Federico del pueblo

@JJfromSwitzerland Please realize how childish and immature it is to call someone a "beta mofugga", it's kind of bizarre that this has to be pointed out, lol. I mean this here is a forum for personal development, not a world of Warcraft forum. And even though the real world is of course tough this doesn't justify insulting people on the internet, it's actually a sign of weakness if anyone has to do that. But what I'm saying doesn't just go against you but against all forum members, particularly in the dating section. If you read through the posts you get a feeling that the people must be 14 year old chronically triggered teenagers who constantly have to give ego low blows etc., it's kinda sad. And @Preety_India: I understand you in some way, but I cannot say that you're inculpable either. I think I have a somewhat accurate picture of you (though I've never read any of your journal entries) and you seemed to be someone who has already understood quite a bit about these personal development topics and has tried to implement the knowledge. I saw you post about some of your significant insecurities in one post, where I tried to offer help. So far so good, then I saw you respond to some other people in other threads, and you resorted to aggressive language, saying things like "that's just your fragile ego" (projection?!) etc when they challenged you. I was wondering "did she now copy the style of that Vzdoh girl, to seem tough and superior or what?". So you don't apply any kind of de-escalating language, but instead fight back aggressively and try to one up the "opponent" (escalation instead of de-escalation), probably because you get triggered too. Anyway, I don't want to demonize anyone here, those were just my observations, see if the feedback helps you or not. I wish you the best, no matter which route you choose to walk.

@Hello world What makes you still post here?

There is absolutely everything in dating, so the answer is yes. But there are so many random things you don't even know about, like her ex boyfriend called her again, so she lost interest in you etc. When she ignores you right at the opener it can be some kind of a blasé, so she doesn't have to deal with you. This immediately filters out about 90% of guys. Very attractive girls may have to do this so they don't have to be talking to different guys non-stop. And of course there are girls who don't respond to your texts as some kind of power game. And some girls are just really busy. The question is if you really need that girl who likes you and thinks she has to play that kind of a game with you?! I would consider this a "nasty game" as opposed to other "fair games" that girls can play. Fair games would be something like teasing you or challenging you a little bit (like with regular shit tests), which generally adds to the fun, those other games are destructive though.

@Hello world Those two underlined, fat sentences were the actual reason of your post. You didn't just come here to inform us about your suicide. I don't believe you this. There definitely was at least a little bit of hope in you which inspired you to ask for help. I don't think you were only seeking validation/attention with your post, right? If you actually invested some of your energy in seeking help this would be the first step in the right direction. Nobody on this forum can do this for you. Watch Leo's videos on depression. See if you can find testimonials of people who recovered from depression or any kind of misery. Get inspired. There always is hope.

@selfvalley Because due to your entire past, social conditioning, experiences etc. you have deeply internalized certain things, certain rules and meanings. E.g. "If a girl doesn't like me and leaves me, it means that I'm not a good man and this is bad" or something similar. These things work on you on a subconscious level and get triggered when certain events occur. You can only practice to become more aware of these beliefs, understand their illusory nature and eventually let go of them.

@Hello world It's sad to read that (your suicide attempt). I would urge you to seek help immediately and call some hotline or any professional when you are in a situation like this (when you feel like you want to kill yourself). I also want to encourage you to not give up. It's worth it. When you're at this rock bottom level everything seems pointless, but it is possible to rise again. Think about what kind of an amazing story you'll be able to tell if you make it out of this and become a healthy person that can enjoy life. You'll then be very proud of yourself for not having given up. Also think about the people who are close to you, who would have to live with the loss of you.

Add a little bit more substance to your post if you want anyone to reply. You didn't really say anything.

What's the context of this? Like did she refer to not being "easy" with this or what did she mean? Ask her: "What makes you different compared to other girls?", like this she has to elaborate on what that even means and then she may talk about certain qualities so you can get a better picture of whether she's interesting for you or not.

Go more meta on the issue. Realize that most people who post here have some kind of problem, insecurities, fears, traumas etc. It's not like you're gonna see enlightened people posting in the dating section. Everybody just copes, compensates and projects their own stuff out. I wouldn't really read any of the "how should a woman be?" kind of posts, it only puts you in your head. Anyway it's not really different for men though (except for the fact that more men post here). We also feel like all kinds of expectations have to be fulfilled to be "a good man": Have this level of status, be successful, be strong, be a leader, make good money, be intelligent, be competent, be a winner etc. This is why I simply chose to liberate myself from all this bullshit, I only shape my personality in the way I want to shape it and then let people decide if they like me or reject me while realizing that no rejection/opinion or judgement about me means shit.

