UnlovingGod

I feel in peace, I'm productive, I love what I do, I feel a sense, that I am identified with my work. Still there I have lately always like a face of disgust. It's like there are in my university a lot of girls, that are attracted to me. But I don't want to invest any emotions in them, if I don't have any gurantee. "But you should give love anyway", yeah but I'm not that mature, that I can give love without any attachments, so I just reject this feeling of love, so I can work on myself. What should I do, because my life Is working right now, but it could spiral downwords if I don't work on these signals. What ive got Is satisfaction with what I do.

Thanks

I feel in peace, I'm productive, I love what I do, I feel a sense, that I am identified with my work. Still there I have lately always like a face of disgust. It's like there are in my university a lot of girls, that are attracted to me. But I don't want to invest any emotions in them, if I don't have any gurantee. "But you should give love anyway", yeah but I'm not that mature, that I can give love without any attachments, so I just reject this feeling of love, so I can work on myself. What should I do, because my life Is working right now, but it could spiral downwords if I don't work on these signals. What ive got Is satisfaction with what I do.

I dont know, it's just that I feel the possibility of love and the immaturity I have and it Is kind of frustrating, thats I Think why I have this expression of disgust eventhough I don't feel disgusted

I had the sensation of telepathy in my psycosis that lasted 3 months. I want to know what the telepathy was. What function it had, I don't think it was real, but nobody could give me an answer than just "it was just an hallucination, don't care about it".

Well, the last time I saw her, was more than a year ago because I moved to another country. But that is exactly why I think it didn't happen, because of the time difference, she should've been asleep while I was telepathing with her. Maybe I never know, what this sensation meant. It was just there as some neurons not working together and I just communicated with myself with extra steps. But still why her?

Well she gave me signs, but this is all through a psychotic lense, which is why I take those signs with a graint of salt.

She didn't give me any sign, which is why I don't think it happened for her. But I still want to make sense of those telepethic voices I get.

It was a direct communication of words and images and even visual field with a girl I had a crush on.

Your intution gets so astronomical big that you dont necessarily need to meditate or that shit or you need to see meditating way more relative. The more intuitive the more god can help you. Its imposssible to embody everything from one swoop thats just not infinite. What leo helped me is getting developing a language so i can think in lines of god and infinite but really, the point you r born, you r in infinite communication with god. A song that stuck today is navajo joe. The rain and the wind today, i was able to see god. And thinking as god speaking, god was thinking. Then thinking becomes non dualistic. And im so fucking young. So young and so wise and so arrogant and so loving and so egoistic and infinite. I am so infinite. I am an infinite question with an infinite awnser.

Yeah, big shit is happening right now, should probably change my user, but I like the edgy quality of it. And I was thinking about the cult psychology problem in this forum and the comments. Leo if you are reading this, dont shut it down, it is very helpful to understand what is going on with your community, because by shutting it down, cult psychology will still exist, you cant prevent cult psychology by shutting down its media it is like the drug problem. You criminalize the marlket but it will hoop out at the other end of the market.

I can see the end. I realised that I wanted to kill and I was in denial of that. A load of love released because of that and light shines through. Ive got a new starting point of deconstruction. I can now recontextualize my childhood from being a victim to being a pretator or a rebel, which still has problems, but it is a process.