Federico del pueblo

Please try to do a better job at formulating your questions and the entire post. It's barely readable. What exactly do you want to know? Anyway, you can tell girls that you're not looking for anything serious, though this will repel a lot of girls, even if they are open for casual sex, it's not something that many girls will admit and they might feel cheap and slutty if the sex "didn't just so happen". That's the whole problem with game. If 100% honesty was rewarded then most guys would be honest. Though this is not the case and therefore guys tend to hide there agenda and so on. Girls will ask you soon enough what the two of you are after a few times sex (unless you really have a strong player frame), so you'll be able to tell them then and there what your intentions are.

Watch the videos of P0rn brain rewire, Dr. Trish Leigh on YouTube. You need to get to the root of your addiction. You need to know why you want to quit P0rn and what the alternative vision for yourself is. Maybe you should even invest in a program. When it comes to not watching P0rn anymore you need to make it as hard as humanly possible to do the behaviour. You need a smart system of blockers so you can't easily access any adult websites. If P0rn is only one click away it's no wonder if you easily relapse. But also treat the more fundamental issues, like your self esteem and trauma issues if you have any. And start going out, meeting girls and having real sex. For some time you could do nofap. But if you can't take it anymore then by all means just jerk off to your own sexual thoughts. Try to use thoughts that are not super p0rnish but more like real sex is.

Ok, fuck learning game... let's just become coral then

@Johnny Brake Sounds like it's time for the inner work now. Maybe even spirituality even if it may sound "woowoo" to you. You've already mastered a lot of the outer stuff and apparently it didn't make you happy. Working on emotions, beliefs, trauma and things like meditation. I wish you the best for your journey. Edit: But still don't neglect the outer aspects of attracting women (the outer game), this is still important.

Doesn't sound like you're traumatized. Just keep going

You are afraid of some or all of the things mentioned below, either consciously or unconsciously: - that you don't have enough value for the attractive girls ("not good enough") - that a rejection will confirm the first fear above - that approaching for the sake of getting to know a girl is weird, creepy, perverted etc - that other people see, hear and judge you - that her boyfriend or friends show up - that someone else intervenes and white knights you ("why are you bothering the girl") - that you're not gonna know what to say, which will lead to rejection - that things go well and you have sex with a girl...will you be good enough in the bedroom? - that you look like a desperate loser or something similar And maybe some more.

@somegirl @somegirl (can't delete the second one sorry) Don't overthink it. Don't get attached to someone who is not reciprocating your own investment. You barely know him. If he doesn't text you, he is not worth your mental/emotional energy. There are millions of other guys.

What is CPTSD? Anyway, unless it's a lethal and highly contagious disease I think there's no problem in telling other people about your issue, except for your fear of judgement/rejection ofc ;-)

@somegirl I wouldn't expect anyone to message me one or two days after a date, but you could still be right with your feeling. Also: If someone told me that she wants to find out everything about my past relationships and friends to evaluate what kind of person I am I would just find that plain weird. What my past relationships were like is something I wouldn't even share with someone I don't know well. Just sayin... I think you just need to go out more and meet more guys.

@somegirl How long is the date ago? I wouldn't become desperate, nor would I really be waiting for a message.

@somegirl If he is social, interesting, charming and so on, then he may just not be interested if he doesn't message you again. Some guys play a bit of hard to get too, but either way I feel like there's nothing for you to do now. It also depends on what was exchanged at the end of the date, like didn't you arrange anything. I always tell a girl something like "ok, let's message soon and we can arrange something". Anyway, you both should be busy with your lifes and before not at least a week has passed I wouldn't really think about talking again.

@somegirl @somegirl You already did so much. If he is interested he will make a move and if he is interested but doesn't make a move now then I don't know, that would be odd. Time for him to do what a man needs to do. You could still message him in 10-14 days or so if he doesn't message you. No need to get attached so early on ;-)

First of all, why do you not move if all of this is the case? Second of all: What difference does it make whether you don't get laid because you don't approach any girl at all or whether you don't get laid because you're the town creep? It's still just fear of judgement and rejection, and you'd still be growing doing it. What other options do you have in your town? Online dating? It's probably even worse. Also you could still choose the more social "just talking to everybody" approach, so you get introduced to other people automatically at some point.

If you need the hottest kind of girlfriend then it's not ideal. But all I said in my former post could still be applied here too. Of course there are also single women in smaller cities, and they are in the same situation as you. They also want to meet new guys and there are not nearly as many on Tinder compared to big cities. So also girls do not have as much abundance and are glad if they can somehow still meet other interesting guys. So if you can be that fun social guy who talks to everybody you could become interesting for these girls.

@BipolarGrowth It's not ideal, but there is still absolutely no excuse to not get better socially. If you really can't move then make the best out of your current situation. For this you could aim to create some kind of mixture between cold approach and social circle game. So, go out with a friend or alone and just be a social person. Talk to people like bouncers, people who work in the bars and also strangers. You can start with more low risk stuff like asking some people random questions. "Hey, what do you think is the best beer here?" "Hey guys, you look like cool/interesting people so I just wanted to come by for a moment, are you all from X-town too?" I know that this kind of awkward, but if you want to meet new people, there's no way around making yourself vulnerable at some point (also not in a big city). Also just make friendly eye contact with people, clink glasses with others, throw some thumbs up and similar stuff. Hopefully at some point you know more people you can go out with and also more people who tend to go to the same bars as you go. Then you can arrive at your venue and already know people from the very beginning (including staff) and look a little bit more "high value" like this. This way you will sometimes get introduced to other people who are friends of friends or acquaintances. On top of all of that you can still do some classic cold approaches here and there, not dozens every night, but some. And here you can still choose to do more indirect openers, like opinion openers and then proceed with some regular "getting to know each other" questions and then after some time sprinkle in some man to woman stuff. Also make an effort to visit some other cities every once in a while where you can do more risky stuff and experiment. Edit: I forgot: also talk to strangers in your day to day life. The cashier, the bus driver, the barber, people on the bus or whatever. Be more social in general.

