Gesundheit2

@Vzdoh The thing is that intimacy is 100% imaginary. Consider this; a human can form an intimate relationship with an animal, or even with inanimate objects. For example, one can intimately love their job, or coffee, or a tree, or anything else. Does that mean that the objects are reciprocating? Of course not. It's all in our heads. And really, intimacy is just another word for attachment or neediness. And btw, I wasn't talking about emotional unavailability. I, as a man, don't resonate with intimacy like women do. I used to, but not anymore. So, I can be available for the girl if I want to, it's all an act after all, but I won't be feeling anything. My experience will be devoid of any emotions. At the same time, she will be feeling all sorts of emotions with me, and when she's alone she will be fantasizing about how I make her feel. Little does she know, but why wake her up and ruin everything?

Sure, me too, as I stated earlier. I was just deconstructing the belief related to intimacy.

You don't have to take that as a dogma. Addiction is not a way to escape anything. That's just a definition/story you're addicted to In simple terms, addiction is a complex of reoccurring patterns of behaviors that tend to be compulsive. That's an objective definition prior to personal interpretations. How you interpret it is up to you, i.e. subjective. I used to have many addictions and have been working on them since January 2021. A lot of them were a way to escape the harsh reality that I'm living in. But none of them had anything to do with intimacy. In fact, intimacy was one of them. If anything, I was escaping my full masculinity with intimacy, thanks to cultural upbringing. As a man, intimacy doesn't even show on my radar anymore. And when I contemplate it, I only see it as childish desire/behavior, like a child attached to his mommy because he can't live on his own, because he's weak and immature. I wasn't able to completely let go of intimacy until recently. And I have to say, this is definitely a superior way of being. Have you heard of co-dependent relationships? Attractive men are not co-dependent, and that's what makes them attractive, because a woman can be needy and co-dependent around them. You said you're at Yellow, so there's a good chance you're just overthinking this.

No. Absolutely not. Being social is like the natural state of humans, because it's necessary for survival. It rather takes work to be able to detach from the crowd and go it alone. People who struggle socially do not struggle by choice. Anyone would choose a successful social life over a miserable one if given the choice without a second thought. Not necessarily a rich social life, but most definitely a successful one. Now, to my story... I come from a rather large family; 8 uncles and 2 aunts from my father's side, and only 2 aunts from my mother's side. So that's a 2 to 1 male to female ancestors ratio. I grew up in the same building as 5 of my uncles and their families. And they all have boys (some older, and most younger), except one uncle who only has girls. And on top of that, I used to play in the streets with lots of other kids. I was social, good-looking, masculine, and always the top student in elementary school. But with no luck with girls, at all. Zero. The charismatic kid always won, regardless of everything else. I went to an all-male school for secondary school. It was one of my favorite times. All males, total freedom lol. Then, in high school and first few years of college, I was a super nerdy kind of guy. I avoided girls in general and used Islamic beliefs and other ideologies that I used to have to justify that behavior. A GF was something that I always wanted but couldn't get and couldn't even be honest with myself about, because I used to have a big ego and a lot of self-image issues, let alone my huge lack of emotional intelligence back then. Then, I started learning about the social cues, and through a lot of trial and error, my results started getting better. But that's only because I was successful at high-school and the first few years of college, and because I was good-looking, because I would successfully attract the girl at first but then she would quickly lose the attraction. I could not maintain a relationship for longer than a couple of weeks. I was insecure and always lacked charisma. I could tell that many girls had crushes on me when I first got into high school and college. Unfortunately, I didn't know how to take advantage of my looks and that reoccurring scenario. At one point, I was approached by a girl; she was obsessed with me for more than a year, and I had a crush on her, she was a friend of a friend of mine; my friend arranged a date with her for me, but I was super anxious and shy around girls I fucked up rather quickly. The rest of my story up until now is the usual grind, and trial and error you hear about from PUAs, even though I wasn't particularly doing pickup, just going about life while working on my inner game. That process took a lot of my mental resources that I now suck in college. So I can see how that's not an option for everyone. Now, I ,as a person, am a lot more charismatic and capable of attraction (on cue); I got my first GF last year or so. Yay! But not so much. She was my last GF, too. We had such a deep connection, but in the end she also left me because I didn't know how to maintain attraction. Learned my lesson. And now I know better. Right now, and after all the work and struggling, reality comes kicking me in the ass, because I am super poor (not my fault, though). I may be able to attract a girl, but I could not have a relationship with her. I don't think it's fair for the girl to be with me currently (don't worry, my self-esteem is intact), therefore I try to make it clear that I'm just fooling around, but not really, because then I would probably have zero success. It's a tricky situation, but usually they find out very quickly and move on. They're not that many, anyway. Just enough for me to get by. Moral of the story: Not everyone is suited for social life, even though everyone wants to be so, and that's rather for understandable reasons. And of course, the charismatic boy always wins.

