Mastermind

Hey, Guys! From Leo's videos about attraction I learned, that man has to be detached and also "hard-closer" with woman. Personally I have some problems of being detached and "close hard" at the same time. Simply, when I try to "close hard", I appear as needy. The big question: How to "close hard" and be detached at the same time? P.S.: Here are those videos:

Hi, everyone, Any comments on "trying to be not-needy" versus "denying the need of love/sex/..." ? It is also possible to use not only denial, but also other psychological defense mechanisms against the "desire of love/sex/...". More about defense mechanisms:

Hey, Guys, As far as I know, Self-development (self-improvement, self-help) work is about developing and improving specific qualities of one's personality and psyche, Enlightenment work is about reaching enlightenment. What is Consciousness work?

I have studied kabbalah before my 20s. It's very difficult to explain, what actually is kabbalah for a person, who has very little knowledge and understanding about it. Even for me kabbalah is something in very edge of understanding. Kabbalah ir purely spiritual tool. It has absolutely no applications in any form of materialistic life and no applications in psychology. As far as I know, even if one has ontological or philosophical understanding about kabbalah, it's still extremely little. Kabbalah is as deep as enlightenment and still very different from enlightenment. And there are extremely many traps of "false understanding" so PLEASE be careful !!!

Hi, Everyone, I decided to start doing cold showers. And I commit to do that for 30 consecutive days. I tried to do cold showers before, but that was not just few showers, for several seconds each and later I just forgot. I just didn't find reason, good enough to keep me consistent with this. Here Are some videos, which motivated me to start this challenge: Now it's 4 of March - the first day. And 2 of April will be 30th day. I'm up to do this for 30 days. Every cold shower will last no less than for 2 min. I will post soon... P.S.: Here are some points I want to make: I understand, cold shower will not have any negative effect on my health. It will be uncomfortable only for 2-5 minutes. It is obvious, cold shower is NOT a stupid idea. The only negative outcome is just being cold for several minutes. The only person, who can stop me from doing this is my self. There is NO valid reason not to do this (unless you have REASONABLE heart problems or blood pressure problems). There are many valid reasons to do this. See ya.

Yesterday, on 5 of March, I had my second cold shower. Feeling was the same. This time I stop, when I started feeling the pain. But the pain went of after about 30 seconds. I'm still motivated to continue this challenge. Today I will try to relax as much as possible (Maybe I'll try mindful meditation during this cold shower). I have experience on (1) being in sauna and (2) later washing my self in cold water. I did this "1-2" cycle several times. Later, at night, I felt like I have caught a cold, So I was sleeping with two blankets. But at the morning everything was ok. That's the reason, why I don't do this at morning for first 3 times. I don't have any plans this weekend, so I can't sleep in or somehow avoid cold shower.

Ok, I did it. After doing all hygiene, I realized "Ok, now it's time to have a cold shower". I was hesitating to do it for several minutes, but I understood pretty well, I have no reason not to do it now. So, I turned off hot water and turned on only cold water. First 10 seconds was like a shock for body, all muscles was in tense, I was breathing very deeply and intensively - ice cold water was flowing through my back, but I understood, I need to keep having that shower for long enough. Later I kinda got used to it, then I turned to the side and let water to flow through my one shoulder, other shoulder and front. Now I feel kinda good and I'm not hesitating to continue this challenge. Let's see, what long term effects this habit will have to my psyche.

My older and good habits: Healthy diet. (much more energy) Learning about self-development. (much more motivation and self-confidence) Learning violin. (dramatically increased sharpness of the mind) (this is BIG one) No TV. Mindfulness. (increased self-awareness and focus) New habits, which I'm working on: Exercise every morning. Everyday meditation. Replacing web browsing with reading, learning, working etc. Cold Showers. (I'm really hesitating to do this :D)

@Soumya You're welcome.

Yes, I already saw this video and my reaction was "Oh! So everything depends on perspective (and perspective depends on believe system) much much more, than I thought before. And believe system is much more flexible, than I imagined before." I can easily answer these questions. And I'll will honestly answer them. After every answer I'll write possible solutions. I feel those feelings when something reminds me about that. It can be just an innocent hint, something small. Because, when I see every person having this desire fulfilled and I somehow unable to do it. This statement reminds me, that maybe I'm somehow dis-functional or psychologically ill. It has a lot to do with social conditioning, So releasing myself from social identity can be the solution. Understanding "I just do not have enough social experience, but I can become more experienced" can be another solution. Ideas about me "being dis-funtional" has negative impact on my mood and self-Esteem. Mindfulness and meditation can help with this. It's the same as just feeling hungry or thirsty, but being unable to eat and drink. This statement itself is a limiting believe, which should be eliminated from self-Image. Sincerely, I don't know. Other people say, it won't make me happy. My experience shows somewhat different, but my experience is affected by my believes. Sincerely, I still don't really know the clear answer to this question. Any remarks on possible solutions and last two answers? Usually I don't observe the shadings of other people's intimate life. So, we have another big question about methods of healing the neurosis. I think, the concept of Self-therapy should be interesting here. This Leo's video also is helpful in some sense.

