Federico del pueblo

@somegirl worth it for what? See if you can meet him somehow. And at some point just blow his mind with the hottest sex of human history ?

@Someone here You can't just cheat your way around learning good game Approach girls, improve your flirting, make it sexual, but much more low key than what you said you did. Pass shit tests, be confident (you are god after all...no need to put anyone on a pedestal right? ?).

@Tudo You don't give compliments as a way to get something back from a girl. You give a compliment if something deserves a compliment and you don't expect anything in return. What will make the girl attracted is your authenticity, your boldness and your non-neediness (which includes a willingness to walk away or DISqualify her if she doesn't match up with your preferences). But if giving compliments still causes you discomfort like feelings of awkwardness or fears of being rejected, then of course you must practice giving compliments. But yeah, if you drop tons of compliments on her it's gonna look weird, not genuine and like you have an agenda, maybe also like you don't have standards and are just using compliments as an attraction strategy. Also feel free to give a girl challenges when you are skeptical about something. If you are talking to a male friend you probably don't just shower him in compliments, you also express skepticism when something seems odd, like "really dude? I don't know...that seems a bit like a strange thing to do" or whatever. That's because with a guy friend you don't have such a strong agenda and are not concerned about immediately losing him as a friend because of a minor criticism. With girls you might have more fear of loss and therefore a decreased willingness of taking risks, which ironically increases chances of losing her attraction.

Yep, I read your comment and live a life ?

@Gabith I've definitely gotten much more confident and thus less needy, people pleaserish within the last 1,5 years or so. I'm still not 100% confident/non-needy, but there is a steady improvement and it's foreseeable that I'll be almost entirely non-needy within another 6-12 months. I actually avoid the term vulnerable, because interestingly the better I've gotten, the LESS vulnerable I'm feeling. I'm doing the thing you'd call "making yourself vulnerable", but by now it doesn't bother me anymore most of the time. I simply care less about whether or not somebody likes me or not, or what the other person thinks of me. So get a clear understanding of what constitutes needy and non-needy behaviour in specific situations. Once you know how you "should" behave you'll encounter the problem that you can't do the behaviour because of awkward emotions of insecurity, fears of being judged/disliked etc. So thinking about doing the right (confident) behaviour brings up limiting beliefs and emotions. To work around this problem I use a technique to do emotional releases called "emotional freedom techniques" (EFT). This helps to reprocess the trigger and the emotions and beliefs at the very root, in the limbic system of the brain. Like this you desensitize your brain to that trigger, such that doing the confident (vulnerable) behaviour doesn't cause you a lot of discomfort any more and thus you can do it much more easily. The alternative to that and probably the most common approach used, is Cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT). Here you expose yourself intentionally to a challenging situation. You speak your mind even though you feel fearful about it. You assert yourself even though you feel insecure. And this can be structured in a way where you only do things that are slightly uncomfortable and then you work your way up to doing ever more challenging things but they won't feel as challenging anymore because you've already somewhat desensitized your brain to triggers of social insecurities (progressive desensitisation).

Happy birthday to our master! ??

@soos_mite_ah Also, regarding the pull ups, you can do assisted pull ups, either with a specific machine, that some gyms have, or by looping a rubber band around the the pull up bar and then placing one knee/leg in the loop, so the resistance of the band will help you to move up. And if you really want to avoid becoming bigger, then...yeah, high endurance activities like running or cycling might be the better choice for you, even though even these activities will still likely grow your leg muscles at least a little bit. You just have really good genes (or bad genes from your perspective) to build muscle and get bigger, the kind of genes that guys would like to have

