99th_monkey

good luck sir/madam.

your scared-ness, isn't your scared-ness. Its an experience of scaresness. If you sit there saying "im not scared, I don't exist" you'll go in circles forever. The simple act of saying anything to yourself,in your head, is affirming that infamous "you"you hear everyone talking about, all it is , is a matter of identification. YOU exist , yea? But just not as you thinks.

anything in any of that that is not a thought?

You're not scared, not yet, maybe you never will be. Why worry about it?

enlightenment doesn't exist. ... a pill, or powder doesnt manifest it

You might just quit that job you hate mainly because you might learn that you hate it ......or not..... hahahahahaha

Science is useful in the world of mind. Just hold it as that, and not absolute truth, which is unknowable

Ok your subconscious is not a real thing, the closest thing to it would be conditioning and that is not conscious, you can become conscious of it (in a sense ) but it is not aware itself, neither is what your calling ego, Which really all this stuff is just facets of the same non-existent "thing". Everything you brought up could be called a thought, yes or no? And while you may experience a thought, is the content of those thoughts actually experienced? If so, where ? How? Look directly at what's going on. Not just the ideas of what's going on.

Can I come too? Im cool.

It all depends on how honest you are, start looking and be fucking honest

And what is everything?

recognize that you have nothing to do with any of it

i was looking forward to Hermine, then I was disappointed

Done

personal development is making "your self" seemingly less insane then others around you. enlightenment is ......well,.. nothing

what if "your" thinking was already in this moment?

damn, now I feel bad that I killed him, but. wait..... oh damn......lol

Day 5. Life has quite the sense of humor. Took the day off from the gym to let the body rest and all 3 vehicles broke down. Nice and busy while the kids were at school, While I was pulling a driveshaft there was nothing really there, the driveshaft came out and was fixed, seemingly all by itself, and seemingly like I did it. I wanted to say I did it, but it felt like a lie, so I didn't say that. Now that everyone is home and there's noise once again ill be able to look ;).

Day 4 in the books, yesterday was easy and lighter even though there was not much time to sit much, the kids all half orientaion for school, had to go school shopping, took the dog to the park, and hit the gym for the first time in 2 years. All very nice and healthy distractions. Heard from and old friend which was a breathe of fresh air and very grounding, Today will be the first day of school. The oldest is going to 1st grade and the twins are starting kindergarten. There's going to be a lot of time alone with the girlfriend today, which we haven't had in 5 years. (Aside from the occasional "date night" or sleepover at grandmas) I've had these little monkeys right by my side everyday (for the most part) for the better part of almost two years sense I quit working, Then tomorrow girlfriend goes back to work... The biggest distractions will take a break for a bit and maybe something will come up, maybe not . Im looking forward to it :). I am missing the shit out of the monkeys though, I might cry a lot today... Or maybe kick something

I would like to add swearing and throwing things and kicking shit across the lawn.

Thank you sir, it takes a higher level awareness to get over these addictions, funny part is after the bottles got put down the hands started going for the game controllers. I am distracting myself, and trying to escape from "my problems" My mental disconnectedness seems to be oozing out and taking shape as distracting addictions, even reading is absorbed into it. I do a similar method of inquiring "why?" for urges or thoughts, sometimes they're seemingly coming from outside influences. Sometimes its more subtle thought like "hey the kids are in bed grab a brew, you earned it. " I guess that could be considered seemingly outside influenced as well. Day number 3 without a drink is in the books. Thank god Thank you for reading and sharing.

so I had finally challenged that which I had been putting off and running from for a long time. and, actually quite convincingly I might add, convinced myself it was something that wasn't worth challenging in the first place. its painful to admit, but gee I wonder why that is. ive struggled with alcohol addiction for long time. like a parasite, it had me convinced it was me for like, forever, I took these thoughts of drinking and other things as "part of who I am" its so slippery because we all know (or may not know) why were here, and there was an assumption I could do away with all of it in one fell swoop.... not the case. see my addiction is part of my body, and while its nice to pretend that a "realization" will wipe that addiction away is nothing but a pure thought. thoughts and feelings come from the body, and this parasite has convinced the body that its part of it. and while the content of all this is subject to interpretation, the fact remains that while this is happening its so fucking distracting and loud that it has to be dealt with, by whatever means possible. so even if this is just a dreamt event, I gotta use dreaming to dream myself out of this event... so to speak. id appreciate any and all input on this matter, of everything this is the realist, and I'm feeling the most vulnerable... gotta be a good thing because it also feels so fucking good

This brought tears, thank you

I love you, I need you Please come home

Thanks man, there's seemingly so much to work on, Good morning, and in case I don't see ya: Good afternoon, good evening, and good night!