I'm mainly in mathematics, programming and finance. But I see scientific thinking just as the perspective. I'm in self-development in order to heal myself. I have difficult story of life and this story still continues. Now I'm much more mindful and self-aware. Understanding of the mechanism, how the brain (the psyche) works, helps me a lot.

Ok, @kalter000 , thank you. I'm not sure, do I understand, what actually means "to release psychological pressure from suppression of some kind of desire". From my personal experience it looks like "balancing between" - between the drive to fulfill the desire and the wish to maintain independence. And It's actually very hard to find that balance point, if we are speaking about such unpredictable thing as intimate relationships. Other perspective from my personal experience: a person has to work out such limiting believes, as "I want to feel lovable and desirable and I want some intimacy, because it is needed for me (my body) to function properly". Any believe of this kind should be worked out in order to grow. Actually, I see some pretty sticky points about this statement, but it's hard to speak clearly about such sticky things, so for now I will leave it open. Have any body got any comments on any statement I wrote here?

Hey, Guys, I have a problem finding PRACTICAL tips on development of Emotional Intelligence. Let's use this four-part definition of Emotional intelligence: * Self-Awareness (understanding one self) * Self-Regulation (managing one's emotions) * Social Awareness (understanding emotions of other people) * Social Intelligence (managing relationships and emotions of other people) And here's the most important question: Is there any specific things I should do to improve every part of my Emotional Intelligence? If so, what I should do? (for example: build emotional vocabulary, try to be honest to one self and try to understand, what message brings certain emotions?)

Thanks for your recommendation and advice, Leo. Actually, I express no typical autistic tendencies, but I always score just a little bit higher, than Average, on Asperger's Syndrome test. One important point here. Because of emotional suffering I had some Schyzotypal personality traits, self-motivation problems and a lot of neurotic traits. But I almost worked some of them out and still working on some of them. You may say, that I need some help from specialists. In fact, specialists helped me in short run (or didn't helped at all), but not in long run. Now I'm working on myself by myself, and that seems to help in long run. Speaking about Empathy, I'm capable of understanding other people's emotions by intuition, but usually I don't really "feel", how to respond to those emotions. (Older people say, that I'm caring and warm, probably because they are much more observant) Inside I'm deeply emotional and even somewhat artistic person (As a child and teenager, I received comments, that I'm very musically (and not only musically) talented). But I need a lot of effort just to "fit in the society". That's why I'm concerned specifically about Social Intelligence. I want to learn to "feel intuitively", how to respond to other people.

@MelanieWalker there was a little mistake I made in my last sentence - it's "Social Intelligence", not "Social Awareness". But your reply is still good. Thanks for your help. P.S.: I want to highlight your one statement for other people, who will be reading this : "You can increase your EQ by observing your thoughts and feelings and consciously changing your behavior when thinking or feeling those."

Thanks. So, as far as I understood: Mindfulness is probably the best tool for improvement of Self-Awareness and Self-Regulation. (@Leo Gura, can Mindfulness increase other parts of EQ?) Empathy is the biggest part of Social Awareness. Empathy is needed to forgive people and etc. And interacting with people from empathetic viewpoint is big part of Social Intelligence. (Is here some more points, @JeffR1 @Leo Gura ?) Personally, I struggle very much in Social interactions for many years. Some people (usually, under 30 or 40) perceive me as very empathetic and caring. Other people (usually, my age) perceive me as cold, distant, arrogant, strange, serious etc. The most common statements about me is "strange", "hard to understand", "creepy", "serious", "not relaxed". In fact, when I'm joking, other people usually think, that I'm serious and I perceive my self as smiling and not serious. Another point, witch I want to make here is: It is hard for me to understand social situations. It looks like I don't feel really emotionally, what is appropriate and what is not in certain social situations. In these situations I rely only on politeness, tactfulness and empathy. Usually I feel like being unable to chat and build relationships. All my relationships are like "black and white" - "very deep or no relationship at all". And even if the relationship is very deep - usually I have few deep and quality conversations per month. Here's another big question: Is it a lack of EQ (specifically: Social Intelligence) or a lack of something else, which can cause these problems?