It's interesting how our perception can trick us. I also see many guys that are huge, but that's due to my selective focus. There are a lot of people in the gym who don't do pull ups or push ups, but you don't see them NOT doing pull ups or push ups because there's nothing to see. Yes, a good percentage of people can do pull ups from the very beginning, but they have good preconditions, like they're not too heavy and have a decent amount of muscle mass from the start. Great. I think you mean lat pulldowns. "Lat" comes from "Latissimus Dorsi" which is the big back muscle. Absolutely. Exactly. The girl on the left simply has a low body fat percentage. She is lean. If you get to a body fat percentage of maybe 12% you'll look very similar to her, maybe you look even more 'toned' because you have more muscle mass. Her abs are showing because there is no fat that covers them. The girl on the right is 'jacked'. She's definitely built a lot of muscles (especially on the legs and ass, a classic girls' thing ?) but also has very low body fat percentage. Typically this is achieved by first bulking (hypertrophy training+eating a lot) and then "cutting", which means that you keep working out (maybe with different weights and reps/sets) but change the diet to create a caloric deficit, so you lean down without losing muscle. You always burn calories when you work out. Calories is an energy unit. 1 Kilokalorie = 4184 joules. Energy = work. Work = force X way [N X metres]. If you do a bench press with 50 kg, 4 sets of 10 reps you'll always have done the same amount of work = burnt the same amount of energy (= calories), even after having done this for 1000 times. Now the only other relevant question is "are you ingesting less, more or equally many calories compared to what you are burning? That's what determines whether you maintain, increase or decrease your body fat percentage. After doing this for some time the 50 kg bench press won't feel as challenging anymore. You'll feel like you could do more reps or sets or use more weight. And if you do that you'll bring your muscles closer to their limits again so that you'll more likely provide a hypertrophic stimulus, so you'll build some muscle and increase strength. No it's not dumb, but I have never contemplated this. I think it's very unlikely that this could be achieved. The best you can get is to only increase muscle mass by not so much, while becoming considerablly stronger. This is what happens when you use high weights you can only lift 1-5 times. Then you maximize strength. Maybe if you do high weight/low reps training (but going to failure) while staying in a caloric deficit you might increase strength without building muscle, but I don't know that for sure and I also don't know if this unproblematic health wise. Here we can easily get confused and have to be very careful with the terminology. 10 - 20 reps builds muscular endurance and provokes hypertrophy. If you compare that with some other activities like Pilates or zumba etc there's still a difference. The latter increase your cardiovascular endurance. Sure you also work your muscles, but in a different fashion. If you do a set of 15 squats and take it to muscular failure that will provoke muscle growth because your body is receiving the signal "muscles were not strong enough to keep doing the movement, we need more muscle and strength". In Pilates you probably don't go to muscular failure. You use your muscles to move, which requires energy, which burns calories, but you're probably not moving until your muscles really can't take it any longer. It's just like running. Running is a super high reps activity (1000s of steps) without ever really reaching muscular failure. It's not like doing 20 squats until you can't get up any more. But you burn a lot of energy and if you don't eat enormous amounts of food, you'll have burnt more calories than you've ingested, so you'll lean down (lose fat), whilst only provoking very little muscular growth. 1000s of steps is still MUCH higher reps than 20 squats, so running will be more of a cardiovascular challenge (your heart and your respiratory system, the conversion of food + oxygen into energy) whereas training in the 10-20 rep range is still more of a muscular challenge, even if you already increase your MUSCULAR endurance considerably more than you'd do with the 1-5 rep range (which increases strength much more than it increases muscular endurance).

