Federico del pueblo

Yep ?

Was that phase that you described like below... ...one of the three phases or like an extra 4th phase? Because what Grov describes are 4 perinatal phases (basic perinatal matrices). 1 phase right before birth, which can be nice and comfortable if pregnancy was all good, but can also be ugly if the mother was stressed or consumed toxins. Then the second phase is when the contractions of the womb begin, which creates lots of mechanical stress and is experienced as threatening. In the third phase the fetus is moving through the birth canal which is still more of a struggle, with potential strangulation, temporary lack of oxygen, contact with biological materials etc. The 4th phase is when the fetus is actually born and leaves the vagina. When people reexperience this e.g. in a high dosed lsd therapy session, each phase is accompanied by very vivid hallucinatory imagery full of symbols (sometimes archetypal entities appear like dragons, gods or half gods etc.), e.g. when the mother did smoke during pregnancy the fetus as which you identity experiences the toxins entering through the cord while seeing images of toxic waste dumps or similar things. So I don't if this could be related to your dreams as a child. But I could see how a psyche might be processing the traumatic experiences from birth in such types of dreams, like a sequence of phases that kind of resemble the sensations during the basic perinatal phases. These phases often influence people for a lifetime if they don't get processed at some point, like people will develop neurosis or very weird sexual perversions etc.

That's quite freaky. Did your parents put Salvia Divinorum in your evening tea? ? That's an interesting transition. It remotely reminds me of the experiences of people who relive their own birth. Stanislav Grof writes about this in "the way of the psychonaut". First you have a lot of pressure because you get squeezed, then you get released and feel much better.

@Osaid OK, cool. Good to know! Thanks!

@BipolarGrowth Interesting! That sounds like the scariest type of thing you could experience as an 8 year old, it would scare the shit out of me as an adult ?

@Hojo That's really interesting stuff you experienced. I don't know if you misunderstood me though, because my dream was not within another dream (even though I've had that in some other rare instances), so I woke up into normal reality. The weird visual hallucinations I experienced in waking reality, that's why it was so scary. I also contemplated whether such a dream, in which I see someone with a knife trying to attack me, could also mean that there was indeed somebody out there with some bad intention and that we might have something like a 6th sense that can sometimes warn us from things that are about to happen (or could happen). I don't know whether this is a thing though.

@StarStruck what do you mean? What and how did I personalise? What would my text look like if I had not personalised it?

In the 2nd thread just read the back and forth between me and flowboy.

@UpperMaster I've recently had several discussions about similar topics here with our fellow member @flowboy. From these discussions in combination with my own prior research and experience I conclude that in most cases (if not all of them) the root cause of these feelings is childhood trauma. Certain behaviours during your childhood lead to negative responses from one of your caregivers or even other adults. So when you did X and then got verbally abused by an adult for it you learned that "if I do X, mum/dad/this adult doesn't love me, so it must be bad to this and if I do this I am bad (and do not receive love)." Not receiving love feels painful for a child because as a child you dependon the love and care of your parents, so you aim to avoid any behaviour that could lead to you not receiving love. So your brain learns to associate "not being loved" (= rejection) with pain and therefore also associates behaviour X with pain. Now if you get rejected as a adult you will still feel that pain of "not being loved" as a child, you basically regress back into your child state of consciousness and think that it's the current event (the rejection) which makes you feel this way when in reality it's your unprocessed childhood trauma. I'll search for the links where we talked about this and about a possible solution too.

@flowboy Ok, very interesting info right there! Thank you buddy, you're of great help! ? I'll keep going and you'll hear from me.

@flowboy so if you had to outline a process for self therapy to overcome childhood trauma, what would you suggest? First do regression therapy on everything you can still remember until you feel like there's no more repressed pain that you can bring up; Then get more involved in primal therapy? Do you think more things that were unconscious will start to surface once you've worked through a lot of memories? How did it go for you?

A full dose or even with micro dosing?

I'm actually so glad you made me aware of these phenomena. In my past I would typically reject theories of how childhood trauma might play a role in my health condition. I would rationalise it away like "aahh COME OOOOON...I had a decent childhood...sure, not everything was perfect, but there is no real childhood trauma there..." Luckily I'm starting to see now how my childhood might have laid the foundations for all my later neurotic thoughts and behaviours and also my chronic disease. Raised by a single mother, father left us when I was one year old and left us with over ten thousand € of dept. Next boyfriend was an alcoholic, aggressive dude who freaked out and threw the TV through the living room. A chronically stressed mother who got her arm broken by my "father" when he freaked out. Born 4 weeks prematurely... Almost died at the age of 2 in the hospital due to some intestinal infection. Almost drowned as a three years old in a lake when mom didn't watch out for me, but was sunbathing instead. Already super shy as 6 year old so that I didn't want to play with other kids. Emotionally hurt by my first teacher in school which lead to a belief that I "was not a good kid". And much more stuff later on. In spite of all of that I used to believe that my negative development must have begun later on, in my late teens to early twenties. Well, probably I was wrong. I've now worked through a handful of these memories and found pain in all of them and I still have a few more handful of them waiting to be worked through. What's interesting is that even though this regression process is done with a positive outcome in mind (= overcoming trauma) I find myself avoiding doing the process a little bit. I still gravitate more towards working on the issues of the present. I don't know why that is. Maybe it's just more repression. But I'm gonna keep coming back to the regression therapy and also deepen my understanding with further theory. So again, thanks for the video and all your input!

