tashadwoodfall

I understand the worry that this could 'ruin' my whole life. I'm not too worried, I have passion for the work I do (in politics), have an amazing boyfriend I don't think I could find fault with and am surrounded by truly good friends etc. I have read some trip reports and my biggest worry is that I won't want to work for 3 weeks while in a state of awe—this I will have to find a way to overcome. I'm considering writing myself a well thought out letter and posting it in my place lol like Here's why you should work (will it work? not sure but worth a shot!) I know one thing…I can pick up the pieces no matter what and perhaps it'll be a magically beautiful experience of a lifetime!

@Jordan btw thank you Jordan for expressing 5meo was the only psychedelic you've done (makes me feel a bit more ready and confident!, whether that's to my detriment or not…perhaps visualizing a good trip enough times will help—as Leo has said bringing the fear of a bad trip will probably cause it so I'm steering clear of fear!)

I will write a trip report (my trip will take place on the 3rd week of January). My friend planned it so that we have one day to prepare (probably will be meditating all day), take 5meo on the second day and then on the third day we will be 'recovering' and I'm returning home on the fourth day. He's very much also into enlightenment concepts etc (his favorite book is Book Zero). Although we both may not necessarily be 'ready', I believe the Universe is providing me with the opportunity and I can't help but 'jump'. I believe he's ready because his long time partner/mother of his children which he's been divorced from for many years, is dying and therefore he wants to experience death. As for me, I've had 'bad trips' without psychedelics and sort of know how to breath threw them and let go. I've come a long way since then and do not fear anything from my past coming back up as I feel I've faced it all, many times. We will see how this goes and I'm hoping I come back in one piece lol I'll let 'you' know!

And the friend is going through a lot…his children's mother (his ex) has stage 4 cancer and will most likely die within the next 2 months and so… I suppose it might be most intense for him and I think I can surrender fully. Why not?

It won't be a party scene, we will be in nature with guides while we do it. Am I afraid? A little bit, yes. Will that stop me from taking this one opportunity I have? No…Besides 20 minutes of complete hell doesn't sound THAT bad.

@catcat69123 Well…yes. I feel like I'm ready for it though and either way will not pass by the opportunity. I got diagnosed with PTSD back in 2015 (worked on my psychology and the symptoms went away). I also went through a period of Alcoholism…again worked on my traumas/psychology and the symptoms went away with this as well. So I guess I feel I've worked through enough psychological traumas etc. in my life (without medications) to where I'm ready for this!

@Carl-Richard so does selling McDonald's cheeseburgers but you don't see me protesting that. @Danioover9000 Yes I did. I thought it was just a cold until my daughter's father's wife tested positive because she lost her sense of smell for a few days and so we all got tested.

I'm unvaccinated and finally contracted COVID about a month ago. Luckily, I just had a runny nose and a low grade fever for a few days before fully recovering. I feel I made a personal choice not to get vaccinated and therefore in a way I chose COVID over the vaccine and I'm okay with how things turned out Teal Swan is a teacher I also respect and I do believe the REACTION to COVID is the true danger…

I decided to get a COVID antibody test and make my decision based on the results… https://questdirect.questdiagnostics.com/products/covid-19-immune-response/b580e541-78a5-48a6-b17b-7bad949dcb57

I relate very much to what you're feeling. I also have a traumatic past starting in childhood (abandonment, physical abuse, sexual abuse, emotional abuse, neglect, etc.) I was also diagnosed with PTSD (about 5 years ago) but don't consider myself having it anymore because the symptoms (not being able to sleep for days) went away years ago after I started to actively change my beliefs/thinking. In 2018-2019 I was addicted to attention and validation too (through sex, social media likes, looking a certain way etc.), it's like my ego was trying to play an identity game and trying to 'fit' in and feel a certain 'high'—feelings that ultimately just created temporary bandaids that eventually fell off, and left a kind of emptiness and vulnerability with a—lack of direction and clarity. In 2020 it became apparent I was addicted to alcohol and had to handle that through committing to myself every morning I won't drink today, joining A.A. etc. I've recently been exploring the idea of "the opposite of addiction is not sobriety, it is connection" and so I'm using A.A. as a starting point of learning to connect better and more authentically with others all while deciding to cut alcohol off completely this lifetime… I have a streak of bad/toxic and abusive romantic relationships and don't have relationships with my family members or friends anymore. Oh boy how much I've changed over the years…and how much I've also learned (and am still learning!) I'm now finding myself sitting with the emptiness and…trying to clear up the mental and emotional fog. I'll do it as long as I can and then will find something to watch or get on a forum like this or put my head in work or even try to sort through my future plans lol it's like I'm chasing something. What is it? Inner peace, serenity, clarity… I try not to take my life so seriously but naturally, it feels like my being won't give up on this 'search'… Running away from addictions to newer addictions…running away from the emptiness, insecurity, uncertainty, shame, guilt and whatever else is stuck in there. How to get unstuck? it seems to be a process that begins in this place.

Would if women playing coy, that 'game' is in reaction to the 'games' men have played to get sex. Is 'game' another way of just saying being dishonest, misleading, manipulating, and not being in integrity? And also maybe women play this 'game' so they are not seen as 'sluts' which men don't need to worry about, in fact the opposite is true for them… When I was younger, I played this 'coy' game…mostly because I wanted to be 'good' and was conditioned from my catholic upbringing that sex was 'bad' and 'dirty' and if I engaged in it too much (and with the wrong person/people), I was to be shamed. Now…if I'm not interested sexually in a man, I just straight up tell him (in the nicest way possible). For women, this determination of whether we're sexually attracted is obviously much more complicated then physical appearance or a nice…