@soos_mite_ah Are you bragging a little bit? ?? Probably a variety of factors. Everyone who starts lifting makes the most muscle and strength gains in the first 6-12 months. Those are the "noob gains" and after this episode gaining strength and muscles becomes harder and harder until you reach your genetic limits. Yeah, this is simply how it is. Some people are stronger than others. You must have had some luck with your genes. The weights seem like a lot for a starter, especially for a woman. Only you know whether you are doing good clean reps, without using momentum or bouncing the weight back up. I'm not "accusing" you of this, but I often saw people (especially guys) using big weights in isolation exercises like lateral raises, doing terrible form just so they could tell themselves they are lifting heavy. I hope you're not doing this, it's just higher risk of injury with no other benefit, except the ego boost. Hard to say. Consider that a pull up is actually a really hard movement, you're moving 100% of your body weight. Can you pull your own body weight on the lat pulldown? Even a really clean, deep push up is hard. I tested it with a scale, by pushing myself up from the scale (slowly) and the maximum weight was like 55 kg which is 70% of my body weight. How many reps can you do with 70 % of your body weight in a chest press? Now add to that, that in a machine there is zero instability you have to control, whereas in a push up you must stay balanced and your body would move to the front or side or anywhere if you didn't stabilize yourself. If you don't like it don't do it. Unless you need a lot of stamina for other activities I don't think you have to care a lot about cardio. (But I know some people will say if you want to be perfectly healthy and "fit" you should do cardio too). Maybe the only other area where some good stamina is advantageous is the bedroom (not for sleeping), if you want to be crazy wild ?? You could do some high rep exercises like just body weight squats, doing 30-50 reps to complete failure, that's a real challenge which will give you a crazy burn with shaking legs and it leads to good conditioning. "Toned" is a tricky term, because it's not entirely clear what exactly that's supposed to mean and that thing about lighter weights sounds a bit like bro science, but it kinda does work I guess, but you have to understand the reason. Let's use biceps curls as an example. If you can do say 12 reps with 20 lbs dumbbells until failure then of course you can do many many more reps if you use just 6 lbs dumbbells. Maybe you can do a 100 reps with these light weights. What is critical about whether or not you bulk up (= build muscle) is reaching or getting close to muscle failure. And if you take light weights you'd have to do a ridiculous amount of reps to reach failure (which would add up to a ridiculous training volume) and it's just unlikely that you'll do that. You actually could build considerable quad muscles just by doing bodyweight squats. But after a few months it might take you 60-100 reps to reach muscle failure which is extremely taxing so typically people don't build muscle like that, they'll reach some kind of stamina or motivational failure before muscle failure and thus the muscles don't receive a strong enough stimulus for growth. But then what is toning? I think you've gotten toned if you've built some muscle mass but also lost some body fat. Or you've only lost body fat but already had good muscle mass. You cannot selectively burn fat in some specific area, like the abs, you can only reduce your overall body fat percentage and thus your muscles show more (= looking more toned). And this boils down to burning more calories than you ingest. If you want to look more toned but already have good muscle mass then all you need is to lose fat. You could do cardio for that, but you can also lift weights, each activity burns calories. When you lift weights but don't want to get bigger then you simply have to avoid progressive overload. So you'd basically just not increase weights, nor reps. What makes muscles grow is that they are challenged beyond what they are currently capable of doing. And as you need many more reps to reach failure with light weights it's probably easier to avoid progressive overload this way, so the bro science makes some sense.

Leo is infinity... that's pretty tall

I can't even picture how that happens. How do you know that you feeling confident/strong/masculine is what makes women laugh about you or try to bring you down? What are specific examples? Also, can you be sure they're trying to bring you down? Maybe you get stares and smiles because you're so hot? ? If anyone actually tries to bring you down you'll have to assert yourself in a confident way. "Oh, what's so funny? I'd like to have a laugh too." "So you like to laugh about other people's appearance?" Also, if it's really young girls, just forget about that. They'll laugh about anything, it doesn't matter. And just do the work: socializing, working on beliefs and emotions, maybe psychotherapy, meditation, martial arts etc.

@Michael Jackson troll post?

I'm fine, thanks! ♥️

@Aldrich My beloved Aldrich. Why do reopen all these old threads? Lol.

- Watch movies/videos/shows with women who are really feminine and see if you can integrate some of their behaviours, mimics, gestures, how they speak etc. Men typically like feminine women - get in good shape, workout - get good fashion that accentuates your features, make you look good - improve self esteem - abandon drama, bitchy behaviours, the female kinds of games/negative manipulation (shaming/guilting/blaming/comparing) - get a sense of humour - learn how to flirt and how to do feminine eye contact - use make up, but don't get obsessed with it, have great hair - give compliments (yes, a little bit of stroking the ego works - have standards and boundaries, assert them in a calm way that doesn't make you look super reactive or triggered

Well, congratulations ? I definitely recommend abstaining from porn. Instead, when you masturbate think about fucking a real girl. This will over time retrain your brain to respond more strongly to normal girls. As a resource I would recommend the YouTube channel from Jason Julius. He makes videos about pretty much anything and also has products if you want to dive deeper.

