Hello,
About a year ago I read Jed Mckennas first book in the series. Before I read it I was enthusiastic but also misguided about enlightenment. As I read through the book it really fucked with my paradigm of life to the point that when I finished it I really just wanted to forget I ever read it. The effect it had on my was destabilizing and very uncomfortable and reality felt almost dream like.
I've gone back and read the book recently. Although it does interest me, I'm not actively pursuing enlightenment. It still makes me uncomfortable, but less so. Lately I've been having reoccurring dreams that I'm concerned about. The first dream that I've been having for a while is of a nuclear bomb exploding on the horizon and the feeling of dread associated with it. Although I have speculations, I'm not certain what the meaning behind this dream is, but I know its significant. The second part is more difficult to explain, but its sort of like my consciousness is shifting and I'm undergoing enlightenment (obviously I'm not but its kind of like my brain acting out how it imagines it.)
In summary, enlightenment scares me and I feel myself clinging onto ego.
Can anyone else relate to these feelings or shed insight on what I'm experiencing? Are there any resources people can share that will help me to see enlightenment in a more positive light?