Federico del pueblo

@Someone here Bro... there's no shortcut for you. You have to do what every other dude needs to do to get good with women. And maybe you have to move to another country too, or another region at least. Find guys to go out with and do approaches. Socialize with lots of people. Do other interesting things to have something to do and talk about and maybe you'll meet people there. Take dancing classes. Work out. Learn a language. Watch videos about attraction (probably the videos from @Raze are exactly what you need to watch and APPLY). Nobody here can solve your logistical problem for you. And don't you dare watching any incel/black pill content. If you do that I'll jump out of your screen and slap you in the face, ok? ? Get to work.

@julienw read a book.

Be grateful for that. It's hard for 99% of guys. This means if you manage to get good at it, it won't be hard for you anymore, but it'll still be hard for 99% of guys ?

Well that's because you're supposed to imitate the "naturalness" of the guy with better game. You must first see what authentically approaching a girl looks like. That's the whole point of infield videos. To see what it looks like when someone with good game applies the principles in a way that looks "natural".

Speak even louder and go close to her ear, using your hand to not let the sound "escape". Speak with conviction. Like you're there to hand a 10 million dollars check to her. There can't be any "sorry that I'm bothering you guys" in your body language or vibe. Kind of like you would approach a group consisting of your little sister and some of her friends, which all know and like you. If that was your opener, chances are you didn't own it. Like you put your hand out in a slightly half hearted way, being unsure whether she's gonna take it. Again, you must put out your hand as though you've been doing this for the last 200 years without a single rejection. It's expected for her to take your hand. If she still doesn't take it just let your hand fall down and keep talking, pretending like nothing happened. You have to (eventually) reach a level where, if she doesn't grab your hand for the shake, SHE looks lame and you look like you're doing the right thing. Exactly. Even though it can work to tap her on the shoulder from behind, to get her attention. But if you can walk around her, do that instead. If it's so loud there, why would you still have to whisper? Everybody is allowed to hear you. It's not like you have a dirty secret and nobody except the girl is allowed to know it. So you walk in front of her and then utter a clear and easily audible "Hey, excuse me..."/"Hey girls... excuse me", while you have the body language of a king who is humble enough to mingle a bit with normal folks. - good eye contact - clear language - being unapologetic about approaching ("excuse me" is just for attention, not to literally be excused)

@Karmadhi I think this one is not too complicated. It's probably mostly about prejudices and safety concerns, and maybe the increased likelihood of cultural incompatibility (at least in the perception of the person who judges the person of other skin colour). It's just like some people will hold onto their briefcase more strongly when a stranger of different skin colour/ethnicity passes by them on the bus, based on fears due to prejudices. And the white guy in other countries is usually associated with money, status (and thus maybe as an opportunity) whilst he's typically not associated with being more threatening than their average fellow countryman. But even that is a generalization. You can definitely go to certain countries as a white man and experience some distrust and also prejudices based on your skin colour.

@Illusory Self Have you tried to work with a therapist? Your issues sound like more serious stuff that is the consequence of trauma, some help might be really good for you. Just sayin.

Ok. There are a lot of things that can happen. This woman is simply very conservative and might have really weird attitudes. Not your problem, it has nothing to do with you. I would just continue to do what you're already doing. I don't know how the societal rules in India are so maybe you need feedback from Indians on here. Don't take it personally, you just truthfully expressed yourself, nothing wrong with that.

