99th_monkey

thats involved in sitting down and shutting up hehe, too vague?

sit down and shut up maybe by a fire,.... get a dog .. hmmmm...

because neither is real and can be brushed away like a cloud

HA!

Whos feeling ?

Some conceptual thoughts accompanied by some bodily sensations and expressed through means of conditioned conveyance it comes and it goes

creativity seems to be escaping at the moment, Theres drama a foot around. not sure what to do, confusion, worry, tight balls of.....stuff floating inside. cant sleep over eating. strong urges to drink. lost...ness people are coming to "me" people important to this ball of emotions and memory, in pain, quietly seeking help, pulling parts of themselves off as an offering. Theres no words to help them because they are lost. And im no better off, my map may have less mud on it but its still a map. and im no where. i cant guide you. i cant guide myself migraines come at the worst times.

if your worried about the future, thats happening

i've struggled with my addiction to alcohol and coffee lol and its tough but simply giving up the "Fight" of it, its already starting to fall away. I still drink but its my weaker moments are getting less and less, and when they happen i deal with the feelings instead of beating myself up and wishing i didnt do it.

yeah its good to be mindful of it because identity usually comes with it. but "I" is a concept integrated into how we verbally communicate.

yes and it passed just like everything else. It was just another one of "my children" that needed some attention and to be consoled and loved and experienced.

none, next. oh wait i thought of this

that person must be a god damn genius

you build a life around you to support the image of "you" and to feel safe in your nice little castle of life. to never look outside and smell the big scary roses. we all do it. some people wake up to it. most people dont. and you need help in order to do it. sometimes its another person, somtimes its a thought that is like a spark that ignites a fire, or anything. Grace, God, Steve from accounting, whatever. the scary part is when the walls of your castle are seen they start to disappear because they are imaginary (part of growing up *wink wink*) and mind panics.

life is very obvious, "you"s and "me"s are very subtle. whats the most obvious in your life?

This is is state of wondering. not knowing. go with it. question any ready made answer that's rational. dont be afraid of confusion, that just means your mind hasnt put meaning to it yet

theres a basic fundamental idea of things of when/how/where/why, thanks to my beautiful mental capacity, but i leave it at that, if something changes, it changes.

suppressing a negative emotion is like ignoring an infant thats crying. your assuming way too much and doing more harm then good. Use it as a trigger for a deeper issue with yourself, not the "thing" triggering it, sure, ignore what caused the negative emotion to arise, but dont ignore what arised.

hardy har har, thanks @Natasha, your lucky i like you lol

eeeehhhhh i fucked it up nevermind

Had a first real bad mind attack in a long while. Has this massive empty, lonely just nasty feeling. like i was completely alone, no one "gets me" thoughts and all kinds of bull-shit. i dont know if it has to do with this things birthday being tomorrow, and back in "Mikes popular" days it was always been a big deal. party time now its just another day (nothing new though been that way for a few years now) But i think this business of keeping my yap shut around here may have taken its toll on the "ME". Its no secret the expressions are at a minimum here but they can get out. something knows deep inside that this is a normal attack. the loneliness thingy. The "ME" has felt lonely for a VERY long time. nice comfy that one is. Usually leads to doing something stupid, like drinking alot working on the cars, going to the bar, finding some thingy to flirt with, and get in trouble, distractions like that. So its a little different now. Little older little wiser. Help comes, theres no need to go out and looking for distractions anymore. (theres enough here already) Me thinks a trip to the lake is in order for this old soul. much love!

you're searching for happiness. its plain and simple. we all are. think about what it is you'll "attain" by doing all these things your monkey mind thinks about. as far as your relatives all i can say is:

Can you see the loop here?

mind had relaxed for the couple of weeks time was taken, love was lost and expressed. sadness came for a visit and left many visitors come to this house the door is shut but never locked and no one stays except today my friend of the day is that strapping young lad. so quiet and deceitful i buzz with envy and desire for what isn't here why wont he leave? Why so quiet? Just sitting. IN MY CHAIR!!! how dare he. i drink more wine and fall asleep