Vinn

Starting this journal because I was to keep track of my thoughts, feelings, struggles, joys, good times, bad times as I am figuring life out. I want to be completely open and share honestly. I want people to know what I'm going through. I hope to inspire through the example of my journey. I hope to keep updating this journal for many years. Only in this way will it become of any real value. So here we go. I'm 23 years old. Not everything is going great. I am stuck in a low paying job waiting tables. I'm stuck in a few addictions such as compulsive need to watch and masturbate to porn, compulsive need to drink coffee, bad eating habits, compulsive consumption of social medias such as Instagram or YouTube. I am in a difficult financial situation. I took a 25,000 euro loan to go to a university and study Music Production which was a big mistake. I have a crippling lack of self-confidence that spills out to all areas of my life. I have many fears. It's very hard for me to believe in myself. I am a wage slave working for a boss. I have been creating music for about 8 years now, but my projects are hardly going anywhere. The more I am making it, the more frustrated I become. I am doubting if this is my real purpose and if I should quit because it's taking up the time I could invest in creating new opportunities. I am a people pleaser. I am an ass kisser. I am so afraid to speak up or fight for myself because of the fear that I will upset somebody. I have a very hard time telling people the whole truth. I am habitually lying, or not expressing the truth about how I feel. However, going forward in life I am not going to settle for being the way I am right now. I will document my journey going from what and who I am today to who I am going to be in the years to come. The vision is that these problems will have to be fixed and that I will no longer be a slave to my current identity. Going forward, I will update this journal about the actions that I'm taking, things that I'm doing to change things for the better. Man fights for his purpose. That's the whole idea. I wish myself good luck.