@The_Searcher Yeah this whole endeavour can seem confusing. Just follow the natural lifestyles for some time and apply their advice. It's hard to say where exactly the balance point between player and authenticity is, you have to find it out yourself by exposing yourself to more girls. Anyway, one thing is certain. You probably will have to overcome a lot of insecurities and consequently become more confident in the process. Whether you follow pick up advice or not. Women will teach you that being very hesitant and hiding your sexual/romantic interest does almost never get rewarded. But they will also teach you that if you're too direct and forward and uncalibrated with your sexual intent, then this also doesn't work. It takes experience to know what you can do and what not. And let's be honest, you're not being authentic when you don't communicate your interest to a girl. You're rather being split, you'd like to pursue the girl but not "get caught" trying to pursue the girl, out of fear of embarrassment or fear of looking creepy etc. But there's no way around changing certain aspects of your behaviours and beliefs. When you're being "authentic" you're being the program that resulted from the 20, 30 or 40 years of social conditioning and experiences. This is ok, but some aspects of that program simply get in the way of being successful with women and you have to identify them and change them (permanently, not like wearing a mask). Some parts of that program might actually include inauthenticity because you're unwilling to express yourself truthfully because you fear being judged etc (you're authentically being inauthentic in that case ?). Forget the idea that you have to be a loud, super dominant, alpha, boss gorilla. That's just not true as long as what you're doing is still in alignment with the principles of attraction. Like you can't chase a girl's validation and try very hard to make her like you etc. You need to have a more abundant mindset (there are many girls). So just apply the advice of teachers that resonate with you, make a serious commitment to take action and see where everything goes.

Well, I didn't say that looks don't matter. I said looks matter less for women than they do for men. As a man you have much better possibilities to compensate for a lack of good looks. Of course there is still an ideal in society for the looks of each gender. And the ideal is to be good-looking, which for a man would mean to have a specific type of face and to be tall, muscular to an extend etc. And because you're exposed to the ideals and standards (and rules) of society from an early age on (magazines, videos, movies, porn, other people) you'll be indoctrinated with that programming your entire life. Consequently if you don't match up with the ideal you'll feel like you're not ideal and feel insecure about certain aspects of yourself. And then you don't feel entitled to a certain type of girl, because she is more good looking than you and thus you won't even try. And if you do decide to try years later down the road your behaviour will exude neediness and insecurity due to your beliefs about your looks. And this is unfortunate, because you actually need BETTER game than the guy with better looks (who's on par with the hot girl looks wise), but you have worse game, probably much worse game. So now you create a cycle of insecurity, negative beliefs and expectations which will be confirmed by the disinterest and rejections of girls and like this you don't improve. That's why I would suggest to a lot of you guys here on the forum to finally stop obsessing so much about looks and shut up and do more of the actual work. You should be brainwashing yourselves all day long with how little looks matter (even if it's not true), because you finally need to grow some positive self belief. No more Instagram, no more Facebook, no mental masturbation here about looks, no fitness channels on YT. Just get up, morning routine, affirmations/visualizations, push ups, work, going out and talking to girls. Or instead you just join a black pill forum and ruin your life forever, it's y'alls' choice.

@Something Funny Awesome! Thanks!

Sure, but it works a bit different for girls. Women can find a man ridiculously fuckable even if he doesn't have their definition of perfect looks. What for you is looks in a woman, for a woman this is strength/masculinity in a man. And if he also has great looks then it's still easier for him to attract her. Why do women find Jason Statham hot? It's not mostly his looks (he's not thaaat handsome, rather edgy), it's how he carries himself.

It's not in all cases creepy, it depends on the chemistry and whether there has already been some good flirtation prior to the more explicit sex talk. I've had girls ask me how big my dick is and what my favourite position is etc. on a first date. And they brought the topic of sex up. So, not every girl finds talking about sex creepy. But more generally it can be considered creepy if it comes completely out of the blue. Like first you talk about her work and then you ask "so do you like doggy style?". That's just weird and uncalibrated. Don't bring up sex in one huge move, bring it up in many small moves that get incrementally more sexual.

What women react to is what is most relevant. You want to know what you really should prioritize, right? Looks make a difference. But if you don't have the best looks you're still much better off than women with bad looks. That's because what attracts women is masculinity. And you can be masculine without having the best looks. If you develop "strength" as a man, you become more attractive. Strength can take many shapes. Physical strength, status, success, power, money, confidence, leadership, strong sense of purpose and direction. That's the direction in which you should move. Of course if you let a woman choose out of all men, she would select the man who has everything, including amazing looks, how else could it be. But bro...you don't have a looks problem. Just work out a bit, dress well and get a good haircut, that's it. You have a neediness problem, that's where all your neurotic questions come from. You should ask: "does neediness matter?". The answer is "yes", your neediness matters much more than your looks.