It's the same as with the other posts. You're basically asking "am I ok the way that I am or should I be different so I can be liked/accepted?" What would you now do if men told you "yes, you're stingy, we don't like that"? Would you now want to change the way you are? Can you even change your emotional needs. You know this already, but if you want to have a good life then you must make your sense of self esteem (and self love, self acceptance etc.) more independent of how other people view you. There is never anything wrong with you, just because one of your traits goes against "the mainstream". You have your needs and you communicate them, some will accept you and some will reject you and this is GOOD for you because you wouldn't have gotten along with the people who rejected you anyways.

I don't really understand what your asking for?! If you don't like the idea of putting your D in some guy's butthole (or the other way around) then you are not gay. So now that you're not gay why even think about if you would've liked to become gay? You're simply not. You're not gonna change it anyways. I'm not thinking about if I would've liked to be an elephant, because I'm simply not. Do you like the idea of putting your D in a girls vagina? If so, then you're heterosexual. This is what should determine your focus and course of action.

What kind of personal development do you do outside of taking action "in the field"?

@cjoseph90 If this is how it is for you, then of course you should communicate it, otherwise he may start wondering why you don't have sex even though there is a good connection. And should it be like this at all? Only you can know. Only you can question your exact motives and whether they are really yours or if they were attained from somewhere else. If your beliefs "make sense" or not. Is it possible that some men will be repelled by such a behaviour and then not commit? Yes that's possible. But you simply have to live with it. You must be the person you want to be and then attract whoever is compatible with who you are. So ask yourself what you want: do you want to be you or do you want to maximize the percentage of men you can attract? Here you seem to be confused. Boundaries are important, but boundaries are not yet another technique to make somebody like you. It's not like you assert your boundaries primarily to gain respect and thus maybe attraction, you assert your boundaries because they are your boundaries. If you do that you cannot then wonder "but do my boundaries maybe make the guy dislike me!?!!?" because then you don't actually have boundaries, you're still just trying to not be disliked. Asserting your boundaries and truly being who YOU want to be comes with the cost of some people disliking you (but also many people liking you). So what's more important to you? Your boundaries and who you are OR never being disliked/rejected?

No, a girl doesn't gain more respect from me if she puts off sex when there already is good sexual chemistry going on. But some guys may have this attitude and view women as cheap when they have sex very early, though those are usually not guys with options (so they view it as cheap when girls do that with other guys, but not necessarily with them, but no girls do it with them anyway ?), anyway if a guy is judgemental in that sense you shouldn't want to pursue him anyway. If anything I may become suspicious whether she's trying to play some kind of game on me by putting it off for to long, as in "I'm special, you have to wait and work more if you want me" ("I'm the price") or "I'm classy and hard to get". After a third date without sex I'd probably move on, unless there was a obvious reason for which sex was not possible.

Yeah I would say that you're somewhat overthinking it. If you truly had options with women ("abundance") and a life that fulfills you then you wouldn't have gotten in this situation to begin with. Now that you have gotten in this situation of being fixated on one girl you're just dealing with the inevitable consequences of the way you lived your life before (both, in terms of girls and independently of girls). So in your mind you now got it backwards. It's not that you being busy is a distraction, it's what should be your default state as a man on his purpose. Your purpose can include taking action in regards to women, because it adds to your growth, but within reason and moderation. So actually it's the girl that is a distraction from your purpose, not the other way around. If you design the life that you want and are also active with women it's inevitable that over time you will be more abundant with women and be able to choose the one(s) that suit you well. But it'll be as though you're giving women a invitation to join your life, and if they want to they can, if they don't want to it doesn't bother you either because you just keep investing in the right processes and enjoy your life this way or another. From what you wrote it sounded like the girl had become your life (at least in your mind) instead of just having received a invitation, and that is unhealthy for you as a man.

