Gesundheit2

I've never gotten the chance to use anything other than Windows. I remember Windows ME as the first OS to play around with when I was a child. Then I basically tried every version of Windows up until 10, which I have right now. My desktop PC (currently broken; not enough cash to fix it) has 3 OSs: 7, 8.1, and 10. My laptop has only Windows 7 and 10, the latter which I'm writing from. I haven't installed 11 yet because there's no real reason to, and I don't want to go through that process for now. I'm very perfectionistic when it comes to this stuff, so I don't do it unless it's really necessary. I don't even install regular Windows updates because they ruin the performance, which is not very great to begin with on my 1st Gen - Core i3 laptop. The reason why I don't have any experience with other OSs is because they're not very popular here (fifth-world country). And they're also a lot more expensive (the hardware, at least). As well, here we mostly use pirated apps, so that kinda makes up for the poverty. I don't suppose piracy is as easy with Apple software, but I don't know. I haven't looked into it.

I have an idea for a future project. There aren't any competitors currently, and it looks promising. First killer idea! I'll write it down privately. EDIT: Actually, turns out there is one competitor, but it's on a very small scale, almost unrecognizable.

Oh, man the levels of consciousness that I'm accessing! So cool!

@Razard86 I don't mean any offence, but I have a list/leaderboard that I use to rank people according to spiritual ego. You're currently #1 or #2.

I don't know. They play it a lot in cafes and restaurants.

?

It's hard to capture/collect insights when they start flowing and overflow from my awareness. Sometimes, I receive so many gems during walking meditation, but I can't write them down because trying to catch them and translate them into words kinda blocks the streamflow of higher consciousness, and so I would have to start over after catching every insight in order to get back into state, or at least I would be slowed down and regressed/pulled back a little into a lower state. I hope that many of the insights are automatically getting implemented/internalized into my psyche and life, and I think they are. The proof is the progress I keep making.

Political issues are not really political. They're political at the surface, but really economical deep down. Why does racism exist? Because humans are selfish and they want to survive. Similar people (by any criterion) get together and form alliances against other groups of people, who in their turn do the same. So simple. Why does anti-racism exist? Because humans are selfish and they want to survive. It just so happens that this group has a different perspective on how to survive. This perspective includes making use of the minorities (integrating/enslaving them) instead of fighting them off. There's nothing heroic or altruistic about anti-racism. Humans only care about themselves, and pretty much nothing else. If anti-racism was hurting (or not benefitting) you in someway, you would not be rooting for it. Full stop. You might be thinking that it's a win-win as opposed to racism. Well, maybe it seems that way now. But surely not forever. Racism is the rule. Anti-racism is the exception. You are as racist as anyone else, cuz ego is racist. Unlike you, I can see the full picture. So don't even try to bullshit me. Okay, buddy? On the other hand, it's obvious that racism can be seen as loyal, heroic, and altruistic for one's group from the same group's perspective. Otherwise, it would not exist. The truth is that when things are on the line, when your life is in danger or if you're suffering, you will fight your dearest people to survive or find peace. There won't be a friend nor a foo. Everyone is the enemy. Or you will have some deluded idea that you are the enemy and then do something stupid and hurt yourself. It's kinda good that we're not at the airport yet. How deep does the human bullshit go? I don't know. Anyhow, don't think about the absolute, just recognize it. Enjoy the ride. Am I racist? Or anti-racist? Well, I'm God. So both and neither. And I can't help it.

Marriage is originally a religious concept/tradition, and homosexuality is forbidden in religion. That would be atheism making fun of God right in the middle of His house. ----------- A man without money is a man without a penis.

Mutations.

I'm not sorry to inform you this, but a big part of the hero is in fact an attention whore jealous of all the attention that the villain is getting.