It depends. It depends on a lot of things. E.g. that first opener of "HI.... I'm..." (if you leave away that because part) is very strong if delivered with conviction/strong body language. It's because you're saying "I am this guy...and that's enough". Of course you'll still have to add something a moment later to keep a conversation going. The openers of the type "you look adorable" etc are also strong when delivered correctly, like you can't have a weird smiling "and I hope you like me for saying this" face. They are only a positive spike, so if you want to make it more "controversial" you could add something like "but you also look like a troublemaker" or something similar. The last opener of my first post is not nice goody goody, hopefully I don't have to explain why, ok I'll explain anyway because you're low-key autistic right? ? You're literally telling her she looks like you shouldn't be talking to her (= bad), but you still couldn't resist the temptation and then you ask if she's as "dangerous" as she looks in a humorous way. You can't really walk up to a girl and say "you look like shit, I don't like you", that's not gonna work, ok?

@Someone here 1. Don't call girls "sluts" just because they're not oppressed. It's insulting and judgemental, an ego coping strategy, because in reality you're putting girls on a pedestal and would be glad to finally touch one between the legs ? 2. There are countless openers, it depends a bit on where you open too. "Hey, I'm [name], I wanted to meet you/talk to you (because you seemed cute/cool etc.)" "Excuse me, Hi...I think you look adorable so I wanted to say 'hi'" "Oh oh...you look like the type of girl my mom warned me of...so I couldn't resist are you as much trouble as you look like?" (Night game)

It's pretty cool when that happens! No. I mean, it still depends a little bit. One particular girl could still seem desperate (because she IS desperate), but it's not because she approaches. The world needs more women who approach ?

@Someone here getting laid is only ever easy if you are attractive. If you don't have decent seduction skills, nor good looks, status or good logistics then getting laid is hard no matter where you are. And if you're talking about sex with hookers then obviously all it takes is some money. So, if you pay a 100 bucks or so you can have sex with a girl. Obviously in relationships you'll have sex in any western country. Marriage is not required at all.