This is all kind of redundant. Because you don't get nervous you think they're in your league and because they're in your league you don't get nervous. The same applies for the "ridiculously hot girls". You keep going out, improving your game, improving yourself as a man and thus creating options (meeting girls). That's what you have to contemplate. What are all your good qualities? What makes you Patricknotstand? If you feel like there is not too much yet, you just keep doing what I described above. Also: What do you think you're lacking? You might indeed be lacking certain things but as soon as we talk to someone very attractive our mind tends to exaggerate how bad our deficits are. So stay aware of these patterns. You make a lot of experiences with them and learn from your mistakes. You won't simply undo all this nervousness around 10s just by using a technique, you must desensitize yourself by interacting with them. Exactly. Just don't wait for 15 years until you think you have acquired all the tangible value, thinking that it's still not enough. It's kind of interesting how if you lack something (say money) if you're just not insecure about it, it won't hurt your results nearly as much compared to when you are insecure about it. So improve everything, but until you haven't maximized one aspect of yourself, just don't give a fuck about this lack.

??? You really took the time to create a piece of art for a fellow member... wonderful, wonderful! ? Wait, you're not saying you have a cock, right? ???

Wonderful... ?

@K Ghoul I'm in shock now! I thought you'd come back stronger than ever after your temporary stay in the digital prison (post restriction). Ok, I'll have to find other chicks to banter with then...good luck to you!

Sure. I see why you're disappointed. The thing that has helped me the most with not being hurt by what women do/did over the years is understanding better where they're coming from. Like, what is their survival agenda? Why do they have these specific needs? Why do they "have to" behave like this? Things like fear of being slut shamed, need to feel secure, social pressures, attraction to strength and non-neediness etc. If we understand others' survival agenda we can be forgiving and let go more easily and quickly. Often guys (and girls) simply do what increases the likelihood of getting their selfish needs met. Because if they always place others' needs above their own they don't get what they want, too frequently (they get punished). This is not an excuse, just an explanation. Human nature is kinda sad.

Do you tell a guy your intend unsolicitedly or when he asks you for it? What I see here is the typical conflict of different people's needs. Your need for commitment Vs his need for non committal intimacy/sexual satisfaction. Maybe in his mind he rationalized it with the same logic as you. "I told her I'm a player who's not looking for anything serious. If she now still agrees to go on a date with me, maybe she's changed her mind" ?

Ok. This can sometimes be confusing for guys because some girls want this (so they don't feel used), but other girls lose interest because you already seem too attached when you message her already the next day. Interesting though how it's expected that he texts you, you didn't text him the next day either right? Maybe he felt used by you too ?

@bloomer I think this "just be yourself" advice can be extremely misleading, especially for guys who are still struggling with girls. I don't really like the advice because it can hold shy/insecure guys back and stop them from becoming confident and more socially successful. So let's just summarize what you should and what you shouldn't do. - Do not hold back your true opinion about something if it differs from someone else's opinion. You have to own who "you are" and altering what you say out of fear of being judged or getting negative reactions is insecure and unattractive. - Do integrate pro social behaviours in your personality, i.e. make it a habit to start conversations with new people, even if you feel uncomfortable or shy or like you don't want to do it (this is only relevant if you want to increase your social success of course). - Do learn how to flirt with girls and how to sexualize conversations, how to make things happen, set up dates, escalate etc. (= get better "game"). The problem with the "just be yourself" advice is that it only helps you if you are already good with people (and in that case you don't really need advice). If you are shy, awkward, afraid to approach, afraid to flirt, afraid of rejection and people's opinions etc. just being yourself won't get you far. That's what you've already been doing and what didn't get you good results. Socially unsuccessful people are "being themselves" by "not being themselves" because they censor themselves a lot with people out of fear of being dislike = holding back their true opinions and thus their "true self". They might also give people compliments for things they don't really like, to make the other person like them, or do them favours, say "yes" even though they actually would like to say "no". That's why they're often being perceived as inauthentic or "not being themselves" ? The less you care about other people's perceptions of you, the more you'll become your (true) self, but if you start from a place of insecurity you have to change yourself (not care about what others think of you) to get there.

So what did you feel used and not cared for then, if I may know? You girls...??? That's good! Maybe just leave it at that.