I'm struggling trying to figure out a kind of witty title for a new journal that I may be starting. I want it to be a good fitting title, and I have some ideas, but it's hard to land on a cool one, they all sound lame for now. I want to talk about my deepest and unrealized masculine desires/fantasies, some real-life stories from my past, as well as other stuff, like commentary and contemplations about the stories. Lately, my imagination has started to run a bit wild again, like it used to long ago. I have not been capable of being sucked into my thoughts/imagination for a very long time, thanks to spiritual practice. But now, something is starting to resurface, and I feel that it'll be interesting in that it might offer some insights into my subconscious, or even unconscious mind. The exercise I'm doing is similar to daydreaming, but with my eyes closed. Or like trying to enter a lucid dream but without the intention of sleeping. I just keep laying down after waking up, and let my imagination run wild. I have repressed hero thoughts. I don't know where exactly to go from there. All I know is that these thoughts have been stuck with me since I was a child, that they haven't gone away yet (maybe they won't ever, I don't know), that I have not always been aware of them, that they always keep playing out in all of my relationships with women, romantic or otherwise. But there's this thing that I'm kind of afraid of, is that my imagination can become a Pandora's box when it opens, and so then it might be hard to close it. Also, I'm concerned that someone (specifically women) might read what I will write and then get sucked into it or get addicted to it, cuz it will probably be very deeply emotional, the kind that women can't help but fall in love with. I guess it might probably sound like erotic novels, although not exactly sexual, but really mostly emotional, with the difference that it will all be real personal desires. The other thing is that I would want to actually make those fantasies come true, I have been wanting that since I first started engaging in them. It's just I've never really had the chance to realize them. Let's hope that I will find a proper title, and then maybe I'll start with that self-discovery project.

It's not altruism that rules the world, but pragmatism. Altruism comes from trauma, and it has certain delusions attached to it. Pragma = Action.

Remember when pride was a sin? And Jordan Peterson just had his tongue removed by a criminal Twitter moderator. Lol.

40-45%: I think this state I'm experiencing is a mix between mild drunkenness and mild paranoia. In a sense, I feel a bit more loose than the usual, like what people describe while being drunk. At the same time, I am experiencing thoughts of being watched/judged. I have been feeling extraordinarily self-conscious in the past few days, not really sure why. I care what other people think, and I fear being wrong on some level. It's not exactly a low state of consciousness as in low quantity, but rather low quality. I am quite conscious of everything, although I might lose focus sometimes. I think I might be simply tired. I don't know. So, overall it seems interesting things are happening. My mind is opening up to certain insights that were kind of missing. I became directly conscious of what a hallucination is. It's like something being taken away from you after it was yours and part of you. About feeling loose, it might be the first time in a very long time, but I'm actually desiring human connection a bit strongly. Not that I would go and talk to strangers just like that, but that I wouldn't mind having a convo with anyone who might initiate. So, I went for an evening walk and meditated. That desire came up. And I was near the hospital. So I remembered my best friend and called him up. He wasn't there. He was at home. My best friend is currently specializing in nephrology, and he spends a lot of time in the hospital, so that's why. Anyway, I found another social insight embedded in this song: Koda Kumi X Sean Paul - Rich _ Famous [Official Audio](MP3_128K).mp3 It's about how people bond, and how manipulation fits into the whole picture. When and where it can be useful. Lately, as well, I have been feeling a bit like crying, but without success. The tears are on the edge, but they just refuse to flow out. I don't mind that per se, but it's making me a bit concerned. So just rambling nonsense here to get it out of my system. I'll probably return back to normal tomorrow after a proper sleep. Just cuz I'm God.

Privilege and oppression are relative to society. If some society has low living standards, then that society is bad relative to a society that has high living standards. Happiness is not an argument here because it's subjective, and more complicated than just food or clothing.

@Zeroguy The only thing we lack is brainwashing, cuz we have dirty minds ???‍☠️

@Zeroguy Hey stop correcting my punctuation! Very Blue of you.

Unfortunately you have a lot more ways to go to reach SD rainbow.

I'm weak, but I'm not thinking of committing suicide. Will face those bastards. No worries. ? What about transgenders?

50%: Sometimes I wish that solipsism was true, but it just isn't. At least, not in the strict meaning of the word "true". Others exist, they just don't care or think about you at all, unless you're perceived as higher value than them. Then you become their object of obsession and house of worship, which is not a great place to be in, either. This alleged dice roll that put me here. This miserable place, where I had to fall from high up there, go so low, start again from below zero, then climb my way out of it slowly, like a snail. This weakness. This humiliation. This twisted orphanhood. I did not choose any of it. And then comes my ego and pride. They won't let me leave like this, but only barely live. I could never ask for help, and I could never quit the game. I do not fear death, nor do I love life. I just don't know any other way of being. And I have no motivation to kill myself. In fact, I have more motivation to kill others than to kill myself. I know what it is, and what it's all about. It's the same lie at any and all states. A universal truth in the human world. I understand the game, and I know its name. I'm just severely disadvantaged. And nobody understands. And it hurts. And I endure. And I try to stand up again. And I... just... smile... and take the L, and go on.