@somegirl No you haven't. You made experiences. Everything else was your own mind. You interpreted these events and certain information in a way that was disadvantageous for your self-esteem and identify, possibly based on other misbeliefs you had already picked up (e.g. from your parents or friends). Unworthiness is just a mental concept. But anyway I meant something else. How do experience unworthiness right now? (You don't have to tell me, it's just for your contemplation). If I deleted your memory, so you couldn't go in the past in your mind, how would it still manifest in the present moment if you were in the circumstances that can trigger your unworthiness. There definitely is some way for you to "access" these emotions. Otherwise you wouldn't have any limiting belief, because when you start to think your limiting belief, at some point you start to feel like this belief is true due to an emotion that feels exactly like whatever the belief is. That's what I mean. It's actually called the "do nothing meditation" or very similar. Like "how to meditate deeper by doing nothing". But if you already know mindfulness meditation you can also just do that. Like just experience the pure stillness without doing anything. Only hearing...hearing what silence sounds like. Exactly that! I'll recap the entire process right here: 1. any meditation you know, e.g. mindfulness meditation, 5-10 minutes 2. starting to access the limiting emotion/belief by thinking about it (1-2 minutes) ("What do I feel like when I feel X?". "How did I get triggered by X yesterday? What did it feel like") You basically think some negative thoughts for some time until you feel like your limiting emotion is there or you feel like the negative belief is true. 3. Mindfully experience this physical state (the emotion somewhere in the body) (maybe 5 minutes) (if you need to, you can go back to 2 to bring up more of your limitation and then again back to 3) - no resistance, just pure allowance (= breaking the resistance) 4. Let go/do nothing (just regular meditation, forget about what you did in that last part of the meditation, just chill) ___________________________________________________________________________________________ 5. Creating a positive, new reality Now experience whatever the positive opposite of that negative belief/emotion would be (You succeed, you get what you want, you feel incredible etc.) Bath yourself in positivity and positive self-belief. __________________________________________________________________________________________ That's it. Do part 5 only if everything before didn't exhaust you too much. Like you shouldn't go into part 5 if 1-4 was too much to take and you're now ko or whatever. If that's the case just keep doing 4 and chill a bit longer until you want to get up. The purpose of 2 and 3 is that you let go of your resistance against the emotion, because it is this resistance (not wanting to feel/believe X) that makes it so much more stubborn and stresses your system a lot. Just watch Leo's "how to deal with strong, negative emotions" video for more info. It's basically mindfulness applied to emotions. Right. The positive part is still while meditating. You can use several musical tracks (if you have them). Like one track for each part, with the 5th track (corresponding to the positive part 5 above) being more energetic and positive. Sometimes I've even used normal music, like a favourite song of mine (for example "hey brother" from Avicii) and imagined being fully liberated from my limitations and celebrating it during a night out (just in my mind, we're still talking about visualizing things during the meditation). Incredible experiences I can tell you! Good to know, I'll keep that in mind Sure. That's just more self-sabotage. You could apply that logic to any modality. "Yeah, right, some hypnosis/ exposure therapy/ meditation/ shadow work will eliminate my deep rooted limiting beliefs?!?! C'mon, really?" It does work though, because the tapping signals to the brain that the negative emotion is not needed. That's because if you tap these spots your amygdala in the brain receives a calming signal, but also at the same time receives a "danger" signal due to your engagement with these negative thoughts/memories/fears in your mind or whatever. Thus the brain realizes that the fear response it produced was inappropriate and will at least decrease the intensity of the emotion (and remove some of the corresponding wiring in the brain). That's perfect. If you feel like this "love myself " part is too cheesy for now you can also simply say "even though...X...I just accept myself the way I am". Anyway, what comes after this is the much more important part, so let's see. The next part is when you actually think about the negative experience OR emotion or belief etc. And here you have to do it quite similarly to how I described it above in the meditation. You really go into the pain, you confront the ugliness of that experience or emotion. If you don't feel awkward at any point then it's not working yet. You must first feel like shit, but then eventually (because you tap) the emotion loses strength and you can't really bring up more of it. This is where most people fuck up, because they're being much too vague with their thoughts. You have to be precise and specific like e.g. "My brother said 'I'm useless' to me and then also made a really mean, insulting face, then he laughed about me...and his friends started laughing too. I felt embarrassed and like a loser. I still feel like a loser today because of that. I feel this in my throat, somewhere here, and in my stomach. It's a burning sensation. When I think about it, it makes me feel dumb and incompetent" Like really nasty, specific stuff. You're essentially worrying on purpose (deliberately), because that's what activates the corresponding neural network in your limbic brain, where the emotional memory, the emotion and the beliefs are stored. Most people want to do something soft and cozy and therefore don't activate the negativity. What you don't activate you can't release (a network in your brain won't be REWIRED if it's not first activated/firing). Observe yourself in your daily life and you you usually trigger these emotions "accidentally" when something triggering happens. That's precisely how you must think to access these emotions when doing EFT. AAAAAAAND, most importantly: Please do it more than once for the same problem. You might only feel some shift after doing it few times for the same thing. And to fully overcome one issue might take you still more sessions, like easily a docen or 2 if it's really a deep, core belief. But trust me, that's still 10 faster than regular (standard) psychotherapy, especially when we're talking about self-esteem and trauma stuff...

@somegirl btw. I myself am currently changing some of the most debilitating and weird beliefs and emotions that are all a consequence of my past traumas. Things like unworthiness, approach anxiety, sexual anxiety (due to trauma), anger, frustration. And I'm getting better all the time. So that's why I feel like I can help others, if they are willing to do the work required.