@Vzdoh What makes you think he's actively trying to escape intimacy? It doesn't seem like that to me. Being a workaholic is a separate condition. I don't think it has to do with you or the relationship. Perhaps a better approach would be to address the workaholism problem, and discuss it with him directly instead of going into guessing mode. In any case, communication is key in relationships. If something is bothering you, the other person should know about it, and that's an absolute condition. Otherwise, you're not really in a relationship to begin with.

@intotheblack Exactly my point! I think it is that counterintuitive. Law of Attraction in action, so to speak.

Yeah, demographics is likely a crucial factor to consider here. Sources? I don't see any people dying on the streets here. And we don't even have to wear masks anymore, rarely anyone does, even inside governmental agencies. The government is kinda chill about covid now. Maybe.

Is it a pattern? That's kind of strange, though. Because India is a large, rich country. And as far as I know, you even have nuclear programs. Your politicians must be really hungry lol. Tell that to Wikipedia: https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Second_World That's not the only criterion.

India is a second world country, same as Brazil. I meant that the media here doesn't focus too much on covid (or health in general) like first world media. It almost seems like a paranoia over there.

Ironically, first world countries are still somehow the most affected by the virus. I know some people are going to deny that and say that it's due to poor screening/testing in third world countries, but I live in a third world country, and it's not as bad as you'd imagine. In many ways, it's even better than in first world countries, even after they got vaccinated. I think the psychological factor (media) is the most important one. As well, it might be the case that hard circumstances make stronger immune systems. Besides, we're closer to nature than industrial countries. I don't know, maybe I'm just rambling.

Obviously, you're not emotionally numb to begin with, because you can feel frustrated. And most likely, you're feeling a range of similar emotions on a regular basis. Otherwise, you wouldn't be reaching the boiling point (frustration), let alone asking questions and actively seeking change. You're trying to change the frequency of your emotional state, which will allow you to feel a different range of emotions than you're currently experiencing. And that's probably reasonable, because the frequency you're currently at doesn't feel great. The ultimate answer is lifestyle changes. If you can't change your inner state, change your outer state, and then it will reflect back on the inner and transform you from the inside. Start experimenting with your lifestyle. Add a few things, remove a few things, and more importantly, keep a record or a journal where you write down all the changes you notice and whether you should or shouldn't keep going down a certain path. It might seem like a very simple concept, but it really is life-changing. Sometimes, the most powerful results come from the simplest action steps. Generally, and on that note, you want to stay away from the modern lifestyle as much as possible. Return back to nature, or at least include nature in your daily routine. Keep the air fresh wherever you are; no AC, but fresh air, preferably directly from natural sources . Get sun exposure. Go on a retreat or a vacation. Meet new people. Spend more time with family. Challenge your comfort zone. Limit your internet usage, especially YouTube and other toxic sites. Exercise, preferably go and run outside. Start a meditation habit if you don't have already. Change your diet; if you're vegan, go in the opposite direction, and vice-versa. I'd also give up on any therapies and instead just trust in the wisdom of my mind/body. Whatever you're currently feeling is what's best for you in the current settings. I wouldn't try to force change if it isn't coming smoothly. Hope you'll soon find what you're looking for.

@Raphael You're awesome! Apparently, there's something called TypeScript that I need to learn as well. It's basically a superset of JavaScript that's more modern and has more features. Also, there's a difference between Vue and Vue.js, between Angular and Angular.js, and so on. I don't know if the difference is important, but at least now I know that there is a distinction. Anyway, I'm halfway through my first Node.js course. It seems a bit complicated, but it isn't hard to learn. Two and a half more hours to go.

@Raphael Thank you, Raph! That gave me what seems like a good realistic overview. It's nice to know someone who is on the same path. Feel free to // comment anything (technical or otherwise) anytime you want, mi journal es tu journal.

How could a real man play video games?! It's absolutely ridiculous! I don't even know where to start. For one, you're being a slave trying to achieve some task another person told you to, while being excited about it and totally enmeshed in it. You might as well clean my toilet and be so grateful. Also, and perhaps more importantly, you pay money to do that. I mean, jeez! Aren't you a total cuck?! I've got more, but do you really need more?! Video games for men are the equivalent of romance for women. Men and women are the same. Now imagine a man that plays video games and wants romance. Congratulations! You've got an incel.