I just wouldn't call it "playing a role" though. You probably have masculinity in you already. I don't know your background, but maybe your masculinity has been educated out of you, but was actually there. Anyway, our personalities are more fluid than most people think, so you can actually become more masculine (if you want to), like someone who is introverted can become more extraverted if they practice socializing. Don't take it too far though, thinking that you always have to be hyper alpha and dominate everything, this is where it can get toxic.

I would suggest that you be 90-95 % your authentic, current self and 5-10 % trying to implement new things to move in a certain direction. I mean you could also just be your current self forever, though if you lack certain characteristics of masculinity then the percentage of girls you'll be able to attract is lower compared to when you are more masculine. So it depends on what you want. Being liked by less girls by being a rather feminine man or changing yourself to be liked by more girls by being more masculine. Also the childlike-ness if it is over the top will likely limit your succes with women.

Yep, it's polarizing for sure, which is good because if you don't polarize it often won't go anywhere. I just don't believe that saying "I usually don't do this..." will make her believe that you actually don't ever do this. Apart from that you basically have to flat out lie to her once you are doing it regularly. But if it helps you because you have a few more words to say then just do it like that.

@Illusory Self Why do you say "I don't usually do this..." before you say you thought she was cute? What's the additional benefit of saying that? To me it sounds a bit like "I actually feel creepy about what I'm doing, which is why I usually don't do it, but because you're so special I just had to talk to you." I would just drop that and say "Excuse me, Hi! I think you look cute, so I wanted to meet you, Hi I'm [insert name]" or respond to whatever she gives you after you said the she's cute thing. I respect it very much that you did 10 approaches, I just don't think that you should in any way communicate that you think it's weird to approach a girl, only if there are many people around (which could put pressure on her) you should tone it down on the compliment (go indirect or say "you looked interesting").

Read the thread I link below, someone asked a very similar question some weeks ago and I gave a detailed answer. That you feel like in your body your sexuality is turned off is probably just a consequence of your nervous system going in sympathetic arousal. Do you feel anxious before the encounter and before the sex itself? Did you make one or several first negative sexual experiences when you couldn't get it up and then felt embarrassed and started to worry about it?

Biontech/Pfizer, 2x vaxxed 1st: no side effects except for minor pain in shoulder 2nd: very light flu like symptoms on day after vaccination, nothing else since then

Isn't that like squeezing energy out of your chakras and make it shoot in the brain, like a Kundalini awakening?

By realizing that these feelings are a complete delusion of the ego mind, some kind of negative meaning making, based on your social conditioning ("find a good man and marry him"), all of which has nothing to do with reality. In your life you are always free to create your own meaning and don't have to go with what society thinks. You are always good enough and your worth has nothing to do with whether you are married or not, or whether you have a cool or not so cool boyfriend. You must escape group think. I, for example, don't want to marry at all and it doesn't bother me at all that my friends are married or have kids, because I have a different value system. I also don't necessarily think that it's wise to marry so young, as young people are not very mature yet and if they haven't known each other for a lot of time it's kind of naive to commit to such a serious thing (divorce rate is fairly high too).

There is a problem with this whole paradigm though. You are basically saying: "maximize every aspect of yourself until you fulfill all kinds of standards that society demands of you for you to be an 8" This is what most people are already doing, constantly living in reaction to what society demands of you and if you do so then your self esteem becomes completely extrinsic. So when you attain some success you feel good, then when you fail at something (or don't fulfill some standard) you feel bad or not enough. Actually what some of these guys do is a step in the right direction, because they step up and say "I can do this" or "I'm good enough now". Making your self esteem more intrinsic is actually beneficial (to some degree). Now of course there is a counter argument to this and there are limits to this approach too. So if you're a fat slop who is 37 years old and lives in the basement of his mom, just playing video games and eating potato chips all day long then probably just being more confident is not what you should focus on primarily ? And maybe you shouldn't expect to get laid by Victoria Secret models. Girls have also told me that I'm an 8, some even a 9 (I just asked them), and you wouldn't believe how little some girls care who are a 5 - 6 physically, without an overly interesting personality and then they may still act like they are evaluating me and have a laundry list of requirements, while I feel like "but you don't really believe that you have a chance with me, do you?" So this kind of behaviour that you described is actually very common from girls, maybe due to hypergamy.

@Emerald Interesting. Do you believe that whether or not somebody is evil (like a murderer) is in their nature/core personality or more of a learned pattern i.e. an ego thing?