Sounds interesting. Meditation is one possibility to change beliefs for sure. If you want to use meditation you could first enter a meditative state and then become aware of that limitation that you have. How do you even know that you're unworthy? Is it a thought or a physical sensation? You can start to contemplate about that once you've entered a meditative state and allow for the emotion to arise (basically go to where the pain is), you could even envision a situation (like other people you feel inferior to) in which that situation would typically get triggered. Then when the emotion is there you don't indulge in the negative thinking any more and just feel how that emotion (the physical sensations) feel like. You don't do anything about it, only sensing what ever is present in the body and allowing it, no resistance, no effort to change it. Then you just let go and do nothing (like in Leo's meditation), just be still for 1 minute or so and maintain the meditative state. And if you feel ok and not overly stressed or "burnt out" from the stress of experiencing that limiting emotion, you can now make an effort to create something more positive (but you could also just end the meditation here). Just visualize what you would be like and what you're thoughts would be if you had overcome that limitation. See yourself being confident, free, happy, worthy, succeeding etc. For best results you'd make a playlist in which after some calm meditation music (for the first part, when you feel the emotions etc) you then put some inspiring, motivating tracks. And you use the positive emotion of the music to affirm you're positive belief and visualize yourself being happy etc. Now on to the next thing. What did using EFT do for you? Nothing I guess, right? ? I know I recommended it to you sometime but haven't heard from you, so I was wondering if you tried it and maybe it didn't work but you didn't want to tell me (to avoid embarrassment). Or you didn't try it (shame on you if so ?). You absolutely have to try this out. If done correctly, EFT leaves all these other techniques in the dust. But I know that some people do it wrong or even receive wrong instructions and then it doesn't work. So please let me know if you tried it unsuccessfully, I know the common traps and mistakes and can point them out.

@somegirl What have you tried already and how has it worked?

He probably means really small and random, insignificant things. Like "Idk... whenever he took a zip of his drink his pinky finger was sticking away from the glass, it looked so weird" or "the way he moved his head was kinda weird, and then he sometimes opened his eyes really wide while looking around in the environment, like this was such a silly facial expression, it creeped me out" ?? (Yeah, I just made that up).

@human679 Thanks. I wanted to add something else that occurred to me. Often the behaviours of a strong and confident man are perceived as "toxic" by other people, simply because of how sensitive and overly politically correct our societies have become. If you imagine a guy approaching a woman, basically telling her that he found her attractive and then later reinforcing this sexual intent in some way, this already is completely beyond what many people can take. Like nowadays you so have to walk on eggshells in our society to not trigger anyone and now comes this guy and just shamelessly flirts with a girl and then has sex with her the same night and then does not assume exclusivity with the girl. Yeah, this will trigger a lot of guys and hardcore feminists. The nice guys are frustrated because they could never do this, so they have to label the guy as an "asshole" and some women have to label the guy as a "macho" or someone who just uses women etc. And then there also is this reality that actually toxic "bad boys" still get more laid than guys who are just 100% nice and correct (but coming from insecurity), simply because they are still more sexually interesting than the purely nice guys.

@human679 you don't have to be toxic. Just strong, unapologetic for your sexual desires and confident/self secure. So you flirt, but you're coming from a strong frame, thinking that you have value and you are desired by women. You don't supplicate, you don't bend over backwards for her. You have clear rules and boundaries, you know what you want in life and from/with a woman. None of this is toxic. It can look toxic from the perspective of a nice guy because the nice guy is so supplicating and weak. Also women can sometimes interpret this as toxic because you are not simply playing by her rules and you're not being some robot that only exists to fulfill all her needs. But these girls are often insecure (and toxic) themselves, so don't worry about it. Generally, the default is that you are polite. But as soon as she crosses some boundary you are very clear about it, that this is not appropriate and that she'll lose you if this behaviour is maintained (or that there are some other consequences).