. Though remember, as you're allowing that energy to come back up and you're differentiating what is again, remember to push back down to the heart, so on and so fourth, inclusive of any other necessary areas of the body like the belly as I've recently mentioned. This analogy is overly simplified as well because remember we're creating a channel between the two, a communication channel, which you now have, so often it will feel symbiotic and it will more and more become this as training endures the growth that will come. I noticed this while sitting down near the supermarket, it became apparent to me that I was actually without even knowing it dissociating from saying the word dissociating, I didn't want to have to experience the connected emotion, which was shame, that is, the shame that can come from realising that you've been in a dissociated state that you're now growing from, so instead of experiencing that feeling, my consciousness decided as you can notice, reject that possibility and instead opt for the feeling of frustration the exhalation pretending that everything was alright afterwards and that this was just "a regular work shift I have to make through at the supermarket", and no I do not work at a supermarket.

Alignment, Connection, Direction and Earning our Distinction: On the note above don’t beat yourself up for not being able to connect with some of the information that consciousnesses produces through this exercise like lost dormant memories or worse when your consciousness isn’t able to connect at all, it can take a lot of practice, so just keep practicing is the only real, honest and true spirit of things, we have to agree even though our minds may wish to live in denial even for only a brief moment to sidetrack us from this both permanent mystery and salvation, that every other direction chosen is of course, unequivocally, a false one. Questions for myself: For whatever traumatic memory, can you process the experience in a healthy way? The same too for any memory at all, can I life in the experience as I am meant to experience the emotions as a fully aligned being? Or do I feel disconnected from the event, estranged? Self ostracised? And that other word that I’m just tired of repeating but we all know what it is by now if you’ve been following my journal. How long can I stay connected to whatever information my consciousness is receiving? Is it brief or long? Do experiences linger or take too long to create themselves, or do they run in a healthy way? Sense any feeling you’re experiencing, what experiences live behind those vibrations and how well do I do exposing myself to the learning and transmuting of them? How do I feel right now in this moment and what does it inform me of regarding how connected vs not I am? What strategies do I have to move more into a connected state based purely on how I engage with and relate to the experiences and actions within and as consciousness? I’ll end with a leading question - personally though as I’ve stipulated I do my best to refrain from these for the purpose of following the intuition of the heart and learning to align and find its greatest depths: 5. For whatever feeling, vibration, etc, when was the last time that I felt this emotion? What was missing in that experience to process it in a more healthy way? 6. And always ending with this question to always stay connected to future learning. What else could I learn from this moment right now be it any kind of experience?

Yes this is all about noticing subtler and subtler patterns in my reflected energy, to re-inject it back into my consciousness where my being sees it anew, to become triggered again and through those subtle triggers and in the general understanding of things, notice those subtler patterns that I then carry with me and re-reflect or invent into something greater.