@Raphael Hey, man. Appreciate the tip. I totally forgot you are an established developer; apparently you removed it from your signature. But good for you, it's really one of the most amazing career paths that one can choose in our modern time. There are always new technologies emerging, and therefore always more to learn. I'm still a noob and would really appreciate any tips, guidance, suggestions, etc. I was wondering how long it should normally take for a person to start making projects. I've been learning since almost 5 months and I still find myself nowhere. HTML and CSS were a breeze compared to JS. The latter took me a long time to get familiar with, and still I am not that fluent or comfortable using it. To be honest, I haven't been not that dedicated or disciplined, nor is it the only thing that I have going on in my life, but lately I started focusing in more on this career path, and so I kind of started expecting results, but maybe I'm just being impatient, or maybe I'm a slow learner. Maybe I am not supposed to compare myself to others and instead just enjoy the process as it unfolds. I would like to hear your thoughts. P.S. I do like reading your journals and enjoy them. In specific, I admire the consistency and discipline, and how organized and clean they are. Kind of typical qualities for a developer, eh?

https://www.c-sharpcorner.com/uploadfile/a85b23/framework-vs-library/ Turns out a framework is different than a library. Okay, but I still don't understand. Been learning things left and right, not much organized. Decided to go through jQuery quickly and then move on to MEAN (MongoDB, Express, Angular.js, Node.js). I might learn React.js alongside those. So, my plan for the next week is basically just MEAN (goal is to finish them all, at least the theory). And whatever more I learn will be a bonus.

Somebody's gotta pay... All of these unnecessary struggles that I'm dealing with. Why? They certainly didn't come out of thin air. Somebody created them and placed them on me. Why do I always have to juggle a thousand things at a time and never find rest? Playing a game with all the odds against me. Why? Fuck this shit. I deserve better. Then I lower my standards and accept the humiliation, only to find out that humiliation now has dignity and feels embarrassed to be associated with me. You are an insult to insults, it tells me. Your country is blocked; sanctions and shit. Banned everywhere and without a reason. Fuck America and her rules. She creates devils and then complains. Things will shift someday; Up will become down, and you will go down. High will become low, and you will beg me: please no. It's my wrath, bitches. You created it. Now, deal with it.

Useless philosophy/mental masturbation. I would suggest questioning the notions of freedom and slavery instead. Ultimately, the distinction collapses, and the truth remains.

The opposite of happiness is not sadness. It's neurosis.

For me, it's quite the opposite. It's the ultimate freedom. Since doership is an illusion, that means in reality I'm not really doing anything, it's all just happening spontaneously by itself, and for my sake. Therefore the whole notion of limitedness is illusory, and I am free to do whatever I want. If you feel limited in any way, that's because you're chasing things that you don't really want but think that you do. Probably due to cultural upbringing. Question those things, and get to the bottom of it. Realize your deepest desires, and actualize them. Feeling "bad" is an indicator that you're going after the wrong things, which makes you out of alignment with your true authentic self. Get in touch with your true self, and you will find freedom.

I converse daily with a conspiracy theorist. I don't think that's quite it in the case I'm dealing with. The case I'm dealing with seems like a combination of deep insecurities, confusion, weak epistemology, victim's mindset, and other stuff. He basically has zero understanding of the human psyche, politics, economics, etc. He didn't contemplate them on his own. Instead, he watches YouTube conspiracy theory videos all the time and believes in all sorts of crazy shit. He believes that the elites are not normal human beings. He believes that at some point, they figured out the elixir of eternal life. I don't know where he learned that idea from. And so, since they have been living for so long (probably hundreds of years), they must be very smart and above the rest of humanity. He also believes in magic and secret powerful technologies that only the elites know of and have access to. When I converse with him and paint him into a corner, he says that it doesn't matter because his life is shitty and he wants it to change, that's all. I tell him he won't change it with those silly beliefs. Then the mask drops off and the insecurities become crystal clear.

You are just talking an old conspiracy theory narrative. Governments come from the people. In a sense, we could say that a government consists of the most egoic people in any given piece of land. Of course, I'm talking about the powerful positions within a government, not the ordinary 9 to 5 clerk jobs. They always looked bad relative to USA citizens and other first world countries. That's why people tend to move outside of these nations and never come back, and not many people move from outside. There's no comparison. As well, countries like the KSA and UAE aren't really developed, even though they have the appearance. They have better technology and all that but they're still camels on the inside lol. They hire foreign experts with their money and good relations. But they don't know how to produce stuff. They're not industrial countries, nor are their political & economical systems developed. Iraq could have been the same if Saddam hadn't been an outdated communist tyrant who wanted to rule the world. Syria could have been the same if Al-Assad hadn't been closed off to the west and then allowed foreign projects and investment and therefore integration instead of siding with Iran and Russia who basically adopt similar policies. I don't know a lot about Afghanistan. You need to define "pretty modern country", "1st vs 3rd world country", "development", and other such concepts before throwing them around like this.

You got me with this one.

I don't know, maybe get banned over and over again for eternity?

There's gotta be a better reason than that lol. Stay safe, though