https://www.traumasuperconference.com/?gid=true&gclid=CjwKCAiA85efBhBbEiwAD7oLQLzvGesXQFrlcAq6yJ3Ote5JK5aHWhhdWb0QCixfzR40j5QyRhzxvhoCuJMQAvD_BwE Free online event, starting in a few days. Many expert speakers on the subject of trauma. I believe on the day of release of each video it is free for 24 hours and if you want lifetime access to all the videos you need to purchase the entire thing for about 120 $. Thought I'd share. 1000th post completed ? ???

Lol. This bird on the right side should become Germany's official representative bird hahaha

When I enter a meditative state some muscle tension starts to build in my jaw, upper neck and to an extent the back of my head (where the neck meets the back of the head). The deeper the meditative state becomes, the stronger this tension becomes. It's almost like this muscle tension is an indicator of the depth of my meditative state (though I have other indicators of course). I have no idea why I'm experiencing this, it is completely involuntary and I can only keep consciously relaxing these muscles again and again. If I intentionally focus on these muscles - as in temporarily making them my meditation object - the tension just becomes even stronger, to the point where it becomes unbearable cramping, which is painful. It's a bit irritating and I feel like it keeps me from going into an even deeper state because it's kind of distracting. Has anyone here experienced something like this? Do you think I'll just have to live with it or can this be overcome? Greetings.

Yeah, you're right. For me it's due to the porn industry that my 8.5 inch member still looks a bit small to me. Distorted perception I guess ?

Yeah. If you look at your dick from just 4 inches away it also looks quite big. Try it out!

I tried it out immediately after reading your post, but my dick wasn't bigger...?

@Someone here Bro, sometimes I'm not sure if you're trolling us here... Of course Penis Enlargement creams are a scam. Is that not blatantly obvious? And btw pills are obviously a scam too. Also, you don't need more than 12 cm to reach her g spot. You could reach it with your pinky finger. It's only like 2 inches in. Just put her in a position where her pelvis points upwards and then go in with your dick also upwards so your rubbing with your head against the upper wall of her vagina (You'll cum fast due to a lot of friction though). The best thing is to finger her g spot before fucking though. And also lick her pussy (SUCK her clitoris as though it was like a small nipple). And learn proper foreplay, kissing and biting her hot spots and so on. Good luck! No.

@flowboy Thanks a lot for responding!! It means a lot bro! I'm now reading the book of Jean C. Jensen. It's already blowing my mind... Best wishes to you!

@flowboy Thanks a lot for providing some tools to help me with my emotional healing. I'd appreciate it if you could have a look at what happened. No pressure to respond though. I've worked with the questions you gave me in the other thread for three times on the same memory and two times on another less charged situation of about the same age. The memory I worked on was in my 1st school year if I remember correctly, but definitely no more than 2nd year. There were some interns in our class, the people who study to become a teacher themselves. Our regular class teacher was also there. We were drawing pictures and I felt like I had finished mine and showed it to the intern and she informed our teacher. Her: "he says he already finished his drawing" Teacher: "who? Aahh....this one....mhh" with a dismissive tone, as though she was saying "this boy is quite weird actually". At least this is how I interpreted her response. I felt sad when I heard that. I remember that from then on I believed that I wasn't good as a kid, that something must have been wrong with me. But of course I didn't say anything, I just swallowed it down. But I was thinking about it and assuming that her perception of me must be correct. So in the exercise I fully put myself back in this situation. And then said/asked different things that I couldn't say back then like the following: "Why did you say 'aah this one'?" "Why do you not like me?" "I gave my best with this picture. Why do you think it probably isn't good?" "Now I feel like I'm not a good kid" "Now I feel like all the other kids are better than me" It didn't even take half a minute and I was already crying like a child. I kept going for several minutes, repeating the things I couldn't say back then. I've done this 3 times now just for this one memory and cried every time. Even now writing this I was on the brink of crying, my eyes were already watery and I started to shake a bit. So I guess there's still more pain attached to this memory, right? Is it normal like this, taking several times to resolve the pain of the same incident? Do I keep repeating this until I can't feel any more pain and can't cry any more? Anyway it felt good even though it felt sad. I'll do it more times in the upcoming days.

Now I'm wondering, wouldn't it be expected that your narcissism score goes up if you do personal development for some years. You overcome insecurities, feel more confident, have more success and more competencies. Wouldn't it be just natural to then score higher in such a test and kind of a good sign?

My score is 14. Seems fair. @UnbornTao You're a very modest narcissist. ?

@Thought Art Amazing! Thanks a lot! ???