@SQAAD Affirmations do work but a lot factors play a role in whether they are effective or not. First of all they must be spoken with power and a positive body posture (like making a winner fist or similar things). It is important that you create a physiology in your body that is in alignment with what you want to affirm. You can't self-consciously and insecurely whisper your affirmations, you must speak with conviction. What creates the change in your brain is the emotion. It's classic conditioning. Information (the affirmation) + emotion = new program (new belief/response). If someone had a tyrannical father e.g. he will have heard messages like "you're a worthless piece of shit" over and over again in his childhood, which repeatedly made him feel negative (worthless, insecure etc). negative message + negative emotion = negative program. I don't know about speaking affirmations that are entirely untrue in the moment of speaking them, this has always been a controversial discussion. So if you tell yourself "I'm rich" even though you're poor, it may weird you out and not really work. Then again you could choose to affirm something like "I'm a money magnet" "I frequently attract opportunities to make money" etc and it may affect a change in you, at least you become more aware of opportunities. What's also relevant is how strong and negative the negative belief is, that you're trying to "undo". E.g. if you're dealing with horrible, devastating feelings of inferiority that were the result of traumatic experience you're fighting against a different beast. In this case the negative program is very deeply wired in your limbic brain and it will take a lot to undo this, and therefore other modalities will probably be more appropriate to change your conditioning. Also in a case like this, if you have a belief like e.g. "I'm worthless" you will have many supporting beliefs that contribute to this one ultimate negative belief. You may the have beliefs such as "I can never get anything done" "People think I'm a looser" "I'm too short" "I'm dumb" and so on, and you will have to work on all of these beliefs too. So it can get tricky. So to recap: affirmations do work when used correctly, but ideally they must be integrated in a more holistic approach.

Ok, treating autism sounds like a legit strategy for someone with autism for sure Though, simply not having autism doesn't mean that you're good with girls. There are still other skills involved and other emotional challenges to be dealt with.

How would he do that?

@Raptorsin7 The 5 ft 2 autist will have to spend 5 years learning and grinding, assuming that he has acces to really good resources (theory, infields etc.) where as the tall ripped guy can get good after 6-12 months.

There is this good old saying of "learning game is creepy, the only thing that is creepier than learning game is not learning game" Btw @Raptorsin7 : Don't overestimate how easy a 6ft 3 + wide shoulders guy has it with girls, sure he will sporadically get laid, but if he is creepy he will also not get laid by a lot of girls, especially attractive ones.

"No, I don't drink...My liver was stolen and sold on the black market...Now I don't tolerate alcohol anymore :(" ;-)

Sounds accurate and is an issue that bothers many people. And if you keep doing this you will stay the way you are forever. What you have to realize is that you have to do exactly the things that feel uncomfortable if you want to change. By manipulating people (to avoid rejection) you reinforce the fears in your brain. Become aware exactly of what you are afraid of. Those are your "fear beliefs" and then question the validity of these beliefs. Then think of more helpful beliefs and their corresponding behaviours. You will have to get used to behave in a more confident manner, NOT in a douchebag manner, but simply more confident. But here comes the catch 22: If you've been insecure for many years, then even if you totally understand the irrationality of your fearful beliefs, emotions and consequential behaviours, in a fear relevant situation, you are still going to feel fear. This is because you have built many neural connections in certain areas of your brain, in which your fear is stored so to speak. So you will still have to act more confident in spite of still feeling insecure, otherwise your insecurities will not vanish. Because this can be very challenging and stressful, I like to work with a technique that helps me to reduce (or even eliminate, if done often enough) my unhelpful emotions, which is called EFT (emotional freedom techniques aka "tapping"). Like this I don't have to undo all my fears just by sheer exposure (desensitization). All of the abovementioned things apply here too. It is still the correct thing to do. If you can't help but have to feel fearful, then just accept your fear. Be present with your fear, don't resist it, don't even try to hide it. Hiding your fear from the girl would still be more needy than only having fear but being ok with it. That's your mind fucking with you. If a confident guy looks at her and smiles he thinks that this is an awesome thing to do and that it communicates confidence. Just smile at her and look her in the eyes, but don't feel like you have to please her, you only have to speak your truth and if you feel attracted to her there is nothing needy about this (you are just projecting your own thoughts onto her). Don't act like a douche, act according to your true desires. "I don't make apologies for my desires as a man." You can say silly things, you can tease her and banter and flirt. But only ever include about 10% new things, be 90% your current true self and 10% new things. If you try and be just 10% you and 90% new "cool behaviours" you will seem highly inauthentic and therefore (ironically) just as insecure. If you want to do less people pleasing just do less people pleasing. What are your exact people pleasing behaviours? Become aware of them and stop doing them and do what is more true to yourself instead. Expose yourself to the possibility of being judged and rejected!

You are very creative!

@somegirl If I was a girl, my moisture-O-meter would have dropped to -4 after that "I will give it to you" thing. I really hope he's just pranking you and will turn out to be the most amazing Jason Statham type of guy haha ? Edit: Then again I can't even judge it too much. Maybe many years ago I may have behaved somewhat similarly. Many guys need a wake up call to finally understand these things.

@somegirl So how did the date go? I'm anxiously waiting for your field report! ?